Have you've tried everything to end a conflict but the person who's got a problem with you just won't reciprocate*? Is there anything you can do to get that problem unstuck? Yes, yes there are a few more conflict competencies to try. Here's how to level up what you believe about conflict, and thaw that frosty relationship.

*Reciprocate means to accept a gesture or compliment or favour or gift etc. and respond with an equivalent. The actions are mutual.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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How do you react when someone tells you that you're wrong? If the 'facts' support your argument, shouldn't that be enough to prove you're right? But, does that proof change anyone's mind? We discuss conflicts that get stuck because you feel compelled to defend your position, and so does your opponent. When that happens, facts are less important than your curiosity. Don't get trapped into defending the 'convictions of your courage'.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Perhaps you've heard the advice to count to 10 when you're upset, before you respond. Good advice if you're the upset person. Not as useful if someone is upset with you. At the end of counting to 10, you've counted to 10. Then what? 
Yes, you do want to pause before you respond. But there's a better use of that pause than counting to 10.
Here are five conflict competent strategies to make that pause really helpful with how you respond.

show notes:

Episode 20: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0T4cD_KuP8M&t=74s

Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

A helpful website about the seconds of pause between stimulus and response:

https://www.6seconds.org/2023/07/18/apply-consequential-thinking-in-the-six-seconds-eq-model/

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

You think that your beliefs are correct, right? They must be. After all, who wants to think their view of how the world works and their beliefs are wrong? 
But the person you're disagreeing with also thinks their view of how the world works and their beliefs are correct, don't they? Worldviews and beliefs are not universal truths accepted by everyone. 

When worldviews collide, it creates conflicts, and too often people try to resolve the conflict without understanding the worldview that creates it. We discuss how to go there.

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Conversations flow when people take turns speaking. Turn taking in relaxed settings feels fair and companionable. In conflict, turn taking is used to show why you're right and the other person is wrong. No wonder the other person doesn't give you a turn. Here are 3 changes in your approach so the other person will want to hear from you. Use these conflict competencies to improve the conversation, and the quality of the relationship.

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Have you had some situations, some conflicts, or some people who test the conflict competency skills you've been working to improve? If you recognize when your conflict skills are being drained then you have another conflict competency. You know that you're losing patience, and you can take steps to manage yourself. We give you tips for enhancing your skills if they're being depleted.

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Tense situations come with high emotions and drama. It's hard to to be non defensive, even when you want to. A listener asked for a step-by-step guide to being non defensive. While there's not a one-size-fits-all-guide for any conflict, here are five conflict competencies that help non-defensiveness. Combine, rearrange, and use these five in ways that work for you. They are not all the skills you need, but practice them, and you're on your way to improving your conflict competence, and the quality of your relationships.

Show notes of the five conflict competencies:

1. Listening: Episode 70 is one of a few about listening  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6__TLF-bfo
2. Perspective taking: We have a few episodes about perspective taking
The latest is 114 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKGq2mHa9Zk&t=2s
3. Questioning: Start with episode 77 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zXuOFfhuZU
4. Managing expectations Episode 17 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KgCsCR9xis
5. Non judgment: Episode 85 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fbENxFhQF0&t=7s

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Perhaps a bad relationship, (or even a good relationship) ends, but it leaves questions and emotions stuck in your mind. Or the fight is over, the other person is gone, and you still have the fight going on. Only now you supply the dialogue for both parts. We discuss the conflict competencies for dealing with conflict in which you are the sole active participant. 

Show notes:
Episode 15; Has conflict really ended your relationship?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDUc2mM1vtw
Dr. Daniel Kahneman, peak end bias https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/economic-sciences/2002/kahneman/facts/ 
https://thedecisionlab.com/thinkers/economics/daniel-kahneman

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Conflict can be a positive experience. It takes practice, is worth the effort, and here's a tip for how to do it.

With practice, your conflicts will feel not to hard or soft, too hot or cold. You can keep conflict in the "just right" Goldilocks zone. Conflict is positive when you use conflict competencies to Improve the quality of your relationships, learn new skills, and break unhelpful conflict patterns. 

If you enjoy using fiction to practice conflict skills, check out my Substack posts because that's the motherload: https://substack.com/home/post/p-167675464

Show notes:
Other episodes that discuss popular culture to practice conflict competencies are numbers 75, 87, and 104.

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Was there a friend who hurt your feelings, but denied doing it? Who is correct, you who felt harmed or your friend who won't admit doing harm? We discuss how you can improve your conflict competencies to solve this puzzle. You'll get options to consider, and ways to approach the person before the conflict heats up.

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.