We're back with Round 5 of The Fight Series! Today we are talking about a topic that can be really difficult for a lot of people. We are going to tackle the fight over intimacy. With this, it's really important to acknowledge that people have different expectations and different needs.

One of the most common downfalls when it comes to intimacy is comparison. It is easy to look around you and compare yourself to other couples who may appear really into each other, and think to yourself 'I bet they have sex all the time, what's wrong with us?' It's also easy to compare yourself to how you were as newlyweds or early on in the relationship. So it is so important to communicate with each other to really understand where each of you feels about your current intimacy and if there are needs not being met, how to correct that in a way that works for both partners.

Now, this can be a really hard conversation to have. Most people don't want to have it because they feel inadequate in one way or another. We suggest starting out the conversation by identifying your expectations. Ask each other questions like 'are you happy?', 'do you feel like we are as close intimately as we could be', and 'how can we get to a place where we are both happy with how intimate we are?'

There are definitely wrong times to bring this conversation up. We don't suggest approaching intimacy before a current fight has been resolved. Bringing it up within a heated argument is like a shot under the belt. You don't want to taint sex with unfair accusations or comments. Another inappropriate time is when one person is feeling it and the other one isn't. It really needs to take place in a neutral zone. Date night is the perfect setting to have a planned conversation of intimacy expectations. Let us know in the comments on the episode page!

 

In this episode, you'll learn…

• The best way to initiate a conversation with your significant other to start improving your intimacy.
• How improving your intimacy with yourself is the number one thing that we believe will improve your intimacy with your partner.
• Why when someone is not feeling like being intimate, or if someone is feeling like they need more sex- there's likely a bigger issue going on.

 

Quotes:

"If you're not feeling good about yourself, you're not going to be all that intimate"

"Often the battle over intimacy has nothing to do with intimacy."

"It's a matter of knowing your partner and having that trust to talk about it."

 

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Novitsky MD

 

Drs. Ali and Mark Novitsky, a married team of physicians who live in Philadelphia's quaint suburb of Chester County. Together, they operate "Novitsky MD -Boutique Mind Doctors", a center located in Chadds Ford, PA that has married traditional Psychiatry with newer cognitive life coaching.

 

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Ali Novitsky MD, the Life Coach for Women Physicans and busy professional women teaches the fundamentals of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and effective goal setting. Learn more at: www.mindbodymarriage.com