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5 - Stop should-ing all over yourself
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
Today Madeline and Cynthia explore that dreadful word, ”should”. Taking a look at how this plays out in our lives.
The “should” is likely generated by the mind in its rational wisdom. The underlying feelings are held by the body. How often do we ignore or completely dismiss them and do what we “should”?
Each time we do that, we tell our Self that we’re not important (or at least not as important as the thing we “should” do). Each time we disconnect a little more from our authentic Self. We give away our authentic power.
In today's conversation, we explore the meaning behind "should" and discover what we CAN leave behind.
What we discussed:
(01:06) Introduction: That word that pops up this time of year
(03:01) The RAIN Technique
(05:45) Letting your thoughts come and go
(07:42) The job of emotions
(08:48) Internal vs. external pressure
(14:24) Who is in the driver's seat?
(16:20) "Should" as a motivator
(18:41) Stories we tell ourselves
(20:41) Putting things through the internal filter
(22:31) Bringing it all together
(24:22) Ending with a quote
(25:06) Closing notes
For further reading and tools:
Tools and resources we discussed in the episode:
- The RAIN Technique by Tara Brach
- Emotions as information - which is not always accurate!
- Letting thoughts come and go, but not inviting for tea
More resources to explore this topic:
Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know by Grant, Adam
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Neff, Kristin, Ph.D.
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown
RAIN Technique by Tara Brach
Brene Brown (Rising Strong)
When you find that you’re having a line of thoughts that may or may not be true and you want to confront this in an unaggressive kind way, do the following:
- Take a deep breath and find 10 seconds of kindness.
- Say “The story I’m telling myself…” and finish with a worry or a fear.
- Then, say nothing. And have a (hopefully productive) dialogue with yourself.
Quote for reflection:
“STOP shoulding all over self, instead embrace curiosity and release judgement to make choices that enrich your life and feed your soul”
“Leave your door open for thoughts and emotions, just don’t invite them to tea”
Want to get in touch?
Email us at [email protected] to request a topic, give feedback, or learn more about our 1:1 sessions.
Follow Knomii on Instagram, TikTok, or LinkedIn.
Follow and connect with Madeline on Linkedin.
Follow and connect with Cynthia on Linkedin.
Hosts & Guests
Cynthia Garrett, LMHC Host
Madeline Farquharson Host
Information
Show: The Knomii Podcast
Published 11/07/2022
Season 1
Rating: Clean
Frequency: Updated Bi-monthly
Length: 25 min
Episode 7
Copyright, All rights reserved
View all episodes
By Knomii (Inqling)
5
2929 ratings
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
Today Madeline and Cynthia explore that dreadful word, ”should”. Taking a look at how this plays out in our lives.
The “should” is likely generated by the mind in its rational wisdom. The underlying feelings are held by the body. How often do we ignore or completely dismiss them and do what we “should”?
Each time we do that, we tell our Self that we’re not important (or at least not as important as the thing we “should” do). Each time we disconnect a little more from our authentic Self. We give away our authentic power.
In today's conversation, we explore the meaning behind "should" and discover what we CAN leave behind.
What we discussed:
(01:06) Introduction: That word that pops up this time of year
(03:01) The RAIN Technique
(05:45) Letting your thoughts come and go
(07:42) The job of emotions
(08:48) Internal vs. external pressure
(14:24) Who is in the driver's seat?
(16:20) "Should" as a motivator
(18:41) Stories we tell ourselves
(20:41) Putting things through the internal filter
(22:31) Bringing it all together
(24:22) Ending with a quote
(25:06) Closing notes
For further reading and tools:
Tools and resources we discussed in the episode:
- The RAIN Technique by Tara Brach
- Emotions as information - which is not always accurate!
- Letting thoughts come and go, but not inviting for tea
More resources to explore this topic:
Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know by Grant, Adam
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Neff, Kristin, Ph.D.
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown
RAIN Technique by Tara Brach
Brene Brown (Rising Strong)
When you find that you’re having a line of thoughts that may or may not be true and you want to confront this in an unaggressive kind way, do the following:
- Take a deep breath and find 10 seconds of kindness.
- Say “The story I’m telling myself…” and finish with a worry or a fear.
- Then, say nothing. And have a (hopefully productive) dialogue with yourself.
Quote for reflection:
“STOP shoulding all over self, instead embrace curiosity and release judgement to make choices that enrich your life and feed your soul”
“Leave your door open for thoughts and emotions, just don’t invite them to tea”
Want to get in touch?
Email us at [email protected] to request a topic, give feedback, or learn more about our 1:1 sessions.
Follow Knomii on Instagram, TikTok, or LinkedIn.
Follow and connect with Madeline on Linkedin.
Follow and connect with Cynthia on Linkedin.
Hosts & Guests
Cynthia Garrett, LMHC Host
Madeline Farquharson Host
Information
Show: The Knomii Podcast
Published 11/07/2022
Season 1
Rating: Clean
Frequency: Updated Bi-monthly
Length: 25 min
Episode 7
Copyright, All rights reserved