What does it cost a person to spend decades not being allowed to exist as themselves?

In this episode of 34o – The Intimacy Podcast, Henrik sits down with Stef, host of Together Moving Forward, to explore what it means to live in constant vigilance — and what it takes to come back from it.

From an early age, Stef learned to adapt.
To monitor his posture, his voice, his presence.
Not as a choice. But as survival.

Growing up outside what was considered “normal”, he faced daily bullying, isolation, and years of hiding. Over time, that vigilance moved from the mind into the body — shaping his health, his identity and his relationship to himself.

This is a conversation about:

• The cost of growing up feeling different
• How shame and chronic stress live in the body
• Self-harm, EMDR and the long road back to safety
• The difference between confidence and permission
• What happens to intimacy when we stop editing ourselves

Today, Stef is back on the ice in his late fifties — not to perform, but to inhabit himself.

His story is queer in context.
But what he describes is deeply human.

Because at the core of it all lies a simple shift:

From performing who you are…
to allowing yourself to exist.

Redefining love, trust & how we connect