El Jefe ditches Patti and Pottymouth on his birthday but somehow they manage to press the right buttons. Jay Sharman of La Vida Baseball stops by for a chat. We send our best wishes to Met’s captain David Wright, and identify his daughter Olivia Shea as a future all-star. Pottymouth’s BF Miguel Andújar ties that dreamy DiMaggio for most doubles by a Yankees rookie. Patti runs down the contenders for AL MVP, Mookie Betts vs. Mike Trout, J.D. Martinez, Jose Ramirez, and Alex Bregman. There is nothing heroic about C.C. Sabathia drilling batters, despite what a boatload of male sportswriters think. Addison Frickin’ Russell’s ex-wife Melisa steps up. Roberto Osuna is off the hook for domestic battery and the Astros are now dead to Patti and Pottymouth after the response by GM Jeff Luhnow. Welcome, October baseball.