Dr G has the beans get all lukewarm under the collar about seagulls this week. Voted the animal least likely to be of any use in warfare four years running and Time Magazine’s “Worst Pet Experiment” (2003), the seagull is largely unloved by its human neighbours. Indeed a major survey by Ipsos MORI discovered that 99.23% of seagull based anecdotes cast the seagulls as the villain of the piece (and the remaining 0.77% were believed to be fabricated). Can the beans find an upside to the seagull? Or will its upside simply be covered in the shit from another seagull at higher altitude?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The presumably unreconstructed Nick of Chicago feeds “Old Wives’ Tales” into the Bean Machine which spew-jects it just at the moment the beans are after a topic so that’s what it is. Is there no such thing as an “Old Husbands’ Tale” because husbands have no tales? Or because they typically die younger and therefore before reaching tale-telling maturity? The beans don’t know and make no effort to go into it whatsoever.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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They say if you remember the 60s then you didn’t really do yourself any serious brain damage in the 60s. Perhaps someone in that situation would be well placed to offer some thoughts on arguably the most famous decade of all time. Gabby of Worthing eschews such a source and instead seeks definitive banter on the 60s from the three beans who, between them, own almost one Lovin’ Spoonful CD.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The beans have avoided it for as long as possible but Roddy of London has spoken and what he spake is “Moths”. This could be a fearsomely difficult listen for anyone with a loathing of moths or this podcast. The beans, however, are inexorably drawn to lukewarm banter just as the badger is drawn to the dual carriageway and so they chat the chat that must finally be chatted.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Sean of Exeter kicks off a hot summer of lukewarm banter by suggesting the beans discuss wild camping. Sub-topics could but don’t include how to make a tent out of your own trousers, evading predators by setting them against each other and if “north” is effectively the top of a huge ball, will your compass still work if that ball rolls a bit?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June).

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday April and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month out of respect for all that is holy)

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George is a native of Stockport, birthplace of The Renaissance, and so it is little wonder he has chosen that very topic for this week’s episode. Are we on the cusp of another renaissance? Might we be better of with a de-renaissance to make everything simpler just for a bit. It’s chunky fodder to be sure so why not let the beans mince it down smooth for you while you expend your mental energy on inventing whatever it is that will eventually replace the pendulum.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Tickets for Henry's work in progress show at Machynlleth Comedy Festival: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2025/henry-paker/

Tickets for Ben's film screening in Manchester: https://www.seetickets.com/tour/daddy-superior-screening-q-a-with-ben-partridge

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Music credit courtesy of epidemicsound.com:

Weekly/The Fly Guy Five

Ella from Cambridge but currently in Cuba has offered up language as this week’s topic. Could she have known that the beans would not only take on this crucial subject with rigour and courage but they would use actual language to do so!!!

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You will no doubt have a strong opinion on ham. It has been a muse to poets, a justification for war lords, a promise between lovers. It is mankind’s cornerstone. But ham salad? That’s something many of us have never truly got to grips with in theory or practice. Thanks then to Michigan-based wildcard Douglas for giving the beans this urgently needed topic for this week’s episode. Hocks away.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Tickets for Ben's film screenings here:

LONDON: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/guest-event-daddy-superior-and-other-short-films-tickets-1310946258549

MANCHESTER: https://www.seetickets.com/tour/daddy-superior-screening-q-a-with-ben-partridge

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