Perhaps as you go about making your new year's goals and undertaking a self-audit of your relationships, you have come to a disconcerting realization: that you are allowing, even encouraging, people to use you as their own personal doormats. People pleasing and unfettered helping behaviors at the expense of your own needs are often a survival skill adopted to navigate toxic relationships. The problem is that when we neglect our own needs and put everyone above ourselves, we show up, but we are often resentful and feel used, misunderstood, and unloved. But, with time, healing, and strong boundaries we learn to say no, to take a break when needed so that when we do show up, we do so all in with no underlying resentment and with true gratitude to be able to help.

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