“I think, when used correctly, MDMA could really help a lot of people. Maybe it could help those suffering from an existential crisis? Maybe it could help those that are struggling to find meaning in their lives. It’s not that we explicitly recognise a conscious will to live but we do have desires and incentives for the potential of self growth. We want to be better and when we struggle to find meaning, we stop caring about growth.”

Writing this blog and reflecting upon this experience has been very eye-opening. It’s taken me a good few weeks to break down and comprehend the experience itself. From a logical perspective, the MDMA made me feel great and spending time with myself—feeling great—produced a positive outcome. However, I choose to recognise the experience as spiritually significant because it feels right to me.

I think the MDMA did split different aspects of my consciousness. I think its intention was to outline and compare them. It taught me that I am capable of loving people and myself so much more than I do. It taught me that it is possible to reconcile the past; to move on and to accept it. Ultimately, it comes down to choice. We can choose to live in scarcity and fear in the assumption that the world is a frightening place and that good things happen only to those who take, steal and live through their ego (without any awareness as to the other aspects of ‘self’). Or we can choose to give and to share and love without any expectation or desire. I learnt that to be happy, one must be grateful. I learnt that to be happy, one must give. I consider myself a happy man and yet I have never felt happiness like I did when connecting with that entity of love; my higher self.