Able to Care

6 Smarter Ways to Teach Behaviour (Without Punishment)

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Are consequences the only way to manage behaviour? In this thought-provoking solo episode, behaviour specialist and trainer Andy Baker challenges one of the most commonly accepted ideas in parenting, education, and care: that consequences are the best way to teach behaviour.

From the science of brain regulation to trauma-informed practice and real-world stories, Andy shares six powerful, research-backed strategies that are not only more effective—but also kinder. Whether you're a parent, teacher, support worker or carer, this episode will shift your mindset and give you tools to build connection instead of control.

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    🔗 Resources Mentioned:

    • Polyvagal Theory – Explained by NICABM

    • Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge
      • 💡 Three Key Messages:

      1. Punishment isn't teaching—it’s suppression.

        True behaviour change comes from teaching, not controlling. Consequences alone rarely build long-term learning or emotional resilience.

      2. Connection is the most powerful behaviour tool we have.

        Co-regulation, empathy, storytelling and reflection help build the skills needed to manage behaviour from the inside out.

      3. Investing time upfront saves time later.

        It may feel quicker to impose a consequence, but when we use modelling and skill-building instead, we reduce repeat incidents.

        ⏱️ Episode Chapters:

        • 00:00 – Consequences aren’t the only tool

        • 00:25 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

        • 01:46 – Why we default to punishment: evolution, culture, behaviourism

        • 03:46 – How punishment creates a cycle of low self-esteem

        • 04:50 – The brain under stress: why consequences fail when dysregulated

        • 05:37 – Shame, deflection, and emotional safety

        • 06:00 – The 6 teaching tools that work better than consequences:

            1. Modelling

              1. Practice & rehearsal

                1. Co-regulation

                  1. Reflection & repair

                    1. Storytelling & metaphor

                      1. Natural/logical consequences

                      2. 13:52 – What about accountability?

                      3. 15:23 – Is this all too “soft”? Or is it strategic?

                      4. 16:22 – Weekly challenge: replace one consequence with a teaching tool

                        🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?

                        This episode flips the script on how we teach behaviour—whether you’re a parent, teacher, carer, or support worker. You’ll walk away with practical, compassionate alternatives to traditional discipline, rooted in psychology, neuroscience and real-life application.

                        If you’ve ever asked:

                        ➡️ “What else can I do when consequences don’t work?”
                        ➡️ “How can I improve behaviour without shouting or punishment?”
                        ➡️ “How do I teach better choices in the moment?”

                        —then this episode is a must-listen.

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                        Able to CareBy Able Training Support Ltd