This week Kenneth and Eugene begin looking at a new series, Jarheads in Space! Sometimes called Space Above and Beyond, the failed 1995 Fox space war series from two of the creatives behind the X-Files. First up is the pilot episode, known as Pilot. It’s the episode where a rag-tag group of new recruits learns to be pilots.

Episode Synopsis

In the middle decades of the 21st century, mankind established its first extra-solar colony, called Vesta, around Epsilon Erandi, a star 10.5 light years from Earth.  

Having set foot on an alien world, mankind in all his hubris can safely declare that there is no life out in space.  This, no doubt, comes as a bit of a surprise to the aliens who wipe them out.

Back on Earth, unaware yet that their colony has been lost, Tellus is prepping to launch a second colony ship to Vesta.  Onboard, two lovers, Nathan and Kylen, are preparing to spend the rest of their lives together in the stars.  With less than a day until launch, there is a snag.

The subject of In Vitros – humans grown in tanks – has become a hot political topic.  Often referred to by the derogatory term “Tanks,” In Vitros are second-class citizens and discriminated against, and not everyone is on board with the idea that they’re fully human.  Nathan and Kylen being good and decent people, of course, think In Vitros deserve full human rights; however, when the government demands that a certain percentage of the colony be In Vitros, either Nathan or Kylen (but not both) will have to stay behind on Earth, Nathan gets a bit less kindly disposed towards them.

Nathan was the kind of kid that thought he could hide under the coffee table in the living room and no one could see him, so Kylen goes on the mission, and Nathan tries stowing away.  His excess CO2 emissions are immediately noticed, and he is forcibly ejected from the craft before launch.

Elsewhere, Cooper Hawke, an In Vitro, is about to be lynched.  He overpowers his captors and pursues the ringleader with murderous intent.  The police arrest him.

With no other way to get into space, Nathan West joins the Marines.  He’s there with a motley crew that includes Cooper Hawke (who is not there voluntarily) and Shane Vansen, a woman trying to get away from responsibility after her parents were killed in the AI War and she had to raise her sisters.  There are others, too; it remains to be seen if they are important.

You know the story – marine corps recruits, shouty-shouty drill sergeants, the abuse, the failures, the team building, the hot shot other Marines who are too big for their boots.  Just take that part as read.

Still unaware of the fate of the Vesta colony, Kylen’s ship arrives and is immediately destroyed by the aliens.  Of course, you realize this means war, which we have been reliably told is what Marines pray for.

The recruits are sent to Mars to repair a tracking drone.  It’s a BS job supporting critical infrastructure instead of being out there and getting killed.  To make matters more interesting, they get sent without leadership or command structure of any kind.  This is, of course, a clever ruse by the Corps to find out which one of them comes back holding the conch. Nonetheless, during their mission, an alien crashes on Mars near them, and they investigate.

Team member Pags gets killed, which turns out he was kind of important because he was the only person who treated Hawke like a real person.  Hawke is upset by this.

Eventually, the team captures the alien, and in an act of kindness, they shove a bottle into an unknown available orifice to give him water.  Killing him almost instantly.  It’s the first time humans have gotten their hands on an alien and a ship, so they leave the body behind on Mars because… they’re Marines and they’re not paid to think?

Let’s call them Jarheads from this point forwards, shall we?

Back on Earth, after Bags’ funeral, our trainees get their wings, but instead of immediately being shipped off to go get killed, they’re forced to take 48 hours leave.  They are disappointed Jarheads.

During leave, the Marine Corps’ hottest squadron, the Angry Angels, get their butts handed to them on a plate and are, effectively, wiped out.  It’s time for the plucky newly-promoted recruits, now the 58th Squadron, to enter the fray.

Now that the recruits are full-fledged Jarheads, they can be let in on the top-secret intel.  Earth is losing this war in a first-class fashion.  The aliens will attack Earth pretty soon; however, the big-brain boys have decoded the attack plans found on the wrecked ship on Mars and are laying a trap for the aliens. The 58th, an unseasoned squadron, will be somewhere in the back.

Waiting in the asteroid belt, it becomes obvious that the aliens know about the trap and Earth must scramble to deal with a different strategy.  Hawkes, still trying to honor Pags’ memory, launches out to get the attention of the alien fleet – it succeeds, and the battle begins.  The 58th are outnumbered, but they comport themselves well, but it is just a matter of time till their inevitable defeat when backup forces suddenly arrive, save the day, and route the aliens.

Back on Earth, they get medals, a graduation ceremony, and a new commanding officer, Lt. Col. T.C. McQueen, formerly of the Angry Angels.  He welcomes his new team with these encouraging words: “…if you ever pull anything like what you did out there under my command, the only medal you’ll be wearing is cuffs in the brig.”  This is kind of funny because “medal” and “metal” aren’t the same words, although medals are most often made of metal which may have led to his confusion.