Pottymouth’s Twittertale finally makes Patti stop defending Trevor Bauer. Yasmani Grandal puts a spark to the hot stove, and Kyler Murray brings back memories of Bo Jackson and Dieon Sanders. We both abandon our initial inclination to bend the rules for Shohei Ohtani and instead select Andrelton Simmons and Justin Upton as Angels boyfriends. Pottymouth gets to flaunt her Curaçao chops and Patti gets  to say “I love Omar” and “hockey” in the same segment. Pottymouth’s pick of Juan Soto for her National’s BF is the gateway to applying for a job with the Nats as an ESOL teacher. Patti uses her “keep one boyfriend” card to double down on Nats third basemen Anthony Rendon. Without mentioning his killer smile or very strong wrists.