Bob is surprised because Miles actually showed up after he was invited to play pinball in McLean.

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I’m like, Ash. Apparently, you don’t invite Miles’ title over. It only perpetuates it. I’m trying to drink, jerk, all right? Thanks a lot. Hey everybody, what we’re saying is this is Bob and I’m chiplets and your house smells like ash. We got this new Glade freshener. It smells like ass. That’s right, honey. Smells like ass. Fresh ass. With a name like ass, it’s got to be good. Hey, everybody. Welcome. Yeah. Welcome. You never know what’s going to come out of Miles’ mouth just before I hit the record button. I know. Last week, I was talking about top guys and bottom guys, and this week, this house smells like ass. This house smells like ass. It does. It’s your house. Do something. Get some sage or something. I live with like 20 animals and two other humans. It smells like ass around here, right? Yeah.
Are you trying to blame somebody for this? If I could open the windows right now, I would. I mean, are you not partially at fault, perhaps? You know what? I just had a dog unbeknownst to me eat out of the litter and put her snout on my arm and left shitty litter on my forearm. I had to go wash off Right after our pre-show chit-chat that we like to do. Yeah, nice. Gross. A little pecan sandy. Yeah, nice. I want to see that. I don’t know. Your house. I’m glad your house has filters built in and stuff and magical shit. You know, whatever. Actually, we do have some. I know. I know. You have some weird thing. Hapafelter. Yeah, I know. You got all sorts of cool stuff. Yeah, we got all kinds of weird stuff going on here. Yeah, I’ve been there. Been there. Yeah, exactly. It’s like Scaramunga. He’s got all this cool stuff. Nick, Nick. Scaramunga.
Yeah. I have a little guy lives in the walls. Does my bidding. He dresses real nice. So, uh, apparently just like a, um, you know, like an eclipse every few years, uh, miles and I actually saw each other in person, uh, on Saturday. We had our, uh, Mandate. So, yeah. Mandate. Sounds like a court order or something. It was a mandate. No, I was just kidding. No, I happened, I was tagging along on a business, pseudo business trip with my wife to Bloomington, Illinois. I said, Miles, there’s this really interesting place in McLean. called Arcade Unlimited. I thought it was a strip club. I was like, okay. That’s right. You’re like, Arcade? I know all her work. Oh, yeah. And I said, why don’t you come over? We’ll go check this thing out. It’s got all these pinball machines and stuff like that, games and whatnot. And, you know, I threw it out there. I said, I’m going to go. Whether you go or not, I’m going. Mm-hmm.
And, you know, I figured about 50, 50 chance. I figured it at 50, 50. My wife was more like a 70, 30. Yeah. That you would not even show up. Yeah. But you did. I did. And I was early. Yeah. And you were early. Exactly. Actually, the funny thing about you being early, let me, uh, I got to look here and see if I can find it. So I took a picture of, I was kicking around waiting for, you know, I was a little early waiting for you to show up and, oh, you aren’t in my picture. That’s what I was looking for. And I took a picture of a Coca-Cola, like on the side of a brick building, somebody had, they painted like a Coca-Cola sign.
advertisement and a thing for a barbershop. And I took a picture and the next thing i know, I’m walking in that direction and there’s a guy flipping me off. It was you! It was me! About 10 minutes early, which is like unheard of. Oh, I was 20 minutes early at least. Oh no, I know you’re only 10 minutes early because i mean, tops was 15 because i was just walking around killing 15 minutes because i was early. Well, I knew you’d be early. I’m like, he’s early. I know it. Yeah. And then there he is. I’m like, I don’t even know this idiot. He’s flipping me off. And then i realized it’s you. I didn’t even i i had there was no thought in my mind. This would be you because it was early. I’m like, oh who’s this? Who’s this fat dork flipping me off here?
That’s rude. That’s really fucking rude. And I’m walking towards him. I’m like, Oh God, this is going to be, this is going to ruin my day. Got the town idiot flipping me off. Wait a minute. That’s miles. Christ. It just seemed right. I don’t know why. Yeah, it just seemed like a good thing. Well, I knew we weren’t going to embrace. I knew that. Yeah, no, that’s for sure. What’s the next best thing? I’m going to flip him off. That’s what I’m going to do. Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much. And I have to close my eyes every time. Anyway. Yeah, so then I’m like, what are the odds? I would have never. No one would take the 10 minutes early on that bet. Yeah. So, yeah, we hung out for a few hours and played a bunch of different pinball and old video games. Lots of fun. Lots of fun. Now, I will tell you that Miles looked like
a fat Chewbacca Because it had some kind of bandolero thing going on. Had something strapped across your chest and I’m like, is that some kind of man bra? Has he got like one saggy or something? With my strap on. Yeah. No, I was at Norlings and I thought, well, heck, I’m going to use this again. So, The funny thing, though, is it’s a fanny pack that you put across your chest. Will it not fit around your fanny? I don’t know. I was told to wear it like that. Who told you to wear it like that? I do it like Indiana Jones style. I think you’re thinking of a different… type of indiana jones movie when you’re saying that i think yeah i’m a little disappointed you didn’t mention the nasty gross gray sweatpants well that’s a given i don’t understand how you can’t like actually put regular clothes on anymore i mean have you totally outgrown you haven’t there’s no way you could have outgrown your pants because your legs haven’t grown since you’re yeah
You’re like a preteen. You got like these preteen legs sitting on top of this middle-aged body. I made you a promise. I said, every time we meet now, I want to be wearing these gray ass. Well, you can, I’m happy for you to break that promise. All right. Well, maybe I will. Maybe you need to, you need to invest in some pants. And I had my holy underwear on, too, that I was talking about. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he’s constantly like, my sweatpants are falling down. I was like, it was like special day there at the arcade. Come on, Miles. Oh, my sweatpants are falling down. Woo. I’m like, buddy. Yeah. Get a drawstring. Come on. Yeah. Then he goes into the bathroom at the arcade and proceeds to light it up. So he lit up the bathroom. It’s like stink is just going everywhere. It’s his fucker with a lavender shirt. He got in there before I did. Oh, yeah, sure.
Hey, I’m like, I listen, I’m an old diabetic now, man. I got to take a whiz, you know, I’m waiting and waiting and waiting. I’m like, Oh, this guy, I hope he’s playing with and that shit. No, he comes out, you know, like sheepishly like, Oh fuck. I’m like, okay, I’m going. I can tell you right now in a lineup, no one would pick the guy in the lavender shirt to blow up that bathroom. They’d pick you. They’re like, They’re like, look, this guy’s wearing old sweatpants that are all stained. I look like Schwarzenegger on Mars in a little recall. When they run out of all the oxygen, they’re all like. Right. Yeah. I’m like, oh, my God. I don’t know what this guy ate, but it was lethal. Oh, my God. It was terrible. I was smelling it outside of the bathroom. I give him an A plus for blowing up the bathroom. Holy cow. Yeah. Well, I thought it was you.
Cause I didn’t notice until after you went in there and I’m like, Oh my God, of course I had to go. We, we, of course we’re going to have to, we’re going to have to leave now. No, I don’t care. I don’t care. A bunch of parents with little kids anyway. I mean, who am I trying to impress anyway? I’m like, fuck it. I don’t care. Well, with those sweatpants, nobody, nobody, nobody. That’s right. Yeah. Your goal was to make the homeless feel better about themselves, and you accomplished it. Yeah. Everyone stayed away, so yeah. When you wear stuff like that, people are less likely to ask you for money and stuff. I did notice that whenever I asked you to pony up your $5, it was like pulling it out of the jaws of life.
That’s my new wallet that I also got for New Orleans. It’s not my typical wallet I typically use. I got a new wallet. You get a new wallet, but you don’t get new sweatpants? Is this what the deal is? I thought it’d be a funny ongoing joke if I kept wearing the same nasty sweatpants every time we met. We haven’t seen each other for two years. I know. That’s how long I’ve had them for at least that. At least wash them in between. Come on. I know. It was like some cancer patient. My niece knew, and she got me these cancer pants. Cancer pants? No, he was. Some dude. I hope he didn’t have testicular cancer. I don’t remember if he made it or not, but yeah, she ended up getting some of his clothes. Judging from the look of those pants, probably not. Probably not.
They’re comfortable. I think he passed on while wearing those pants. Yeah. It was nasty. Nasty, nasty. It was like MC Hammer pants, but they weren’t supposed to be that loose. If he had to hold them up while he was dancing, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How much did you spend? Did you put $5 in as well? Or how much did you put in? I got $10 worth of quarters before you arrived. Yeah. And we spent it all. Oh, I didn’t think we did. Yeah, we spent it all. Yeah, I think I played a couple of things before you got there, a couple of games of pinball. And then I walked outside. And then you just kept reaching in my pocket. Yep. Daddy. Elephant with peanuts or something. I am sad that I did lose at air hockey. Very sad. Yeah, there was a mean air hockey game going on there. I don’t know if you noticed there’s somebody in here that’s Manny. We can’t hear you, Manny. I’m sorry. I don’t hear you. Can you hear me now?
There you go. We can hear you now. Manny, would you talk some sense into Miles about his attire? I mean, come on. This guy with the sweatpants. It’s like, you know, these are supposed to be the before sweatpants, but he’s still wearing them. How long have you had them, Miles? You know, a while now, I guess. It’s a running joke. Cause he like hated them. I go, okay. Every time I see this bastard, I’m wearing these things. This is what your wife keeps telling her friends. It’s just a running joke. I’m still with them every year. Oh no. It’s just a running joke that I’m still married to this guy. Thank you. Thank you. Children are grown, but it’s just a joke. Yeah. Well, I had a good time. You can laugh all you want, but you know,
How’s mailman? Can we call you Manny the mailman anymore? I mean, former? I guess not. I guess Manny the retired mailman. Retired mailman. They don’t like the term for that, do they? Like, you know, sometimes whenever you retire, like, you know, you get like a new moniker. We have like for our union, like the retired president is for it. president Emeritus, but i don’t know. There you go. The mailman emeritus that’s correct i think the godfather yeah the guy i’ve kissed the hand of the godfather. I don’t know that reflects badly on him. Yeah, I did. To show the respect. Yes. They’re slurping all over his fingers. God. Well, that’s his problem. I’m finally able to stay up late enough to come and listen to your show. Bangladesh. This is the middle of the night. Aaron down the curtains. So, uh, so can you believe it? Miles showed up, uh, Saturday to meet me, uh, you know, at, uh,
He said he would be there, and then he actually was. Wow, that doesn’t happen often. No, it doesn’t. It’s turnover and new leaf this year. Were you guys affected by those big rains? Maybe not you, Bob, but Miles, did that get into your area? No. It was up in Wisconsin, right? Uh, yeah, I don’t live up there. I’m a fib. I don’t live up there. It’s a fib. Fucking Illinois bastard. No, they call people passing people call Illinois people fibs. Fucking Illinois bastards. Really? Okay. I’ll take that. Look it up. It’s true. The, uh, now what day was it? It was Sunday. Um, The highway shut down because of the rain here. 55. It rained so hard at 5570 in St. Louis that it shut down everything. Dang. Yeah. That’s no small feat. It was bad when I came back from New Orleans. We were hitting storms right by your house. Yeah. Lots of storms these days here.
I’m going to have to stop by Bob’s house, I guess. We can’t go any further. I hope he has… No, just keep driving. You’re fine. Plenty of soda and caramel corn. Yeah, I need some fiddle faddle. Toilet paper. Yeah, toilet paper. Would you like a new pair of sweatpants that may be fit? I don’t know. I actually went to Bob’s apartment once with horrible diarrhea. I could not stay out of the bathroom when we got there. Remember that? Yes, I do. It was horrible. I just wouldn’t quit. I was like, oh, my God. I have to go again. Here comes one new Super Bowl on the way out. It ruined my colon. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what ruined your colon. Possibly being flung from a high-speed moving vehicle or something might have did your colon in. Yeah. Well, your stupid fries in a bag. Would you eat that, Manny? Someone making their own french fries in a nasty garbage bag like Bob used to do? What kind of garbage bag was this? A paper bag. God. How did you do it? So let me tell you here, Manny. When you’re a poor college student,
You go buy a big sack, a biggest stack of potatoes you can buy. And then you wash them. Don’t peel them. Cut them up into, you know, French fries. Get some oil. You cook them. And then you take that paper grocery sack that you got the potatoes in. Throw the greasy fries in there. Put some salt in. Shake it up. Fries in a bag. Uh, there’s a place. I don’t know if they have them by you guys called five guys. Oh yeah. Five guys. Love that. They give them to you in a bag. So I’ve had those. And then I always used to joke that it always makes it better if you leave the receipt in the bag. But yeah, I used to make fries in the bag all the time because I was poor and I could just buy a big sack of potatoes and make French fry, big thing of French fries and eat, you know. It was nasty. It was a cheap meal. It was nasty. You know, you can reuse the oil. Everything’s cheap about it. I’m pulling out like roach legs out of my mouth. Oh, come on. Sick. Sick. That’s because you eat roaches. I don’t know what’s wrong with you.
Yeah. I guess that was the protein. Yeah, that’s right. Two grams, two grams of protein. I probably swore off, uh, heading with, you know, hanging out with like poor people like bob i’m like oh yeah exactly yeah what are you talking about? You’re always over bumming stuff off of me. And I’m like, I’m, poor rich suburbanite and here. I know i had like all this money. Why was i even eating your food? I’m like, wow. You’re like, Oh, Hey, can i have a big cake? Cola? Sure. Yeah, go ahead. And then he’d come out wearing like this, this beach towel as his napkin, like a full body thing. It’s like no lazy boy. And I’m like, are you really that messy of an eater that you need like a full covered, you know,
Hey, be prepared, my friend. Be prepared. It was a little weird. I still do that. I had lunch today. So every day at lunch at home here, because I work from home now, every day at lunch, I go down and make my lunch and I eat. And I probably pull, you know, I unroll probably, I don’t know, about five or six paper towels all together. And tuck it into my shirt. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. So nothing gets on me. He’s a mental patient. He is a complete mental patient. And every day I do that. I peel off a big old thing of paper towels, tuck it in my shirt, and then I don’t get any food on me. You should just get one of those barber things the barber puts on you. That’s kind of…
That’s kind of what I had in college was basically a beach towel. I’d wrap around myself. It was weird. It was weird. Well, you know, come on. I can’t be, this is just weird, man. I can’t be getting all dirty. Come on. What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with wanting to be clean? Like I had like three t-shirts in college. He’s like, I can’t get none of them clean. Dirty. I know I live right next to the, uh, laundromat as well. Jinx, yeah. I live right across the alley from the laundromat. But I don’t want to spend all my money doing laundry. Come on, man. Yeah, I guess. I don’t know what you’re spending your money on. Obviously, you’re not. Christ, get those sweatpants and stuff. I love them. I love those sweatpants. I do. Well, it shows. You’re
fly. I like them. I put on my Merce and my sweatpants and I just go out. So Manny, what are you doing for retirement now? Are you not working at all? Are you not picking up any cash jobs or anything? Not yet. I left work on April 30th and I said I wanted to take the summer off so I’m kind of bumming around. Yeah, so you’re not doing anything, huh? I’m looking for the fall for something to do a couple days a week. Okay. You’re limited how much. If you make too much, then they start taking your… Yeah, not if it’s cash. Yeah, I need like under the table job. Yeah, you got to get a cash job, man. You got to get one of those ones where, you know, you drive somebody around or something, they just pay you cash. There used to be a couple of…
funeral homes in the area that would, you know, you could go drive the car to the cemetery something like that. Hand you an envelope at the end yeah after my dad retired, he had a sweet deal driving a grain truck. The guy, the guy would during harvest, he would drive the grain truck and then he also served the semi right and then so then he got paid cash. the whole time. And then he also got free lunch. That was his, he thought the free lunch was the best part of it. To be honest with you. He’s like, he’s like, Hey, he bought me free lunch again today. Fantastic dad. Yeah. I’m searching. I’m searching. I haven’t found it yet. You know, I’m surprised, uh, you know, maybe there’s a courier service. I mean, you have credentials for Christ’s sake. There you go. You could be, you could be like, uh, in St. Louis, they have same day courier. Um,
But, you know, I don’t know if they do cash, though. That’s the only problem. Yeah, a lot of places can’t anymore because the IRS kind of cracked down on it. They’re always getting everybody’s business. I’m telling you. You can wash cars. Oh, there you go. Talk about washing cars. This man’s a professional. Well, you’re putting out people that wash cars? Well, man, he can’t. He’s not washing cars. He knows how to do stuff. Come on. I bet he can detail the hell out of a car, I bet. Yeah. I bet. I don’t think I could even do that, to be honest with you. Yeah, when I find out, I will let you guys know. Yeah, I think you need to get some kind of cash job going on somewhere. My friend had a sweet gig. He worked for a car dealer, and he would drive a car from New Jersey to Connecticut and
And then bring a different car back like they would trade cars between the dealers. So he gets a drink out to drive like all brand new cars all over the place. That’s great. That’s a good one. He could be an Uber. No, because they track everything on Uber. No, he buys like an old refurbished mail truck and that’s his Uber. And he picks up people like he’s got kind of like a pseudo uniform on and stuff. How about I just I’ll do boober. I only pick up women with big breasts. I thought you meant you’d just take miles around. You didn’t say it could be guys. Because I’m telling you that, you know, that fanny pack he had draped over his shoulder was really kept in one tit.
I think Bob was eye raping me the whole time. I’m like, geez, weirdo. You weirdo. You need to put it around your waist for Christ’s sake. Your belly was touching everything. I was told that’s the way you wear it. You wear it like Indiana Jones. We were playing pinball, Manny, and by the time we get done, the chrome on the front of the pinball machine was so fucking polished from the sky. I rubbed up against it. It was banging the pleasure machine. Yeah, he was like, he was working his hips and everything and then you’d walk away and be like gleaming. Oh my lord! Everyone had a good time. Yeah. Yeah. The coin slot had the best time. It helped with my ED. Yeah. I’m like, oh my lord. Thank god they don’t put the buttons on the top. It’d be hitting all the
Special plays or whatever. Bob bought lunch, too. He did that for me. He did that when I met him, too. You came a long ways, Manny. So did you, Miles. Yeah, that’s true. Miles bought you lunch, Manny? Yes. I think it was dinner. I don’t know what it was. With Smidge. Remember you and Smidge came in? Yeah, it was like that monsoon weekend. It would not quit raining the whole weekend. I’m like, geez, that’s crazy. Where were we at? Chicago. No, I mean, we were like in Greektown or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Smidge drove us all over the city. Oh, yes. Yeah, I do remember that now. Yes. That was very scary. Yes. Well, Smidge doesn’t have a great record of driving, I don’t think. Yeah.
No, he’s like driving and trying to queue up like, I don’t know if he had like a CD or something, but he’s like, hold on, Miles, I’m going to queue something up. I’m like, no, no, just drive, drive. No, no, no, no, no, stop. Man, dude, just concentrate on one or the other. Man, don’t. Yeah, he’s staring at me. That’s a pretty nice Merce you got there, Miles. That was my pre-Merce days, yeah. Yeah, I know. He didn’t have sweatpants on that weekend. They packed more clothes. That’s before the cancer patient got the cancer, I think, so he didn’t give away all his clothes. Give away all his bitchin’ sweatpants. Yeah. Yeah. Miles and I went to the sweatiest subway in the world, I believe, this trip. I was having hot flashes the whole time. I was like some woman. We went in…
There was more flies inside subway than there were flies outside subway. That was the great part. Yeah. I mean, like the guys working there, it looked like they were like from lettered Skinner band or something like that. And I think there were a black Oak, Arkansas. I think that was, yeah. It was one kid. This kid’s like so carefully putting cheese on my sandwich. It’s like a, Yeah. It was like some autistic thing going on. Like, okay, hold on. And we had another dude with a beard and whatever else. A dark canyon or something. Whatever else. Yeah, it was so sweaty in there. Literally, we left because it was hotter inside than it was outside. Yeah. Was the meat and the vegetables and everything all sweaty, too? Yeah, it was like a sweat factory, and I’m like, I don’t know. I ate it because I was hungry, but I was like, hmm. Hey, you know what we missed, though? I think there was like a museum across the street or something. What? I don’t think so. No, there was like a silhouette, like some statue, a silhouette of like a guy pumping gas or something. No, pump it up.
I think I was wishful thinking on your part. It’s for real. I will send you this. I think it was amazing. It’s like Route 66 or something, man. Oh, okay. Well, that could be because we were on Route 66. But no, we had a good time. And this is our, what do you call it? It’s not annual. It’s like not biannual. What would it be called? If you skip every other year, what’s that called? I don’t even know. Oh, that’s hard words. I don’t know. Yeah, I don’t know what that is. Isn’t that biannual? No, I thought biannual was when you meet twice a year. I don’t know. We meet every two years. Is it? On average, so I think it’s more than that. Yeah, it’s more than that. It’s been more frequent, but yes, it’s usually several times.
couple of years in between. So, but especially miles because I paid for most everything. Yeah, he did. That was really cool. Hang on, Manny. I’m here.