Static Radio

Bob has to evacuate his office and loses his drink because of a gas leak, while Miles is abandoned at the laundromat and loses his phone.

GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/

Random Show Click Below

Bad AI Transcript

I think Weird Al would sing that song. My scarotum. He did. over the next year or so. san jose hey everyone this is miles welcome static are you going sometime soon to san jose yeah tomorrow tomorrow okay no i’m just kidding. You can go to the uh winchester house it’s right there in san Jose. I’ve never been. I’ve never you should go you should i’ve been winchester house you know it’s kind of i know you’ve seen everything, I know. Oh, well. I’ve trucked all over this land from Maine to the Rio grand. Well, I believe you, I know you have, I’ve made this one of the, I can’t remember the next line. That’s a song by the way. Cape Gerardo, Cape Hatteras, Cape of good hope. Cape of good hope. That’s right. Cape horn. Cape horn.
No, no, yeah, same as A. Dave Canaveral? I had a friend who used to live there a while back now. Dr. Coyote. He used to live there. I don’t know if you know him. No, I don’t know. He used to live there. He doesn’t live there anymore. Was it Pablo Luen? No, I think Pablo lives in Studio City. Oh, I don’t know where that’s at. I don’t know where that’s at. i can’t even leave the county, I don’t know yeah i’m gonna say you’re you seem to be a little uh a little bound a little restricted in your movement because of some kind of ankle device. Yeah, I can’t talk about it. Oh, my goodness. So, Miles. Hey, Miles. Miles. How you doing, my friend? I’m doing good. I’ve got a tale for you. Go ahead. I’m doing good, Tweaky. How are you doing? Bitty, bitty, bitty, bitty. Yeah, it’s like talking to you. Hey, Buck. No, no. So…
As you know, my life has been ruined recently. Yes. And you’re always so glad to hear about how my life has been. Whenever my life gets ruined, you love to hear about it. I don’t laugh at your face, but, I mean, I do laugh behind your back. You laugh here. You laugh. Well, it is funny. I mean, you getting hurt and whatever else. That is kind of funny. So, you know, COVID was a blessing that I think everybody, you know, hates. But I think it was a great blessing. And I got to work from home for many years. And do 12 different podcasts all at the same time. That’s part of work. And recently they’re like, you know what? Maybe you shouldn’t work from home so much. Right. Correct. And so I’ve had to go back in. So I’ve been at the office and hating every minute of it.
And, uh, but I was, I was there and I had a goal to kind of clean up because basically when COVID happened, uh, we moved offices like during COVID. Yeah. And so I just slapped all this shit in these rooms because it was during COVID. I’m like, I’m not coming in here. Fuck it. You know? And so it was just everywhere. Yeah. And so now that I’ve had to be back, I’m like, I probably should clean this up. You know, it’s been a few weeks. Uh, it’s really messy and in the way. So I’m, I have a couple of different areas of stuff that I’d have to deal with. And so I cleaned up my office and then I have another couple other rooms and I’m like, I want to, I tackled the office, everything worked out well. And then I’m like, I was feeling very energized and,
And I thought I’ll go down to this other room and kind of clean up in there. I thought I’m going to be a good, you know, a good employee. I’m going to clean everything up, you know, throw out the junk and, and make everything nice and tidy. Sure. I don’t know why I got that up in my butt, but I did. And so I go down to this other, uh, area that’s in a different part of the building. And it’s right across from like a very large conference room that holds like 50 people. Oh, okay. Big conference room, right? And so I’m like, you know, I had myself a delicious Coke Zero Sugar. I was drinking my soda, humming a song. Eating a salad. Eating a salad.
Everything was working. Right. I’m like, this is great. I’m cleaning up. I’m feeling better. You know how you ever clean up and you feel better? Every once in a while. Yeah. You probably don’t feel that so much. Not often. Yeah. Well, I do. So I’m organizing and whatnot. And then I hear this guy. He comes out of the big room and he’s on a cell phone out in the hallway, but I can’t see him. so he’s down the, there’s like a hallway there. He’s down the hallway just a little bit. So where i don’t see him, he doesn’t see me i’m like drink take a drink you know, delicious coca-cola zero sugar. If only i could get them to sponsor this show. Yeah. I keep talking. Yeah. I love it. I love Coca-Cola. You know that. I know.
There’s probably been 100 episodes about me and my terrible Coca-Cola habit, especially when I visit your house. But anyway, so I’m going along and all of a sudden I’m like. What? I’m like, what is that? Oh, my God. Oh, that smell. I’m like, I’m nowhere near the bathroom. Right. And I get the most horrendous shit smell. Oh, God. This is like heavy and wet in the air. Love is in the air. And I’m like, for a minute, I’m like, you know, because I always think it’s me. I’m like, did I fart and didn’t realize it? Is this me? Did I shart? Yeah, exactly. I’m like, did something happen? Am I losing control of my body? Did I not know this, right? And I’m like, even when I do, even if it smells really bad, it doesn’t smell that bad to me. So I’m like, this can’t be mine. So I had this whole debate. The guy, if he’s paying attention at all, would be like, here’s a guy whistling and moving stuff around, clang, clang, clang. All of a sudden, dead stop. Yeah.
Yeah, and I’m like, oh, no. It’s that guy in the hallway. Oh, God. This guy shit the hallway. What? So bad. Wait a minute. He shit his pants? I have no idea. That’s what it smelled like to me. Oh, God. He was still talking on the phone. I could hear him talking on the phone, but the smell was… It had to come down the hallway. Oh, my God. About two doors-ish. Yeah. Come into the room that I was in. Mm-hmm. Involved me in like a bubble of stink. Yeah. And I’m like, I got to get out of here. Yeah. I cannot stand it. It is so bad. Okay. So I grabbed my drink, and I started walking. I head out. I’m just like…
I’m out of here. I can’t do this anymore. There’s no way I can. I couldn’t drink the drink. It was so stinky. Oh, God. It got into the soda can. Oh, no. I had to pour out half my soda. Oh, Jesus. I took it right to the sink and poured it out and got rid of it. I was like, that was the worst fucking fart I have smelled in a really long time. Yeah. I kept trying to look over my shoulder at this guy. He’s still talking on the phone. Dude. You stink, my friend. I’m like, did he sneak over down the hallway, blow the fart out his ass right into this room when I wasn’t paying attention? Yeah. I felt like I stunk because I had to walk through it. I might have an explanation to this, but keep going guys. What? I might have an explanation to what you’ve encountered. Well, this was so bad. I, I stopped my cleaning. I, I haven’t even got back to doing it again. I just left. I just left.
and went to a whole other area of the building, back to my office, and I just cried. Yeah. It was so bad. I had to pour out my soda on the way, and I sat in my office with my hands in my head, and I’m like, I can’t believe I survived that. I had PTSD. Right. I had, what would it be, like fart PTSD. Yeah. I couldn’t believe it. I’m like, this guy is so fucking rank. And I think he went back into the meeting. Oh. Oh. Yiker. I didn’t know him. He was from outside. Yeah. He should have stayed outside. Yeah. I’m like, oh, my God. I think he thought it was all clear. And then all of a sudden, I come popping out of there after a couple of minutes. He’s probably like, oh, oopsies.
wanted to i wanted to like you know, shake my finger at him. Yeah. I’m like, God, you are rank my friend good eat yeah you better you better in the box and send it away really quick. Yeah. Call a guard. Um, I might have the explanation to this. Well, I would think that you, of all the people I know, have probably been the guy that shat his pants in the hallway and just kept talking on the phone. This has nothing to do with me. Due to some health issues, my wife, many years ago, had to switch to a sugar-free diet, and she eats… a fair amount of sugar-free candy. And, uh, you really have not lived until you’ve lived with someone who eats this. Uh, it is the most concentrated fart and it doesn’t go away. Oh, it didn’t. That’s why I left. It was so horrible. And I would bet you money at your favorite restaurant. This guy was eating some sugar-free bullshit.
I could not confirm that because I could not even look at him or anything. It’s nasty. It’s nasty. It’s like a giant wall, like a fog. Yes. And it will not go away. It will not dissipate. I felt like somebody just took, you know, shit spray in the mosquito thing and just drove it around the hallway. Yeah. Yep. Yep. It is the most vile fart you’ll ever smell. Oh. There’s an episode of SpongeBob where he eats onion soup or something. And then like his breath is really bad and he knocks over everybody except for Patrick because Patrick doesn’t have a nose. Yeah, that’s what it felt like. Yeah, I bet you. I will bet you. Sugar free. Well, I’m pretty sure. He had major issues if you ask me. I’m like, good God.
Never. Right. I mean, I can’t even remember the last time i’ve smelled something that bad yeah i know i live with someone that has this, yes. And I work with cadavers. No, I’m joking. Yeah, I only wish. Believe me. It’s like Silence of the Lambs where they put that shit underneath their nose. That’s like living with somebody who eats sugar-free candy, believe me. You’re like, oh, fuck. You guys all got the Hitler mustache of Vicks under your nose. And what’s worse is if you know the phrase silent but deadly. Yeah. Like you’ll just be sleeping and suddenly it’s like, oh! I don’t know. I was just like, yeah. Yeah. I’m like, this is, something is not right. It’s like a chemical or something. I don’t even know what it is. It’s something, it’s not right. Whatever it is, it is not human. It’s like sulfur and brimstone or something. I don’t know what was going on. I would rather spend the day at like a cattle stable or horse ranch or something, cleaning out dolls all day and smell that versus smelling a sugar-free fart. Yeah, okay.
Well, maybe you’re right. I should have asked. Next time I’m going to say, buddy. I’m telling you. Cut out the sugar-free candy, please. I know that’s what this is. It’s not the hard candy. It’s got to be some kind of gummy or something. Don’t you think? I don’t know. It could be just sugar-free. Okay. I drink zero sugar soda. I don’t have that kind of. problem no that’s not the problem there’s something in that i’m telling you there’s something in that candy there i don’t know what it is, but it’s horrible this candy tastes great but it has the better effect of being deadly very new dutch oven candy Scale of 1 to 10, definitely 9 1⁄2. It’s like those atomic warhead candies that are so hot or whatever. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It lingers. It lingers. It won’t leave. The stinky linger candy. It’s like a blanket of fart that just comes and envelops you, and you’re like… That’s what I felt like, but yeah. You actually have to leave the area to…
Yeah, I had to go get my chakras realigned. Goodness. Yeah, you’re like, oh, my God. I’m like, where’s that sage? Let me burn some of that shit. Oh, God. I feel bad for you if that’s what it was. Yeah, it was bad. Yeah. It’s that nasty. This guy kept talking on the phone. Yeah. Yabba-da, yabba-da, yabba-da. Oh, man. But I survived. And how they can sit in their own filth, that’s what I don’t get. I mean, how can you even. You kept. turning around but i just thought because he was on the phone. Maybe he’s trying to shake it loose. I don’t know. He’s paying it around his other hand i’m gonna fart dingleberry hanging on to him. Shake it off. Shake it off if i keep turning around i’ll eventually shake this dingleberry off. Right. So what’s going on with you, my friend? You know, uh,
you know, we’re old and crippled though, you know, my house, you know, that’s right. And, you know, some chores has fallen behind and, uh, no one’s fault. No one’s fault. It’s just, and, uh, we were already, you know, things have been breaking here. You know, wait, is no one’s fault code for your fault? I think basically. Yeah. And I mean, we were already behind anyway on the family laundry as it was. Yeah. Wow. And, uh, so we’re, you know, going to bed. you know, probably almost a week ago. And there’s this horrible sound and my son runs and he goes, Oh my God, that’s our dryer. Making that noise. No, it was the squeal. I don’t even know. I go, I didn’t even know what it was. I went, what the fuck is that? Yeah. I allow, you know, nowadays you’re better off as buying new versus trying to fix the damn thing. Right. Yeah.
I fixed my dryer recently. Well, I know, but you’re too far away. I’m not going to come fix yours. Come on, man. I mean, a friend would do it. That’s your line to everybody. A friend would do it. I go up to women. Hey, a friend would do it. I thought you were a friend of mine. So… You know, Saturday, my son, he’s like, Dad, I will volunteer to take all this laundry through the laundromat. Wow, that’s a big give. And I mean, we probably had about eight baskets of clothes. Holy shit. Yeah, we were behind. I don’t even have… A basket of clothes that I own, I don’t think. I don’t even know where all this clothes came from. I’m like, fuck, is he sure this is in the neighborhood? You have all your clothes from your whole life? My wife’s wedding dress, that was in there. I mean, you seem to be wearing smaller clothes when I see you half the time. I brought in my Cavaricci suit. Everything is dirty. So much goddamn dirty laundry around here. I go, listen, I go, my…
My back is jacked up, but I got to help you, man. You look like the back door of the goddamn Goodwill. I know. I have no idea where all this came from. I’m like, okay, we got to. And I go, listen, my back is really jacked up. I’m going to help you out because this is going to be a big undertaking. Yeah. I haven’t been to a laundromat in so long. When I was a kid, it was fun because I’d just run around and then I’d think Back in those days, they actually had arcade games at the laundromat. Not this one. Yeah, not anymore. And I have some anxiety because, like, there’s, like, these gossipy, you know, Facebook pages around here, you know. Yeah. Nobody knows me, so. No, but I don’t know these people. But anyway, but, you know, it’s always like, oh, some guy’s over at the laundromat somewhere eating his own feces or something. I’m like, oh, you know.
you know guys killing that baby seals or the laundromat or something like, oh, what the you know i have like a lot of anxiety. I’m like, I don’t know if i want to go, you know like man like luckily my son’s kind of a big dude. You’re like, okay. I’m like, all right. So, and so i’m just bracing myself like oh wow this is a story for the show i know over here okay it’s coming I’m going to get panhandled. There’s going to be some guy talking in a weird voice wanting to talk to me with a bad eye or something. No, nothing. Nothing. Like half the place is like kindly old ladies. Oh, you got laundry. I fold your underwear. It’s been a while. No way. Yours might take a while. No, they were very kindly. Reminds me of being in the military when I used to fold flags.
I see your sergeant stripes. I was so disappointed. I’m like, wow, this place is clean. How was it? Really? No one’s blaring loud music. Everyone seemed fairly normal. I’m like, wow. I was really disappointed. I’m like, wow. I was really hoping for a cool show thing to happen. I hear you. I would have thought… The same. I would have thought somebody’s going to be hanging out or something weird. Have you got any money for me, man? Can you spare me 50 cents for a soda? You selling weed? Yeah. I was so disappointed. I’m like, oh, wow. I thought I’d see that. You don’t have one of those places that you drop off your laundry and then they wash it at the laundromat and you just pick it up? I don’t know. I usually just
I’m very hoity-toity. We have a washer and dryer at home. I’m hoity-toity like you. You’re a one percenter. All of you can just suck it. My son is leading the way. He’s getting his machines going. He’s getting quarters going. You’re going to throw a fit. When our house burnt down, we had to do some laundry at the at the hotel because they have uh washer dryers there because i literally just had one change of clothes that i was wearing. Right. Right. And, um, we, you know, didn’t get anything, uh, right away, but anyway, how much does it cost you to do laundry? because it costs like a buttload of quarters to do laundry at the hotel. Uh, these were like industrial machines and the biggest ones were like 750 a load, I think, or something 750
Yeah. Holy shit. Why do they have dollar bill changers on them instead of quarters? Well, I don’t know it just it happened all right i don’t know. I don’t know. And some of them have like a, you can swipe a card, but it takes like eight attempts to get the thing to work. Like, okay. I think it’s four dollars at the hotel. Well, things have changed a little bit. They’re a little boring so yeah it’s been a few years, I guess. And I, you know, I’m wearing, you know, my greasy sweatpants I like to wear. Yeah. For some reason, those never get washed. Yeah. I mean, they smell like crack bad. They’re like, these aren’t dirty yet. And I’m being so careful because, you know, I usually have my MERS with me, you know. Yeah, I know. And, you know, I don’t really trust pockets of sweatpants. And so I’m just, like, being very overly cautious because I’ve got –
car keys, phone, wallet. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t trust pockets of sweatpants. I mean that. Well, yeah, it’s, it’s in the, it’s in the statement there. Of course you don’t trust pockets of sweatpants. I know. Well, okay. Okay. Tough guy. Yeah. I don’t know but uh put my roll of 20s in the one side So, like, 20 minutes into it, I realized my wallet is missing. My wallet? How much? You must have spent, like, $100 on laundry. Jesus. Well, you know, shit, we had eight baskets, man. What the fuck? It’s crazy. That’s just insane. If only a friend would have come up from St. Louis and picked my dryer. I guess he was busy. I was busy, actually, yes. Heading to his stupid family again. Yeah, that’s right. Selfishly. What did I do? I think I took a nap. Yeah, you did nothing. Yeah, I know what you did. Nothing. And so, come to find my wife, we’re getting all screwed up here.
my son had taken my wallet just for safekeeping. I didn’t know this. Cause you like leave it laying around everywhere. Yeah. He goes, Oh, you left it on top of that washer over there. I’m like, Oh God, someone’s going to take my remaining $7 out of my wallet. You know, I was all worried. Like, Oh man, I got pinched for $7. Good God. I already spent 50 on all these. Yeah. And, uh, so, uh, The boy’s taking charge. We’re getting about halfway through it. The washing’s done. We’re starting to do the drying now. This is a big undertaking. We’re halfway through the drying and the boy takes a phone call. He’s like, oh, shit. Okay. All right. Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ll be there. I go, what’s going on? Oh, I forgot. I signed up for an extra shift today at work. I got to leave.
what what yeah i gotta leave. And I didn’t want to say anything because my back’s kind of effed up, but i’m like, shit, I gotta lug all this heavy shit around like fuck it oh you know what’s gonna you know what you did yeah you just you didn’t fold it or anything. You just took wads of it and threw it in the back of your car it’s yep Oh, I didn’t fold shit, man. Yeah, I know. No, I didn’t. It all went back in those eight baskets. I’m like, man. You just threw it in your car and it’s probably still sitting there to this day. I must have a look of shock on my face because I kind of turned away and looked at the machine like, fuck, you know, like, shit, what’s it going to be? Just take multiple trips. You’ll be fine. Well, the funny part was, like, he was, like, at the door ready to exit. Like, he was on the other side of the room. And he looks at me and he does that.
And he gives me the wave, like the old night from the last crusade, like, you know, Raiders sticks his hand up. And like, I did the same thing to him. Like, you know, like I’m in Indiana Jones, like, you know, I don’t have time for kid. And he like turns and leaves this loud. No, no goodbye or nothing. Like, like, Oh fuck. I’m dumping you old man in your smelly clothes. Oh my God. So yeah. So I had to man it up, get it done. you know, trying to make sure nothing falls out of my pockets, you know, and all this. Any nice ladies got any candy? No. So the exciting conclusion to this story, I know it’s a long story, but I get home. I realize my phone’s gone. Um,
I go, motherfucker. I go, man, that thing, because it was almost dead. Of course it’s almost dead. It had like 5% or 4% maybe. I’m like, oh. You never charge your phone ever. I’m looking like, shit, I don’t see it. It’s not in the car. It’s not in the laundry. It’s not in the shitter. And after about two hours, I’m like, I’m going back. Fuck it. You waited two hours to go back? Well, I was tired. The only good thing is that your phone is such a piece of shit, no one would steal it. Guess what? I came back. It was there. Yeah, exactly. By the kindly old women who had no news. Like, who wants this goddamn penny phone that they gave you? I know. My wife’s like, you know, well, there’s people that know how to get those and strip those down and resell them. And I’m like, no, not my pink phone. They’re not going to do it. No, they’re not going to do it.
The hand-me-down phone that I’m given, you know. That’s right. You get the phone that gets shit out at the end after everybody’s used it. Yeah. Yeah, it’s like something like they found at Crippery or something like that. This thing’s old looking and shitty. Everybody’s like, Nokia? Yeah. Nokia. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Yeah. Half the… Half the buttons are missing. Good God. I mean, I was so, you know, like, I’m not going to lose anything. I won’t lose anything. And sure enough, the phone’s gone. Looks like somebody just continuously plays Snake on this thing. Just don’t check the browser history. Goodness gracious. Yeah, I was not surprised. What kind of phone do you have anyway? I got an Android something, though. Got an Android. It’s got a blue back to it. I got a Droid 600 or something. 601, 602, whatever it takes. It says Tandy on it. Tandy.
It’s a Windows phone. It flips up, says Motorola when I turn it on. I always do my William Shatner impersonation. Hey, ladies. I call it bingo, my phone. Well, I’m glad you found your phone, but I’m not surprised that nobody wanted it.

[su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/11/09/laundry-evacuation/” title=”Laundry Evacuation” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/11/09/laundry-evacuation/”

In this episode, a tense personal encounter with local police serves as a springboard for a broader critique of government overreach and libertarian anarchy. The conversation quickly shifts to science fiction and the theoretical limits of human engineering, exploring concepts like Dyson spheres, anti-gravity technology, and the possibility of secret lunar bases. This naturally transitions into a discussion on UAP disclosure, anomalies like Skinwalker Ranch, and the theory that the military slowly filters highly advanced technology—such as brain-computer interfaces and directional sonic weapons—down into the public sphere over decades.

The second half of the show tackles the rapid evolution of artificial intelligence, automation, and their impending impact on the working class. The hosts dissect the current macroeconomic climate, criticizing inflation, corporate welfare, planned obsolescence, and the widening wealth gap while championing hard assets like Bitcoin and gold. Finally, the episode explores the future of infrastructure and energy, arguing that the societal fear of nuclear power has severely stalled the development of Small Modular Reactors (SMRs) that could otherwise solve the grid requirements of an automated future.

Too Hard for the Radio

Miles wears the wrong shoes to the Ren Faire and deals with ye olde mud while Bob eats Indian food for the first time and gets a stye in his eye.

GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/

Random Show Click Below

Static Radio – Mud Eye

Miles wears the wrong shoes to the Ren Faire and deals with ye olde mud while Bob eats Indian food for the first time and gets a stye in his eye.

Bad AI Transcript

How’s Cape Girardeau? Hey, Miles, how’s it going? How’s it going? Didn’t know anybody was here. I didn’t know I was podcasting. going everybody’s bob hey how’s it going this is miles fun house have a hot dog sorry i was late. I was listening to my new favorite band on tick tock demon so okay i told him i’d give him a shout out today so yeah oh really did they say, would you please or i didn’t get really get a chance to see what they said about that, so i don’t know. okay i I don’t think they’d be that impressed. Well, there’s five more people. Thank you. Thank you. So Demon Pussy, check them out. Whenever you said that, I was thinking, oh, that’s what he calls his private parts. Yeah, sometimes. No, I was thinking of college radio when I heard this. I’m like, wow. No, really? You guys think about that group Bongwater a little bit? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Bongwater. Yeah, I mean, the girl’s on stage. She’s wearing horns and stuff. I’m like, wow, all right. No, this is all right. This has Miles’ title written all over it.
And I don’t care what they say. Is it wrong? Is it so wrong? I would guess that it’s one of those things when you’re young, you’re like, yeah, that sounds pretty good. And then as you get older, you’re like, I don’t know if I want to have anything to do with that. That’s what I say about static radio all the time. I hope… Yeah. I was young and then I got older and I’m like, oh, geez. When I was young and my heart was an open book. Hey, I’ve got a piece of advice for you. What? Oh, no. I know. I said virus. You have a virus. Well, maybe. Let’s hear your advice. Maybe. Maybe. Who’s it from? So, you know, I love to go to lunch. Yeah. Yeah.
So I went to lunch with my friends, Dr. J. Yes. And Dr. K. Yes. And I went to have Indian food. First time I’ve ever had Indian food. Yeah. Okay. All right. That’s okay. Then maybe the last time as well. I don’t know. Oh, come on. Yeah. Have you ever had Indian food? I did. I went to a… Private function, and it was exclusively Indian food that was catered in, and it was actually very good. I enjoyed it. Oh, well, yeah. I don’t know. You know, those guys had, I don’t like a lot of sauce. Yeah. And there’s a lot of sauce in Indian food, I think. A lot of biscuits and gravy. Well, I’m just saying there’s a lot of, you know, things covered in wet things, which I’m not a big fan of. Being from Decatur.
I should be used to that. I don’t know. It probably has anything to do with the caterer. But anyway, my son prompted me. He goes, Dad, you know, because you’re a weirdo, get the tandoori chicken. You’ll like that. It’s not too bad. It doesn’t have any sauce. You don’t have to put any sauce on it. It’s like sauce on the side. And I’m like, okay. So that’s what I got. It was fine. It was certainly… You know, more than edible, better than some, you know. Yeah, yeah. But I was just like, eh, you know. Yeah, yeah. I didn’t, like, you know, really like it. Now, the funny thing was, we had a conversation, and when I was in Texas, I ate some plantains. You know, I’ve heard of that. I have no idea what that is, but I have heard that name. It’s kind of like a banana. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that’s right, yeah. So, I got this dish…
And it was like a garnish, but there are these little plantain chips. Yeah. Delicious. Never had plantains in my life. I love plantains. Now I love plantain, especially the, whatever these things were. Yeah. Anyway, that’s not my advice. Yeah. So while we’re there talking, I’m talking to Dr. K and he’s like, you know, we’re old at lunch and, Everybody’s talking about their difficulties. I love to pee. No, no, but, you know, just all the weird things that are going on, right? So, like, I have a finger that I swear to God is turning around on my hand while I look at it right now. It’s twisting on its own. Yeah. In ways it’s not supposed to. I hurt this finger recently. way back in, like, junior high school. It’s permanently bent because I didn’t have any medical care as a child. I love stories like this. I love them. My son always says this stuff. Like, oh, gosh, my finger is really bothering me. And he’s like, let me look at it. He’s like, why is it all bent? And I go, well, I got it.
i got hit with a medicine ball right on my middle finger and it bent and then it’s never straightened out ever since like sixth grade he’s like he’s like because dad, you really, they didn’t, nobody took you to the doctor, did they? Yeah. I had an ear drum explode and all this stuff. Oh God. Once. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, And yeah, this finger that I jammed all these years ago, it feels like it’s turning. Like if you take the finger and just twist it the wrong way. Yeah. Yeah. Just during the day, I’ll be like, holy shit, my finger hurts. And I look at it, it looks like it’s twisting. Right. Anyway, that’s not the piece of advice either. The piece of advice is we’re talking about these kind of things. And Dr. K goes, hey, I found out I don’t handle gluten well.
Mm-hmm. I go, I’m like, how in the fuck did you find that out? Well, let me tell you. Yeah, he wasn’t too happy when I said it that way. But anyway, I go, how’d you find that out? And he goes, well, I noticed… You laughing about this guy’s poor gluten problem? No, go ahead. I noticed when I ate a lot of bread that I get really phlegmy. I’m like, really? I go, that’s odd. He goes, yeah. So he’s like, I stopped eating bread and last night we had bacon sandwiches and I ate a bunch of bread and Yeah. And then I was all Flemmy again. Yeah. And I go, you know, my friend, miles title is the king is always fucking Flemmy. It’s so annoying. He’s always got this phlegm going on. I know that’s why I can’t go like professional. Cause I’m all a bit gross. And I go, maybe he’s eating too much bread.
You know, no one’s ever told me that, but, you know. I mean, you’ve met Dr. K. You know him. I have broken bread with Dr. K, I guess. Yeah, oddly enough. And you guys are both probably fucking phlegmy as hell and grossing each other out. More French bread, Dr. K? On my own, yeah. Oui, oui. Oui, oui, Miles, of course. I wish it was a bacon sandwich, don’t you think? Bacon sandwich. So, but anyway, then Dr. J had to say something about the bacon. But anyway, so. Not the bacon. The bacon. So anyway, I thought I’d pass that along. I was like, oh my gosh. Wouldn’t it be funny if that’s it? And I’m like, yeah. Yeah, would stop eating bread for a week and see if you don’t get all flimsy. Oh, I love bread. Oh, my God. It’s not like forever. I know. Just try it out. I mean, just try it for a few days. Three days. I know, but that’s like a good friend. I love it.
It’d be like saying goodbye to a good friend. You’re like, hey, man, we can’t be friends no more. Remember that time that you got called in for a movie and they’re like, it’s American Pie, but it’s with a baguette. You want to be a star, Miles? Anyway. And you’re like, I think it’s more like Olive Garden. All you can eat breadsticks. So, yeah, try not doing the bread and see if it helps you. Oh, boy. This is… I don’t know. Then you’ll know. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this. It might be gluten. Might be gluten. Goodbye. It might be gluten. So that’s not even my fucking story. So here’s my story. Oh, Jesus Christ. The Indian food, the bread, that’s still not in the story. Jesus Christ, this guy. Third time’s the charm here. I got, for the first time in my life, I got a stye in my eye. Ooh, that hurts. It did. And I was pissed.
I woke up, and my eye was hurting, and I go and look, and my eye’s all red. I’m like, holy shit, I got pink eye. And my wife’s looking at it, and she’s like, I don’t think you got pink. How did you get pink eye? I go, I don’t know. You just put a hot rag on it or something, don’t you, to get rid of it? Well, yes, I did finally do that. But like my whole, it was like I had like half my face was tattooed red by my eye. with like all this inflammation and everything. And my eyelid was all effed up and everything. Yeah. It was just like, it was horrible. I was like, I can’t believe I’ve never, ever had this in my life ever. And then I get this and I’m like, I am angry. I am super angry. This is so, it was annoying. It was painful. I can literally used to be able to just pick up handfuls,
Of dirt and rubbed them in my eyes and it wouldn’t even bother me. Right. Now, I’m like a fairy princess. I can’t even handle anything. You’re like 85 now, aren’t you? That’s right. Yeah, close to it. Freaking old. Is that what it is? You get old and you just get sties all of a sudden? I just saved you a $250 trip to the doctor. I didn’t go to the doctor. I looked it up and I did put a hot… thing on my face. Wait, you’re still sticking to your old ways, huh? Yeah, well, I’m like, I haven’t, you know, I haven’t paid a premium yet, so why start now? I’m not going to do it. Yeah, I’m not going now. Screw it. I’ve got a broken finger, you know, eyes on it, who cares? Dad, why do you wear an eyepatch now? Hunchback? Oh, I used to wear it. I used to wear an eyepatch for migraines.
I did. I had an eye patch that I used to wear around the house because I had migraines. Are you ready, kids? Yes. That was when my kids were little, too. I was wearing an eye patch all around the house. And in the bedroom sometimes, too. Well, you know, everything’s got multiple uses, you know. I’m feeling a little randy. But anyway, that was my story. I could not believe it. I was so angry about this. I’m like… Why can I just not ever have this? Yeah. Ever. And then I got it. That’s funny. And then my wife, you know, she’s right. She’s like, yeah, I think you got it. I’m like, don’t say, don’t invent new things to be wrong with me because I will just have them then. I don’t need to know if I’m oblivious and everything works out fine. I could have just had pink eye like I was thinking, but no, she had to say stye and then the world manifested a stye in my heart. Right, right.
I think you’ve been infected by a tsetse fly. What? Don’t even get into saying anything else. I’m just making up stuff. Ebola. I think that’s Ebola. No, I don’t want to hear about it. Ebola. No. I haven’t traveled out of the country. It’s fine. You have this disease. Yeah, no kidding. Got hand, foot, and mouth. Hand, foot, mouth, or whatever that’s called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some kind of sheep thing. Anyway, I’m feeling better, and I will not be looking at any medical journals or anything anytime soon. Are you going to be okay now? I mean, do we have to worry about you start a prayer circle? If you don’t mind, I know you’re a religious person, so yeah, if you don’t mind throwing me into the mix there, it wouldn’t be bad. I guess I’m more spiritual than religious. I just want to be one of those people. The only reason I really like ghosts is because you can see through things, and I love see-through things, so I love ghosts.
And you can upskirt too. Any kind of 90s or anything like that. I love it. You’re a ghost. Yeah. I love things that are see-through and things that rise. Talk about things that are rising. Exactly. What’s going on with you? I got a stupid twisted finger, a stye, and I think you should stop eating bread. Well, I didn’t eat any bread. How’s that? So I didn’t eat any bread, really. But I did go to my first ever Ren Faire. A renaissance fair. You know, you… My first ever. You are the exact body type. Briar tuck? To be at a renaissance fair, yes. I think you should have… Did you cosplay or did you just go in to get a turkey leg? No, I had like a long blonde braided wig on. Fake… No. Rapunzel! No, uh…
My son and I were in the minority of people not dressed up. Yes. Yeah. We did the big ears, the furry ears, the whatever else. The steampunk look. You’d look good as a steampunk guy as well. Big freaking glasses on a top hat or whatever the fuck. I don’t know. Actually… You could have just wore your normal wardrobe and said you were a stable boy. Stable boy. Piss bucket boy. Piss bucket. So you have to, the parking and where you need to go are two separate places. Typically, unless it’s a drive-in, they’re always separate. Yeah. Yes. Well, I’ve never been to this, so we had to travel. Typically, at the Ren Faire, they don’t usually have cars in the mix. Oh, I saw plenty of pickup trucks in this thing. Well, no, I mean, like, in the Ren Faire itself, usually it’s all very… Oh, right, yes. I would agree with that, yes. Yeah. And so we went, and, you know, there’s these local guys. They go, hey, where is this at? Oh, you got…
You got to take the shuttle bus. Oh, that far away. Oh, wow. Oh, it’s like five miles away. I’m like, oh, shit. We can’t walk. We don’t even want a hint of technology within our Ren Faire. So get on this little bus that’s going to go way too fast on these country roads with all the potholes. I’m like, okay, all right. Wow. Was it like such a big parking lot or what? No, I mean, it was decent. I mean, it wasn’t like, oh, my gosh, I’m, you know. What was your row? Was there pictures? No, it was just like kind of like a ball field that they were parking people in, you know. And I got on the bus. I sat by my son, which I really didn’t have to because there was actually plenty of seats. But yet, like.
we’re sandwiched in between like some guy in front of us and some guy like five rows behind us yelling at each other, you know, were you going to the Ren fest too? I’m going by myself. I don’t got no one to go with. I’m like, Oh, I can see why. And then, uh, the other guy’s like, all right, well, I just discovered I got a bunch of brothers and sisters. They’re all bastards. I don’t want to… Why do they just sit by each other? No, they’re just yelling it. When the bus is in motion, you can’t move. It’s like one of those big buses that holds 20 people. We’re going way too fast on these gravel roads. Hold on, good sirs. Our steed is getting away. Is this part of the…
And, uh, so, you know, you had to pay to get in and, uh, and so I did that and, uh, we, uh, I immediately like, oh shit, we should have dressed up or something here. I’m like, now here’s the problem is we’ve had torrential rain. Oh, mud. Yeah. Yes. I’m like, oh man, I, this was like Lilith fair or something. I don’t know what it is. Like, this is all good thing. I wore my flip flops. I mean, you know, yeah. Well, that was the problem. Yeah, I wore, like, my worst shoes. These slip-on shoes I have. These, like, $5 shoes my wife bought me. And I go, this was a bad choice. This was a horrible, bad choice. Because I realized, because at first I thought, this place is really small. You know, this little clearing is really small. I go, this is it. This is kind of a waste of money. Yeah. No. It’s like on 4…
different fields. Oh, really? Wow. But the problem is you’ve got to go up and down muddy hills that weren’t designed to go up and down like being soaked in mud. I’m going to break my leg. Fat guy. I know. I’m going so slow. My son, luckily, he’s very patient. He’s like, okay, all right. Come on, Dad. You can do it. Oh, my God. I was so afraid. I mean, I was literally afraid. I was almost in fear i’m like oh i’m there oh my God. Right? So, you know. You made it, though, I guess. It’s like almost you start on the first floor, then you go down to the basement, and then you gotta go up a hill so you get back on the first floor again, and you gotta go back in the basement. You know, it’s like. Didn’t they throw hay down or anything? No, no, no. And, like, one part’s, like, railroad ties used as, like, steps.
They’re covered with wet leaves. I’m like, oh, this is where I break my leg. This is where I’m going to break my leg. This is just like being back in old England. I know. I’m like, this is what happened to Bob Lament that one day in college. I’m like, shit. Yeah, no kidding. And, you know, it was all this shit. You know, I’m not going to buy any swords or axes. I have no interest in that. You know, I don’t want to buy anything. Cat ears for my wife or anything. That’s okay. Oh, well, you know, well, you got cat ears. Come on. I’m saving a lot of money there. Right. I mean, did you get a Turkey leg? I didn’t, I don’t like dark meat. And so I really just, I didn’t, I ended up getting like some, uh, pretty, pretty made hamburger, uh, but night’s table hamburger, where the fuck it was. Yeah.
But it was weird. You know, everyone’s kind of walking around, you know, this and that. You should have got yourself a medieval walker. I know. I know. I go, is there a golf cart around here or something? Maybe. I couldn’t. You could have got a staff. There you go. I don’t know. But halfway through it, I realized, like… that I should have really eaten something today. I really didn’t eat much before I went to this thing. Did you have your pants falling off at all? No, I had some sweatpants on, thank God. Oh, my God. You and the sweatpants. But I almost wiped out right in front of some food cart. People turned and looked at me. They’re like, slow down, son. You’re going to hurt yourself. Oh, my God. So embarrassing. I’m like, oh, Jesus.
These ye olde nuggets are so good. Look. It is ye olde nuggets. Look at them. And halfway through it, I’m like, I should have ate because I think my blood sugar is fucked up. Now I’m feeling very light-headed. I’m feeling like, oh, God. I’m feeling very disoriented. I’m like, oh, fuck. Yeah. i’m like, that was your every day i thought i don’t know no i mean this was bad. I’m like, oh, shit. Everything else, now, like, I’m feeling like oh fuck a little nowhere near the car right yeah oh yeah we’re at, like, the fourth level of the kingdom. I’m like, oh, fuck. And, like we had to go back to like the second part to get like some food, you know, like, okay, let me get that right. Where’s the food court at? Yeah. I mean, there was like, on each level there would be like one food truck and like one port-a-potty, you know, and that was, and they’re right next to each other. Yeah. Right. Right. Oh my goodness. And, um, so, you know, I get yield burger and stuff like that. Oh God. How much did that cost? Can I ask?
Um, it was actually, it wasn’t that bad actually. I don’t, I think it was like five or six bucks or something, but it was like a, definitely a pre-made Patty, you know, one of those. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was not a big deal, but it’s a cow Patty. And, uh, so i eat that i go i still feel up i gotta get out of here. My son’s like, let’s get out of here, man. We’re we’ve missed all the shows. You know, we’re not gonna see any dueling or yeah you know you want to get up the hill old man. I know. I mean, it’s taking me like three hours to get around this thing i’m like yeah i don’t feel good i don’t feel good man
We need to put the mud tires on your hover around there. Oh my God. I was like, all right, we’re going to get back to this fricking shuttle and get the fuck out of here. Like we get there and you got to wait. They had to like two of them that kind of rotated, you know, like, okay. All right. And like all of a sudden, like these big fricking like families show up behind us with a bunch of little kids. I’m like, fuck those kids. I’m going to elbow my way out of this cock sucking bus. And if any kid gets in my way, so help me God, I’m going to elbow his head. Oh my God. Right. Nice. That sounds great. Yeah, I know. I was just like, I’m not feeling good. I got to get out of here. I don’t feel good. I don’t feel good. And then like, so the bus is almost there and there’s like a lady that must’ve worked there. She goes, like, it looks me right in the eye. She goes, so what was your favorite part?
i’m like, okay, don’t say it miles. because I’m gonna say, you know, I’m getting on this fucking bus and leaving would be my favorite part of this whole shit show. I’m like, no I’m just gonna and uh so i just like, I really like the ghosts yeah i just i just beeline on this bus. Like, come on, son. Let’s go. Come on. And, like, we sit, like, where the first weirdo was sitting, like, on the way back. The two guys are down at each other. We sit in that seat. I go, it either smells like vomit or dog shit in this seat. I cannot tell. But it stunk. And you didn’t move. No, well, like, a bunch of little kids were getting on and stuff. Like, oh, I’m not sitting in the dog shit seat.
I don’t know if it was someone that puked in there or someone tracked in dog shit. I couldn’t, it smelled so bad. I couldn’t tell the difference. I’m like, man, I was like, Ooh, you sure? Wasn’t the driver. Ooh. Yeah. I, well, I don’t know. I don’t know. We’re doing like 70 down a gravel road. Gotta keep moving. I’m like the James Bond movie. Goodness. Oh, my God. It was horrible. Did you make it? I made it. No, I don’t know. Did you jump the drive or did your son drive you after that? No, I went to a store, man. I got to load up on sweets, man. Oh, my. So you piled it on, huh? Yeah. I’m like, fuck, I don’t feel good. And then guess what happened afterwards? Yeah. I had a whiz. Yeah.
No, I mean, you feel bad the whole weekend then. No, I know. I know. I overdosed. You overdid it. You swayed one way and you swayed the other way. I’m a swayer. What can I say? No, I don’t know. I’m sure it was fine. For my first one, eh, you know. First one, you already planned. Why did you go in the first place? Whose idea was this? It wasn’t really well advertised, I’ll be honest with you. I mean, I saw the average many months ago, and I thought, well, it’s just kind of weird that they would have it now. But I’m like, okay. Ye olde people of England, come join us. And had we not had this total downpour the night before, maybe it would have been more enjoyable. I don’t know. I’m not a Ren Faire guy. Did you really only go for the women with the low-cut shirts? There wasn’t even that.
There’s even that going on, yeah. I thought for sure you’d just be looking for the barmaid, you know, with the long hair tanning out. You know what? I’m getting old. I didn’t even take any pictures. I’m not even committed to this thing to take any pictures at this point. Really? No pictures? Like a younger Miles title would have been like, oh, I got 70 pictures to show you. These are so artful. Look. Nah, it’s like, nah, that’s okay. Look at those. Look at all the breasts at the pavilion. Mm-hmm. And not just on the women. Mm-hmm. I’m looking at a mirror. It’s like, yeah, it’s like a lot of kings here. So you didn’t have a good time. Do you think if you would have not felt bad, you would have had a better time or no? That and just afraid of walking at any part of it.
hitting divots, like there’s this, you know, like these are like fields, you know, like you’re hitting divots and, you know, there’s like really no hay spread out, you know. Down goes frasia and i don’t know how the vendors got the hell out of there because, I mean, it had to be a hell of a mess to get out of there. Holy crap. Tractors and whatnot, you know. Yeah. I mean, it was kind of interesting. It was on different levels, I guess, but i don’t know. Was there a pond anywhere? Yeah, there’s a river, actually. I didn’t realize there was a river right behind it. No, I was okay. I would not go back to it, but it was okay. Did it have a name or no? Shite Fair. Shite. Complete shite.
Oh, how nice. Yeah. Ye olde shite. Ye olde shite fair. Hmm. I didn’t know how to name things there in Iowa.

[su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/11/02/mud-eye/” title=”Scouser Gates” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/11/02/mud-eye/”

Bob gets surrounded by Josh Gates look-alikes at a Josh Gates appearance, while Miles gets served nachos from Harry Potter in the deep suburbs of Chicago.

GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/

Random Show Click Below

Static Radio – Scouser Gates

Bob gets surrounded by Josh Gates look-alikes at a Josh Gates appearance, while Miles gets served nachos from Harry Potter in the deep suburbs of Chicago.

Bad AI Transcript

Let’s turn this up a little bit. Oh, my talk is slow. Welcome to Static. This is Miles. Are you sure? Yes. one of these days you’re gonna get on here and you’re not gonna know who you are. I have this feeling I have the like you’re you’re gonna lose your marbles like all in like a weekend. I believe it yeah you’re gonna come and you’re like, I don’t even know how I got here. Yeah. You’re right. I’m already getting like that. I’m already getting like that shot well between that and, you know, multiple doctor visits. mm-hmm so you know, and you like going to for a colonoscopy like every year and a half or something, you know. I think you’re supposed to have it every year and a half right now 18 like a 18-month rotation no you’re not. Like every 10 years. Oh. Well, who the hell is that guy i’ve been going to that’s right who is that?
He doesn’t even have any equipment. Just give Linda your $50 and come on back. Listen, kid, I don’t have time. I don’t have time. He always wears that gray alien mask. I don’t know what’s going on. Hey, speaking of adventures. Yes, yes. A segue, yes. Speaking of adventures, I had a slight adventure, as much of an adventure as an old white man could have this weekend. Yeah. I flew over to Thailand. No, I went to see. I’m the most falling for it. I’m like, what, really? What? We went to see Josh Gates. Oh, I just saw a blurb on that up in Peoria or something, right? Up in Peoria. That’s right. Cool. Yeah. Peoria. And went and saw the Josh Gates extravaganza. I don’t know what he calls it. Josh Gates, I’m here. Josh Gates, I’m taking a break from traveling. I don’t know what the name of the show was, honestly. Cool. Cool.
Yeah, so we just drove there and back, and I kept going. So my son saw this a while back, and he kind of mentioned it, and then I think he was going to go with some friends, and they’re all like, who’s Josh Gates? Of course. And then he was telling us about that, and my wife was like, well, I’ll go. Yeah. And then I’m like, I guess I’m going, right? Yeah. And they’re like, well, it’s in Peoria. And I go, oh, we got to get a hotel. I can’t. Yeah, right. No, neither one of them. No, no, we don’t need a hotel. No, no. That was over the weekend? Yeah, it was on Saturday. Oh, wow. That’s really cool. So we drove all the way up to Peoria, which is like two and a half hours or something, maybe a little bit.
more depending on who’s driving. And, uh, and drove back all in a day and in between had the dinner and saw josh gates live. You were just in Peoria. I know. That’s the weird thing, right? Isn’t that how things go, right? You just yeah weird like get into these things where it’s like, yeah. Well, first of all, The best part of the night was we got free parking. That’s not too hard. Okay. That’s not too hard. Okay. No, I don’t think it’s too hard. Okay. Well, because we stayed at that hotel and we noticed that none of the parking gates were working and none of the machinery was functioning. So we just parked there. Yeah. Right. Right. And it has a skywalk over to the convention center thing or whatever it’s called. Mm-hmm.
The Peoria, everyone, you know, Peoria Huddle House right there. But the weird thing was, so we drove up and we went to Monocle’s, which, of course, is one of my favorite things, right? Oh, yeah, that little shopping center, yeah. No, Monocle’s, the pizza place. Yeah, it’s a little shopping thing, yeah. Well, we went to the one in Morton. Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know if you’ve been to that one. It is in the shopping center as well, but I had some delicious Monocle’s pizza, which actually you and I had one time, I remember. It’s right by a big thrift store. Yeah, it was. You’re right. Yeah, that’s where we ate, yeah. Oh, well, anyway, it was very good, although I will say not the speediest service. Yeah. Food was really, really good.
But our lady who was supposed to be taking care of us seemed to disappear for long periods of time. I don’t know what was going on. Oh, Mel? Yeah. And then a couple of times I saw her coming out of the kitchen eating. Your food. Maybe she had it. Maybe that’s what took so long. She ate my pizza and then had to go make another one. Wait, did she make eye contact and, like, turn around and, like, run away? Yeah. Like, oh, shit. Like, oh, no, I’m eating a salad. We’re still waiting. Is that my salad? No. In the meantime, there was, like, three other – because this place was busy. I mean, it was really – it was packed, and it was busy. Yeah, yeah. And there was, like, three other waitress people, and they were buzzing around like little bees, giving everybody everything. And then they’re like, you know, what the hell? We got, you know –
sally slow-mo over here eating pizza in the back. Another mess up. Everybody take us live. So, you know and then and then it’s getting to where we’re having to make a decision. You know, we get our food and everything and then we ask for the check right like after she brings the food. We’re like, we’ll take the check yeah and then the check sits there. Because she doesn’t come pick it up. And it’s getting to be time where we need to hustle. Right, right, yeah. And then this whole big, like, you know, damn family comes in and heads back to the rumpus room. Yeah. And guess who follows them? Oh, I’m here to help you tonight. I’m like, oh, we’re never going to get out of here. And so my wife’s like, I’m just taking it to the front. Oh, ballsy.
Yeah. So she just took it up front and we paid up front rather than having her come pick it up. So I’m like, okay, I mean, that’s breaking protocol, but, uh, was she wearing her next generation uh workout no no she was not for this event. Although then we, uh, we, we head over to the free parking spot in the, uh, hotel garage, uh, And, um, there’s like people everywhere. There’s all these people. And I’m like, holy moly, this thing must really be popular oh yeah i’m like this is this is crazy well uh it wasn’t that popular really yeah two they had two things going on. There was a hockey game and the josh gates thing on the same night in different parts of this big building.
And I’m like, it was two of the widest audiences. They all looked like they could go to either one. I’m thinking half the people had like those stupid Indiana Jones hats. Yes, they did. And with vests. And the others had hockey jerseys and baseball caps probably. And so we thought it was like all for this thing. But then the guards are yelling, hockey people stay to the left and keep going. And the rest of you nerdy bastards. All you nerds go in here. I just met all these wannabe people dressed up like Indiana Jones. There was quite a few people with the hat. And so we get in, you know, and it was probably about half full-ish, I would say. Um, certainly the, the main level was half full. That’s where we were at. And then they had like upper levels, which there was nobody up there so yeah and uh and so yeah and yes there were people with the hats and the crazy thing was, it’s like everybody was either in the front or in the back and the middle was just kind of empty. Yeah. I was like, well, that’s,
That’s interesting. I mean, there’s your demographic, right? The people who are so into it, they got to get in the front row. Which is you. No, I was in the back. Or cheap bastards like me who are sitting in the back because those were the cheaper tickets. Which are still like $60 or something. Right, they’re still like $60, exactly. So then the other thing is we get in, you know, and the row we have to go in… I want to put a plea out there to anybody who’s making an auditorium. I know it cuts into your profits, but always, always, always have a center aisle. No. This thing is like side to side, solid chairs. Yeah. There’s only two side aisles. And of course, when you get there and there’s a whole like fucking family right there at the end. Of course. Then we have to climb over.
Ha ha ha ha ha. and so we’re like, okay, here we go. Right. And so we, you know, we’re kind of towards the middle, I guess. And so we’re going down the row and there’s like, I don’t know, there’s had to be like eight of them or something like that. Well, everybody gets up, but this old guy, he doesn’t get up. I’m not getting up for you you dumb he rude the day that he did not get up. Oh, grandpa. So I’m like, You know, these size 12 feet cannot fit down this fucking aisle shuffling sideways without a little bit of space. And I stepped fully, and I mean fully, on both of his fucking feet. Oh, you bastard. This guy had to be like a bad diabetic or something because he didn’t even make a noise. Yeah.
I’m like, sorry, sorry. And I’m like, crunch, crunch. Oh, my God. I mean, you weigh like 400 pounds. That’s better. I felt his toenails crackling. Yeah, he’s probably a tough guy. I was a nom. Yeah, he was tough then. I don’t know. I’m assuming he was like neuropathy is like. severe or something. I was on pork chop hill god damn it. I could take a fat guy walk across my feet. I’ve still got a bullet in my butt cheek. Yeah. We make our way down to our seats and we sit down and amazingly enough, my butt fit in the seat, but my shoulders, along with my rest of my family, my wife and my son We’re like the front line of the Bears or whatever. Right, right. Yeah, I know. I’ve been there. Yes, I know what you’re talking about. We’re like crammed in there. Our shoulders are like all… And so I’m like, we’ll just wait a little. It’s not going to fill up. You know what I mean? We’re a little early, but it’s not going to fill up. We’ll spread out, right? And so then it gets to be…
you know, the screen has a countdown thing and it’s got a whole bunch of stuff going on. But anyway, it gets to be time like a minute till or whatever. Oh, we’ll show time. Hey everybody. And, uh, a guy comes in and he got the hat down a little ways, just not next to me, but just a little seat or so over close enough. And then there’s nobody on the other side of him for a while to the middle. Yeah. And so we’re like, okay, home free. We’re going to spread out here. Right. Yeah. So then, uh, my son’s like, you know, giving me the, Hey, tell him, tell him to scoot down. I’m like, I don’t, I’m like, I’m sorry. So I don’t talk to people.
He’s not joking, people. He’s not even joking. You do it. And so he leans out and he goes, hey, buddy, did you move down? The guy goes, oh, yeah, no problem. So he moves down. At the same time, we all get up to move down to have some room. His weird ass buddy comes in with nachos and is tromping down the aisle. Miles Jr. Yeah. He’s like this. i moved down and i sit and he sits right fucking next to me Oh, no. Here’s the weird thing. He left his seat between him and his buddy and sat next to me. Yeah. oh that poor bastard I can’t move now. And there’s only one. If I move, then I’m back in, you know, shoulder territory. Excuse me. I don’t like people. Could you please move please I cheaped out on these seats and I don’t like people. I was longing while we were waiting for the show to start to go up to the balcony. Yeah. I was like, oh man, we should have got balcony seats. Nobody up there yeah
So anyway, I had to watch the show shoulder to shoulder with this guy slopping down nachos who turns out to be the biggest Josh Gates fan there ever was. As soon as it hits the stage, Josh Gates! Josh Gates! Don’t say that when I’m taking a drink, okay? I just about spit that out. Jesus. He’s like, Josh! He’s waving his arms. Josh! oh my god and i’m like i’m like you know i was jealous at first, but now that i’m hearing this story, I’m like, I’m so glad i didn’t know about this. Now, finally he settles in, you know, and josh does his bit. You know what i mean? It was really just a clip show, but josh gates was hosting the clip show.
From all the different things he’s done, right? He’s a very good speaker. There’s no doubt about it, right? He’s very good at that and obviously very practiced and everything. So the last thing here is it’s supposed to be like a paranormal thing. So he’s talking about scary places he’s been and so forth, like the island of Baal. Oh, yeah. He shows a clip from that and he shows all this kind of stuff. So anyway, to do a setup, though, he’s talking about he was read a story. And he’s like, I don’t think anybody remembers this, but I vividly remember my mother reading me a story about this pair of empty pants that was scaring children. Right? Yeah. And he goes, does anybody know this story? My wife. Yes! Yes! Oh, God.
Now she’s wearing a hat. Yeah, now she’s got a hat on. And he goes, oh, one person. And he acknowledges her craziness. Oh. Because it is a story, and I can’t remember the actual name of the book, but it’s the pale green pants with nobody inside of them. It’s a Dr. Seuss story. And we used to read it to our children when they were little because they loved it. I’ve never heard this. You never heard it? No. He goes… He goes, it’s like this kid’s walking through the, you know, at night and there’s this pale green pants with nobody inside him that’s following him. And it’s scaring him, right? There’s a pair of pale green pants with nobody inside. Anyway, it’s a Dr. Seuss book and we read it to our kids like a lot. And so my wife was just all, you know.
thrilled that you mentioned that and she knew about it. Nobody else did, apparently. I don’t know what’s going on. No one there reads, apparently. Yes, she was certainly the loudest. And then the last thing is we got this show, so I was worried. We should have climbed over in the next row because it was fairly empty, but I was afraid of injuring myself. And the row ahead of that, there was this guy who This is your future and my future. I watched it on Saturday night. There’s this guy who’s like weeble wobbling around down the aisle up there. And he went from one side to the other. Because it’s all one big fucking aisle. They don’t have a middle aisle. One big row of seats. He’s wobbling all the way over. And behind him is his wife carrying his walker. Oh, jeez.
he he did two laps and my son’s like, does he really need this? What’s going on with this walker guy? I’m like, I don’t know, man. I go, Oh, this poor wife is having to lug this freaking walker back and forth in the seats i’m like there goes miles. I want to i think our sheets are over here he’s doing this for the free parking. Yeah. Good thing we got season passes. Josh Gates, my favorite. You look like she’s like, kill me. Somebody kill me. If you can’t walk, why are you a walker? But anyway, Josh Gates did a really good job of hosting this thing. It wasn’t overly scary because it was like there’s little kids and stuff. And so He, uh, but it was interesting and, uh, he did Q and a, which was even more, you know, somewhat more interesting. I think I could have done with a little more Q and a few less clips myself, but, uh, yeah, I did not ask any questions because you really had to like, you know, be down there. You know what I mean? If you want to get in line for a question, did you ever get it on with writer? Yeah, that would be good. Now there was one guy with a question and he goes,
We were laughing afterwards, unfortunately, because there’s these little kids that ask these incredibly quick questions. What’s your favorite cryptid and why? And he answered the question. And then there was this old guy. He’s like, you know Civil War? Oh, Jesus. I like the Civil War. And you know the ghost in the Civil War? Uh-huh. And you had that episode with the ghost that popped up? Uh-huh. It was so awkward. But he was a pro, and he did not take advantage of the old man’s inabilities to tie words together. Words not good make sense. That makes, yeah, a ghost look. let me take off my hat and ask the question that’s right oh god he did make a statement for somebody. He’s a nice hat. So it was. Yeah. God, it had to be annoying. Like Jesus Christ. But anyway, I, you know, I feel bad because it wasn’t a full packed house, but i’m sure he made his money. So. Yeah. You know, it was a lot of money.
I spent $200 watching a clip show, basically. Yeah, basically. It wasn’t quite $200. We got a little bit of a deal. Yeah. It was $180. I’ll have you know. $180 with tax. Yeah. What’s going on with you? So that was my Saturday, and I’m still tired because we drove two and a half hours back. Oh, that’s good. That’s good. You know, I… I was hot shit like you this weekend. You were hot shit. Because I was meeting up with some family in the suburbs of Chicago. But first, I said, I have an autograph signing I can go to in Bloomington, Illinois. Oh, wow. Did you actually go over to Bloomington? You always brag. I don’t know why. You are in love with Bloomington, Illinois. Every episode, you have something tie-in with Bloomington, Illinois. I swear to God. I don’t think so. I don’t want to brag. What happened to Bloomington, Illinois? More than once. More than once with my wife, Lovey. And that’s not really my story. But yeah, I was like, man, I feel like hot shit, man. I’m just like Bob Lament in Bloomington. There you go.
Although I wish I would have had my phone out because this was out in the country, believe it or not. But there was kind of like different industrial things. And one of the side roads said Electric Avenue. I go, oh, I should have taken a picture of that. God damn it. I know. I know. I should have. I should have. And lots of work to be done. I’m like, all right, well, I got to get going. We’re going to meet up for lunch. I got to get going. We’re going to go to a Mexican restaurant that we all enjoy. I’m like, okay, let’s go up there. And I met up with everyone in time. Thank goodness I was a little late. And there was a group of us.
Did you buy lunch for everybody? I did, yes. I was like you. I’m telling you, I was hot shit like you, man. You’re magnanimous. I’m like, how much is that there? Would we all get chips and salsa? I think I can handle that. Yeah, water, please. I’ll have six waters. Water, water, water. Okay. No lemon. No lemon. And, excuse me, the place was not really that full. Cause we were kind of like, it was like late afternoon, but, uh, I’m getting like you and my hearing’s kind of fucked up now a little bit. And it’s like, there’s some dude like the, I thought he was just like the guy who seats you, but he was actually turned out to be the waiter as well. And I really didn’t hear him when we came in, you know, like, Oh yes. Maybe he was speaking Spanish. I’m sure you spoke Spanish while you were there.
Uh, no, I did not actually. So we were seated and this is the part that I know is going to drive you crazy. I talked to the waiter and I know me and you had gone out to eat like two or three weeks ago and you were all upset. Like, oh, you talked to the waitress. You asked her questions. Well, yeah, well you, yeah, it was a little excessive. Let me put it that way. And the fact that you were like, you know, oh, hell. It’s like the poor woman just wanted to get the order and get going. You’re like dragging everything out. I was even more obnoxious. Oh, God. All of a sudden, I can hear the guy. He’s like, hello. I’d like to take your orders, please. He was obviously not speaking Spanish. I’m like, you’re not from here, are you? No, sir. I’m not.
I go, where are you from? Cockney or something? Oh, I’m from London. I’m from Londonium. But I live here now. I live here. I have a fiance. Yeah, basically that was it. I love living here. I go, in this shithole? Are you kidding me? I always have to wonder about people who come from interesting places to less interesting places. Yeah. And then stay. Yeah. I’m always thinking they’re hiding out from, you know, like some kind of criminal organization or something. This would be like being excited, living in like Taylorville, Illinois, you know, Taylorville. I know that’s what I’m raising you, but no, but you know, I may be like, well, I’m from, you know, whatever country you can think of. Yeah. Yeah. I’m like, are you kidding me? He goes, no, no, no. I quite enjoy it. So I go, okay, well, Lennon. Okay, here, come here. I want to talk to you. Come here. Everyone’s like, dad, no, don’t. So then I’m starting to talk like our friend. We have a friend that’s a scouser from Liverpool. So I started talking all scouse to him. Oh, yes, that’s scouse. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Oh, great. Now you’re mimicking other. Okay.
Yeah. So now i’m making fun of like all sorts of people and, you know, and, uh, you didn’t say you’re having a soapy wank. Did you? Oh, I didn’t no damn it. I needed you there damn it so i go wait Oh, you’re, uh, don’t they have a nickname for people to live down there in London? He goes, oh yes uh southern wankers i go isn’t it southern fairies as well. Yes. Yes, that could be, too. Yes, yes. Oh, well, that hit a nerve. It was so polite. No, the guy was so… He actually… I’m looking at him like, God, this guy looks like fucking Harry Potter. The other question I have is, why would you want to come and be a waiter? I don’t know. Why would you leave? Like, he went to college. You could be a waiter in London. I don’t know. I mean, the guy went to freaking college in England, and now he’s a fucking waiter in, like, Shitville? I’m like, what the…
Why? In the deep suburbs of Chicago? Yeah, like the far disgusting suburbs of Chicago. It’s like a foamy area on the lakefront. I don’t know. It’s like I went to Harvard, but now I work at Subway. I love it here at Don Diego’s. Would you like another margarita? I’ll be your waiter, Sancho Panza. Thank you. Sancho Panza. I go, you know what they call cigarettes over there? Everyone’s like, no, Dad, no, no. No, Dad, don’t say that. Death sticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, oh, I took the tube over here this morning. He goes, oh, right, right. Yes, that’s funny, sir. Yes, yes, sir. Yes, so polite. The guy’s so polite. He’s just taking it like a champ. Like, yes, sir. I can’t imagine. I would find, if that was me, if I went, like, you know, abroad somewhere and lived in some terrible country, you know, and worked at, you know, some type of service job, I wouldn’t do the service job. I would just find a job where I was just by myself. Yeah. I mean, I could see if he was, like, from some horrible, you know, place, like,
no one would ever go there, and then, you know, we come here and see how good it was or something. But, like, is london that bad? Like, man, like, F this place. Very expensive. I’d rather be a way to in Shitville. I’m like, all right, well, wish granted, because you’re in it, man. Well, maybe his girlfriend’s some girlfriend. I don’t know. I was, like, hoping he’d whip out a picture like hey hey lennon let me see your girlfriend hey Is that like Hermione or something? There’s got to be some. The guy actually did look like Harry Potter, though. That was the weird part. He had the glasses and the haircut. Well, that’s because that’s what he does on the weekends. I don’t know. He has kids’ parties and he plays Quidditch with them in Harry Potter. Yeah, he’s got some marker. He makes that little lightning thing on his forehead. I don’t know. I just saw that whole thing bizarre. Come on, Gryffindor. We’ve got to rally.
Quidditch. Quidditch. Quidditch. Quit fucking around, Sam. Get over here, you twat. Poor guy. I think he enjoyed me. After having to wait on you, he’s like… There was a portly gentleman wearing a bear’s shirt. There’s a goddamn nutter over there who’s making fun of me. A wanker. I don’t know. I felt bad for the guy. I’m like, man, wow. Looks like he’s wearing a wig. I can’t believe it. I don’t know. This Rip Taylor lookalike over there is making fun of me. I’m wondering if he killed some people or something and ran away and now he’s living incognito over here. I’m trying to make it as a stand-up comedian. Ah, you said you will. Yes. And I mean, this wasn’t, you weren’t like even within like the first ring of suburbs of Chicago, were you? No, I wasn’t. No, this, no, no. This is where the people say they’re in the suburbs of Chicago and everybody else goes, no, you’re not. Right. Yes. This, oh yeah. This, this will be beyond if anyone knows this, I would say just, let’s say beyond Naperville. Okay. Oh my God. This was, this was not Naperville or anything like that. Believe me. It was not in a hot shit area. I mean, it was like a. Carroll stream.
It was Carol stream. That’s what it was. It was goddamn Manuka. Manuka. Manuka. No, but I don’t know. I just, I, I was happy yet sad for him. And I’m like, wow, that’s a beautiful girl, but she tricked me into coming here. And then she left me, you know, every, every once in a while, the world gives you a win and you got one this weekend, my friend.

[su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/10/26/scouser-gates/” title=”Scouser Gates” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/10/26/scouser-gates/”

Miles tells a political pollster that his wife has passed away, while Bob skates through a convenience-store wedding party.

GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/

Random Show Click Below

Static Radio – Judy’s Kitchen

Miles tells a political pollster that his wife has passed away, while Bob skates through a convenience-store wedding party.

Bad AI Transcript

rrrrrrrrrrrrrr You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Hey everyone, this is Miles. Welcome to Static. Thank you. I’m going to get all misty-eyed here. I know. That’s what I was hoping for. Goodness gracious. You don’t hear things like that every day. Well, I just thought, you know, you might need it after you travel so much. The truth comes out eventually, everyone. Yep. The truth comes out. It comes out. How you doing, Miles? You doing okay tonight? How’s your, you know, frailties? You know, had not all my friends left me, you would be further down the list, unfortunately. Lucky for me. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. I’m kind of divorced from all my friends at this point, so yeah. Well, yeah. I’m stuck with you, so. Maybe I should get divorced, because then I can get some alimony at least.
I mean, you’re kind of like my Wilson. You know what I’m saying? Wilson! I mean, you’re just like this stupid head with a stupid face. You have to think. The Wilson thing. That’s Tom Hanks. Just move it to bosom buddies. Exact same expressions at everything. There’s no… His acting, there’s no difference between Tom Hanks in Bosom Buddies and Tom Hanks… Castaway. Absolutely none. Peter! Peter Scolari! Right? Buffy! Buffy and Hildy! Hildy or something. I watched that show. I did watch that show. I don’t care what they say anymore. This is my life. leave me alone yeah there’s no, I don’t know how tom hanks is, everybody’s like, he’s so great because i mean you can, you can play these things together and they would be the exact same. You just have buffy and Wilson. Just swap some word you know, names in there.
Yeah, I was watching Gray Wolf or Gray Lady or whatever the hell it’s called. It’s like the movie, by the way. I go, man, that’s his exact same role as Booth and Buddies. I mean, you put them side by side. That captain fighting the Nazis is just like Hildy. He always plays a character named Kip. He was Captain Kip. Yeah, right. Even in the one where he gets the pirates come and get him. Captain Kip. You know, he mixed in Captain Phillips, Grey Lady. What is that? Is it Grey Lady? Or what is that called? Grey Lady. Grey Lady. No, come on. What is that called? Is that Grey Lady? Grey Lady Town, I think is what it was called. He plays the same character in every movie. It’s weird. I was watching that, and then I watched Bachelor Party. I’m like, oh, my God. It’s insane. It is the same performance. From Decatur, Illinois. Oh, my God.
Yeah. See, Wolf Captain. Same performance. Same guy, so limited. I love it when it came through the, you know, the little airlock area, and he’s holding the door because you guys, oh, what’s going on? Oh, no. There’s a topless woman on the bridge. What? It’s all like more your Barney Fife. I know. Unfortunately, I don’t really have a good time. Do Barney Fife doing that line again. I want to hear that again. Which one? There’s a topless woman on the roof. What? There’s a topless woman on the roof? foster girl. I think they need to recast that whole movie. That great lady. I have to work on my tom hanks impression well son there you go. You see the nazis submarine and the dude. Colin Hanks has more range than tom Hanks, which is interesting. No, I don’t know. Oh yeah. Oh, Chet Hanks.
Anyway. No, Chet Hanks, I will agree with you. Yes, he’s a star. Did you notice Woody is the same as the guy in Philadelphia? Did you notice that at all? I didn’t notice that. I did. Settle down, man. Settle down. Oh, man. He’s like, there’s a snake in my boot. That line was in Philadelphia, the courtroom. Yeah, all right. Trails your snake. All right. We didn’t even get into Polar Express. Damn it. That’s right. All right, we better cut it. Even worse, the Polar Express is the creepiest thing ever. Yeah. Why people like that is beyond me. It’s so freaking creepy. Oh, you just like Eddie Deason. Yeah, well… Although I’ve met Eddie Deason, actually. Have you really? Yes, I did. I had to wait. He was late showing up, believe it or not. Sorry, I’m late. I stuck on the Ferris wheel. Mike, you stupid. Oh, my goodness. Well, I don’t have any stories about celebrities this week, but.
Well, that’s the end of the show. Thank you, everyone, for listening, and good night. I did meet Tom Hanks at a Dickie Bub’s store. No, I didn’t. So I complained about having to work over the weekend before we started recording, and then you, of course, mentioned it and everything. i drive across for my work, I have to, I go all over Missouri. Sometimes I go other places, right? I had to go to texas and you know, I go various places. I’ve had to go to las vegas and california and all this kind of stuff so hollywood redwood that’s right yeah i love l.a um so anyway i had to go to jefferson city in missouri state Capitol. And I took a picture of the state capital out my hotel window and sent it to you. And you’re like, what’s that? There’s a snake in my boot. There’s one in my pants. And so anyway, I had to spend my Saturday in Jefferson City. And so then whenever I got done, I drive Highway 70. Highway 70 is the main highway that bisects from east to west the state of Missouri.
And it is a killer highway. A lot of people die on it. There’s always traffic jams and things backed up for miles and everything. And I’ve had to drive it now for over 30 some years. So anyway, I get done with my thing in Jefferson city and I’ve always been told all these years are like, don’t go down 70, go down this high, like rural highway 50. Especially in the fall. Right. It’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. Was it like a man in like a Nazi uniform that told you that? My friend Belak, he told me. No, no. People have told me this over the years. And I’ve never gone down Highway 50. And so I was there. And I got to leave a little bit early, which is not the norm. And I’m like, it’s only about 10 or 15 minutes longer, it says on the map, you know.
I’ve told all these years, never had a maps option until recently. But anyway, I’m like, I’m going to go down Highway 50 on the way home. And I do. It was beautiful. It’s rolling hills. You go up and down. You and Bellock. Yeah. You and Bellock from Raiders. Go ahead. Blow it back. Go ahead. Go ahead, Bob. Eat onion rings. Blow it back to God. Let’s blow it back to God. To God. And so I’m driving down highway 50. It’s just, it’s beautiful. It’s great. You know, you should, you should drive it. I was, they were all right. And I’ve been ignoring them for, you know, decades. Yeah. And so I’m enjoying myself now, you know, I’m like, wait a minute. I’m going to have to get gas. Yeah.
I didn’t even think of this. I didn’t even think about this. You know, and I’m also, I’m very hyper vigilant about where I stop, you know. I believe this to use the restroom, and I know all the restrooms that I like to stop at on highway 70, which I got a new one. I talked about it a few weeks ago. I don’t know any restrooms on highway 50, and I don’t even know if there’s going to be a gas station. I mean, this is like not a major highway. This is, you know, a county, you know, state highway kind of situation. Luckily though, there was plenty of little towns along the way, you know, but you know, I, I like Casey’s, but they don’t always have the cleanest bathrooms. Agreed. Agreed. So they’re not like, they’re like emergency stop, not high on the list. Right. Um,
And so I passed a few cases, and then I was coming up on the biggest town on this route until I got to, you know, closer to St. Louis, which was called Union, Missouri. All right. Have you ever been to Union, Missouri? Thankfully, no. Oh, it’s a nice little town. I would love to live in Union. What struck me, two things struck me. One was good. One was bad. I was driving by the local college, probably a community college in days gone by that’s now just a college. I don’t know how they changed the names. I have no idea. They had a big sign, like one of those electronic signs, and it said, come tonight to watch Blade Runner with film discussion afterwards.
Ooh, I’m there. I’m like, why did they do cool shit like that whenever I was, you know? I know. I’d stay and watch Blade Runner again. Oh, yes. Anyway, so I thought that was really cool, and I thought, this is the place to stop. Look, they have Blade Runner playing at the college for free, and they’re going to discuss it. And I think you’re a replicant. That’s right. That’s right. I’m sure you’re not human. I’m sure you’re a replicant. Yeah. What do you, how do you react whenever you see a snake? All right. Yeah. I go, it’s in my boot. And then, uh, so then I come up to like the, the, you know, kind of the bigger area of businesses, you know, with all the different McDonald’s and all that kind of stuff. And there’s several gas stations and I, I’m low on gas at this point.
Cause I didn’t fill up ahead of time and I have to take a whiz. And so I pull in, I’m like, I got like mobile, you know, 66 and they have a QT. Yeah. QT is called quick trip here in the area. I don’t know if people have those elsewhere, but QT. And I’m like, I’m choosing the, I’m choosing the QT. Yeah. It looks to be the biggest convenience store amongst the corner gas stations. And I’m going to choose the QT. Because sometimes QTs are hit and miss. So I go ahead and I fill up. And I go into the QT. And this is the greasiest fucking QT I’ve ever been in my life. New York, Missouri, the greasiest QT. I literally felt like I was sliding across the floor. It was like a goddamn ice rink.
It was so greasy. The floor was greasy. The air was greasy. Oh, God. I felt like I was getting enveloped in grease. Bob Lament wouldn’t even screw in here. It’s so dirty and greasy. So I, you know, I slalom over to the bathroom. Slalom. One arm behind your back, the other one you’re kind of back and forth. I’m Eric Heiden or whatever his name is. Yeah, yeah. Olympic skater, speed skater. Right, right, right. And so I slide into the bathroom. Thankfully, the bathroom, although not really totally clean, was at least laid out well. And there was an open urinal, so I was good to go there. And so I… And it had the tile all the way up on the side, so it wasn’t like the little flimsy metal providers. I could slide my legs to either side onto the tile wall, hold my position while I floated in the grease.
So I didn’t put on my shoes or anything because it’s just so fucking slippery in there. And so I took care of business. I go wash my hands and dry them. And I still felt like I was dripping with grease. And then I leave… the bathroom, and I’m like, okay, I’m going to get myself something to drink, you know, maybe a little snack. It’s still at least an hour or so before I, you know, get anywhere I want to be. And I start looking around, and I’m like, I got really confused because everybody in there was wearing really nice clothes. Except you. Well, I was dressed for work. I don’t dress as nice as you do, but… I was in a collared shirt and, you know, dress clothes. You pretty much wear like the same thing every day. I do. I really do. Yes. Which I won’t describe because I don’t want to give you away to some, you know, stalker or something. That’s right. Thank you. I do have… It’s an un-uniform. It’s not a uniform, but it is a uniform. Yeah. And so…
my stylist recommended it to me. Um, so, you know, I’m, I’m, you know, what do they call it when you like go back and forth on one skate? I don’t know what they call it. I was doing that through the aisles and, and all these people are dressed like, like way up. And I’m like, is today’s sun? It’s Saturday, isn’t it? Like everybody just got out of church. Right. And they’re all sliding around this quick trip. I don’t know what they’re getting. I was kind of really confused because I thought… Diarrhea, it sounds like. Hopefully they didn’t get the taquitos. Taquitos. I don’t have a Sunday taquitos. That roller taquito looks really tasty. I love it. In gas stations… If I’m buying something, it’s got to be in a sealed bag. It’s like Halloween or whatever. I don’t want any needles or, you know, any kind of weirdness going on there. And so, yeah, so I’m walking around and there’s all these, I mean, these ladies in these dresses that are touching the floor. And I’m like, this is bizarre. And it’s all greasy. And guys in suits, you know, with jackets and ties. Yeah.
When do you ever see that anymore? I know. And I’m like, it’s either like church got out or there was a wedding or something inside the quick trip while I went to the bathroom. I don’t know. That’s weird. It was like a time warp or something. So I got my snack and I left, but I was like, this is just the most bizarre fucking place. I’m like, why? If these people are local, why the hell are in this greasy ass QT? There’s gotta be something nicer. This belongs to that old Robert Stack show, Mystery, I don’t know, Mystery or something. Yeah, that’s right, Unsolved Mysteries. Yeah, Unsolved Mysteries or whatever it is. Why would a man go into a restroom, hold a grease, brace himself by acting like he’s about to be raped, and then… I was hoping for one of the grab bars, like in the stall, you know what I mean? I needed that to hold still. At the urinal. It’s a madhouse!
It’s a bad house. You know when they get ready to push the bobsled down, they’re holding on. I need one of those. Yeah. Sliding around everywhere. So yeah, I couldn’t believe it. I was like, they’re dressed so nicely in this nasty, nasty QT. I don’t usually see that when I go to a gas station. I know. I mean, it was more than just a person. This was like the whole Everybody walking in the aisles was dressed up. I swear to God, they just performed the ceremony. I went to the bathroom. They go, places? They do the ceremony. I come out, and they’re all just standing there. It’s weird. It’s a masquerade. So, yeah, I left Union in my rearview mirror pretty quickly. I was like, holy moly, I don’t know what’s going on here. That’s got to be some kind of churchy thing or something. Yeah, there was something going on. I don’t know. I’m not in a good mood.
into a cult or something. People wearing hats. It was crazy. Anyone wearing a suit now with a tie? I can’t even… Maybe once or twice a year, maybe I see someone dressed up like that. Everybody come from a funeral and then go in there. Let’s go get snacks. Uncle Bob loved to have taquitos after… Gotta have my taquitos. I want to get diarrhea just like my old dead uncle used to get it. But anyway, I mean, Union looked like a really nice town, but somebody needed to mop that fucking floor. Yeah. Yeah. It hadn’t been mopped in quite some time. Oh, so QT and Union, not recommended. No, I should have chose Parley. I should have chose one of the other two corners, I guess. Yeah. It held up for Loves or something. Well, Loves, yeah. See, Buc-ee’s, I love Buc-ee’s, always clean. There’s a place called Wally’s that’s only in Fenton.
And Pontiac, Illinois and Fenton, Missouri. That’s like Bucky’s. It’s like a Bucky’s ripoff. And Love’s is pretty good. Pontiac, Illinois. What the hell’s in Pontiac, Illinois besides a prison? Wally’s is there. No, why is that there, though? I mean, what’s… It’s off the highway on the way to Chicago. I guess. I don’t know. Isn’t there like a women’s prison there or something? Well, you know, a lot of conjugal visits, I guess. Everybody’s going to get snacks on the way. I don’t know. Or while they’re there, if you know what I mean. Whatever. While a jerky. Oh. So anyway, I want to tell the QTN Union, get a mop, some hot water, maybe some type of… It’s not in the budget, sir. Air freshener or some kind of air scrubber or something. I don’t know what’s going on there.
I walked out of there and felt like I ate a pound of bacon or something. I was like, yeah. What’s happening? Yeah, exactly. I go, ah! Wilson! Ah! So anyway, that’s my advice. And so now I will try to go down that road again at some point and actually find a good bathroom, but not this time. Right. Right. I’ll tell, I’ll, I’ll help everybody to it once I find it. So, right. What’s going on with you, sir? So I was going to go, boy, and I had all these stories and I’m like, man, I was trying to decide and then something else happened tonight. And I’m like, well, wait a minute now. Hold on. Well, I won the lottery and I thought I should probably talk about that. I pulled the tab and there tabs out the bar.
you know i’ve had uh you know in recent weeks i’ve had, you know, certain weirdos come to my door and i do have a door camera now and uh it’s it i think yours is called like a wing or something. It’s not actually a brand name camera. It’s a pinhole camera. Yeah. it takes a long time to develop the, uh, hold on. Wait, I can’t see you. Hold still. Don’t move. Stay there guys. Don’t move. And, uh, I noticed like in the last month or so, about two, three times now, something like, you know, young hippie looking dude, like you, uh, like a young Bob lament, like is like coming to the door and I go, he’s got something in his hand. It looks to be perhaps some political. Oh, I thought you were going to say like a spray paint can and a cock. Yeah. And, uh,
Never come back to Buc-ee’s. This guy always shows up when we’re never home. He waits for you to leave. They’re gone, man. Let me try that door and see if it’s open. He’s the laziest Jehovah’s Witness. I’m going to wait until they leave. He puts his badge on at the last minute. This is like you if you were in organized religion. Jehovah’s Witness. Oh, I would, yeah. I’m going to wait until they’re all gone, and then I’ll go to the door. They’re gone again. I tried. Brother, I tried. I swear. And, you know. All over their goddamn wing doorbell right there. I tried. And, you know, election time is coming up, which is fine. And, you know, please vote for whoever you like. Please do whatever you do.
As you know, we do not do politics on this show. Right, right. It’s none of our business. Don’t listen to us anyway. What do we know? We only do stock tips. Yes, yes. And bar mitzvah tips. And bar mitzvah tips, too. Yeah. And so we all kind of got home at the same time tonight, and we’re taking it easy. And I hear the doorbell like ding, ding. I’m like, what the hell? All I can see is bushy hair out in the door. Like, what the fuck? Is this some girl with some bad freaking hair day? I’m like, is this like one of Bob’s ex-girlfriends at the door? And I come out and I’m like, God damn, it’s that guy. He finally showed up when you were there. Yeah.
It was Eli Wallach. And he goes, who called? Blondie. Blondie. Blondie. Yeah. Mosley Van Cleef. Okay. So anyway, so he’s got, you know, a political thing in his hand. He’s like, hey, how you doing, buddy? I’m like, yeah, I’m doing good. I’m doing good. What’s going on there? You know. He’s like, oh, well, I really wanted to talk to Mrs. Lament and give her this political bullshit. Not lament title. I’m sorry. If my wife’s up there, there’s going to be problems. I’m dreaming that your wife lives with me. I’m sorry. That’s a different story. That’s a different story. Yeah, let’s not talk about that. Yeah, I’m sure she would not be down with that. No, I don’t think so. Yeah, she’d be like, please kill me.
I’m going to kill your dog. Yeah. I was like more like slants of the lambs basically. Yeah. I’m going to kill your dog. And he’s like, I’m sorry. He’s like, yeah, I want to talk to, you know, your wife. Really? Let me talk to the decision maker in this house. It’s not my, well, fuck. I’m not. I know that. So did you give up your wife? Did you say, Oh, wait a minute. No, no. Oh, thank God. I always go, she’s not here. No, no, no, no. I did one better. I go, oh, I’m sorry. She’s dead. You really? You told him? I, hand to God, hand to God, I straight face. I’m like, I’m sorry, my wife’s dead. Yeah, she passed away about a month ago. He’s like, oh, it’s a tragedy. Well, okay, let me mark it off my phone here. They never tell me these things when I go to the door. They should really mark you guys off for not being dead and stuff. All right, well, we’ll see you later. Bye.
He skips away. It’s like Mr. Bill or something. Yeah, I come back in. I tell my wife. We’re all laughing. I thought later, I’m like, shit, you may not be able to vote now because they’re going to punch you down in bed. Sorry. I told my husband that she was dead. I’m like, wait a minute. This isn’t Illinois, for Christ’s sake. You can’t have dead people voting here. For Christ’s sake. You know, the weird part, though, which is… It has nothing to do with this, but a long, long, long time ago in high school, I was in this horrible wreck, and I had to lay up for quite a while. And a couple of friends had come to the door to see me at my house, and my dad told my friends that I had died. I’m like, oh, my God. Yeah, his mother hasn’t got over it, but I seem to be fine. I’m like, oh, my God, I’ve become him. Holy shit.
I’m like, this is his joke. I’m just continuing on. Did he let them walk away? Yes. No, no. He told them. He’s like, Miles, huh? He didn’t make it. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what happens. Tuco got him. Angel Eyes got him. So I don’t know. Now I’m afraid. I’m afraid something bad’s going to happen to my wife. She won’t be able to do something. I’ll be like, hey. She’s going to go vote. It says here you’re deceased. You died on the shitter, we hear. Yeah, just like Elvis. Your husband’s dead. I don’t know what prompted that or what made me say that. It was like the Terminator where he’s got a thing of answers. Hey, was that a dead cat in there? He’s like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Fuck off, asshole. That was me like, do-do-do-do-do-do.
Like, no, we’re not interested. Yes, I’ll go get her. Yeah. Wow. Well, at least she didn’t have to go talk to him. Yeah. So then she’s like, you know, letting everyone know what happened. I’m like, hey, don’t tell everyone you’re dead. You got to keep getting all these calls. Are you dead? I heard your husband tell the political guy you’re dead. I know her employer’s going to send flowers or something now and be like, oh, shit. Yeah, really? Well, we gave her job away. Sorry. All right. She’s been missing. I don’t know where she is. I heard she was dead. The fuzzy-headed political guy said so. Well, I mean, I thought she was dead. That’s as good as a death certificate to me. She was sleeping. Oh, my gosh. What is that?
Are you losing some of your cognitive abilities here? Yeah, I can see where this is headed. I’m like, oh, fuck. I’m going to end up in the home like the old man, not knowing anybody. Well, you never know. Yeah. Could be closer than you think.

[su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/10/19/greasy-pollster/” title=”Greasy Pollster” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/10/19/greasy-pollster/”

In this episode of Mondo Freako, host Bob LeMent is joined by Houston Pierce, creator of the interview-based podcast 1,000 Crazy Questions, to discuss paranormal trivia and the infamous 1995 Salida, Colorado UFO footage. Houston participates in a high-stakes trivia quiz testing his knowledge of the legendary daylight sighting recorded by resident Tim Edwards after being alerted by his six-year-old daughter. Despite missteps on cigar-shaped craft classifications and missing out on final points, Houston defends his choices with sharp wit and skepticism.

Transitioning from the quiz to the actual video, Bob and Houston analyze the grainy, historic footage of the mysterious hovering craft. The conversation broadens into a lively debate touching on secret military anti-gravity technology, defense economics, submarine-shaped naval concepts, and Occam’s razor. Throughout the banter, Houston promotes his ongoing project at thousandcrazyquestions.com and via Instagram, while Bob guides listeners through another deep dive into the weird world of UFO lore and unexplainable aerial phenomena.

1000 Crazy Questions

@1000CrazyQuestions

UFO Witness Game (Click Graphic to Start)

Houston. How can there be Houston in Colorado? I think it’s kind of like there’s a weird in Texas and there’s a Colorado in Alabama. I don’t know. Words are made up. Words are Rico. I got Houston Pierce from 1000 Crazy Questions with me. Hey, Houston. Hey, how’s it going, Bob? Good. I hope you’re doing well. It’s starting to get cold. Not enjoying that too much, although it is 81 degrees still here at the moment. Is it cool where you’re at? It’s just now starting to get cool. But unlike you, I do like it. I mean, it gives me a chance to break out, you know, the winter gear. I don’t know about you, but Most of my wardrobe is like jackets, hoodies, and stuff like that. It goes with my wardrobe, totally. Exactly, yeah. And my wardrobe is naturally built for the cold, so I’m fine. Oh, well, then good. Now, everybody doesn’t know, Houston’s got a show called Thousand Crazy Questions. You can catch it right here, thousandcrazyquestions.com, or…
at on the Insta and other places, thousand crazy questions. Look at that. I can’t believe it. You want to help give people a real quick brief synopsis on what do you really have? How many questions have you asked so far? I mean, what number are you keeping track of the numbers? There’s no way I can keep track. There’s no way. I think if I did have a, I think I have 83 episodes up. i’ve recorded over, I think i’ve recorded about a hundred and i’m passing up 90 really soon in this next season. So if i do the math, uh, with about seven episodes, average times 83 being recorded and fully asked, then eight, seven times 83, I have asked a math. seven times 83 i’ve asked is 581, according to my calculator then i have and i have asked on air, on camera, and at least recorded 583 questions. There you go. Okay, well, hey, you’re making a lot of headway then you you’re halfway more than halfway there. Yeah, more or less. That’s why that’s
What I’ve asked within the collective career of what’s been on there. Actually, I know I’ve asked more than that, but that’s what you can find. That’s what’s documented is what you’re saying. The show is an interview-based podcast where I ask different guests every week a bunch of would-you-rather questions and just different hypothetical scenarios to interview them. And it gets weird. It gets deep. it gets silly and, uh, yeah, just always try to be entertaining on it. But that’s, that’s for sure. I’ve been on, I think at least twice. I can’t remember now, but at least yeah Yeah. And Houston asked me some very naughty questions. One time he’s like, are you okay for these kind of really, uh, terrible? I go, sure. Whatever. Do you remember that
I remember. That might have been the first time I was on. You’re like, yeah, I’m going to ask you these horrible questions. I’m like, oh, okay. Yeah, because I remember I think it was near the end or something. You were like, you, I think you said you lulled me in with the good ones. Right. And then at the end you’re like, these questions are terrible. It was a horrible question, but I answered it. Everybody’s like, I couldn’t stop laughing at that. Like, you lulled me. You’re like, oh, these cutesy questions. And then, boom, a hardcore, you know, nasty question. I tried to warn him. But also, yeah. But also, I don’t know, I was talking to a blue cat. And I remember I had a fever that day, too. So that was definitely a vibe. Right. You’ll have to go back and check and see if it happened. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, like i think i think this cartoon cat can answer this question, I think. He answers anything, goodness gracious. He’s such a weirdo. But everybody check it out, A Thousand Crazy Questions. It’s a lot of fun if you’re you know, want to be on the show, you know, just reach out through Instagram. Oh, yeah. You still have you on. He’ll ask you some terrible, horrible question. Yeah. I’m just joking this is okay Only if you’re able to take it. That’s right. We don’t want anybody crying. There’s no crying on a thousand crazy questions. No, no. Unless it’s funny. And then which case maybe, but I’m kidding. But yeah, reach out to me at one K crazy questions at Gmail. That’s another one. I got to type in here. You don’t have to type. It’s just the email. If you want to reach out directly, otherwise Instagram is just fine to be on the show. If you want to reach out to me, um,
but yeah let’s see if this is that look correct uh yeah yeah that’s it there you go. We’ll throw it up there. So yeah, if you want to reach out, be on the show. But this show is mondo frico and um we’re going to talk about something weird. You always have a choice at the beginning of mondo Frico. We talk about something strange. It’s usually in the world of the paranormal, in the world of the cryptids, or in the world of the UFOs, which is almost kind of like, well, I guess it could be in the water, but it’s kind of like sky, land, and ether, maybe, with paranormal. But we always try to, everybody else, if you want to take the quiz first, or do you want to take the quiz after we talk about what we’re going to talk about? I think…
I think all the times I’ve been on before, I’ve asked for it first because I’m a sociopath who likes challenging myself. Okay. Well, I’m not a true sociopath. I shouldn’t say that. But I do like the challenge of going in completely blind. I’ll do it again. Doing the quiz? Yeah. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz. There you go. Houston’s going to do the quiz. Here we are with the quiz. This is about the Salada. I hope I’m saying that correctly. Video footage from 1995. I know in 1995 you may not have been in existence yet, but it’s something to be, you know, to pay attention to. The Salada video footage in 1995. I’m going to start. We’ve got five questions here. We’re going to see how Houston does.
And if you look here, Houston, it may be hard on your screen, but there’s a little easy button here, right? So it’ll be easy, medium, or hard. First question for you is easy. I always have a hint. Here is your first question. Are you ready, sir? I’m ready. In August 1995, which Salada, Colorado resident famously recorded a widely discussed daylight video of an anomalous flying object? Was it… Tim Edwards, Dale Salata, Arthur Cooper, or George Adamski. And I have a hint if you want to. Okay. So this is called the Salata video footage. And there’s a guy named Dale Salata in the options. Yeah. But something is telling me to not pick number D. I’ll probably go with Dale. I’m probably going to say it’s a guy named Dale. You want to go with Dale? I feel like.
You sure? I feel like Dales are the people who just do this. Nothing to do with it. The king of the hill. Yeah. Great job, our boy. Love you. There is a UFO out there, Hank. Yeah. I have a hint if you want to do the hint. There’s no shame in doing the hint. I will not shame myself by doing the hint. I think this is a Dale. The last name has nothing to do with it. I think this is a Dale thing. Okay. Let’s see. Let’s reveal. Oh, no. It’s Tim Edwards. Hey, Tim Edwards recorded the footage in August 1995 after his six-year-old daughter alerted him. Look, daddy, UFO. There you go. He has a cool last name. Is there really, Dale Salata, or is that fully made up? I think it’s just made up. Okay. Because Salata is like, that means like to exit or something, right? That’s like Spanish for exit. Okay. Like Dale…
Exit. georgia damski is a real person. Uh, I mean, they’re all real people. I’m sure with this names, but, uh, georgia damski is actually somebody, and i can’t remember why, what he is noted for but he’s somebody so got it all right you ready for ready for number two or no, I don’t know if that was easy. I may be cooked. Well, you don’t know anything about the topic. It just got sprung on you. So there you know what i mean? It’s hard. I’m trying. You’re going in blind, you know? So this was a medium question. It may be easier. Who knows? These little buttons, I think they just randomly pepper them in there. I don’t know. What general geometric shape is commonly used to describe the prominent UFO captured in the 1995 Salada video footage? Is it A, a triangle? B, a cigar or tube shaped? C, a perfect sphere? Or D, a flat disc?
i do have a hint if you want it. This is all very a lot of classic ufo shapes there. Yeah. There was a cigar shaped uh asteroid that was going to kill us some years ago oh yeah yeah yeah I don’t know if it was going to kill us, but yeah. All right. I think it was just headed towards us. It did come close. It was one of the closer ones, yes. Yeah, we didn’t find out, I think, until alarmingly later, but we were okay. There’s been a couple of those here of late. Yeah, Moa Moa was the most famous, I think. Yeah. Triangle. Okay, I don’t think it’s A. I think it’s… C is usually what they call. C and D are so basic. That’s typically what it is. B is very intriguing. It’s not. It also can’t be A because the last answer was just A. Ah, he’s playing the odds. He’s going to Vegas. He’s going to play the odds. Oh, boy. Okay. Okay. I have a hint. Okay. I’m going to.
I’m not going to go for that. I’m going to feel more accomplished when I choose the perfect answer of C. And it’s correct because it’s a perfect. The object is famously referred to as a cigar shaped or tubular tubular tubular. Say that three times fast craft. Tubular bells. Tubular UFOs. Man, I should have gone with the cigar. No cigar. Something was telling me and I ignored it. Well, okay. It’s two wrong out of five. You just get 50%. That’s all you need to get. I need these next three to pass the class. That’s right. Unfortunately, this one says hard. You never know. I should have said cigar. So question number three. After gaining national attention for his 1995 video footage, Tim Edwards, boy, you should have heard that earlier, eventually opened a local establishment featuring what specific theme? Was it A, a fossil excavation site, B, a galactic and extraterrestrial decor place, or
C, a museum of optical illusions, or D, an aviation history library. I do have a hint if you’d like to have it. Aviation history? What does it have to do? Tim Edwards, he did the footage, and then he opened something, apparently. I mean, yeah. Because this is hard, I’ll take the hint. I’m taking the hint. All right. The restaurant name nods right back to friendly visitors from space. Oh, man, that’s what I was going to guess. It’s B. B. There you go. That’s what I was going to guess. He opened a restaurant named E.T.’s Landing, which features galactic themed decor. There you go. You got that one right. Yeah. I should have got the cigar. I’m still choking on the cigar because I should have done it. I should have paid. I didn’t listen to my instincts. Always go with your gut. That’s what they always, you know, go with your gut on any of these, even if it says hard, obviously. All right. You got one right. You’re going to try to get these next two right to, you know, get over the 50%. Question number four. Who initially alerted Tim Edwards to the strange anomaly in the sky above Salida or Salida?
In 1995, was it A, his local neighbor, B, his six-year-old daughter, C, a television news reporter, or D, an air traffic controller? I do have a hint. Hopefully you’re paying attention. Oh, boy. I believe it was his daughter. Oh, his daughter. We heard that before, didn’t we? Oh, yeah. His six-year-old daughter first spotted the object and pointed it out. Hey, Daddy, a UFO. Yep. There you go. That’s why it was easy, I guess. Two right. Last one. Number five. Medium one. Following its recording in 1995, what happened to the Salida video footage regarding public exposure? Was it A, immediately classified and locked away by the military forever, or B, it was exclusively shown at a small town bake sale. D, it appeared on numerous news and television programs nationwide. Or D, it was lost in a tape editing accident and never seen again. Have a hint. Huh. It’s not A. I don’t think they would do it to A. I mean, I don’t think so.
Make sales funny. It’s been B the last three times. I don’t know about that one. Do I want to use the hint? You have a hint. You got a hint. This is going to put you over the top if you get it right. This is the make and break one. That’s right. You want to take the hint? I think I’m going to die like a man. I think I can’t use the hint. Okay. If I fail, I think that this was I know all these are such good choices. They kind of are. I don’t think B, though. I mean, sorry, D. That seems a bit weird. Tape editing accident? Who’s editing? It says tape. 95, so, you know. VHS tapes are terrible to edit. They are terrible. I guess you can go over them, record over it, I guess. Easily, yeah. If you don’t punch out that tab…
Nobody cares about that anymore. But yeah, if you don’t put your tab out, you can rerecord easily. You know, his daughter, his six-year-old daughter, daddy, UFO. And then she puts it in, daddy, Elmo. Lost forever. B. You’re going with the bake sale. Yeah. You’re going with the BBB. Make or break for B. Okay, are you ready? Yep. It was C, the video game widespread attention appearing on numerous television and news programs nationwide. Quiz. There’s the scorecard right there. Quiz. I should have studied. Yeah, you should have studied a little bit more. A little bit more. There I am reenacting Tim Edwards. That’s a much better camera than he had. I can tell you that right now. Just in the picture. I know that camera that is a Panasonic digital camera. He did not have anything like that. So anyway, I’m sorry you didn’t win the quiz, Houston. But that’s okay. It’s okay. Would you like to hear more about the Salida camera?
video footage and what it means. Yeah, for the next time i have to take that quiz. I had to retake the class, so yeah. yeah time that i have to do a quiz on this. Yeah. Here we go. The salita video footage refers to a prominent and widely discussed unidentified flying object or ufo sighting captured on august 27 1995 in salita or colorado Local resident Tim Edwards recorded the footage after his young daughter spotted an unusual anomaly in the sky above their home. The resulting video spanning several minutes famously showcased a silent, elongated cigar-shaped crab hovering motionlessly before eventually darting away at an incredible speed. The recording quickly gained widespread national attention, appearing on numerous television news broadcasts, documentaries, and paranormal programs. It became one of the most heavily analyzed pieces of 1990s UFO evidence, dividing opinions between skeptics who suggested atmospheric or optical illusions and believers who viewed it as compelling proof of unexplained aerial phenomena.
Edwards himself dedicated years following the incident to researching ufology, submitting the footage as a classic staple of modern UFO lore. and I think didn’t want to stop. Yeah, so that’s it. Go figure, right? Yeah. Now you’re asking yourself, let me see this footage. And lo and behold. Sounds like they’re shooting off fireworks or something. Look at that, Houston. Can you believe it? Yeah, it looks like a submarine, but in the sky. It looks like it’s spinning. This is really poor VHS-style video. And I hear a plane, though, as well. Is that the UFO making that sound? No, I think that’s a plane going overhead. It’s got to be. I think the UFO is further in the distance. That’s definitely a plane. Yeah. Was this guy just recording the sky when this happened? No, I think, well, it said his daughter alerted him to it, and I guess he grabbed his camcorder and just started recording it. I guess you’re right, yeah. It sounds like a tennis match in the background, sort of. A really loud one, though, you know. That’s true. Somebody’s angry. Apparently he was next-door neighbors to the Williams sisters, and they were beating the crap out of tennis balls. Yeah.
There’s a train. I mean, this is like a cacophony of sounds here. It’s not the best quality, but yeah, it’s definitely off video. It’s definitely like legit background noise. I mean, it goes on here for six minutes. Oh, there he is. He’s looking at it. I kind of want to watch to the end to see where it shoots off if he actually gets that part. look at it it’s just amazing i love all the i love all the chatter it’s amazing yeah he’s in colorado with you like you. Yeah. Colorado people don’t sound like that, do they it’s amazing i mean sometimes there’s actually a lot of texans over here in Colorado. so is it okay it can’t happen because it’s stationary a lot, too.
He’s wiggling the camera, so it seems to be fairly stable, and he’s trying to zoom in and hold the… You know what I mean? Did it disappear? It just kind of disappeared out there. Where’d it go? I think it’s… There it comes back, because… It does look like there’s something, like it’s spinning or there’s something, you know, circling around. Yeah, it looks like it’s not still. It kind of just… I mean, he’s moving around a lot, but still. It looks like he’s moving around too. Keep watching that. I’m going to go see if there’s a stabilized version out here. I think this guy was just recording it like, whoa. Like… He can plant his feet just a little bit more. That’s right. Lean up against something, for Christ’s sake. I mean, I know it’s a six-minute video. Maybe his legs start getting tired or something. Yeah. Well, you have to steady yourself, right? I found something, but you have to join a channel. I’m not doing that. It kind of reminds me of a sub underwater or a fish underwater.
Kind of. You know, it’s interesting you say that. I don’t see, I don’t find, in my real quick search, I don’t find anything like a stabilized version of this in my quick search. Let’s see. Yeah, I’m going to switch over. There’s another version of it here. I don’t know. Can you see that now, Houston? I can see the screen. Okay. David Hopkins is a great video. This is a stabilized version of it. Oh, it’s got something else floating in there, too. It’s extra fishy. Oh, that’s something else. Okay. This is 2010, though. I thought it said 1995. Okay, this is not the same one. Is it? Yeah, 1995. And then… Oh, they’ve changed the playback speeds and everything. That’s what that’s about. This is a history channel, apparently, at some point. So there’s a… Oh, it looks like there’s a couple of other things flying around it or something. Okay. But that’s a stabilized version of it with these other…
Well, you didn’t see that in the other footage, though. It was just too grainy. Yeah. And the background, the background’s a little too light yeah is this thing being really still, or is it just the stabilize following stabilize the video, it says, um, and slowed it down. So, it’s a stabilized scene on the x-axis, and, uh, so there you go. Oh, so it’s stabilized on the X, so it’s moving up and down. It actually is moving. It’s moving a little bit, yeah. Oh, that explains. Okay, that’s cool. Now, but the interesting thing, what you said there, is we’ll just go ahead and let that run, is you said it’s like a submarine. Now, I don’t know that you know this necessarily. Maybe you do. There is a…
not a conspiracy, but rumors that the Navy has spaceships that are anti-gravity that look like submarines that go out into space. I have not heard this. You’ve not heard this? No. Yeah. So they, because if you think about it, right, so they always talk about transmedium craft, right? So they go from space to air to water. And there is a rumor, if you want to say it, call it that way, that the Navy actually has transmedium craft and they look kind of like submarines. Now, where this got started, at least that I know of, was a guy named Gary McKinnon in the UK who was a computer enthusiast. They call him a hacker because he hacked into government sites and found naval records for non-terrestrial officers. Okay. So people who are not on Earth serving in the Navy. How would he know that they’re non-terrestrial? So this is back in the 90s, and he got into…
the servers and he downloaded a bunch of He downloaded a bunch of Excel files and things like that. And it just had a listing of military personnel. And in some of the listings, it would say, you know, like Houston, you know, Colonel or whatever, Captain, whatever. And then in some of them, it would be like, you know, so-and-so, non-terrestrial officer on the… And it was for ships that do not exist on Earth, right? and then they would be assigned to a ship which was listed, but it’s not a ship that’s listed. There’s no other place it is. It’s not out in space. Isn’t that weird? Yeah. It’s weird for several reasons. One, naturally, if it’s true, it’s weird because aliens, but then it’s like, well, why would you bookkeep it to where it could be
Well, that’s the military. I mean, I guess it makes sense. I mean, the reason that we get into documentation, the reason we know that the Nazis were such terrible people during the war is because they documented everything. There’s film footage and written documentation of all of the atrocities that they carried out. So military is document a lot. Yeah. And so, you know, and so, you know, I mean, they didn’t want everybody to have it, but, but this, this video kind of reminds me of, like you said, a submarine, which I turned off my screen sharing. Darn it. Yeah. But my thing is, I guess if there’s anti-gravity, I mean, if we have that technology, why wouldn’t we use it on planes first to kind of make, what’s it called, flight cheaper? Right. Well, that’s the question, right? Because, I mean, there’s a lot of things out in the world they talk about, you know, free energy and anti-gravity and like all these technologies that some people maintain that we have, our governments have, and they suppress it.
Um, but if you, um, you probably see a lot of stuff. I’m trying to remember the guy’s name. He’s a Chinese, um, professor in Canada. Uh, anyway, he talks about the oil-based economy. And so we’re in an oil-based economy and that kind of drives the whole economy, right? So the, the consumption, the, the finding, you know, extracting and constructing and consumption of oil is what drives the economy. And so if you take that out of the economy, then the economy that we have currently would collapse, right? Because if you could make it so you could, you know, travel anywhere, you know, quickly, and it costs nothing, you know, what would that do to everybody? Yeah, I mean, yeah, it would still… They would still need a squeeze on it. I mean, depending on how gravity, like depending on how anti-gravity would work, like hypothetically, if that’s, if that is possible, they wouldn’t need like, then they would just charge whatever millennium hyperthinium thing they made up or that exists to, to, you know, to get it. Just like anything though, they could only keep it under wraps for so long because you think about it.
I think Mercedes-Benz, right? Carl Benz made the first production car. And so you would think every car then from then on would be a Mercedes-Benz or Benz because he didn’t have a Mercedes part yet. But that’s not the way it works. Once the cat’s out of the bag, everybody gets their hands on it, right? They steal constantly. I mean, the only way these things have dominance is because Because, you know, the fix is in and that’s why we have, you know, copyrights and all this other kind of stuff. But so we have these systems. Right. And so, you know, and then if you’re first out of the gate and you make a bazillion dollars like Facebook, the reason they’re still in the race is because they made so much money so quickly. But now the race includes all these other things. Right. So, yeah.
But yeah, with these guys. And eventually, you know, MySpace, MySpace was everything for social media. Friendster, MySpace, where are they at? Nowhere. Yeah. Same thing happened. Yeah, but the thing with these guys, I mean, if it is, you know, if anti-gravity is the thing, like, I could only see money signs with opening it up to airlines. You know, I could only see… you gain more money from that. Like, you know, with Facebook, it’s still around. Like, if you’re the first company, you know, Machete’s been still around. If you just release and put a squeeze, this sounds evil, but if you just release and put a squeeze on whatever material you’re using to levitate your vehicles, you can still maintain billions of dollars by being the first, you know, faster company
We don’t use oil. Now everyone’s very environmentally conscious. You can brag about that. You can go, hey, we’re getting you faster. We’re getting you there with this or whatever else. And you can sell to other airlines how you’re doing it as well as control the resource. Maybe it works, but maybe for humans, maybe it messes you up in your DNA or something. If that’s the case and these naval officers couldn’t do it, it wouldn’t be a human thing. It wouldn’t be the first time that the military put people in harm’s way just to get something done. That’s been proven again and again and again. I guess it would be back in the 90s. people that I was acquainted with, you know, who fought, right, in the Gulf War. And I don’t know if you know, but in the Gulf War, they would truck in gasoline, empty it out, and then truck back water. And so then these guys were showering in water that was laced with the remnants of gasoline because they didn’t change tankers. Right.
Because they were in the desert, you know. And they got sick and they got sick because of it. I mean, it wasn’t like it was pure gasoline. They drained all the gasoline and then they filled the thing up with water to take it to another place. And it’s obviously there’s residue of gasoline and you can’t bathe in even the residue of gasoline without having complications. Yeah. And yeah, it was a big controversy. Some people got paid off and so forth. People died, military people. Yeah. That’s terrible. I know it’s terrible. That’s just a recent thing. Yeah, that’s absolutely terrible. I mean, I don’t trust a government worth a piece of crap, really. I’m just saying, if I have a theory, this isn’t even my theory, but everything, every motivation on earth…
every human motivation on earth, I like in the in a in a negative sense, can be traced back to money. Yeah. And like, I think, yeah, I mean, there oops, my light, whatever. There are some people that do things that kind of think it is like there are some people that do things that the kinds of their heart. But that’s rare. That’s few and far between. I think as a society, like if you just take a global view, it all comes down to money like so. like it like everything i think everything. Like, governments you’re doing this thing. Companies doing this thing. Um, environmental, being aware of it because for money pressure. We stopped using whale oil because we got real oil later.
Like we got better at drilling, I was money motivated. Even things like racism could be traced back to money because it was going to be made the slave trade. The Tulsa, you know about the, I think it was Tulsa, right? The Tulsa, what’d they call that? Anyway, in Oklahoma, there was a whole community that was African-American community. It was doing really, really well. And people went in and broke that all up. I’m trying to remember that it’s like the Tulsa riots or something like that. But that was in like the thirties, I think. It sounds kind of familiar. Yeah. There was a, they did a movie on it. I don’t, I can’t think of all the particulars off the top of my head here, but because you had a community, right. That was at the time, you know, a minority community who was doing incredibly economically great, right.
And yeah. And then they went in and I mean, they were shooting people in the streets. Yeah. But this sounds vaguely familiar and not too shocking, unfortunately. But yeah. Yeah. Just money. Modern day. Money driven. Right. Because they were successful. Yeah. With this. So like to bring it back to this cigar. Yeah. I think like if unless there’s money to be made off of it, I don’t know. why they would hide it? Because I think if they had these vehicles, they’d be making money off of it. So I don’t think they have it, is what I’m saying. Oh, you don’t think? Well, I don’t know. That’s a good question. I think it would make money. I think there’s no reason not to hide it if it’s going to make money. But the funny thing is, though, the government doesn’t care about it. So the government makes money by just printing money. They don’t have to actually make money in the business sense.
if they want more money, they either take it away from you and I, or they had the federal reserve crank up the printing presses and they print more money. And then they have to fluctuate that because the economy is kind of this fragile entity. Um, but you know, there is the reason that we are trillions of dollars in debt is because they just pay, play fast and loose with the money. And, um, So, yeah. And they don’t have any concern about it. Right. If they want to do something, they’ll just do it. I mean, I’m not. Oh, go ahead. No, I’m not an economist, but I think I’m pretty sure the government does care about it in the sense that they still like we’re trillions of debt. But our money comes from exports to other countries and goods and services coming in and out. This thing is real. And we had actual anti-gravity programs.
the capability will be such a big thing to Lord over China and other countries and be like, we have this. It’s like, this would be worth billions. That’s another question that I always, whenever. So who’s our, who is our enemy? That’s the question. We launch rockets with Russia. Are they our enemy? We launch rockets into space with Russia from Kazakhstan, right? We co-op. covid came from china because we were cooperating with china in a lab in um uh wuhan collaborating so think about it. We don’t have an enemy. There’s no enemies. It’s all like Well, right now, I’d say we have some enemies well iran perhaps but uh but i mean those the big ones right russia and and china aren’t really enemies because even though, russia is at war with the ukraine and we’re giving the ukraine weapons, we still cooperate with them to get things into space. Well, sure. Yeah. On the, on the scientific front, you know we’re not we’re not we’re not open we’re not an open war currently, at least thank god with either of those countries. But like, uh,
I think there’s definitely money to be made with trade and all that tariff nonsense that’s going on. The reason I don’t think this is real, not because of aliens, not because of technology, but because there’s no money to be made for keeping it a secret. If this was a secret, there’s no money being made off of keeping this quiet. I think this is better said out loud with, hey, we have this amazing technology. Come buy it from us. Or even if it’s a secret technology, it’s like we’re still going to put it in our aircrafts here or in our hot dogs or our balloons or something. I don’t know what good a flying hot dog is, but I’m saying there’s a market. It doesn’t matter if it’s the government that owns the rights. Right.
private organization. There’s going to be some money in this. This doesn’t follow the rule of almighty dollar to me. And that’s why i don’t think that’s why i don’t think this is legit that’s this is houston pierce money talk. Yeah, no, I, I, there is, that definitely is a solid argument. My, uh, uh, my argument is yes i i would agree with you. I always say like, whenever we, talk about paranormal things and even UFO things. I mean, the question would be, I don’t have any background, but did Tim Edwards profit off of this? And always with the ghost things, I’m like, who made money off of it? If anybody made money off of it, chances are it probably didn’t happen the way you think it did because it’s just such a driving factor. So, yeah. But then when it comes to the government, though…
They make money. Yeah, but money is not… Their business. Money is not always the main goal for governments. I’d pick a differ. I’d pick a differ, sir. I’d say that’s all they care about. This is getting into conspiracy, but the whole COVID thing. I mean, obviously, COVID is real. I mean, I think most people know that. if i don’t think it’s a hot take to say covet is real. but But the way it was, like, handled with everyone, like, with the pharmaceutical companies making a lot of money and everyone stay home in this way and some people didn’t people did. And, you know, like, there definitely was a risk risk to being out and around, but like how everything went up in price and all these big companies that that had fed the government and whatever else made all this money. You can’t help but look at it like, well, the government does care about money because they got money from that whole thing. Right. True. Like they’re tied. Like the government makes makes money and like like it doesn’t just care about power. It cares about money because money is
power so yeah yeah i don’t i don’t trust the government. Let me say it again for posterity. I don’t trust. I don’t trust that government. I don’t trust. Individual people, sure, you kind of can trust. People at large, no, I don’t even think i trust that yeah i can yes no well but what do you think about the footage? Do you think it’s do you think he really captured something or do you think it, so the, the big, the big, uh, um, uh, well, a lot of people say is it’s a weather anomaly. Uh, like if you’ve ever seen circular clouds like that, like the, the, um, what do they call them? Um, I’m blanking on the name, but it’s like a thin cloud that, that forms a circle. And, um, uh, they had one, another famous UFO was the, uh,
one of the Chicago O’Hare Airport back in the 2000s, like 2001, where they saw, some people said they saw a UFO and then it punched a hole in the clouds, lenticular clouds. That’s what I was trying to think of. This is like lenticular cloud. And so that’s what people say it is, is lenticular cloud. What’s your thought? Do you think it could have been that? I mean, we’re looking at it right here. I just froze on it. I have to look. I’m looking it up now. Oh, those are pretty. Those are cool. Yeah. lenticular clouds. Yeah. Yeah, this looks nothing like I’m taking your class. That’s what people say, though. They say, Oh, it’s lenticular cloud. You can see you can see like here, I’ll bring one up and we’ll there you go. Yeah, so it looks, you know, obviously, what we were looking at on the footage there. There was not the find it here.
was not the same shape and everything as the lenticular cloud here. But, you know, people are like, oh, yeah, these are nice pictures. That was a grainy VHS footage. I mean, clouds. Obviously, Tim Edwards is not a professional camera person. Yeah. Even the smallest. This one definitely looks like a big craft in the sky here. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. Yeah. So which side are you on, you think? Are you on UFO side? Here we are. Or are you on some type of cloud formation and or other atmospheric anomaly? It definitely was not lenticular. Lenticular. Jeez, that is a word. Cloud. I mean, even… Even some of the photos I’m looking at here look pretty close to that thing, and they’re very pretty, they’re very nice, but clouds don’t move like that. They don’t spin. I don’t know who’s buying that one, because clouds don’t do that. Even if it looks the part, but it doesn’t move like that. I mean, I guess you can blame it on the film, but… Right, it could just be the VHS…
mechanism or something. But then again, they went and stabilized it on the x-axis and you could see the thing moving on the y. That’s true. It’s definitely moving. Clouds don’t move like that. They don’t move up and down like that. Unless it’s a tornado. But yeah, that wasn’t tornado. It’s a whole different thing. Yeah. I think if I’m being very practical, I would say this is like some really far off weird balloon that someone lost for a submarine party. And like, they’re going to, Hey Jack, congratulations on your 17th year of the Navy. Here’s your retirement. Submarine balloon, big old submarine shaped balloon. And again, Yeah, maybe. I don’t know if I believe that. Or a faraway blimp. I think these are better explanations. How many blimps have you ever seen in your life? I’ve seen one. I’ve seen one. Yeah. It flew over my house. So there you go. Oh, whoa. It was a Goodyear blimp. It flew right over my house. Cool. I’ve seen the Goodyear blimp when I was in L.A. at the time. And I was like, oh, that’s it? That’s the blimp? Cool. Yeah. And I guess I’ve seen little blimps in, like, my…
It used to be called the Pepsi Center. Now it’s called Ball Arena. But they have these little blimps. They’ll drop t-shirts in the basketball arena and the hockey arena. Yeah, those count, right? Yeah, sure. This one, though, if you think about how much he’s zooming and everything, this had to be at least the Goodyear blimp. A big, huge blimp. It couldn’t have been a little one. It had to be something that was very large, I would think. Yeah. Well, I for one, but I always say this. Anything is possible. I think he may have captured something. And this is pretty good. The problem is, well, I mean, this is 95, so it’s been a long time. No one’s come forward. But I lost my submarine balloon. So, I mean…
I mean, the potential is there. The potential is there. I’ll say this is as close as anything that I’ve seen and read about that could be real. I think, I mean, my final thoughts on this is like, Occam’s razor? The simplest answer is usually the correct one. It’s probably real. There you go. It’s like, this, the simplest thing is like, yeah, it’s real. And the guy had crappy video of it and it’s gone. It’s gone. And that’s the end of it. Yeah. Right. You should have chased, you should have chased after it or, you know, something, but I don’t, what are you going to do? He’s got a six year old kid. He’s got to take care of. Yeah. What can he give it to the media? They put it on TV. What else can you do? Exactly. What else can you do?
Goodness gracious. Well, Houston, thank you for being my guest tonight. Thank you for talking about the Salida, Colorado video footage of a UFO. Everyone, please go check out 1000 Crazy Questions. He may talk about a UFO. He may ask you about that. Who knows? On Instagram. And then, of course, you can send him a note or you can go to the website, 1000crazyquestions.com. Houston, Thank you very much for being here and everybody take care. Keep your eye on the skies as they say.

Bob and Miles meet for dinner at TikTok influencer Judy’s Kitchen in Galesburg, IL, for an impromptu gathering.

GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/

Random Show Click Below

Static Radio – Judy’s Kitchen

Bob and Miles meet for dinner at TikTok influencer Judy’s Kitchen in Galesburg, IL, for an impromptu gathering.

Bad AI Transcript

You can play with Bob’s balls if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. Hey, everyone, this is Miles with Static Radio. Probably would leave your friends behind if that was the case. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Another week. Another week. A week in the life. Here we are. Here we go. Here we go. Another week. Yeah. Miles and I had dinner together. Yes. Not even a week ago now. Bacon shake. No. No, we had Judy’s Kitchen or whatever, wasn’t it? Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy. Believe it or not, we actually saw each other, uh, in our human form in Galesburg. Bob was like, I didn’t know you’d like pina coladas. So, yeah, so that’s been weird. So I was in Peoria tagging along on a junket. Yeah. With my wife. And I’m like, hey, you know. Yeah.
Well, my wife wanted to go to Judy’s Kitchen. Right. If you don’t know who Judy’s Kitchen is, you’re not from around these parts because she’s like a famous TikToker. Influencer. Influencer, yeah. And she’s like, we’re close enough. It’s only like 40 minutes away. I’m like, okay. I’m like, wait a minute. Miles lives about the same distance on the other side of Galesburg. And so I said, would it be okay if we met Miles at Judy’s? And my wife said, fuck no. Oh. Oh, no, she didn’t say that. She said, if you must. Oh, yeah. Which is worse? Which reaction is worse to you? Oh, fuck. I don’t know. That would be nice. It would be nice if you boys got together. Well, that’s nice. I’m glad.
Yeah. So anyway, I said you know, I, I sent you a note and we’re like yeah we’re gonna do this. We had, we were a little bit late because, uh, you know, festivities and whatnot yeah so you know, you and i met up, uh, yeah. Right. Right. Which I will say was actually not, you know, I was hoping for more the dinner part. Okay. I was hoping it would be better. It was just kind of there, you know what I mean? How was yours, by the way? Delicious. Really? I had the Kung Pao. You had Kung Pao. Mm-hmm. I had General Tso’s. Mm-hmm. I can’t remember what my wife got. I don’t know. Your son had orange chicken because I was sitting across from him. Mm-hmm.
I don’t even remember what my wife had. Now I’m thinking about it. I should probably remember that above all. She had some crab Rangoon. Oh yeah. I had the crab Rangoons. Yeah. Yeah. And your son got a free glass. Did he? Well, I don’t think he stole it, but I told him he should. Nah, he doesn’t. He’s better than me. He wouldn’t do that. I would do it. Yeah, you were like, hey, I got these sweatpants on, son. They’ll fit right here in the old crotch. No, I got in trouble once because I did steal a knife from Sizzler once. I got kind of yelled at for doing that. Those Sizzler knives, they were collector’s items. They’re like red plastic handled. Like a freaking clown knife or something. So yeah, we met for dinner, which is an unusual occurrence. Yeah.
I know, and I almost pretended like I was going to honk your wife’s nose when she walked by. Uh-oh. Yeah, that wouldn’t have went over. She’s not in the nose play. Yeah, I don’t think that would have went over very well. I didn’t touch her, but I imagined I did. Well, I think you could probably say that about a lot of people. She’s got such a little teeny tiny nose, though. What? Okay. She’s got a small nose. Really? Well, compared to you. Well, no, my whole family’s got like these big polack noses. But she doesn’t, you know i mean well yeah i don’t know, I’m just saying i’ll tell you about that, but anyhow. No, I’m just saying. I’m getting a little weirded out by this nose talk. I have this weird feeling that you’re combing, you know
weird tiktok instagram pages about noses or something. I don’t know what’s going on it’s all kinds of weird things going on. I’m grooming her for her nose. Yeah, I don’t know what, you know. Is there a nose fetish? I don’t know. No, I’m just saying she has a proportional nose she’s oh that’s very nice. I’ve got like this carol malden nose like everyone in my family, and i’m jealous i’m like wow i was cursed like one of those uh one of those elephant seals. Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha. It’s like flapping around. You’re like… You lean your head back. You’re trying to… Every time you try to drink, you just get a glass full in your nose. No, these credits are no good. That’s me. Yeah. That’s me. Yeah.
So, yeah, I’m sorry. I quite a lot. Oh, but yeah. But no, we had dinner. It was it was nice. I was nice. I will say. Yeah. Out of the four of us at the table, you were the weirdo. I know what you’re going to say. I know what you’re going to say. Because my son and I had this conversation on the way home. Oh, did you? Yes. I’m like, maybe I should do this more often. He makes me look normal. Yeah. With his actions. He’s like such a weirdo at dinner. He’s so weird. I’m like, have you ever leave the house? I mean, you go out more than I do. Yeah. You got like your eyes are wiggling and your hands are doing things and making weird gestures. And you’re like making these noises. And it’s like, I’m like, what is wrong? I’m like David Byrne and stop making sense. I’m doing a little thing where I’m chopping my arm. You know, you might ask yourself. And then.
You’re like, you know, I don’t know if this was like some kind of weird flirting you were doing with the waitress. I don’t know. But I mean, obviously she wasn’t taking it that way. She was taking it that you possibly had some kind of brain problems. It’s asking you questions because your wife was not feeling well. She didn’t make it in. You got her some egg rolls. It took you like 15 fucking minutes to say, can I order egg rolls to go? I was, you know, just trying to be dramatic pausing. It was like Shatner times 10. It was a sous serre. It was a sous serre. It was a dramatic pause. I would like to have an order of what you might call… Fucking epileptic Hugh Grant over here. I…
i would like even your son was like, what the hell with you old man yeah well i remember egg rolls and you’re driving oh my lord i thought i was all right yeah and i was just like, ah, it’s just like, you know, you’re like i just didn’t want the waitress to leave, you know, like, Vera, don’t know oh no! I just shined up my shoes. Oh, no. Yeah. Thankfully, you know, she, but she thought you were weird too. I could tell, I could tell with her demeanor. Oh, I think she thought, no, I don’t know. I don’t know. Yeah. I’m pretty sure. No, I think she’s used to it. She kept stepping back away from me. Yeah. She’d scoot back every time you moved your hand.
Like it was going to reach out and grab her or something. She was pulling away from my gravitational pull. She’s like, oh, fuck. Gravity. What the fuck? Get away. Yeah. What’s in this Kung Pao? Holy shit. It’s like a black hole over here. I’m just reading your shirt. Yeah. You’re so weird. I’m like, he’s really weird. When we left, I’m like, God, Miles is really weird. That’s normal, isn’t it? I go, no, he’s weirder than usual. She’s like, really? I go, yes. If that fucker talks about your nose, I’m going to punch him out. She has a very nice nose. She has a nice nose. But no, yeah, you were all, you know, I don’t know. You have not hit on what my son and I were talking about, though. Well, did you touch yourself a bunch? I don’t know. I was at the table. Okay. Did you fart? I don’t know. No. Are those your main points, first of all?
Well, your eyes were very shifty. You kept looking around. You made weird hand gestures. You couldn’t think with any kind of clarity. I’m like, is he choking out? What did your son say? No, no, I brought this up to him. You ate like a pig. You’re like, rah, rah. And I was like, hmm. No. So we all ordered different things, as you touched upon. And everyone. We shared, honestly. We had so much food. Yeah. And you guys all got rice, right? Right. Oh, the noodles. Oh, you and the fucking noodles. And I ordered little Maine. They have a name. It’s called little Maine. It’s not called Chinese spaghetti, by the way, which you kept saying, which I thought was a little racist. I’m like, all right. Well, for the sake of show, he didn’t wink. And, uh, I see you’re even winking. Now you’re winking there. You’re winking. Now I have, I have some eating issues. I have to eat slower than everyone else.
Okay. And, uh, did your mom told you or something? I don’t know. No, it’s just, it is a problem I have, which is not a big deal, but I don’t, you know, it’s not a big deal. And so can you explain this? Why slower? And the new, I have a swallowing problem. I do. No, I don’t laugh. If you want, I have a swallowing, right? Slower. Exactly why you should never go to prison. I used to be the fastest eater at the table, and now I’ve gone to by far the slowest. So these guys get their rice in a separate bowl, and my noodles come in a separate bowl, right? Right. They’re in a bowl. They’re in a bowl. Okay. I don’t know. I should have just thrown that in with my
my main course. I should have just mixed it all together because like I’d eaten most of my main course, but I really hadn’t had the noodles. So I thought, well, maybe I’ll just start scooching noodles over from the plate that came on into the main plate. Right. And so I’m trying to eat, I’m trying to do this. And literally I look up and two mentally ill people are watching me eat this. Who’s that? Me? Yeah. Yeah, you and your wife. I mean, they’re judging me. Why are we mentally ill? You’re judging me. You’re both staring at me like I just exposed myself or something. You’re both like this crazy look on your faces. You guys were looking at me like weirdos. Is he going to do it? Is he going to eat it?
At that point, you’ve done so many weird things at that point. I was trying to eat and both of you were staring at me eating. I don’t recall that. Yes, you both were doing it. I’m like, are these people okay? Do they do this to everyone they eat with? Jesus Christ. What is wrong with these people? Are you sure I wasn’t just talking to you? No, I was trying to eat. I look up and literally both of you are just like, Not only looking at me, but judging me. Like, is he ever going to be done? I wasn’t judging you. I couldn’t tell. Like, if you guys were like, okay, can you hurry up? Because we have to get back. Or was it like, oh, my God, he’s like a pig. I wasn’t sure. I just was like, he’s the only one who got noodles. And it was like a Chinese restaurant. I like lo mein. I’m sorry. I eat lo mein. I’m like, and then he didn’t eat it. I mean…
Because I have a problem. Certain things I can’t eat anymore. Well, the whole Lady and the Tramp thing by yourself didn’t work. Yeah. I said to my son on the way home, I go, did you see these mental patients across from us passing judgment on me? I think that was in your head. He’s like, I don’t know. I didn’t really notice it, I guess. Oh, see, there you go. They were. They were looking at me weird. Weird. you probably weren’t done yet. And we were sitting there, you know, the next time we eat together, I swear to God, I’m just going to sit there and watch you stare and be like, just like, you’re going to watch me stare. No, I’m going to, I’m going to start your food. I’m going to start your salad. Okay. Well, I’ll just make sure we don’t eat anymore. I’m just going to like completely. I rape you the whole time. You’re like, we’re never going to have dinner again. That’s it. No, I’m just going to ask.
I’m just going to ask, could you please look over there to the corner or something so I could eat? I was probably talking to you or something. No, no, no, no. There was no talking. It was quiet. I was probably like, well, you know, what are you doing? And you’re like, I was trying to eat spaghetti, the AI or something. I was trying to eat my food and judgment was being passed over me. I could tell. I know these two must have talked about it on the way home. I know it. I know they did. No, we didn’t. I didn’t talk about it. I talked about how weird you were, but that’s other than that. Oh, I did one weird thing. God. No, you were just all weird. It was all like, hmm. Making noises and you’re like, well, young waitress lady, we’d like to place it to go.
At some point before we leave here. Yeah, what’s weird with that? And she says, oh, do you want to do it now or later? And she goes, well, wait a minute, let’s just do it later. I said, yeah, okay. Okay, later. Then she walks away and you kind of do the woo-woo-woo-woo. Oh, yeah. I’m making a circle with my index finger and thumb, and then with my other index finger, I’m inserting it into the circle, going woo-woo. No, when was I saying woo-woo-woo to the waitress? With your eyes. You did it with your eyes. Oh, okay. I knew because I was staring at you. I could tell. Oh, there it is. There it is right there. There it is. There it is. I don’t think that…
I typically don’t look at anybody, to be honest with you. I make eye contact when I talk to people. I don’t look away like you. I don’t. That’s why this works out so well. I don’t even have to see you. It’s fantastic. I’m a people person. I like to talk to people. Well, apparently you make eye contact while you’re eating spaghetti as well, which is also weird. I happened to look up, and I literally saw you and your wife staring at me. I think we probably couldn’t believe it. I don’t know. You couldn’t believe what? I had the same portion of food as you guys did. Oh, my God. That plate of spaghetti was huge. No, come on. You guys had a big, deep dish of white rice, which is probably not the best choice for you, but whatever. I felt a little weird after the whole thing was over. I felt really weird. Because you were. You were acting weird.
I did one weird thing, okay? One weird thing. Oh, I talked to the waitress, which is weird. I’m sorry. And you spoke Spanish again. I love speaking Spanish. I love it. But you don’t speak Spanish. You’re not very good at it. You don’t even speak Spanish. Well, I understand Spanish, at least what you’re saying. Oh, come on. You couldn’t speak Spanish. You don’t understand. I don’t speak Spanish. I don’t try to speak Spanish. Then you’re jealous. I was going to speak Mandarin, but I knew that would really get under your skin. Well, just curse words. That’s all. Which means a little. Thank you. You’re like, yeah, but you always say it like with, I don’t know. It’s like some kind of weird, you get put on some kind of weird, like, I don’t know. It’s got a bit of a creepy attitude whenever you’re talking to the waitress. You know what I mean? It’s like, I can’t help. You know, I get, I, I,
Where’d you go to school? In my head, I think I’m Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack. I get into something and all of a sudden I’m on. I’m just on. I was thinking more like… The Epstein guy, perhaps. Jeffrey Epstein. I was talking more of the guy from the beginning of Sling Blade. I was talking about arm hair. JT Walsh. I got a lot of water. No, I don’t know. I felt like I was being judged. I felt like I was being judged. I judge you all the time. It doesn’t matter. Yeah. The thing was, I wasn’t even judging you. I probably was just like, wow, he’s going to eat that spaghetti. Hmm. I guess. After all the crab rangoons that he had and all of the… You know who didn’t have any? Me, because I hate crab rangoon. I didn’t have any either. Well, don’t judge me. Don’t judge me. Yeah, I guess my wife and your son had them all. Yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t have none. Yeah, I don’t like them either. Gross. Like a bag full of sour cream. I don’t like sour cream either. So don’t talk to the waitress. Don’t look at the waitress.
Yeah, it’s probably best if you just, uh, like, sit there and like we tell your have you write down your order or point at it or something. Get your order succinctly. Uh, uh, you know, whatever. I don’t know. Eat quickly. Yeah. Make sure you order what they would order. You can order whatever you want. I don’t know. It felt really weird. We had a whole conversation about was it General Tso’s, General Toe’s, General Chow’s. Oh, you two would not shut up with this. I’m like, oh, my God, if they keep talking about this. Had a little pepper thing. I’m like, oh, I hope it’s kind of hot. It wasn’t that hot. It wasn’t hot at all, really. No, I had a little baby. I know. Is there any little stuff spicy? Yeah, I was hoping it was.
Oh, my God. Between that and how to pronounce the name, I was like, please, God, let him get diarrhea or something when he gets home. Did you have diarrhea? No, it was great. Oh, good. Probably because of all that spaghetti. I had my leftovers in the little baby box the girl gave me. She was freaked out. She’s like, you know, he’s going to Hunt me down and put my ears in this box if I give him something. I can’t talk to the waitress. It’s just, you know, you’re a little, I don’t know. Do you not talk to the waitress when you order, or do you just kind of point at stuff? Normally, but not, you know. Donde esta musica? Las chichas. Chorizo. Chorizo, I don’t know.
I don’t know. It’s like you’re… I go to Spanish restaurants. I speak Spanish all the time. Anybody ever call you on it or no? Not so much, no. Not so much. By the way, it was a Chinese restaurant, but this was just an average white girl. Oh, now she’s average. Okay. Oh, I don’t know. I mean, I didn’t… I didn’t look at her. I didn’t look at her. I didn’t know if she even had two eyes or not. I don’t know. So weird. This guy is so weird. He’s so weird. I didn’t, like, you know, scope her out or anything. I was just like, she’s just a regular white chick taking her order at the Chinese place. It’s funny, this guy comes down, like, all bent over with his head down with, like, his hand out so no one can see his face. You know, like, okay, I’m gonna…
No one talk to me, please. Please. I try not to. I really try not to. Yeah, take your Ritalin, man. Christ. Fuck, you’re going to be okay. Jesus Christ, it’s a restaurant, dude. Well, I know. It must be weird when you guys go out to eat. I don’t know. We just only have each other to stare at? Is that what you’re saying? I guess. I don’t know. I could see why the other week no one wanted to sit by you guys. I get it now. That fat broad over there with the glasses is staring at… Oh, it’s a man? Oh, he’s staring at me eating… He’s staring at me eating my noodles. I’m trying to eat a hot dog and he keeps looking at me like raising his eyebrows and… No, that’s you. You’re going… No, that’s you. You’re all judgy. Like freaking Groucho Marx over here. You bet your life. So you better…
order something that these two approve of and eat it the way they would eat it. It was very weird. It was very uncomfortable. It was very uncomfortable. So was it better or worse that my wife was there or was it worse that she was there? I enjoyed your wife being there. Okay. Well, yeah. Cause you were checking out her nose, scoping her nose out. I guess I was, can I look at her nose? I guess. I don’t know what that’s all about. I’m sure I’m going to hear about it later. Oh. I mean, she weren’t upset. I called her a mental patient and having a nice nose, but I don’t know. She’ll probably tell you she was not staring or judging you either. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I want the truth. Yes, you were. On the way home, I noticed what they talked about the whole time. No, I didn’t even talk about your spaghetti weirdness.
my mouse i didn’t i didn’t even talk about how you took everyone’s leftovers. I’m like, why did he take my leftovers? I don’t know uh i was given a box about the size of like if you were gonna take like a donut or something home. It was like the smallest box this girl fine she’s like you’ve already got enough problems. You don’t need a full big box. I should have said, man, you got a small box You said it in your mind. I could tell I was staring at you. I was thinking it. Yes. Yeah. You’re like, I didn’t say it to the mail that he wants it. She delivered a box. She put it on my desk. I’m like, wow, you got a big box. She smiled. She smiled. She thought it was funny. I’m a people person. Any other comments on the dinner? No. Bob paid for the dinner. Let me mention that. Thank you. Thank you, Bob and Mrs. Bob. Thank you.
I was wondering if you’d even met them. Yes. Yeah, no, they did. They were very nice. They did everything. Except they were a little bit late to dinner. I was a little late, yes. It took us a few more minutes. Which was not acceptable in my book, of course. Of course. Yeah, I’m normally not late, but on my own. Thank you, Bob. No, I, I, uh, yeah, it was fine. I was just joking. I didn’t figure you’re gonna mention it, so i wasn’t gonna mention it uh well i thought i thought i was being prodded into it, so i thought i would mention it. Oh, no, not at all. I thought maybe you had some other, uh, some other comment, uh, about the evening that you didn’t. I mean, you pretty much had on the whole, I mean, it wasn’t really
The other people there really weren’t weird or anything. I mean, the waitress was a little absent here and there, but I mean… That was probably for the best. Yeah. No, otherwise it was fine. I just wanted a little hotter food. It was a clean place. I enjoyed the food. I wanted some spicier food, but… You did not get the spicy you thought you were going to get. I know. Mine was spicy. Next time, you know, next time… We’ll have pancakes next time. I can’t eat pancakes anymore. Oh. Too much syrup stuff. Oh, I see. Yeah, I’m trying not to become you. I’m really trying not to be you. And so anything you want to do, I’m like, eh. Spaghetti? No. Mm-hmm. Well, maybe next time we can go someplace more expensive and you can buy. Okay.

[su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/10/12/judys-kitchen/” title=”Judys Kitchen” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/10/12/judys-kitchen/”

Miles experiences reality differently than his wife, while Bob goes out to eat in his own section at the restaurant.

GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/

Random Show Click Below

Static Radio – Pharmacy Walk

Miles experiences reality differently than his wife, while Bob goes out to eat in his own section at the restaurant.

Bad AI Transcript

Do, do, do, do, do, do. Who farted? Well, it’s not going to go, so. So we’ll just have to do it manually. Yeah, clear your throat a few more times. And then have a little static noise. And then, oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. You got it, guys. Static. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the show. This is Bob. Hey, Miles with Static Radio here. I’m traveling, and so we’ve got the lesser setup. I have a lesser setup. Miles has the exact same setup. It’s a fart-free podcast, so enjoy yourself. Yeah. What do you mean by that? I was saying, you know, there was some suspect odor, apparently. Yeah. On your end of things there, but apparently that’s when you cleared up or something. Yeah, apparently the ventilation has kicked in, so we’re all good here. We’re all fine here. How are you? Blast them! Conversation was going nowhere. Yeah. So, yeah, welcome, everybody. It’s…
October. Can you believe it? Yeah, it is October. It’s that getting the Halloween season now? Yeah. Which is nice. Are you planning your Halloween costume for this year? Maybe, yeah. Are you going to put up your AT-AT in the front yard or your elephant, whatever it is? No, I was going to shave my head, though, and go as Baby New Year. Okay. I think you can pull that off, actually. Get some tighty-whities I was going to wear. Well, possibly some Depends. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Baby New Year. Probably be like… Yeah. Yeah. I got my pumpkins ready to go. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You went to the pumpkin patch recently. A few skeletons. I’m ready to go. Oh, good. Yeah. Ready. That’s fantastic. Well, we, uh, my daughter was recently in town and, you know, uh,
We don’t get to see her in person that often. And so when she’s in town, we usually take her to wherever she wants to go to eat. And we took her to this wood fireplace. Everything’s wood fired. Oh, sure. You ever been to one of those? I thought I saw it in a magazine once, yeah. I know you don’t get out much. Yeah, I’m not allowed. If it’s not like fast food… I had to be jealous of you. I know. I know. That’s how sad my life is. I know. So we go, we’re, we’re go out to this wood fired place and, uh, you know, it’s nice. It’s a nice place. And, um, you know, we’re, uh, there’s a group of us, several of us. And so, um, they, you know, we’re a little bit early on the early side of dinner, perhaps I like to be early, you know,
Oh, wait. Is this the picture you sent me the other day? No, no. That was another place we went to. Oh, my God. Jesus. How much steak can one guy eat in one week? Well, we didn’t know. This was pizza. We had a wood fire pizza. Oh, shit. I thought we were eating steak all week. No, no. I did have a steak. I have a story about that place, but it’s not as funny as this story. So we get seated. everything’s good. We’re kind of in an area. There’s some other people in the, in that, you know, the dining rooms, they got to divide it up into several things. And so we’re, you know, having a good time talking and, and getting our appetite, you know, my daughter is so spoiled. It’s like, we normally, when we go out, we get nothing, right. We just get something to eat barely, you know, bear sustenance. Yeah. Yeah.
You know, I’m usually, all I get is the captain’s crackers. Doubtful. Doubtful. Whenever she’s in town, it’s like appetizers and desserts and, you know, third course and all this kind of stuff. Let’s have some appetinis. So we got the appetizers going and everything. And so then more people are showing up because it’s now, it’s going to be, you know, regular dinner time. Yeah. We get drinks. Yeah. Everybody gets drinks. So, So they come in the little area that we’re in and they’re going to sit them at a table, not too far from us, you know, the next table over and the people are like, um, now can we move? Okay. They weren’t, they weren’t being rude or anything. They were just like, no. And they pointed, you know, someplace else in the, in the area. And so then they go away and it was just like a couple.
I guess they didn’t want to be over in a corner or whatever. Didn’t think anything of it. And then we get our food. We’re eating. Another group comes in, a bigger group. And they sit at the bigger table on the other side of us. Oh, no. No, no. We want to go over. We want to go over to the other side of the restaurant. So you were farting? No. I was like, And so then my daughter’s like, what is going on? No one wants to sit by you. No one wants to sit by us. Like Charlie Brown’s family up for. Yeah. Pig pen. So then. Yeah. So then another family comes in. No, no. And there are four people. There’s a table. It’s not right next to us. It’s a little ways away. It’s within acceptable Midwestern dining limits. Right, right. This isn’t New York where you sit hip to hip. You know what I mean? Right, right. This is cornfield country where you’re like half a mile away, for Christ’s sake, at the next table. And they’re like, no, we don’t want to sit there. And the guy goes, you have to.
he made him sit there. The waiter did. He’s got nothing else. I don’t want to sit next to that big, ugly broad. Oh, that’s a man? Oh, I’m sorry. So yeah, my daughter was like, is there something wrong? What is going on? I’m like, I barely even noticed, to be honest. They told me, and then I’m like, yeah, I guess you’re right. They didn’t want to seem to sit over there, and then they didn’t want to sit, you know. And, yeah, I guess you’re right, you know. I’m oblivious. She’s like, what is wrong? What are you people doing? They were all intimidated with all you guys eating salad, probably. They’re like, oh. Ah. Well, actually, I’m the only one that didn’t eat salad that night. These fancy people eating salad? There was a bunch of salad going on the table. Not for me. But yeah, I couldn’t believe it. I don’t know what the deal was. I was not farting. I did not stink. You weren’t telling dirty jokes. We weren’t even talking about
saying the F-bomb or anything. Hey, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. My family, yeah. Yeah, none of that. We’re very polite, cordial, nice people. There was other people sitting behind us. They didn’t seem to have a problem. They were having a good old time. Wait, that is the lady who yelled at us on the boat in Germany. I remember her. She told us to get out of the way. Yeah, so I don’t know what was going on, but nobody wanted to sit in that area. And they’ve got it all, you know, like five tables in a section or something. It’s crazy. It’s so sectioned off. But yeah, the last people, they’re like, no. This is it. It’s this or out. We’ve laid down the law.
And those people were noisy. They were all hairy and they were eating this wood-fired food being extremely noisy. Yes. Like the fucking Morlocks moved in or something. That’s right. You’re like the Eloy, and they’re like the Morlocks. Yeah, Morlocks. Everybody read Time Machine by H.G. Wells. Yeah, no one will know what the fuck that is. What? One of the few books I’ve read. Yeah, same, same. I’m like, yeah, I don’t know what was going on. Nobody stunk. It was bizarre. And my daughter seemed a little bit upset about it. Did you quiz these people? Like, excuse me. Yeah, I will pay for your dinner if you tell me why the fuck won’t you sit next to me. I can’t do that. I cannot do it, sir. Were they like hoity-toity people? No, they’re all morons like everybody else. They don’t meet our high standards here in East St. Louis. Yeah, they all look like they’re half a click off. No, they’re just regular people, I guess. I don’t know what the deal was.
I mean, we weren’t even near the bathroom or anything. The bathroom, they actually went closer to the bathroom. I’d rather sit right by the shitter than sit with them people over there. Well, we were close to the kitchen, I suppose, but it wasn’t that close. It wasn’t like you were getting hit by a swinging door or anything. It’s just, you know. Three random sets of people said, I don’t want to sit here. Yeah, and they laid down the law on the last one. But you have no idea why? No idea why. No idea. It seems a little strange, don’t you think? Well, no, because I don’t think I would have even noticed had my daughter not brought it to my attention. This may actually be what happens every time I go out to eat, and I just never pay attention to it. Yeah, right. It may just be the constant revolving door of people not wanting to sit next to me. I don’t know. I can’t remember that ever happening to us. Really? I’m surprised. I mean, I actually ate with you and wanted to move tables. Yeah. Well, that’s all right. Yeah.
I’m like, maybe I’ll take my half of the garlic bread and go over there. I’m used to eating by myself. I don’t care. There’s a reason. Yeah. Yeah, the French toast stick reason. Well, yeah, there is that. So what’s going on with you, sir? No one wants to eat with me. Yeah. I don’t know how… This is like the Polish version of shallow hell, I guess, or something I’m going to go into. The Polish version of shallow hell? Yeah, I guess. I don’t… So, like… My wife was having some knee issues, and so… Oh, no. Horrible. We had to travel a little bit up to Des Moines and see, like, this specialist, and it’s kind of a… kind of a hoity-toity kind of big deal place, you know. Sure. And it was just fine, and I dropped my wife off. I go, listen, I’ll park. I’ll be a nice guy. You can go in first. You’ve got the knee issue. I won’t make you walk. Right. Yeah. Yeah, no, I was trying to be like you, be a nice guy, you know, like, okay, what would Bob do? You know, he would…
drop his wife off at the front door, be a nice guy. And it was just fine, and I parked the car, and I get over there, get the building, and there’s quite a few receptionists. There’s like this big desk just full of receptionists. Really? Are you sure there weren’t nurses? No, these were like receptionists. I’m like, okay, all right. She’s talking to some lady. I’m like, oh, okay. And this lady’s, you know, going through her thing, you know, where do you live and all this stuff. And, uh, I was like, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. You know me, you know, I’m trying to be a Rodney Dangerfield. I don’t know why. I just like, I get in these positions. I just, I can’t help myself. I just want to be. How many receptionists does it take to check in a person around here? This is crazy. And, uh,
She was very soft-spoken, but I go, this lady is so professional. The receptionist, I thought, wow, she is really professional. She’s got a very decent haircut. Dressed very nicely. She’s asking appropriate questions. Unlike you, you look like Guy Gardner from the Superman movie. not sure that is, but yeah, I look more like everyone from the show tires basically. Yeah. Pretty much. And so we go in and we, you know, it went pretty fast, the appointment and this and that, and talk to the doctor and all that and we leave, we’re kind of rehashing the whole thing, you know and my wife’s like, ha ha. I’m like, what? She goes, boy, that receptionist was a real weirdo. I’m like, what? This is the one you thought was really professional. Yes, I thought, wow, what a nice lady, nicely dressed. You said, oh, what a weirdo, quote unquote. No, you did. You did. No, bullshit. Come on. I go, what are you talking about?
You know, shallow hell, you know, the guy, you know, the, uh, one guy sees, you know, the, the, you know, this beautiful supermodel, you know, and Jason, you know, Caesar is a, uh, morbidly obese woman, you know, like there’s this two sides of it, you know, like they’re seeing the same thing, but that was it. I was like, are you, are you okay? Yeah. She acted completely weird when I got there and she wouldn’t stop acting weird. Really? I came in and she waved at me. She waved me over. She enthusiastically waved at me. Wow. I’m like, okay. I don’t know if that hits the weird meter, but okay. She was kind of bouncing up and down as she was doing this and that. Really? Yeah, I’m like,
Are you sure? Did we talk to the same lady or did you start off with someone different? Does this woman have large breasts or anything? Hey, hey, what’s their names? I just imagined you would be distracted by a large breast and receptionist bouncing up and down. No, no, it wasn’t even like that. I wish I could say, oh, she had a stroke. Your voice cracked. I think you’re lying. You go, no. No. No. No. No, she was very professionally dressed. She looked like she walked out of some nice magazine cover or something. I’m like, oh, my God. You look like you were in the Sears catalog. You know, if you were wearing a dress, you’d look like Sharon Stone. You know that? There you go. Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct? Yeah.
Is that what you’re insinuating? Oh, no, come on. I wouldn’t. I’d never say that. Were you saying she needed to have a modesty panel on the bottom of her desk? Oops, I dropped my pen. No, it’s just, I don’t know. It was just so weird. It was like a different take on the same person. I have this vision of you, yes, trying to sneak a peek under the desk and she’s waving frantically at your wife to get her Trying to get her to pull you up. She’s acting weird. She’s waving at me. She was doing that kidnapping sign thing. She’s got the thumb pulled in. She’s squeezing her fingers. There you are. Oh, look. I dropped all my pens. Oopsies. My keys. I’m a lip reader.
And, uh, no, I don’t know. I just, I just really was baffled by this. The whole thing just like the whole I don’t know like he was making faces and she was doing this. That’s right. She’s making faces call the police call the police now yeah she’s like you know, bobbing her head, like with her eyes pointed towards me, like fire bad Oh my goodness gracious. I don’t know. I don’t know. I just find that bizarre. How was the doctor then? What was your impression of the doctor and her impression? Were they that far apart? The doctor was a complete fucking asshole and both me and my wife agreed on that completely. He was a dag off. Oh. He was my second least favorite doctor I’ve ever met. Really? Yes. And you see a lot of doctors. I know. So that is saying a lot. This would be the second worst doctor encounter I think I’ve ever had. Really? Wow. Yeah. Yeah, my wife started crying at one point. Oh, my gosh. I was like, man. I don’t have time, man. Listen to me.
What do you expect that knee to do? Just fix itself? You’re going to have to limp for the rest of your life, you dumb shit. Now get out of here. I want a second opinion. All right, you’re ugly too. Now get out of here, bitch. You’re carrying this fat fuck around. No wonder your knees are shit. You know why your back hurts? Because you’re carrying this fuck around, you stupid bitch. Now get out of here. I’m leaning on you like you’re a crutch. That was Harrison Ford. I don’t have time. I’ve got a piece of advice for you. My wife has spelled out this pre-appointment thing. Mark on the chart where it hurts. Yeah, my knee. Put a check mark if it hurts bad. Put a circle if it doesn’t really hurt bad. Put the Chinese symbol for soup if you’re not quite sure.
Yeah, like the guy doesn’t even look at it. He’s like, ah, yeah, you’re fucked. Yeah, okay. You know what an ACL is? Yeah. They’re basically screwed. Oh, my goodness. I’m sorry. You’re like this fat guy from St. Louis I met once that came in here with a mask. Yeah, that’s right. That guy. He’s got terrible knees. Bob something. I don’t remember his name. Yeah. Ugh. Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. You guys had such a terrible experience. Yeah. The words never again. Yeah. Never again. And you paid for the visit as well. Oh, yeah. Yes. A premium, perhaps. Yeah. Yeah. So we have the… So when are you going back to meet the receptionist? We got a… Oh, yeah. She’s my new side piece now. Yeah.
I don’t know. She really knows how to answer a phone. Dictation, let me tell you. Did I mention you had me at hello? You had me at hello, Pat. Sir, could you move? You’re blocking my view. I thought John Candy was dead. You’re Uncle Buck with an F. Yeah. Ha ha ha.

[su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/10/06/restaurant-jerk/” title=”Restaurant Jerk” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/10/06/restaurant-jerk/”

In this episode of Mondo Freako, host Bob LeMent welcomes Jeff Ponder to discuss his newly rebranded hockey show, Hockey Night in St. Louis, following a 15-year run with Let’s Go Blues Radio. Ponder shares insights into covering local and regional hockey, including unique segments dedicated to beer leagues and St. Louis natives playing across professional and collegiate circuits. The conversation then shifts into a deep dive on Missouri folklore as Ponder takes on a five-question trivia quiz about the legendary Ozark Howler, scoring a respectable 60% by relying on his knowledge of regional geography and history.

Following the quiz, Bob and Jeff explore the origins and cultural impact of the Ozark Howler, debating whether the bear-sized, horned cryptid was originally dreamed up as a clever cover story by Prohibition-era moonshiners to deter trespassers. They also touch upon remote wilderness conservation, comparing regional legends to Bigfoot lore and the logistics of audio waveform analysis for cryptid calls. The episode concludes with details on where listeners can find Hockey Night in St. Louis across social media platforms and streaming channels, blending sports commentary with classic paranormal folklore.

Pondcast

Hockey Night in St. Louis

UFO Witness Game (Click Graphic to Start)

Hey, Ponder, what’s shaking? Me. This music is getting me. Oh, my goodness. Mondo Freako. Hey everybody, welcome to Mondo Freako. I’ve got Jeff Ponder with me here from the podcast and the newly live, almost live St. Louis hockey tonight. Hockey night in St. Louis. I’m making a new name. Yes. You know what? That’ll be next season. We’ll change the name. Hockey night, St. Louis. I knew I looked at it actually like about 10 minutes ago. Yep. That’s all right. Of course, it did not stick. in my head, and i just made something up apparently. I apologize. Say it again now hockey night in st louis okay hockey night in st louis we cover all hockey and all of St. Louis. So, you know, we’ve even got a beer league segment really like me can be like, hey, people talked about me on a on a dinky little podcast. Really? I didn’t really Actually, I know some people who are in kind of the beer league hockey situation, besides yourself.
So I will make sure I mention it. Hockey Night St. Louis. Hockey Night in St. Louis, yes. In St. Louis. I forgot the N. Is it just a letter N or is it I-N? I-N. It’s not like in and out. No, Hockey Night in St. Louis. In St. Louis. All right. That will be the third season. We’ll change it to that. All right. Well, and don’t forget the podcast. Jeff does a podcast. Been doing that for a while. The hockey stuff, you’ve done a variation and this is the new variation, I believe. Yes. So we did a let’s go blues radio. We did that for 15 years, over 550 episodes, which was insane that people actually wanted to hear me talk about sports that much. But yeah, we started this season. We kind of,
Reformatted, so we decided to rebrand, and we are now hockey night in St. Louis, and as you mentioned, the podcast how you and i met uh conversations that go nowhere. You can find us on any of the social media, or i guess any of the podcasting platforms, and uh yes it’s literally random guest random topic, and we just talk about silly stuff, which uh it seems, Bob, like you’re kind of into that. I do love silly stuff, that’s for sure. Yep. Definitely. So here’s the podcast. What’s the social handle for podcast? It is podcastconvos. So it’s what you have there and then C-O-N-V-O-S. All together. All together now. Here we go. Podcastconvos. There you go. There it is. All right. Hey, what is it?
You got a cactus or something popping up? I got a kitty right here. He’s very interested in what you have to say, Bobby. He sees the cartoon cat and he’s like, what is going on? What is happening? I’m like, hey, my friend. Well, this is Mondo Frico, but don’t forget to check out the podcast right here, here and there. And I’m going to ask you, do you want to do the quiz first or hear the story first? You know, we did the quiz first last time. Let’s do it again. Oh, you want to go with the quiz? Oh, yeah. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz. at the quiz this week is about the Ozark Howler. Have you heard of this? Can you see the questions on there? I’ve heard of it, but I’ll admit my memory is fuzzy if I have memory of it at all, but I know I’ve heard of the Ozark Howler. Well, we’ve got five questions for you here, and let’s see how you do.
about the Ozark Howler. I figured we’d do something that was Missouri-centric because we’re both in the area. Yes. And here’s your first question of five. Let’s see how it goes. This is an easy question. Which unusual physical feature is most commonly attributed to the Ozark Howler in local folklore? Is it thick ram-like horns on his head, leathery bat wings on its back, a long scaly reptilian tail, or Or feathered talons on its front paws. What do you think? Or I got a hint if you want to take a hint. Let’s just go for it. I’m going to go with the feathered talons on its front paws. Feathered talons. Oh, man. Sorry. That buzzer is kind of harsh today. Witness accounts commonly describe the howler as a stocky, bear-sized feline sporting prominent horns.
Interesting. Okay. Oh, boy. I’ve made it too big here. Okay. Next question, another easy question for you, number 205. You know, kind of a slow start, but that’s fine. You’ll be fine. You just got to get more than 50% to win here. I’ll get it. In what primary geographic region is the Ozark Howler said to roam? The Pine Barrens of southern New Jersey? The Plateau and Mountain region of Arkansas and Missouri? the deep bayous and swamps of southern Louisiana, or the high desert plateaus of northern Mexico? I have a hint. Well, I think I know this one. I’m going to guess by its name. I mean, it makes sense to be New Jersey. I’m kidding. Don’t quit. No, I’m going to go with the plateau and mountain region of Arkansas and Missouri.
There you go. That’s right. The Ozark Haller is tied specifically to the Ozark Plateau. Go figure. Across Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, and Kansas. Interesting. Well, I most know it from Missouri. Right. I don’t know how big the Ozarks are. I mean, it’s a big space. We may look that up here in a minute. All right. This is a hard question. Number three. So you got one right, one wrong. Going into question three. In the 1990s and early 2000s, who orchestrated elaborate hoaxes involving fake sightings and emails about the Ozark Howler? Was it Chad Arment, Lauren Coleman, Ivan T. Sanderson, or Ray Wallace? I have a hint if you want it. Let’s go with the hint. Cryptozoologist Lauren Coleman identified this trickster who flooded message boards with manufactured tails.
Okay, so it’s got to be Lauren Coleman. I’m kidding. Sorry. I guess he didn’t say self-identified. Right. I think I got to go. My gut originally said Ivan T. Sanderson. So let’s go with it. Are you sure? Want to call a friend or anything? Sounds like I should be. Let’s go with it. Yes, let’s go with Ivan T. Sanders. Oh, no. Of course, it’s Chad. Chad Arment confessed to fabricating numerous accounts and sightings across Internet cryptozoology, zoological forums. Ivan T. Sanders is actually another cryptid explorer guy. He died a while back. Yes, his name was… with me. You never trust a Chad. Of course it’s Chad. Yeah, it’s always Chad. In every 80s movie ever, Chad is the jerk. That’s right. Anyone whose name is Charles but chooses to go by Chad is a terrible person. That’s right. It wasn’t Chad in charge. It was Charles in charge. That’s right. Everyone loved Charles. That’s right. Charles, good. Chad, bad.
Lauren Coleman is also a rather renowned cryptozoological researcher. And Alina from Decatur, Illinois. Anyhow. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Next. Vocalization is a medium question. How do traditional legends describe the signature sound made by the Ozark howler? Is it a rhythmic clicking sound like a giant mechanical clock? B, a combination of a wolf’s howl and an elk’s bugle. Or C, a piercing whistle reminiscent of a runaway steam locomotive. Finally, D, a harsh screech echoing across between an owl and an elk. I do have a hint if you’d like it. Okay. Using deductive reasoning, if it’s called the Ozark Howler, I would think it’s going to be between B and D. Okay. And I will say I’m starting to kind of get a picture in my head of what this Ozark howler looks like. I would imagine it would look kind of like a wolf. So let’s go with the wolf’s howl and an elk’s bugle. Bugle. Okay, B. That’s right. Pales describes its vocalization as an eerie mix of an elk’s hollow bugle and a deep wolf howl. There you go. Nice. All right. Good deductive reasoning on your part there, Pounder. That’s what I do.
Ponder. I said Pounder. I’m sorry. All right. Next. So you got two. Get this one right. You get over your 50% and you win. Bragging rights, I suppose. Ready? Medium question. Which famous frontiersman was rumored in early tall tales to have shot and encountered the Ozark Howler in Missouri or Missouri, depending on which part of the state you’re from. A. Davy Crockett. B, Daniel Boone? C, Jim Bridger? Or D, Kit Carson? I have a hint if you’d like it. Okay. So again, using deductive reasoning, there’s a lot of tales of Daniel Boone traveling through Missouri. So that’s what I’m thinking, but let’s use the hint. Oh, you’re going to go with the hint? Here we go. I’m going to go with the hint. He is renowned for his coonskin cap legend and settling along the Missouri River. That’s…
Well, yeah, I’m going to go Daniel Boone. Yep. That’s right. Of course it’s Daniel Boone. Daniel Boone. Folk stories claim Daniel Boone encountered and shot the beast near the Quiver River in Missouri. There you go. Look at that. 60% three out of five. That’s fantastic. That’s my high school score, so I’ll take it. Three out of five? Three out of five in every class. Well, there you go. Hey, look at that. You’re consistent, if nothing else, correct? That’s right. So let’s hear a little bit about the Ozark Howler, and then you and I can discuss our thoughts about such a weird thing. The Ozark holler is a legendary cryptid said to inhabit the remote wooded Ozark region spanning Missouri, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Illinois. Described as a large bear-sized creature with features resembling a heavyset cat or a massive canine, it is frequently reported to possess glowing red eyes, thick black fur, and horns akin to those of a goat.
Witnesses in local folklore often characterize its voice as a terrifying, blood-curdling mixture of a human scream, a wolf’s howl, and a heavy bull’s bellow, which is said to echo across deep river valleys and isolated hollows at night. Tales of the Beast date back through generations of Ozark Mountain folklore, where it has long been blamed for unexplainable livestock mutilations, missing pets, and eerie disturbances in the woods. While skeptics attribute sightings to misidentified black bears, mountain lions, or feral dogs, believers maintain that the creature’s distinct vocalizations and aggressive nocturnal behavior set it apart from known regional wildlife. Its legend continues to capture the imagination of cryptozoologists and thrill-seekers looking to explore the deeper, untamed corners of the American Midwest. Today, the Ozark Hollow remains a staple of regional ghost stories
and roadside lore frequently appearing in local pop culture, podcasts, and folklore compendiums alongside other American cryptids. Whether viewed as an elusive flesh and blood animal awaiting scientific discovery or simply a modern mythological boogeyman designed to keep children out of the dark woods, the creature endures as an iconic symbol of a rugged wilderness found throughout the Ozark Mountains. That’s your story time, kids. I hope you’re sleeping. I’ve I’ve been asleep this whole time. Okay. Well, hold that thought. We’re going to come back. Let’s hear a word from Opa Ghost. This is Jonathan. And this is Heaven from the Opa Ghost podcast. And you’re listening to Mondo Frico. Toodles. This is Ryan Frank from the Baggage podcast. And you’re listening to Mondo Frico. Mondo Frico.
How’s that? Do you have all that kind of stuff on the hockey stuff? I like it. I mean, we don’t have a cartoon cat who’s mimicking them talking the whole time. So this is much better. That’s true. I tend to read everybody else’s lines as well whenever they’re playing off my computer. So this Ozark Haller thing, what’s your thoughts on this? So, Ahmed, I looked up kind of renderings of what this thing looks like. Oh, yeah. I can show you some pictures. Here you go. Hold on. Let me throw a picture up here, and you can kind of see what I found. Here we go. There it is. Yeah, that guy looks awesome. Kind of looks like almost like an angry Mufasa from The Lion King. Oh, yeah. Kind of does, doesn’t it?
Yeah. Um, and i like those horns are, are twisted and jagged and i kind of dig it. So, and the eyes obviously are absolutely terrifying. Uh, yeah, you see some of the, some of the other images you’re pulling up there. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. Having it stand up on its hind legs. That’d be scary. Wouldn’t it? This is, this is kind of looks like his high school, uh, photo. Yeah, that was taken by Glamour Shots, actually. They hung a rug up in the woods and took a picture of him. It’s all good. Here he is. I’m just trying to get a drink, and everybody’s bothering me. I mean, poor Howler. That’s after a long night of drinking. He’s just trying to rehydrate. Now, this may or may not be an actual Ozark Howler there. I mean, what else could that be? That is…
That’s a little terrifying. I don’t know. He’s kind of looking right at the camera, too. Yeah, I think that’s like a trail cam shot of what people believe to be the Ozark Howler. I think it would be a little smaller. The renderings are a little bit more interesting in their thing there. That’s an interesting rendering, too. Those red eyes. Definitely need to get some Visine for them. Yeah. Before you answer, I actually have something else here. This is, let me see if I can get that to come up. This is supposedly a real howl from the Ozark Howler. Listen. Sounds a little bit like a balloon getting air let out of it, if you ask me. I was going to say, you didn’t actually play the clip. That was Bob actually just opening and closing a squeaky door. Could be. That clip supposedly is supposed to be the Ozark Howler. Yeah, I hear the sound that they talked about. You said it was like a mix of a woman’s scream, like a bugle at a howl.
That was very elk bugle-y. If you’ve never heard an elk bugle, that was very elk bugle-y, yes. Yes, yes. Anyone who’s traveled through, I went to the Rocky Mountain National Park a couple of years ago, and yeah, we heard a couple of bugles that I’ve never heard before. I’ve heard some screeching in the woods before, but nothing like that. So yes, that’s very close. to what I’ve heard before. No, definitely. Yeah. Well, Hey, congratulations. I’ve been to that park several times. It’s fantastic. Oh, beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. And you could literally spend days, weeks, months there and, and still see stuff you’ve not visited before. I mean, it’s, there’s probably not a person on earth that has ever seen all of the Rocky mountain national park. It’s. Oh, I know it’s vast, vast and buried. Last time I went, we went to the, um, uh, continental divide. Nice. Very cool. Yeah.
Very cool. So anyway, let’s get back to the Ozarks, where you can’t see all that either. Although you can go down and water ski on Lake of the Ozarks. But anyhow. Yes. So what do you think? Do you think this thing is an actual creature? You know, we hear all the time about how on the ocean floor there’s species that we’ve never heard of, we’ve never discovered in all these years. And I’ve even heard people say that about, you know, kind of in the deep woods, maybe even like the Everglades, the Rockies, the Appalachians, you know, it wouldn’t, it wouldn’t shock me to hear that there are some crazy little critters that do not like people and they stay hidden whenever we’re around. And so there, it wouldn’t shock me if there was some strange species that has standed the test of time. And,
is howling like a squeaky door or a balloon letting out the air. about you? Uh, I think that I’m, uh, I’m with you. I think that i’m with you on this. Let me see if i can find, there’s another, uh, Ozark Howler audio. I’m trying to find it. I actually saw a thing on this. Um, I can’t find the audio now. Were these people, uh, in the Ozarks? Obviously they, um, let’s see. I just want the sound. There’s all these people want to talk about stuff. But I think that it is possible. I think that it’s definitely possible that there’s something out there. I mean, the question becomes, you know, do you, it almost gets down to the Bigfoot question, right? So if there’s, if you think that there might be a Bigfoot, then there has to be an Ozark Howler. Right.
And I’m on the fence. I mean, I’m on the side of the fence that I said, I think there could be a Bigfoot. Yeah. I think there’s been enough happening in the world. So I think that. So therefore, pretty much, I mean, most of these cryptids, unless they’re, you know, totally wacky with the way they’re portrayed, could be. I don’t know that it necessarily looks like, you know, this guy here or, you know, even… even our little scrawny friend that I had up there just a minute ago. There we are. I was going to say that little, that little real picture I’ll put in quotes. Like that wouldn’t shock me if that’s what it, if that’s an actual picture. Yeah. Now the, the thing with the how, um, is that I don’t, there needs to be a little more consensus. I wish that I was, um, able to find that other clip that I, I thought I I’ve heard before, um,
because you can compare sounds, right? So obviously animals make all kinds of sounds and then there’s like bobcats and things like that that will make a sound that’s squeaky like that or like a screaming woman kind of sound. And apparently, you know, cougars in the wild will make sounds like that as well. And so those kinds of sounds aren’t void in the woods, right? They happen from other animals, right? This one is a little bit different, you know, and a little more bellowing perhaps than the others. But if you can sample that sound today, now, as we sit here, there’s easily ways to compare those things and to match them. And so then if you can get enough matches, you can then say it was an owl or it was a bobcat or it was this or it was that. Or say it wasn’t.
Yeah. And so, you know, back in the analog days, that wasn’t as easily accomplished because it was related. It was all related to people’s ears, which are fallible now with digital technology. I mean, they literally can just line up the waveform and say, yeah, that’s a confirmed, you know, cougar. So not a howler. And so I think we’re closer and closer. The interesting thing to me is you see our little guy here on the screen. We’re closer and closer to finding the truth about these things, just as we’re getting further and further into the ability to create them out of nothing. Right. That was the other thing I was thinking, too, was. There’s possibility this thing was a folklore for a long time, and now we’re in a situation where we’ve been crossbreeding, and scientists in a lab are totally getting into conspiracy theories here, but that’s what we do on Mondo Freako. That’s right. We could be – wouldn’t it be crazy if, I don’t know, an elk and a wolf somehow, they mixed their genes and created this thing, and they said –
Look, we created the Ozark howler. Now let’s be mad scientists and release it out into the woods. And you never know. Crazy things have happened. There’s that clandestine lab out in the Ozarks. Oh, wait a minute. That’s probably just a meth lab. Well, it’s both. I think it’s a dual-functioning lab. It’s full-functioning on many levels. Maybe the Ozark howler is guarding all the meth. Well, you know, there was a whole… On Mount Shasta, there’s a whole story that apparently is true because they used to… I don’t know if they still do anymore. In California, they used to grow a lot of marijuana on the mountain. And they were pushing the… Bigfoot legend to keep people away from their illegal activity. So maybe the Ozark howler is in that vein. They’re like, well, we can’t do the Bigfoot thing. They already did that out in California. We’ll do the Ozark howler to keep people away from our stills, from our other illegal activities. You know, as we’re creating this stuff, that could be a possibility. So it’s funny you say that Bob.
I did some research in here as we were looking at pictures, and there is apparently a rumor that this all started because I was kind of wondering where the real origin of this happened. And it was apparently got a lot of people talking about it during the Prohibition era. And it was to keep the moonshiners and the smugglers to keep people out of their base of operations. in the middle of the woods there in the Ozarks. So you might be on to something there. Could be. Could be. Because, you know, there’s nothing that keeps people away than a big hairy monster. Trust me, nobody comes to my house. So, you know, it works. Proven. It does. Proven. But I do think, I mean, it’s just like the Tasmanian tiger, which was extinct. They think it was extinct. And now people have seen them, not just in Tasmania, but in Australia. And so they thought it was hunted to extinction because it’s kind of like a coyote, right? It’s kind of a…
nuisance for farmers and and livestock and so forth. But they’re still out there. Maybe the howler is something like that. Maybe back in the day, there’s more howlers around. They started hunting them because they were, you know, Daniel Boone. I mean, who can’t believe that guy? He’s done all kinds of stuff he’s legendary right yeah and so You know, and you never know, you know, maybe this thing originated from Tasmania. And we all know that, you know, Tasmania, all animals from there all go. Yeah, that’s true. I think that the Ozark howler has got less of a tongue than most Tasmanian animals do. That is true. Seems to be like a large tongue with the Tasmanian devil there. But no, I think so. I think that the Tasmanian howler, the Ozark howler has potential, but I think it’s been hijacked by nefarious people trying to make moonshine and so forth. Very possible. As a way to keep the, you know, keep kids away as well as the authorities and anybody else who wanders the woods of the Ozarks. Although now…
They’ve – in Mount Shasta that they basically really spread the Bigfoot legend. But the problem is you get people like me who I’d be like, oh, there’s Bigfoot out there? Let’s go find it. And you’d be drawing the crazies out that would want to be getting a look at this thing. Well, I think that you’re still in the minority a little bit. I don’t think that there’s like – Even though Bigfoot’s interest is peaked again, right? So I think we probably already hit peak Bigfoot at this point. And we’re coming back down off of it. It’s had several peaks in the 70s and in the 90s a bit. But I think it’s still less people than if you’re like, hey, there’s free hooch in the woods. Oh, really? Yeah.
Where at? I’ll say my whole family would be going out there. That’s right. What? Uncle Randy, I haven’t seen you in 10 years. That’s a bigger draw than the Bigfoot, I think, is my guess, my guess. But, yeah, maybe the Ozark howler is, you know, a bit substance abused out in the woods there potentially. Maybe that’s why it’s howling. It’s just a really bad hangover. He’s lonely. He’s drunk. He’s lonely, and everybody’s left him. Yep. Poor Howler. Well, tell us again the name of the – what can I put up here for the hockey show? Oh, it’s – well, on social media, we are at HockeyNightSTL.com. And we’re on YouTube. That’s the best way. We have videos with our shows like you do, Bob, and all posted on Facebook and YouTube. So if you search on any of your socials for Hockey Night STL, we will come up. We’re on Blue Sky X, Facebook, Friendster, MySpace. I made those last two up. Well, you’re a millionaire, Friendster. That’s right.
Yep. Are you Tom? I didn’t realize you were Tom. Me and the Winklevoss twins are best friends. Yeah. Okay. And the Winklevosses, yeah. Of course. Yeah, they’re crypto kings, as they say. That’s right. But no, we’re all over. We do it weekly. We just did our first live show last night, which was a lot of fun, except for YouTube deciding not to work for half the show. That’s the glories of doing a live podcast. That’s YouTube’s prerogative, so… Exactly. You work on YouTube’s whim, and that’s how it goes. But, yeah, we typically, like you, do some recorded shows, and they release on Mondays. So that’s Hockey Night STL on your socials, but it’s called Hockey Night in St. Louis. So always fun coming on here, Bob. And, you know, as much as I love hockey, I love the weird, the crazy, and the absolutely stupid stuff.
And this show is perfect for that. That’s true. That is true. Although I would say the Ozark Howler is a little closer to mainstream. True. Than the Slide Rock Bolter. I’m surprised there wasn’t talk of the Ozark Howler in the show Ozark. Oh, yeah. They could have used it to his advantage. Yeah, they used a lot of local references. So you think maybe at some point they would have… Same thing the Prohibition people did, maybe to stay away from their poppy farms and their weed farms. Oh, we got a band of Ozark howlers out here. Yeah, the whole family. The whole family of Ozark howlers, even some little ones. Watch out. They’re the worst. Yeah, they’ll nip at your heels until you leave. That’s right. They’ll bite your toes off. The hockey night in St. Louis is Jeff’s –
Latest venture, and hopefully I’ll go for 15 years. We’ll see. Yeah, we’ll see. But all things hockey in the city of St. Louis, which is a big hockey town, so this is important. That’s right. It’s not like hockey in San Jose or something, which nobody probably cares. They’re nothing. No, and the beauty with Hockey Night in St. Louis, too, is we do have a segment where So it’s for hockey fans from all over because we have a segment where we focus on somebody who has St. Louis roots that is playing somewhere, whether it’s college, the professional women’s league, the NHL, the AHL, maybe overseas. So we do have something for everyone. So if you’re listening and I don’t know, Massachusetts, it’s like, Hey, you know what? We might mention a,
Boston Bruin or a Boston Fleet or somebody going to Boston University. That’s kind of what we do. So it’s a very fun show and a lot of different angles we can take with talking about hockey and St. Louis. There you go. The people who came from St. Louis who are playing hockey elsewhere. That’s right. Or came through St. Louis. That’s right. Like the great one. The great one did do that, yes. People forget, but it’s true. For one season. Yep. Not even a season. About three months. Yeah. Well, okay. We’ll call it, yeah, third of a season, quarter of a season. Anyway, he was here. He was here, and he still lives here. And I saw him play when he was playing for the Blues. There you go. Well, everybody, this is Mondo Frico. Hold on, Jeff. We will talk to you here after the stop.
And everybody come back next time for more interesting stories about crazy things that go bump in the night. Mungo Rico!

Bob jets back from San Antonio and has a few interesting experiences, while Miles cuts to the front of the seniors’ line at the pharmacy.

GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/

Random Show Click Below

Static Radio – Pharmacy Walk

Bob jets back from San Antonio and has a few interesting experiences, while Miles cuts to the front of the seniors’ line at the pharmacy.

Bad AI Transcript

no sex no drugs no wine no women no one this is mine welcome to daddy does it sound like one of Marge’s sisters there yeah Thelma yeah Thelma Thelma Thelma and Thelma yeah Marge you got a good breakup with Homer. Divorce him. Yeah. Welcome, everybody, to the Miles title extravaganza. Welcome to my playhouse house. Miles is going to sing Rammstein for us this week. Take it away, Miles. Oh, sometimes the sausages in the playhouse. Tug, tug, tug, tug, tug, tug, tug, tug. very good. Right. Yeah. Love the ramstein i don’t i don’t know i don’t really listen. My son does i don’t seems a little bit too dark for me. So I don’t know if i don’t know i don’t know well i was uh
in the city of Lights, oh, wait a minute, I wasn’t, I was in the city of uh the dead recently east st louis that’s right that’s right city of unmarked graves that’s east st louis yeah yeah city of no return yeah that’s right right right some people say. Oddly enough, though, a lot of the people they find are not from the area. They’re from other places across the river. Hmm. It’s kind of like having a wish sandwich. Mm-hmm. Bow, bow, bow, bow. No, I was down at San Antonio, Texas until just a few hours ago. Has anyone gone down to San Antonio? I’ve been telling everybody that I’m like, you know, the Phil Collins Alamo collection is available to view. What? Phil Collins has an Alamo collection? It’s crew t-shirts. Yeah, and he had all these artifacts he donated to the Alamo. Nobody believes me. They’re like, what?
I don’t know. I still haven’t looked this up yet. I don’t know. I’m kind of skeptical here. You mentioned this off the air. I’m pretty skeptical on this. I’m like, oh, look it up. It’s there. It’s there. Yeah. So I was in the hottest hotel room I’ve been in in a long time. uh i mean you had like a lady of the night temperature wise i mean what temperature wise it’s like oh okay you didn’t okay you didn’t have like a lady boy or something with you there? okay Come on now and then i don’t know i don’t know what you do there so i was there and uh like the air conditioner couldn’t keep up in my room. It never got the lowest. I turned the thing all the way down, which maybe I shouldn’t have done that. But I mean, are you like me? Whenever I go, I travel, especially in the summertime. As soon as I get in my, my room, I turn the air conditioner all the way down. And then I dropped my pad. No. And then, you know, you go to dinner or whatever, you come back. It’s like crisp. It’s like you’re walking into a frozen wonderland. Right.
Right, right. So I did that, and then I come back, and it’s like a sauna. A sauna. It’s a sauna. So then I suffered with the sauna for a few nights. I was there for almost a week. Yeah. And then, like, on the third night, somebody I was with were like, hey, I saw people getting fans on my floor, like box tickets. And I’m like, what? No, they’re fans of Phil Collins. Genesis. So I immediately called the desk and asked for a fan. I got one. I got a box fan. It was mildly better. At least the hot air was moving around a little more. But I have not had that kind of experience. Now, this hotel was supposedly haunted. I did not have any haunted experiences, though. You didn’t bring your equipment with you? I always bring my equipment, Miles. Oh, you mean my ghost hunting equipment? No, I’m not your dick. Yeah, no, I know. I’m just joking. No, I did not, because I heard it.
I vaguely heard it was haunted, and as we were going from the airport into the hotel, our Uber driver was regaling us with the haunted stories from the hotel. Hey, man. No, she was a very nice lady, and we stayed at the Menger Hotel, which is a weird name, but Menger, which is like a really, really old hotel right next door to the Alamo. Oh, okay. You know, you could spit on the Alamo from the distance we were. Oh, nice. Yeah, exactly. If you really want to be a jerk. Yeah, well, you excel at that. So, yeah, we were right next to the Alamo and right across the street from the Crockett Hotel, which is another old, old hotel. Yeah. And I had dinner there one night, so…
So you threw your weight around like, excuse me, I don’t know if you know who I am, but I like a fan. I need a fan. That oscillates. Why do I sound like the family guy? Huh? You sound like the family guy. You sound like your Chief Wiggum. Oh, I’m Chief Wiggum, all right. No, so I got a fan, which was really, it cut the, you know, because the lowest my room got was 73. And it’s like 90, you know, like 100 degrees outside. That’s not acceptable for me. And I wouldn’t even look at the thermostat after a while because it was so hot in there, like in the upper 70s. Yeah. But, you know, whatever. You’re going to be all right? Yeah, I’ll be all right.
But it was an interesting old hotel, lots of cool stuff. But apparently there was some Sally, somebody who haunts the hotel. But I did not see anything. I was too busy upskirting in the lobby. I was too busy. I was there for work. Yeah, you always play that card. I didn’t go out. I was there for work. I didn’t do nothing. I’m the boss. I did go out to dinner on Saturday night. Oh, here we go. Salad. The salad rundown. Here we go. Salad rundown. Okay. Well, you’re always bragging about your salad intake, so I’m waiting for it. I didn’t eat salad on Saturday. Really? It was some type of crazy Mexican lasagna or something. I don’t know what it was. I didn’t.
like it too much. Mexican lasagna. That’s what see well that’s the only way i could describe it. Okay. It was like had chicken and cheese and, uh, all your okay so what other stuff some kind of stuff in there. I don’t know. So, uh, I was on my, I walked because it’s about i don’t So I was walking back and got to see all the good nightlife of San Antonio. Oh, okay. Like this one poor guy throwing up, leaning up against the building. It was a good one. Was it your brother? No, it wasn’t. It was not your brother. It was some random guy. He was like… Wait, what did you have? The Mexican lasagna. It was like 1130, something like that. I got really late for me and made my way back. And there was a couple of Puerto Rican girls who were dying to meet me. They seemed to be looking for a good time or something. Somebody to have a good time.
But there is… Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. There was quite the unhoused situation down there. But I’ll tell you, now, you know, there’s one thing that I cannot stand. Oh, here we go. Well, no, there’s more than one thing. There’s one thing in this story that I cannot stand. And that’s panhandling. But all of the unhoused individuals, as the proper way to say it now, nobody panhandled me at all. But they all seem to be very hot. Like overwhelmingly hot sitting outside. It’s too hot to panhandle. Yeah, it’s so hot. How hot is it? It’s too hot to panhandle. San Antonio is too hot to panhandle. Right. Even on the Riverwalk with the people who were hiding underneath the bridges that didn’t get shooed away by the police did not panhandle.
Too hot, man. Like, eh. Which I found rather intriguing, considering. I get peed almost everywhere else I go. Because I thought you were a woman. Like, I don’t want any boob money, you know? I don’t want any sweaty titty money. Yeah, we don’t want that. So we’re not going to… Here’s a dollar. Liz Ugly Broad. Liz Ugly Broad. She ain’t got no money. So yesterday evening on Sunday… The people that I was with, they wanted to do the little boat ride. Yeah. And so we did do that. And it was so sad. It was probably the saddest boat ride I’ve ever been on. You know, most of the time when you go on a boat, it’s a joyous occasion. Okay. I’ve been on many boats. And every time people are smiling, it’s a fun situation. Yeah.
Right? Love something exciting and new. So our guide was Sisto. Let me, uh, Cisco. I’m sorry. Sisto is different. Okay. Was he a friend of yours? No, he wasn’t a friend of mine. Cisco friend, friend, friend of mine. And Cisco was our guide. And we somehow, there was three of us all together. We somehow snuck on in front of a bunch of other people. Oh, nice. They line up to get on the boat, right? They fill up the boat. Yeah. Like, is there a group of three? And the first one of the people I was with was like, yes, we have three. And then we got to walk past all of these people who were really mad and get on that boat. Oh, I believe this. I 100% believe this. And then Sisto led us on. And he was really quite a good guy. So if you’re down the Riverwalk, ask for Sisto. He’s a good guy.
But the boat was dead. It was a dead boat. Like all these hundred-year-old people there or something like that? No, it was young people. I mean, there was old people, but there was young people. And we were sitting back there laughing, and he was telling corny jokes and stuff. But I thought he was very clever, and he had a whole routine that he was doing. All these people, silence. Silence. They’re on their tablets. Probably boring. And I’m like, God, I’m like this poor system. I gave him, I actually gave him a $5 tip. Wow. That you found. No, I didn’t find. Yeah. You probably found it. Yeah. Wow. Five bucks. Wow. Dang cash money. Mark this day down. Mark this day down, man. This guy’s, I thought he was, was rather clever.
And what I really liked was his use of technology. Oh? Yeah, so he had this really high-powered green laser. Yeah. Because a lot of the Riverwalk tour is architecture and history, right? Right. And so he’s, like, got this green laser, and he’s, like, over here, and he, like, shines this laser and wigs it around, right? Mm-hmm. And one of the – a couple of the places are, like – you know, places to stay. They’re like big hotels. Right. And I’m like, he’s like winging this laser on these people’s balconies in their windows. Oh my God. I’m like, who’s staying in there? It was probably like, what the fuck is that green dot? I’m going to kill whoever’s doing that. I’m going to get like, I’m getting sniped. People throwing their feces at you or something. Bastard.
But he used it the whole way, man. He was like, woo! But Sisto was really quite a good tour guy. I mean, it was like the deadest boat. I don’t even know what was wrong with these people. We did go at night. It was like 8 something. I don’t know. But it wasn’t that late. Come on. Yeah. Really? Yeah. all bad. He’s making all his bad jokes probably right yeah i mean you know, you have to be family friendly for these kind of things. Well, yeah. I mean, it can’t be all right so he you know, told some corny jokes about things and told history. It was really quite he did it quite. I thought it was a really respectable job. He did a good job. And, uh, yeah, but the laser thing was like he had a big flashlight, which was super bright.
and this laser and he would point it and highlight these various things as we were going along the river walk. And I thought it was like blinding light flashlight. He’d put on as well as the green lasers. So we’re right by the airport. And if you want me to flash a plane, yeah, that’s just taking off. I would be happy to do that for a $5 tip. And so I paid him $5 and now girl prison. Yeah. And he’s killed 300 people. So yeah, the, uh, Now, I went on that tour, what was it now, seven years ago? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, I mean, he told me stuff I didn’t remember from my last one, so. I’m like, that’s great. I’ve been on this once, you know. I didn’t know that. I said, thank you for all your knowledge. I’m going to give you five dollars. Here’s a nickel, little boy.
Wow, Mr. Big Spender. I know. Well, I was just trying to impress my workmates. Yeah, you’re like, ladies, ladies, excuse me while I get my wallet out. Hold on. I want to show you. Oh, Mr. Lament. I don’t have any, like, overwhelmingly hilarious things that happened other than kind of the nightlife. Well, I love to hear you getting panhandled. That’s always fun because I know you hate that. I didn’t get panhandled, though. I thought it was great. Yeah. But I will tell you that San Antonio continues in my large city tour that all smells like weed. Yeah. It did not let me down. It smelled just like weed everywhere. Worse than New Orleans? No. No, New Orleans. New Orleans so far has been the worst for panhandling and stinky weed. I did not get panhandled there once. Well, because you look poor.
And they’re like, eh. Yeah. Benefit of the doubt here, I don’t think. Yeah. Yeah. Asking that guy for money is, like, probably a crime. There’s, like, no way we’re getting, like, five bucks like that St. Louis guy, man. That’s right. He’s not loaded. Yeah. All I see in his eyeballs is cheeseburgers. Hey, what are you doing? Look, he’s got… Where’s that Johnny Rockets around here? Johnny Rockets in New Orleans. Lafitte. So, anyway. It was a good trip, but honestly, nothing super hilarious happened. Yeah, right. I was hoping, you know, usually something when you leave, something happens. Right. I mean, some rude people, some people asking you for money. Yeah. So, I just… earlier today got an uber back to the airport and and for some reason, whenever i started the Uber, it put the pickup point like around the corner, like five minutes away. And I didn’t realize it. And then we’re standing there i’m like well shit this this isn’t even where we’re at. I already had the uber driver. And so i i sent him a message and i said, hey, can you come over to the Crockett? Because we’re outside the Crockett.
and pick us up there. The dude went down the wrong way on a one-way street to come get us. That is dedication. Yes. So he got a big tip as well. Big broad wants me to come get her. I will come get her. I don’t care. Well, it’s so freaking hot. I’m like, I don’t want to walk. Huffing around. Little baby couldn’t handle the 90-degree heat. Well, yeah, exactly. Little baby couldn’t handle it. So then this guy comes around this minivan, comes charging up the wrong way on the street, and pulls in and picks us up. Pulls in like it’s old school. I was like, Oliverus, you’re our man. Thank you very much, sir. Yeah. Yeah. My brother from the gondola sent me. So that’s what happened to me. What’s going on with you, sir? You know, I pulled a Bob Lament, too, I guess. I don’t know. I cut the line. Yeah, I cut the line. I was an asshole like you, and I cut the line. What do you mean you cut the line? I cut the line. That’s right.
I did my time. I cut the line. No, we, uh, so, you know, we, we, we, we, we, we, the last year we started using like a new pharmacy and, uh, which is fine, but like they changed the goddamn hours, like weekly, you know, this fucking, okay. I’m like, well, I think it’s eight 30. I’ll go in there. Right. Okay. No, I hear you. No. There’s like a gate down, but there’s people inside. You can see people working inside, but the gate is officially down. Right, yeah. And I look down to like the waiting line, and there’s like at least four senior citizens down there. Besides yourself? Well, I guess technically I am a senior citizen. I don’t know. Maybe I am. What’s the cutoff? Depends where you go. Well, I could get a discount, I think, at Perkins, I think, because of my age. You know, I bought the ticket to the little boat ride by myself. Yeah. And the guy, he points down to this sheet. He goes, does any of these apply to you? Yeah. What are you insinuating, young man? Yeah.
Uh, let me see a veteran no uh no no he goes nothing i go i’ll just pay full price. Thank you. oh big spender. I don’t want the dollar off right oh that’s right you keep that effing dollar yeah i am i am a man i’m sorry go ahead And I had run out of, you know, I’m taking this new rat poison now because of my frickin’. You know, I tried to kill myself on my birthday this year by, you know, throwing a blood clot, basically. Yeah, I know. It’s terrible. I got to take, like, this rat poison for the rest of my life or some shit. Oh, my goodness. I’d run out. I’m like, oh, fuck. I let it run out. Fuck. This does not surprise me in the least. I mean, I have no one to blame but myself. Yeah. You know.
And I was honest. I said, hey, I fucked up. And so I go there. I’m all worried about it. I’m like, am I going to die? Because I haven’t taken this, you know, like a day. I’m like, fuck. And luckily, like the assistant pharmacist, like used to be part of a, not babysitting, but like a child care thing a long time ago. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t get weird. Don’t make it weird. You were part of a child’s ring. Yeah, they would just take children. They’d disappear. No, but my oldest son used to go there. Yeah, okay. And we still remember each other. It was like 100 years ago. She’s like, oh, now you’re infirmed. Okay, but you were infirmed whenever I saw you. I thought you’d be dead by now. Like, no, no.
So I’m like, hey, listen. You may consider my education. I became a pharmacist because I fear I’ll be getting rich off this stupid idiot. And you’re like, I’ll never see you again because you probably won’t live that long. And so the gate’s down. Everyone’s down in the chairs waiting, waiting, waiting. And I’m literally cutting the line to ask questions. Hey, I know you. Hey, remember me? Yeah, I remember you, yeah. My boy. Yeah, you remember you used to hit him, remember? And I didn’t even call anybody, remember i got you fired, remember? And, uh, now she’s, oh, yeah, now she’s very friendly, very nice lady, and, uh, you know uh you know you’re probably gonna be okay, but, you know, she goes, hold on, let me get the pharmacist for you. Like, he’s working on something, you know, diligently on a computer
You know, it’s probably getting ready for these old geezers waiting for their meds, you know, that they probably desperately need. She’s like, hey, Jeff, can you come over here? Oh, yeah, no problem. Yeah, he just comes over. Stop what he’s doing. Huh? He’s like, I don’t want to do this anyway. You’re like, yeah, F those old people. F them, man. Let’s go help your portly friend here. This guy looks jolly. So I re-explained it, like, okay, listen, I have this. He’s like, yeah, you’ll probably be okay. I think so, yeah, you’re going to be okay, I think. Don’t worry about it. Are you going to go dancing? You shouldn’t go dancing. I wouldn’t play any more pinball if I were you. How much Viagra do you take?
Might want to cut down on that for a while, too. And I can feel the eyes upon me. Like, I look down, and I’ve got, like, four people watching me. Like, you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. If only they had, like, medicine ready for me. I know. I wish they had like medicine to give me. Wouldn’t that be funny if they like handed it through like the gate, you know, like, Hey, we’re not supposed to do this, but, um, the gates closed, but here you go. It’s closed, but yeah, fuck it. You’re okay. Let’s go, man. You’re a friend of this lady. So it’s all right. Oh my God. You’re good. So totally cut the line like a jag off. Like, like what’s, what’s that guy getting all these blue pills for goodness. God,
Everyone downtown is at least 75 or older. They’re all… Yeah. It’s an asshole. You know that? You son of a bitch. I’m telling you. I got cancer. We don’t have much more to go, you son of a bitch. I just want to get your dick hard. Jesus. I should have gave everyone the finger when I left. Hey, I’m up. What is it, like some kind of 80s teen movie with old people now? What are you, Ferris Bueller? What the hell? I’m like, I’m Bob Lament. I’m throwing around my weight like Bob Lament. I don’t have to wait in line. I’m rich. I live in a I live in this gated community like Bob Lamont. You know? Waitings for idiots. That’s right. For old and poor people. That’s right. That’s right. You live in Russia. I live in America. America. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I felt so important. Well, thank you. Thank you, America. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It’s not who you know. Did you get your refill or what?
Uh, yeah, I was like, oh, well, yeah, we got it going on, but why don’t you call the doctor too? So we’ll double team them. I’m like, well, okay. Okay. It won’t be the first time. Yeah. You know, you got to do into the situation to begin with. Yeah. Boy’s got to do what a boy’s got to do. You know, I don’t care, but yeah, I’m a dick just like, you know, what’s up? Well, Hey, welcome to the club. Mm-hmm. You’re only as good as you think you are. I think you’re moving up in the world.

[su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/09/29/pharmacy-walk/” title=”Pharmacy Walk” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/09/29/pharmacy-walk/”