This Week

Durante shares insights into her unique transition from law enforcement to stand-up comedy, noting how her experiences on the force provided a foundation for her observational humor. She also discusses the logistical realities of her time in narcotics, reflecting on the team-based nature of the work and the socioeconomic challenges of the Bronx.

Beyond her career path, the dialogue veers into a freewheeling discussion covering topics ranging from the urban planning legacy of Robert Moses to contemporary politics and the history of comedy. Durante expresses skepticism toward public figures like Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and shares anecdotes about navigating the competitive New York comedy scene, including her development of a potential sitcom project inspired by her life experiences.

https://youtube.com/live/wjrNOPHSYyo

Bad AI Transcript

LeMent Tonight. How's everybody doing? I can't believe we're already in April. Can you? Anybody? We're almost in the end of April. It's almost May. I can't believe it, but we're so glad to have tonight's guest. Michelle Durante. How are you doing? I'm actually very good. I'm good. Very good. Very good. Yeah. That's fantastic. Yeah, we were having a little chat talking about some tips to rip off Instacart. Yeah. I think that's what I'm going to call this one. Tips to get massive downloads because of it, right? Yeah, how to rip off Instacart. 101 ways to rip off Instacart. Without screwing the driver. Yeah, exactly. Without screwing Instacart, but not the little people. Yeah, yeah. So now, do you know who Jimmy Durante is? Yep. Oh, okay, because I'm sure you get that a lot, right? I used to get it a lot more. Well, yeah, he's old and dead now. Yeah, yeah, they're dying out. You know what I'm saying? Now the only thing I can say is he played Frosty on the cartoon. That's right, yeah.Yeah. Any kind of achacha. That was my achacha. That was the Jimmy Durante thing. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's frosty. You couldn't believe it. Yeah. Yeah, that's like the saddest Christmas cartoon. Yeah. I mean, it still plays, so… I know. People know him, but they don't know him. One of those kind of things, right? Yep. Yeah. So… Let me give you a little introduction here. I know we just ran right into it, but Michelle Durante is a professional comedian, former New York Police Department detective. I better watch myself here. Who transitioned from a career in law enforcement to the stage. After graduating from the School of Visual Arts in New York City and serving as a detective in the South Bronx, she pursued her interest in stand-up comedy by attending Stand-Up University on Long Island. Wow.Her comedy is noted for its edgy observational style, which draws heavily upon her unique perspectives that she gained while on the force. Yep, on the job. Now, come on. So, I mean, were you out on the street every day busting people? What was it like being a detective in New York? I worked in narcotics, so we were out every… Single day, except when we all had court. We'd have a court day. Yeah. Because the days would line up that we'd all, we'd have to go to court. So we'd all have, we'd all have a court day. You know what I mean? But yeah, we were out there. Yeah. Oh yeah. Was it tough? I mean, that sounds horrible, honestly. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't horrible. I mean, you know, I worked with very good people and I, and we had a lot of fun. You know, the people that we locked up,For the most part, you know, they were like the hand-to-hand. You know, they were never the kilo king or queens, you know? Yeah. You know, and I remember we locked up this one guy. I locked up this one guy, two white guys, and they had a Honda, a small Honda. And I remember they came out of a building. You know, they didn't make a, they blew a red light or whatever. And we stopped them. We had the uniformed guys stop them. And so, you know, we're talking to these guys. They were from Accord, New York. And it turned out the guy had 200 bundles of heroin on him. Oh, my Lord. I remember bringing him in the back. And I said, bro, listen, this is a class A felony. This is like a murder. So I don't know if you want to help yourself out. He goes, no, I'll just take the hit. I go, okay, no problem, bro. I respect you for that. You know? So, I mean, there was things like that, that, you know, I mean, yeah.you know, you're not like you weren't there to, to, uh, you know, ruin their lives, so to speak. They were already out there doing it to them. Right. Yeah. They kind of already started that process. Right. Yeah. And you know, the guy, and we never really, you know, like the guys that would like take, they had one Sergeant that was big on taking like the guys for possession, you know, and you don't want to go with a heroin addict through withdrawal through central booking. Cause I'm going to be with this guy for the next eight hours. Right. You know? So, like, we used to let him sniff his dope, and then he'd hand the bag, and then we'd lock him up, you know, for possession that way, this way. You know? Because it's like, he's got to get his stuff, man. Wow. You know, that is very refreshing to hear. You know, you always see these things where it's so harsh and everything, and here you are, you know,Trying to be as humane as possible, given the circumstance. Yep, and I worked in Bronx Narcotics from, I think, 1996 to, like, 2007. You know, I mean, I worked there, and honestly, that's what happened. You know, that's what used to happen. Nobody, you know, there'd be, like, incidents that, you know, like maybe… you know, somebody got shot or, you know, whatever. A perp got hurt or something like that. But it was never anything, you know, like, we were never on the news. Let's put it that way. Oh, gotcha. It was all kind of just happened in day-to-day kind of stuff. Right. And plus it was the Bronx, and the Bronx is the most underserved community, you know, as far as housing. Like, it'll never be gentrified.I'm very surprised it ever gets gentrified and nor should it be because they should be affordable housing and it shouldn't be just garbage housing. Right. You know, and unfortunately the Bronx was one of those neighborhoods that was like basically disassociated and disregarded because Robert Moses built the cross Bronx expressway right through it and just tore up neighborhoods. Right. Yeah. There's a fascinating doc. It's weird. segue but fascinating documentary on, on how the boroughs yeah got divided by all the roadways and the subway and so forth. Yeah. There's a book i i forget the name of it about robert moses it's like it's like this i have it over on my bookshelf over here. I have to get the name of it, but, um, yeah, he did a lot of that. Like, that's why there was no, you know, like the parkways were just made. because if you know people from the city, they don't have cars, you know, it's stupid.Right, that's right. What are you going to do with it, right? It's just a big burden. Right, and, you know, whatever, you know, that's how he did it. Yeah, I think, yeah, he got carte blanche to do whatever he wanted, and so he's just like, okay, we're going through here, boom. He actually, in the book, it says, like, he actually, you know, then he got all these different positions, because he would, like, finagle his way in, like, see, I did this, but unfortunately… I live on Long Island and right now the Robert Moses Causeway that takes you to the bridge, to the beach is like last year. I remember me and my niece were driving and I'm like, well, I don't know about this. And like two weeks later, like pieces, some guy was out there on the great South Bay boating and he sees pieces of the bridge coming down, coming off of it. No, no, it's okay. And then, but now they're fixing it. So it's like, you know, that thing is ancient, that bridge. We got to get some spackle out here.You got to get something out there. You know who's working on that bridge. It's all the blacks and Hispanics that are working on it. All the people that he prejudiced against. Yeah. Well, that was part of the thing was he would cut neighborhoods because of their racial makeup. Oh, yeah. He was huge. Like even like when you see how when like the housing, especially in New York City, the housing projects, the way they're built, they're built like like very industrial, almost like they're brick buildings with like large iron gates around them, you know, and there's like, they're not, but they're not very like, they're not inviting you know what I'm saying? Like, it's, it's just the way it is and they get and they actually have a controversy about one of the, one of the housing projects is so bad that they want to, the tenants want to actually buy it. Yeah. And make it like they're, you know, or at least manage it themselves yeahBecause, you know, it really is like it's a shame because like, you know, they were made for people like, you know, low income. But like, it doesn't mean, you know, you have to let like they just are unbelievable. Right. Yeah. I worked with a team that we were undercover in the housing projects. We would have undercovers that actually like lived in the housing projects. Wow. And that's deep. they moved in, you know, they would set up the apartment with like pictures. And the only two people that knew was like the police commissioner and the person in charge of who gets the apartment. Cause they had to move them up on the rent list, like the housing list. Right. Right. Yeah. And then we would just do them in there and we were, you know, and it was amazing cause we would be in the Bronx and like, okay, you know, you do the takedown at three o'clock in the morning and you know,bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, no media coverage or anything. And, you know, because you don't want them to be able to notify their friends. That's right. You don't want word to get out. And so funny is like, I might have this guy. This is my subject....

Travis Walton Story

This episode of Mondo Freako features a lively discussion between the host and guest Jeff Revilla, the founder of the Poduty theater and network in Tarentum, Pennsylvania. The conversation blends local cultural anecdotes, such as the unique Primanti Brothers sandwiches of Pittsburgh and UFO lore like the Kecksburg "acorn," with a promotion of Jeff’s versatile physical and virtual production space. Jeff explains that his turnkey theater is designed for podcasters and content creators to produce shows with live or virtual audiences easily.

The second half of the program pivots to a deep dive into the 1975 Travis Walton UFO abduction case. After Jeff wins a trivia quiz about the incident, the two explore the enduring mystery, discussing the initial suspicion that Walton’s coworkers had murdered him, their commitment to their story through polygraph tests, and the skeptical view that it was an elaborate hoax to escape logging contract penalties. They conclude by reflecting on the cultural impact of the story and the allure of maintaining such a wild, lifelong narrative, regardless of whether it is true.

Poduty.com

https://youtube.com/live/fNi_FsZuRO8

Transcript (AI transcription)

So, Jeff, did you Poduty today? I did it twice, actually. Good for you. Welcome everybody to Mondo Freako. I'm glad you could do it. Yeah, you got to keep it going. We're going to talk today to Jeff Revilla, or I like to say Jeff Revilla. The San Francisco treat. From Fiduti, and he is going to be our guest, and he'd like to know what we're going to I'm not going to believe it, but I'm ready to hear it. Okay. We're going to talk about the Travis Walton abduction case. Interesting. Are you a fan of UFOs or UAPs or any of that business or any of the U's? I do. I'm a big fan of all the U's. Western PA has some great history. We have a place called Kecksburg, which is a UFO. I have been there.Yeah, so you know, Western PA, we got Bigfoot and UFOs. Yes, the wood booger. Yeah. I have been to Kecksburg, and behind the volunteer fire department is the ship that supposedly crashed in the woods. They have it. The acorn, right? The acorn, that's right. I pulled in there and took pictures of the acorn at one point in time, yeah. I love Kecksburg. I wish you'd have done Kecksburg. Why didn't I think of that? Oh, what do you know? What do you know? You would have thought that maybe I would, I would be on to you and I would have studied that. And that's what I'm, I'm waiting for the show to be about. Well, Travis Walton was from, uh, uh, I think it's Scottsdale, Arizona. So other end of the world, really. I know nothing about Scottsdale compared to the Kecksburg. So, uh, typically, well, first of all, let's get the, let's get the, the, uh,plugs in here because we have to, and I, uh, and i wish that i would have had this ready, but I, I just realized i don't well you're contractually obligated. Yeah. I want to, I want to talk about paduti.com right so this is a jeff's got a program or it's more than a program. It's a whole network. Well, it's a theater space, a physical space. Oh, right. That's right. It's a, it's, it's, Brick and mortar and virtual. Yeah, we do it all. We're a one-stop shop. You could actually take an Uber, come out into the theater, do your show, call your Uber while you're still on stage, get out of there, and I'll sell you the money that I owe you for doing the performance. So it's an easy turnkey way to produce a podcast, and you can do a live audience or a virtual audience. Or both. Do them all. Yeah, do them all. That's our tagline. Do them all.Do them all. Okay. Well, that's an interesting tagline. I will say that. And I believe it's at Padooty on most of the socials, I'm guessing. Yeah, or if I screwed it up, it could be Padooty Live or Padooty Pods. But mostly, if you do, I'm the only Padooty in the world. Oh, there you go. And so what would, like if somebody wanted to do it. So you are in Tarritum. Correct. Which is not too far from Pittsburgh. Get ready to do your drafts. I think the NFL draft is here, and they've taken over the entire city. Really? Yeah. Is that because of that show, The Pit? Yeah. That's right. It's got McConaughey and Noah Wiley. They're drafting football players. Are they really? Oh, wow. That's interesting. So if somebody wanted to utilize the space or…I know you do a show called Padooty in the News, which I was on. How would they get a hold of you? Yeah, Padooty.com, P-O-D-U-T-Y.com. It's a lot of fun, handshake deals. You either like working with me or you don't. And if you don't, we don't do it again. But if you do, we'll do some more gigs together. That's funny. You don't like it, you don't. You go in between. Yeah, you're going to like it. is there a Pittsburgh accent? Would you, do you have a Pittsburgh type type accent I don't know if I do I people say I do like, I, if you can't hear it, then I don't know if it is, but like, you know, you go downtown there and that like, it sounds weird when I try to do it you go downtown there and that yeah it's because I would think that, so like I live in St. Louis and so there's two,major cities in Missouri, St. Louis and Kansas City. And we sound exactly the same. But over there, you have Philadelphia and Pittsburgh are two major cities, right? And they're on either end of the state, kind of like here. But you guys have different accents, don't you? Yeah, different accents, different sandwiches. It's a big cultural divide. Oh, yeah. I've been to Philadelphia. I had a Philly cheesesteak at Pat's. You were a Pat's guy, not a Geno's guy. Well, no, I had both, but I can remember Pat's. Yeah. Geno's, underwhelming. Because they're across the corner from each other. We went and we had both, but I think my son, who was very much into this, he likes Pat's, and so Pat's was the winner. Um, but I think we had both and I know we had both, but, uh, yeah. So what's the equivalent out in Pittsburgh? I mean, like you eat a bar of steel. What's the deal. We grew up on just iron shovels of iron. You probably see it. If you ever watched Monday night football or any kind of sports show, they always show this one sandwich from Pittsburgh. It's called a Permanente sandwich. It's the one that has the meats, the cheese, the,The coleslaw, the French fries, the tomatoes, and two thick slices of like one-inch Italian bread. It's called a Primanti sandwich. It's about five inches tall, and it weighs probably five pounds as well. It's a perfect cube. How do you spell that? P-R-I-M-A-N-T-I-S. Primanti Bros. Ah. Manti Bros. Okay. I've heard this, but I don't remember. Let's see if… The next time you're in Kecksburg, I'll buy you a Permanis. Well, here, I'm going to… Let me see if I can get this over here. Technology. And let's see if I can throw it up on the screen here. You see? Throw it up. There we go. Does that look like it? That's a Permanis sandwich. That's it. Oh, look at that. Romantic sandwich. That's a lot. When you said French fries, I couldn't remember until you said French fries. Yeah, the French fries. And the coleslaw isn't like some coleslaws are like a creamy dressing. This is like a really fine angel hair shredded cabbage tossed with like an oil or more like with a vinegar, a little bit of salt, pepper, and sugar. Apparently, J.D. Vance got sick on one of these. That's why he keeps showing up in my pictures. I don't know what the hell that's for.I think they got sick of him and they threw him out. Yeah, maybe. He looks a little oozy in that one picture. They wouldn't serve him, I'm pretty sure. They declined service. They declined. So, well, that's good. I'm glad to know because I was in Kecksburg area. We actually were on the edge of Pittsburgh. We did not go into Pittsburgh proper when I was visiting. Oddly enough, I went there specifically to go to Kecksburg. Not a lot of places stay in Kecksburg. Okay. Once you got the photo, you were pretty much done with the town. Pretty much, yeah. I don't think it was a place to get lunch, as I recall. That's it. They didn't have a sandwich for me. I guess I could have hit up the fire department, but they weren't having the fish fry or anything. Yeah, chili cook-off. Yeah, chili or anything. It was just like, oh, we're here. And then we ended up having to go into the edge of – outskirts, I guess, the suburbs of Pittsburgh to stay and so forth. Yeah.Well, um, Oh, there's some Padootie up there. That's good. Anything else you want to promote before we move on to the next part? No, I, you know, I'm afraid to promote anything else. I don't know how much I want to be attached to, depending on what I say in the next half hour, but, uh, just remember Padootie.com and we'll catch up later. Yeah, there you go. Well, thanks. Everybody should go check it out. It's fantastic. And, and if you're happened to be in the Pittsburgh, uh, in the Terratum area, you should go to the theater. Check it out. We do monthly meetups to meet other podcasters, other content creators. We do a magic show or a comedy show or maybe just hang out. I don't know. We talked briefly earlier. A lot of times what I do is I will tell you the story of the Travis Walton abduction, butI also do a quiz, and I give the guest a choice. Do they want to try to do the quiz first or hear the story first? Because some people are really into these things, and they already know, or they just want to see how they do. What say you, Jeff? Well, my instinct is you've been a guest on another show I produce as a trivia show, so I'm a trivia host, which means I know everything, so I should be able to do this quiz beforehand and ace it. That's my prediction. I know everything. Okay. I know it all. Well, then let's head on over to the quiz, shall we? Let's go. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz. I like how I keep saying quiz. Don't you like that? You keep talking toward the music. I'm like, well, is he talking to me? Yeah, as if I'm singing that....

Bob blames Miles for the terrible movies being made for the streaming services, while Miles pitches a film idea where Bob gets killed by zombies and maybe sharks.

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THE LEMENT DELUGE

A 90-Minute Action Spectacular

CHARACTERS

BOB LEMENT (50s): A former combat engineer turned survivalist.

SARAH (30s): A local hydrologist trapped at the estate.

THE HORDE: A swarm of reanimated corpses.

THE PACK: A school of 200+ aggressive bull sharks.

ACT I: THE BREACH (0:00 - 30:00)

EXT. LEMENT ESTATE - NIGHT The Lement Estate is a fortress of iron and concrete nestled against a massive, government-built flood wall. Rain lashes down.

Bob Lement patrols the perimeter. He spots the "Shamblers"—the undead—emerging from the treeline. He engages with a suppressed rifle, thinning the numbers.

INT. LEMENT ESTATE - CONTINUOUS Sarah, hiding in the basement monitoring station, screams as a tremor hits. The pressure gauges hit red.

SARAH Bob! The wall! The integrity is failing!

EXT. FLOOD WALL - MOMENTS LATER Bob races toward the wall as it buckles. The concrete shrieks. With a sound like a thunderclap, the wall shears open. A massive, high-velocity surge of river water pours through, sweeping the incoming zombies away instantly.

But as the water clears, the real terror emerges. Dark, muscular shapes launch themselves through the breach. Bulls. Dozens of them, surfing the floodwater toward the house.

ACT II: THE FEEDING FRENZY (30:00 - 75:00)

EXT. THE SUBMERGED YARD - CONTINUOUS The house is now an island in a raging, man-made river. The zombies that survived the impact are trying to wade toward the porch.

A Bull Shark breaches the surface, its massive jaws snapping a zombie in half at the waist. The water turns into a chaotic churn of grey flesh and rotting limbs.

INT. SECOND FLOOR - CONTINUOUS Bob and Sarah watch from the balcony.

BOB They’re not just eating the dead, Sarah. They’re patrolling.

SARAH They’re trapped in the estate grounds because of the sediment berms! They’re hungry and they’re confined!

ACTION SEQUENCE: Bob and Sarah must move from the house to the reinforced workshop (a detached structure) to activate the emergency pumps. To get there, they have to navigate a catwalk above the water.

Sharks jump, snapping at their boots. Zombies grab at the catwalk supports. Bob uses a high-powered spear gun—designed for shark defense—to pin sharks to the mud while Sarah uses a flare gun to ignite floating debris, creating a "fire moat" to deter the predators.

ACT III: THE FINAL FLOOD (75:00 - 90:00)

EXT. THE WORKSHOP - NIGHT They reach the workshop, soaked and exhausted. The water is rising.

BOB If I open the secondary sluice gates, we can draw the water and the predators out into the low-lying basin. But I need someone to manually crank the intake valve inside the tunnel.

SARAH That’s underwater, Bob!

BOB (A grim smile) I’m a combat engineer. I’ll make it breathe.

Bob dons a makeshift rebreather. He dives into the churning, shark-infested hell. Underwater, the scene is visceral: a strobe-light effect of lightning illuminating sharks circling, teeth flashing.

Bob reaches the valve. A massive Bull Shark, scarred and blind in one eye, charges. Bob uses his diving knife, driving it into the shark's gill slit. He turns the valve.

THE CLIMAX The suction is immense. The water—and the sharks—are dragged violently through the drainage tunnels. The zombies are swept away in the wake.

The water recedes, leaving the estate a graveyard of shark teeth and shredded remains.

EXT. LEMENT ESTATE - DAWN Bob crawls back onto the porch. Sarah pulls him up. They look out at the landscape, now quiet.

BOB Think that’s the end of it?

SARAH (Looking at the dark water) Nature has a long memory, Bob.

FADE TO BLACK.

https://youtube.com/live/gAB0ndR8_8Q

Bob blames Miles for the terrible movies being made for the streaming services, while Miles pitches a film idea where Bob gets killed by zombies and maybe sharks.

Bad AI Transcript

Don't what? Don't tongue touch it. Hey everyone, this is Miles with Static Radio. I think each week you get more and more awkward. You mean in real life or on the show or? Well, yeah, all the way around. All together. Hello, everyone. This is Miles. Hi. Hi. Yes. I'm a noon teen. Yes, I'm Miles. I have candy in my pocket. Yes. Just in case anybody needs a butterscotch disc, I got you covered. Or a hat with three corners. What are you, like a reenactor or something? I'm reenacting. I like this show. You're on one tonight. Last night, we're off our usual schedule. Last night, Miles sends me a text early, which I don't check my text at night. Can you show up and feel a good guy headache? Yeah, I had a headache. Oddly enough, it was only words, text, but I could hear the voice. Can you do a good headache move? Yeah.So we're off our schedule, but that's fine. The response was weird, though. It was like, that's okay, honey. We can do it later. Yeah, I kissed you on the forehead. I know. I'm like, this is getting weird. I'm like, you know what? I'm never going to text him again. This is so uncomfortably weird. I'm like, no, I don't. I kissed you on the forehead, took your temperature. And not by mouth either. No, I just kissed you on the forehead. Yeah, okay. I'm uncomfortable. It's okay. It's okay. I said, Miles, it's all right. It's all right. You could be ill with a migraine. My doctor is Christopher Walken, I guess. That's right. That would be awkward. I have the cure. Do you have one?You take that watch. It's called gold infusion. Oh. It's like a suppository. Anyway. Yeah. I'm feeling good. I'm okay. I'll be all right. You know, I don't feel good. I just, I don't know. I got really bad bong bong in my head. It goes bong bong, you know what I mean? I just didn't have a story. I was like, fuck it. I don't have no story. Yeah, that's why I'm going to call in sick. I'm calling in. It's just like real life. I'm calling in sick. I'm calling in sick. So here we are. I did the best I could, for Christ's sakes. There we are. Here we are. So I blame you. Yeah. At this point, even though it really wasn't your fault because this happened before you canceled. Yeah. Well, it happens after you canceled, but before I knew you canceled. Right.So on Sunday night… Yeah. Now, my wife is going to be so mad when she hears me talking about this, but… There's this new Netflix show, which is like the number two Netflix movie or something called Thrash. Have you seen this? It's about sharks or something. Yes. It has Academy Award winner Damone… whatever his last name is. I can't even say it. Uh, he was an Amistad. He's been in lots of things, right? Very well trained, very good actor in this movie called thrash. Right. In which in North Carolina, I believe it is a, uh, hurricane hits ground and, but, breaks all the levees and bull sharks invade the small town on the coast and start eating people. Okay. Cause they didn't flee when they were instructed to. And so now they're stuck, you know, trying to survive the flood. Yeah. And we follow three, we have like three, four main stories, I guess. Right. Yeah.One of them is an abusive foster parent or parents. Yeah. One is the Demones. He's a shark. By the way, he is a shark researcher. Conveniently. Conveniently, yes. Well, he does have an air about him, so I would buy that. He's a very believable shark researcher. Okay. He is an Oscar winner, for Christ's sake. Yeah. And his niece is stuck. She did not leave. And so he's on his way to see her. And then we have this pregnant woman who works at a meatpacking plant. Yeah. This is important. Okay. Who has been abandoned by her loser boyfriend. And she's stuck. He used to work at the meatpacking plant as well. I bet. And so now she's stuck in this little town being the receptionist or something at the meatpacking plant. She's like fully pregnant. Yeah. Now, the reason the meatpacking plant plays into it is because a tanker full of blood isconveniently gets tipped over and all this blood's in the water. Yeah. Now, most people, I'm assuming, have never worked at a meatpacking plant. And I know you have. That's right. I have never seen a tanker A tanker, a tanker truck full of blood. Do you know how much fucking blood that is? Oh, my God. That's a lot of fucking blood, dude. I have never, ever. No, there was no blood truck. I would have remembered that. Blood truck. Blood truck, sir. Wait, did he say food? Did he say food truck or blood truck? Because I'm hungry. A tanker. A tanker. In the defense of Damone, who again is an Oscar winner, he did a really good job. And I must say that the effects in this movie were quite good. Now, is this a movie or a series? It's just a movie on Netflix. I'm assuming that Netflix…has shifted solely to the algorithm. And they're like, what do people, they type it in, you know, what do people want to see? Sharks eating Hicks. Oh, why not? Yeah. Why not? Oh my God. You know, everything was telegraphed. Um, I mean, the effects are good, but, Yeah, it just… Wasn't there something like this a few years ago, kind of the same idea, kind of, but it was like alligators or something? Yeah, it could have been, yeah. Maybe they just recycled that script. I don't know. I mean, yeah, okay. So I watched that on Sunday. I'm getting to the part where I blame you. I watched that on Sunday because my wife was like, she loves shark movies, and I go, I looked at it, I read the description, I go, this does notvery good. But it does have an oscar winner in it. And so we watched it, and it was mildly entertaining, but obviously very flawed uh this lady gives birth to a baby, and then she's surrounded in her own blood oh great god in the in the murky water that uh anyway she's wait a minute the

Miles helps Desiree with a personal issue, while Bob changes his ordering procedure.

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Miles helps Desiree with a personal issue, while Bob changes his ordering procedure.

Bad AI Transcript

Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world? And if you did, oh, she crying, crying, hey. I'm lying here with Linda on my mind. Hey everyone, this is Miles. Is that Conway Twitty? Yes, Conway Twitty, yeah. Are you a Twitty, what do they call those, Twitty Titties? What do they call those women that like Conway Twitty? I didn't know it existed, but I guess. Back in the day. I see. something like that. They had some kind of, you know, funny name for them. Uh, not where i came from, but okay. Yeah. Really? I was really, you know, those women with the like bleach blonde, tall hair, you know, where they had keep going out went out and bought like the leaning tower, a piece of hair for their head. Oh yeah. Yeah. That big beehive kind of bullshit you know yeah well we're going way back here, folks.Way back. Way back. Classic. I've got to tell you. Welcome, everybody, to the show. We're glad you're here. Thanks for listening. Really appreciate it. taking donations for the miles title ER fund. gone so much lately that, you know, he really needs to put in for a, you know. I need some adderall people, so come on, man. If everybody would just, here's my po box, mail me all your leftover drugs. Yeah, anything. Yeah. That would be like if you remember the soupy sales thing where he said to take Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would be you. You'd be like, I'll take any. Leftover prescriptions. Yeah. Don't even have to label them. And breast milk. Yeah. That'd be weird. Yeah. That was a weird thing to say. Yeah. Yeah. Fresh or frozen. I actually saw that on a, like one of those community boards there on something like some days I, I got plenty. So if anyone's interested. And look, that's a weird question. Now, would you give your, well, I know you would take it yourself, but would you give your child someone else's breast milk?I don't know how that works. Is that right? I mean, I don't know. I mean, you give other people milk and that doesn't seem right. Well, I know. I mean, what if the woman's a tweaker or something? You know, I don't know. People call me the space cowboy. Got breast milk on Craigslist. You see some weird stuff sometimes. I don't know. Some people call me. Miles title. I'm down with the breast milk of love. I like a sippy cup full of bee juice. Oh, I hope my family's not listening. Please. God. Yeah. If my nephew's listening, this is all scripted. So if you're listening, I'd be forced to read this. He's got blackmail material on me that I cannot shake all the way from my college days. Yeah, basically.So I've been forced to do this all these years because of it. I could not tell my story without… Don't blame your old Uncle Miles. It's not his fault. I'm trying to think of… I traveled and you think I would have funny things to talk about. Do you like to go out and eat? I did. Well, this is kind of funny because… Not because it was inherently funny, but I got an out to eat story for you. And you love to judge people. So go ahead. Continue. How's that breast milk tasting right now? So I was working out of town and I needed to get some food. I did not eat lunch. I skipped lunch because I didn't. I don't know. They had this kind of bagel sandwich thing going on. And I was thirsty for a teat. And then they'll have this stuff all over. I cannot stand my food smeared with other juicy condiments. Like breast milk? Or whatever. Yeah. If you put a little cornstarch in it, you can thicken it up.Make it into a nice spread. Put a little strawberry into it. It'll taste great. It's like quick. I'm like, okay, I'm skipping lunch because they threw all the sandwiches in a big kiddie pool full of mayonnaise or something. I'm like, I cannot. No, I'm not going to have that. It's not the salad I ordered. And they're like, Bob, do you want some lunch? I'm like, no, no. You know, there's always in the movie or whatever where somebody's not going to touch whatever it is, like shaking their head. No, no, that was me. But Marie, I am awful thirsty. Yeah, and so I skipped lunch. So I was really hungry, but then I had to do an evening thing. So I've wanted, I know you're going to,Was that like Buffalo Bill's dance in the Silence of the Lambs? Was that your evening thing where you talk a little and start dancing? That's right. What size are you? I picture that's your evening thing. Would you eat mayonnaise? I'd eat a mayonnaise so hard. I'm not eating the mayonnaise. It puts the mayonnaise on the bagel. It's the lotion in the bagel. I only had an hour to go get something to eat and get back. The problem was this venue was nowhere near anything. I wanted to have a nice salad and a steak. So I drove, they're both healthy. So, yeah, exactly. So I was, uh, I was sitting there not paying attention, which I should have been and looking up and I'm like, oh my gosh, I could eat a steak and get a salad and a steak here at the hotel. And it's going to cost me like $60. I know it was a fancy place and I'm like, but there's an outback about 15 minutes away.Yeah. So I hightail it to the Outback during my time. Mm-hmm. You know, I'm driving. You know, you hear like Dukes of Hazzard music in the back. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Because I'm down at Lake of the Ozarks, which is already Dukes of Hazzard country. You get to the DV car. Come on. Yeah. So I go screaming into the Outback, and I get seated. And this nice lady comes over is going to be my waitress. And she's like, well, you want to drink? And so I told her and, um, and then she comes back and she took a little long with the drink. You know what I mean? Sorry. I was almost on the clock here. I got to get out of here. Right. It was a big cup full of breast milk. It took me a little while. I'm sorry. Yeah.I actually had Coke Zero, which is my new drink of choice. Yeah, go ahead. Because, you know, I love Coca-Cola. But anyway, so she comes back with my Coke, and she's like, you ready to order? And I'm like, yes. And I go, don't delay anything. I go, I want it all as quickly as possible. You want an asshole. Jesus. I wasn't being mean. And she's She's like looking at me like, she's like, you know the salad will come out first, right? Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. I go, yes. I go, but don't delay anything. Just put it all in. I don't care when it comes out. I got to eat and get out of here. And she's like all confused. Mm-hmm. She's like, oh, okay. Mm-hmm.Anyway, she brings me my salad and my bread, which, by the way, they have the best bread. I don't know what the hell it's made out of. You know what the secret ingredient is, don't you? What is it? Brass milk. Yeah, I figured you were going to say that. But anyway, I really confused the hell out of her. And then she did bring me my food fairly quickly. Here you go there, Russian boy. Here you are. And it was actually really quite good. My wife asked me, she's like, did you send a picture to Miles of your steak? No, I did not. So I think that joke is worn thin now. Yeah. Yeah. But she really was put off by the fact that I wanted to have my food quickly. It's weird. Bob will send these pictures like, hey, this is from Tiger Tigers. So, you know, I'm like, well, come on, get the fuck out of here with that. So, yeah, but I thought I was being nice, right? I was like, I'm going to try to do this more. I'll be honest with you. Even though you think I'm an asshole.Oh, I know you're an asshole, and I don't think it. I know it. I know it. I've been too polite for too long, and I just need to put it out there the way I want things now into the world. As he makes fun of an old man a week ago on the show, by the way, yeah. Who was the old man? Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys are out of the restaurant. All these crippled people keep coming. You're making fun of some old man who probably fought in World War II. He could take you on any day of the week. I wasn't making fun of him. I'm just saying he's in better shape than you are. Probably. I'm like, yeah, I think this is the new approach. I'm like, no, I want this. The next night,I went to one of my favorite pizza places down Lake of the Ozarks called Pappos or Pappos. I don't know how they say it. And I'm by myself. I go sit at the bar. The waitress comes up. What do you want? Coke Zero. And I got a pizza. And I'm like, I don't even look at it in the menu. Give me this. And Coke Zero. Boom. She was happy. They both got 20%. Welcome to Areoles. So, you know, I'm just saying. Wow, it looks pretty hot looking. What's that? Was she hot looking? No, they were just waitresses. I don't know. Well, it sounds like you got something going on with those ladies at the bar. I don't know. No, no, no. I'm just saying I've taken this approach where I'm not going to the conventional method where you get your drink. I know what I want. I know what I want every time I go in someplace.I never go anywhere where I don't know what I want. I look at all the menus online and then I go there. Sometimes I do look at the menus online. But get in there. Get what I want. Get it ordered. Eat it. It's fantastically delicious. Ate at the bar watching the Masters Tournament on the television. Yeah. And got out of there. The funny thing on that one was when I came in the door, they They have a weird setup. You come into the back of the restaurant at Papo's. Because the parking lot's back there. Because down at Lake of the Ozarks, the land prices are sky high. And so everybody's got some kind of bullshit parking lot going on. So I happen to be just ahead of this herd of children. Out of my way.That's right....

Bob finally sees the world as it is and gets punished for it, while Miles just wants to watch an Easter classic movie with zombies.

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Bob finally sees the world as it is and gets punished for it, while Miles just wants to watch an Easter classic movie with zombies.

Bad AI Transcript

you to get thirsty in the middle of the show for christ's sake yeah exactly Thank you. What are you drinking tonight, sir? Tea. Sweet tea? Sweet tea. Stevia? Yeah. Sugar? No, it's artificial flavor. Just checking. Just checking. Nope. Let's check in. Oh, my Lord. Yeah. Lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy. Easter's over now. Yeah, happy Easter. 2026, if you're keeping track. Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail. Hippity-hoppity, Easter's on its way. Right up, up, up. Bring in all the girls and boys. Baskets full of Easter toys. Until Miles Title shoots his head away. Huh? I don't know. You're violent. You got a shotgun for Easter. You're going to use it. Yeah. That's all. Yeah. So the… The foot healing continues over here at the Lament Household. Yeah, how's the cripple doing? She's doing good. I will tell you, discrimination is alive and well in this country. You just now figured that out? Yeah.Uh, very discriminatory behavior. So for whatever, well, we went, my daughter was in town for easter and we went out to dinner, you know, we'd like to go out to dinner oh yeah and uh there's a whole conversation because my wife is somewhat incapacitated currently with her foot surgery. about how we were going to get the young lady to the venue and get her into the venue and get her seated. It's very packed. It's a very busy place. The tables are close together. It's a very popular place that we like to go. There's a lot of concern about getting her in and out. It's kind of like a high-level… kind of Secret Service-y, presidential-coordinated kind of a situation here. Right. And so we made a plan.and executed it perfectly. And we're in… So they have all these little rooms, right? It's like this restaurant with all these rooms full of tables where people sit and eat, you know. They're fantasy rooms. It's not like a… No, it's not like a big open space. A lot of… It's really like a house. And, like, we were in a room with a fireplace. I don't know. Welcome to the large cock room. And… You're stuck in the gutter tonight, aren't you? Oh, I am. Okay. So we get her seated and everything and everything's good. She's in a place where she can't get run into by other people or anything accidentally or anybody kicking her foot or anything. Right. Protected. We've got our escape routes planned.So anyway, the next thing you know, this old guy comes in with like a walker and sits down at the table next to us. And I'm like, well, and then we were giggling, you know, because they're like, oh, this is the handicapped room. Let's make fun of the man who lived through the Holocaust. That's right. Let's make fun of him. Holocaust Bill, he survived and here he is as a steakhead. I hope not. He's just an old guy, had a walker. And so my daughter and I kind of looked at each other and we're like, I guess this is where they're putting all the people with disabilities. And then, no wonder we said that, another guy comes in on a little scooter thing. Yeah. And then another. And literally everyone around usIt was incapacitated in some way, shape, or form. They bring in some guy in an iron lung. Could you make room, please? Yeah, and then these one people finished and left, and they were replaced by another person with a handicap. Well, you don't know. And I'm like, is everything else up like a ramp or something or a slide? I don't… You know? Yeah. I'm like, how can this be? Do they just clump them together? Is this some law in St. Louis? Yeah, I don't know. If I go to the bathroom, am I going to walk through the Asian room or something like that? No, you can't go in there. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. This is the hot models room. Sorry. Sorry, sir. No Jews allowed.All right. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So, yeah, no, it was like it was like everybody was lumped in that room. Yeah. I mean, it was it was spooky because I mean, we were just joking. And the next thing I thought just happenstance that this guy shows up at about the same time, you know. Yeah. No, pretty much. Pretty much a good portion of the room had somebody with some kind of disability. Okay. I'm like, this cannot be happening, honestly. Yeah. And people just kept coming in, and you're like, oh. Yeah. Well, this place is packed. I'm telling you. Everything had to be timed out perfectly so that we didn't have to wait a long time to get a table, you know. Yeah. It wasn't one of those freedom flights, you know, where all those old guys get flown over to. No. John Cena didn't have a pack of children in there with him eating steaks or anything. John Cena.This is the wrestler's room. Yeah. No, this is, this is the, uh, uh, make a wish area. Yeah. Now it gets, it gets better. I got another, uh, story for you. You're seated in the pool. They don't eat salad room. No, no, no, no. So we're, we're just not about them. This happened tonight. This happened tonight. Yes. So, you know, she has a hard time getting around. So we were sitting, uh, downstairs in our usual spots next to each other in the living room. And she's getting up out of her chair and grabs a hold of her little scooter thing, her wheelie cart thing, knee scooter. And I'm like, where are you going? And she's like, oh, I'm going to the bathroom and then I'm going to go upstairs. And I'm like, oh, okay.Then she proceeds to fall into me fist first. And she cock punched me really hard. Like full body weight on the knuckles right in the crotch. Right in the dick. Yes. Why would she do that? I was leaned back. I was reclined. I was all open. Eyes closed. Yawning. Yeah, so I start screaming. And she's like, I'm sorry. But then she keeps pushing because she's trying to get back up on her one good leg. Yeah, right. She's trying to bounce off your thing. She's like, ding, ding. She's pushing herself back up off of my squishy parts. And I'm like, oh, my God. And I'm partially reclined. So I cannot. If I move the recliner. Yeah. I'm not gonna crush your leg or something. I'm like, I can't move until you get up. And she's like, I'm like, ah!And then she starts laughing. And she has to go to the bathroom. You know, I cannot wait to see the cartoon for this one that you're going to come. I don't even know how you're going to show this. Yeah, I don't know either. Wife punches husband in the dick in the recliner. I don't know. Blue cat takes it to the dick. Yeah. So then she finally gets to stand up. She's laughing. She's like, I'm going to pee myself. I can't get to the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, Oh my Lord. I'm not going to survive this operation. Yeah, no kidding. You're going to be on a walker. Yeah, I'm like, God damn. I had to stand up because she pushed on me so hard that I needed to push everything back out, you know?everything retracted back in my body. Yes. It was like yeah like a forced turtle. My penis is like a turtle. I was like, Oh my Lord. I had to, you know, walk around a little bit, you know? Oh my God. I'm like, gosh, I've, I've de-aged. Yeah. A little bit later, and this is totally unintentional, but I had been putting off vacuuming and she finally got upstairs. Everybody was fine. She was laying with her foot elevated and I hit her in the foot with the vacuum hand. Accidentally. Totally accident. Her bad foot? Her bad foot, yeah. Sorry. So anyway, we're surviving. Oh my God. Barely. Who are those guys from the Muppet Show? Waldorf? Yeah, exactly. Stadler and Waldorf. Yeah, I was like, you guys were like Stadler.Yeah, it was, it was, uh, but the thing she couldn't get up, she just kept pushing. Yeah. Oh my Lord. Yeah. Wow. I mean, my kids are all grown up. I haven't been nutted like that for years where the kids like just run into you you know yeah oh yeah kids love to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Bunch of the nuts. She hasn't reached that fast for my penis in years. I feel like I'm 18 again. I'm back at McDonald's. I said, what's going on? So anyway, what's going on with you? I got punched in the penis. Did you really? No. For some reason, I think yours would be self-inflicted. That has happened, yes. No, I did not injure myself. Thank God. Injuries here lately. No injuries, no death, nothing. It was holiday weekend, but my kids are grown now and one son had to work and the other one had some other commitments. We really didn't do much for the holiday. So I thought,Why don't I watch a fuck movie? Oh, you, you set me up for that one, mister. I know before, before the show, Bob had mentioned his daughter was in town and she wanted to see a movie. I said, Oh, what an F movie. And he got a little upset by that. And I would joke that his daughter would say those words. So I thought, I'm going to watch a good religious movie. I'm going to watch an old Spanish movie from the early 1970s called The Tombs of the Blind Dead. I've never heard of this. It made absolutely no sense at all. Who made it? Alejandro Dronowski? I don't know. I have no idea. What's the name of it? I'm going to look it up. I think it's called Tombs of the Blind Dead. I have something to say here, too. I was going to watch this other movie I saw, but I knew it would have to be English subtitled. I could not find it in subtitles. I thought I might invite… La Noche del Terror Ciego. Yeah.I know it's one movie is a war movie. I was going to watch, but I go, I might have to have Miyagi come over here and like translate this movie. I like, no. Okay. So I watched this movie. Absolutely made no sense. It's totally like nonsensical. I'm like, you know, I was like,...

Miles takes in more of the countryside than he expected, while Bob gets bested by a grandma.

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Miles takes in more of the countryside than he expected, while Bob gets bested by a grandma.

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Yeah, it's live streaming. Live streaming is on. That's right. Oh. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Static Show. This is Bob. Closing time. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. Welcome to Static Radio, man. Glad you stopped by. Have a seat. Closing time. I knew that'd get you all down, you know, memory rough. You'd be like, oh, I love that song. I love it. Birth, school, work, death. I don't know what I've been told. That's the Godfather's birth, school, work, death. We were having a bunch of old songs tonight we were listening to, which used to be new songs, but now they're old songs. Thank you very much. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Time flies. Yeah. Time flies. Well, I'm back in the studio, so CB reported in that there was a problem with the show last week, but… Yeah. Yeah, he told me. Oh, okay. You guys chatted, did you? We had our girl talk. Secret passing notes under the desk, were you? We spilled the tea. But the file seems fine, so I don't know what happened. I clicked on it. I heard the whole show. I heard the whole goddamn thing. I heard my whole story. He's not very bright. Yeah, well, I don't know. I think there was something wrong. Yeah, with him. Can't figure out what's going on. He's a mental patient. He couldn't figure it out. He's like mental. We'll see what happens this week and hopefully it'll all be fine. He thinks he's a titmouse. Closing time. My friend CB the titmouse. He's a titmouse. He's a little titmouse. Is a titmouse just a tiny mouse? I mean, is there really? You know, I don't know. You just like saying the word tit. Yeah, I know. It's funny. If only there was an ass mouse. Yeah. I don't have many story choices this week, and I'm trying to decide which boring ass story I'm going to tell. Yeah, I know. I'm waiting. I'm like, okay, when is he going to throw out the first pitch, man? Come on. Let's go, man. Closing time. Oh, Christ. One last call for alcohol. Before you… Give me a whiskey or beer. All right. So I talked about my wife last week, so I'll talk about the aftermath of what happens when my wife is not around. So as you know, and I know you don't want to hear about this because you always get all weird when I talk about it. I am trying to better myself, and I have gone swimming. I go swimming, right? I'm glad you swim. Oh, thank you. I thought you were going to get weird again for a minute. No, I'm glad you're doing something with your life, you know, swimming. Yeah, but now usually my wife and I go together. And she's out of commission, right? So she can't go swimming. And so I had to go by myself. So I get up. I go to go swimming. And I'm getting prepared. It's just a bunch of old people. You know, it's terrible. Okay, I'm getting really upset with this. And you do lap swims. So I'm swimming laps, right? So there's these lanes, you know. So… Well, no, that's what they have. That's part of the exercise, right? So I get there and there's four lanes open for lap swim. Three of the lanes are taken. Okay. And there's one lane open. I come in. Nobody else is there. And I'm getting ready to get in the water. I have some earplugs and stuff that I put in. And I'm standing there, and then this old lady comes in the pool area. And I swear she clocks me, right? What? She looks over at me, and she looks out the pool, and there's only one lane left. Yeah. And that old bitch jumped right in the pool and took it. Mr. Rogel, I used to be the state swimming champion. Let me do it. Was it Shelly Winter from Poseidon Adventures? Yeah, because she's probably like 75 years old or something. Reverend, let me do it. She makes a beeline and steals my lane. I was already there. I was just trying to get my earplugs in. Yeah, snooze you lose. Now, most people know the etiquette. You know, when you're there, Then you get the spot, right? No. Oh, no, granny. Right in the water, right over to my spot. I didn't see you. Then I had to swim in the non-lane area. I know. It's not as fun. It's not as interesting. Yeah. But that's what happens because my wife, if my wife had been there. Oh, yeah. Well, number one, I take too long. That's what she always says because I'm always like, you know, piddling around. She would have not stood for it. She would have been like, Mabel. Excuse me? Mabel. Get your ass out of here, you little dyke. Get out of here, you bitch. Yeah, so this is my life now. I just get trodden upon because I don't have the enforcer with me. With the old people, you know. Bob, quit looking at Dong in the locker room and get out of here already. I'm looking at Dong. Hold on. I was talking to the Iron Man guy. Quit talking to the Iron Man guy. So anyway, that brings me up to 1982, I guess. Yeah, so I get trodden upon now that I don't have my wife. Oh, you got bullied. bullied by uh an old lady by a grandma yeah yeah great grandma nowadays. Yeah, no kidding. I was just like, holy, I'm like, I can't believe this because i knew she was going to do it. I was like, uh-oh. But I just can't, you know. Yeah, so shelly winters beats you into the pool and that's right yeah here i'm like oh jesus i couldn't believe it, though, because, I mean, it's kind of an unwritten rule that you, when the person who's there gets the spot. Yeah, I don't know. I don't swim, so I don't know. Well, I'm telling you. I just told you. It's like bowling has etiquette, for instance, right? Yeah, exactly. It's like bowling. If you are putting your shoes on and sitting in the lane and then somebody runs up and takes the lane, that's not the way it works. Hey, man. Did you do like your best George McFly? Yeah. Hey, get your damn hands off that lady. I just was like, whatever. I'll swim in the big open space. Whatever. I don't. I'm like, but I was like, you know, she knew it. I mean, it was all you could tell in her eyes. She's shifty. She's shifty. Grandma. There's my Barker or something. Yeah. No kidding. Who knows what happened? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, that happened to me, and I was like, well, I come home, I tell my wife. She's like, what? You tell me her name. No, she's just like, you're so goddamn slow. Why are you so slow? That's why you lost it. All of a sudden, she's like Al Capone in The Untouchables. I want her dead. I want her family dead. I'm going to strangle her with her own swim fins. Yeah. Her floaties are going to go right back. That's right. I'm going to put floaties on her ankles and stick her in head first. I couldn't believe the grandma took my spot. I was like, surely. Oh, no, she did. I was just shocked. The world changed. Did you cry? No. In the pool, they can't really see you cry. Yeah, that's good. You look like you got tears all the time. And anyway, I got my laps in, and I was like, God damn, I can't believe this woman. Jesus. The balls. Yeah. What did she do to children, for Christ's sake, this person? I don't know what's going on. The hoop spa. Yeah, the hoop spa. The hoop spa. This Yenta jumps in the pool, and you don't have time to cut bits with her. Oh, yeah. Yeah. you're like Shabbat Shalom Boobie so yeah I was a little bit taken aback. I would say so we'll see what this week holds for me so far. No other incidents. I want to see like two grandmas knock the shit out of you one day although should I feel bad when much fatter people come to the pool? I always feel good. I'm like, wow, look at that guy. He's huge. Look at the teats. I mean, he makes Miles Tidal look like an infant. Oh, yeah. No kidding. This guy showed up. I'm like, oh, my Lord. How's this guy going to get in the pool? The lifeguard better be doing some calculations because we're losing a lot of water on this one. And he cannonballed into the pool. My God, the guy jumped right in. Yeah. I was like, holy schmoly. I looked at you like, hey, that broad's got no top on. Earthquake. Yeah. I'm always like, well, you know, not so bad. Jackknife. Not doing so bad now. Belly flop. No, there's this old guy. He looks like Peter Ustinov, who nobody will know who that is, but… He looks like Peter Ustinov from Logan's Run, and he comes and gets in the pool. You've just lost, like, the whole audience at this point. Hey, you know, Dark Shadows, remember that? Remember that show we were just watching? Remember that show? Leave it to me. Yeah. Wink a dink and you, remember that show? Well, the world is at our fingertips. Just go to IMDB or Google it. I know, I know. Well, yeah. How many people are going to do that? AI is flashing pictures of all this to people while they're listening. People are at work with headphones on listening to the show. They don't have time to Google. Oh, sure they do. Look up Peter Houston. He was a great actor. He was in the Logan's Run. He had all the cats anyway. Yeah. Which Logan's Run is a pretty interesting movie. Yeah. Anyhow, what's going on with you? I was watching Logan's Run. I'm getting beat up by grandma. Yeah, I know. I know. Sorry. I'm not very talkative today. I'm sorry. I had a little incident yesterday, actually. Really? I really didn't do anything this weekend, which I hate. I hate. I hate. But it's just one of those weekends. Nothing happened. Wow. My God. You're. How many more miles can you put on your car for Christ's sake? I don't know. I'm riding on a flat tire this week. I suppose maybe it'll be fixed if I leave it in the driveway for a couple of days. Mr. Miyagi might get a hair up his ass. I go, you know, I've got permission to go on some private property, some acreage. What are you going to do on that? I brought my dog, my old dog. Oh, right. Yeah. You love to go. Uh, yeah. And there's a Creek in there. So I'm like, Oh,...

Bob pulls a Miles and tries to exact a bit of revenge on his injured wife, while Miles freaks out as he now has to go to a funeral.

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Bob pulls a Miles and tries to exact a bit of revenge on his injured wife, while Miles freaks out as he now has to go to a funeral.

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All right, fellas, let's go. static hey everybody welcome to the show this is bob Welcome to Channing's Charges. This is Myers. Harold Channing here. I'm way too comfortable tonight. Sorry. Are you eating beef jerky while you're trying to record? That's right. I got some jerky. Yeah. Actually, I bought myself a And now here comes the Jimmy Stewart story. I bought myself some pizza Pringles tonight. Oh, it sounds like someone's had a little bit too many… What? No, it sounds like you kind of slashed your words there. Hey, everybody! Hey! No, I… Yeah, I… i'm out of town uh tonight and I've, uh, typically when i go out of town, which i did do tonight, I usually go by some place and i pick up, uh, you know, something to drink. Yeah. Not alcohol necessarily, but something to drink to have in my room uh because i'm gonna be here for a few days and i get a couple of snacks and i got some popcorn, which, you know, I,I cannot live without popcorn these days. Yeah. And then I said, well, I'm going to get something else. Yeah. And I wanted to get pizza combos. Yeah. I love those. Those are just so great. Yeah. They did not have them. All they had was the nasty cracker combos, cheese cracker combos. And so I'm taking a leap here. And I got pizza Pringles. I haven't tried them yet. That's the tomorrow snack. For a guy who's always preaching about eating salad, this is a little shocking. I don't preach about eating salad. I just tell you that I eat some salad. So, you know. If I could just put salad in a Pringles can, I'd be all set. Salad Pringles. They did have… They had quite a selection of Pringles. They had fully dressed Pringles, which I did not get. I don't know what that means. Yeah, I was hoping you'd enlighten me. I have no idea what that means. I looked at the can and I'm like, I don't know what this is going on about. But I had a weird feeling it included mayonnaise. And I'm not a big fan.And I think they had loaded baked potato Pringles. Okay. All right. You like that one? Okay. Yeah, I'd try it. Yeah, why not? And then they had the more pedestrian sour cream and onion and cheddar cheese Pringles. And the Western salad. And they had no regular Pringles. They were all out. So I'm like, all right, I'm going to live large today. I'm going to get the pizza Pringles and we're going to find out later. I'm going to break out the old wallet here and we're going to try it out. Tune in next week. Explosive diarrhea. See how well these pizza Pringles go over. Maybe my new addiction here. I don't know. Are you okay? You're acting a little weird tonight. I don't know. I've had some weirdness go on in my life. Oh, really? Okay. Well, there you go. I am high atop the Flynn building here. I own a mountain of Flynn. I was just telling Miles I'm on the 37th floor of this hotel. And a helicopter…was outside my window landing on a lower building. Yeah. I have never seen that before, and I probably won't see it again, I don't think. I've just seen Steve McQueen and Red Button. Dollar and Inferno. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, don't, please, don't. Don't jinx me. Next week, the… Don't jinx me. I'm in an infamous building as well. It's very infamous. I guess I'll say it. I am in what used to be called the Hyatt Regency in Kansas City. Yeah. And, you know, people have to be a little bit knowledgeable, but this is the site of the worst architectural failure in the United States ever. A hundred and some people died in this building back in the 80s. Is it haunted? We'll find out. I will report back. It'll be next week's show will be Pizza Pringles and possible dead ghost who fell from a balcony. And if you want to go see Bob, he's currently on the 10th floor in 1003 if you'd like to knock on that door. Yeah. You would love to have guests, especially really late at night. So if you want to go. I think I'm on a restricted floor, just so you know.Restricted? What's that? Well, when you're so high up in the building, you have to have a key card. Oh, I see. The elevator, like, does not go that high. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, I didn't really want to talk about any of that, to be honest with you. Yeah, I'm surprised you did. You're Mr. Secret. Yeah, I usually don't disclose, but since no one's going to hear this until after I'm gone, it's fine. Um, no, I wanted to, I wanted to, uh, so this is more, this is more of a miles title story. I'll be honest with you. Every week. I hear this every week. I hear this. Except my normally wouldn't do, but, uh, you know, so, uh, recently my wife hurt her foot. Okay. And she had to have surgery. Mm hmm.And she's been kind of incapacitated because of this. And so, you know, she can't walk on her foot. And I've been helping her and so forth. And here's where the Miles title part comes in. I've been a little bit… Yeah, go ahead. A little bit ornery about it. Yeah, yeah. Because… you know, if you've listened to this, I have been laid up on more than one occasion because I've hurt myself and this goes all the way back to my college days when I tore my ACL and I haven't, I've been in the position that she's in where she's kind of a little bit helpless. Right. And I was helpless when we were younger. And she was not always the nicest. And there was a lot of, you know, come on, Bob, quit being such a pussy. You can't be in that much pain. Bob's spilling the tea tonight. Yeah. So I was like, and then now, of course,So what happened with me is I had laparoscopic surgery on my knee. I'd hurt my knee. I bent it backwards. And I had laparoscopic surgery. Basically, I bent it backwards and it stayed like that for, what, like two weeks or something before I get surgery? Anyway, I had surgery. And then when we were in college, and so we were living together in college, and I basically lived on the couch then for a good, weeks and I was like god I have this like one spot on my knee it feels like it's on fire and I'm in like such horrible horrible pain and then well do you come into the story a bit because I they gave me a bunch of Tylenol with codeine mm-hmm which which I took and then I couldn't stay awake all right and so I stopped taking it because I literally would just like not off randomlyAnd then I took it. And then you took it. Yeah. I took it for you. I thought we both should experience the same thing. You swung by. I go, God, this Tylenol with coating is killing me. I can't stay awake. You're like, oh, I could use a little bit of that. Yeah. And then you took the rest of it. And so anyway, so then my wife now has got Tylenol with coating and She's got a spot on her foot. She's like, oh, my God, this is the most painful, right? This one little spot. So whenever I finally got my bandages off and everything, it literally was like one. It was one of the entry points for the laparoscopic was what hurt so bad. It literally wasn't even more than a stitch. One stitch. It was driving me bonkers. And so now she's got one.because she had laparoscopy, too. She's got one stitch that is just driving her totally effing nuts. It's just the pain. It's searing. You know, the medicine doesn't even help. Oh, I'm waiting for those bandages to come off, because it's going to be one little knot. And so then, yeah, I can say, oh, now, look, she saw it. She saw my little stitch. She's like, oh, my gosh, you complained so much. I thought you were going to have a big, gaping hole in the side of your leg. Just one little knot. And I'm like, oh, my God. Baby Bob. Yeah. Oh, my. I got so much crap during that time period. Well, since then, too, because I've re-injured myself like several times. And I basically, you know, become somewhat immobile because of it.Packing on some pounds too. Yeah. Well, that, that too. Well, I, yeah, but that, but when I hurt my knee a couple of times, uh, since then and basically been on crutches and whatnot. So, um, yeah. And the other thing is you can't use crutches. Why? Well, she, I didn't realize that you couldn't know how to not use crutches, but yeah. She basically just almost falls over when she tries to use them all the time. And I'm like, you can't line them up. You've got to keep the crutch away from you. Right. The next thing I know, I'm walking with her, and she's got the crutch going, and then she's falling over. And I'm like, hey. I'm like, you can't do that. They're not like legs. They don't work like that. Basically, it's like you're leaning on them. You just have to have them at an angle. Anyway, yeah. I'm trying to help her, and I'm like, God, you're the worst goddamn person on crutches I've ever seen in my life. Oh, God. I didn't realize people had such a learning curve for this.I, that's weird. Have you ever been on crutches? I have no idea. Uh, I think I have. Yes. That's why you were in that big car wreck. So, uh, yes, that's true. That's true. You, you broke your pelvis or something. Yes, I did. I walked on a cane for a while. Yeah. Yeah. So you know how to use crutches. Yeah. You put them, you, you use them together. Okay. You kind of, uh, Uh-huh. They move together, and then you kind of move them yeah and you you know i don't know, once you get the hang of it, it's no big thing, but yeah imagine an adult would not grasp the concept of well she's never had to do it, ever. So. Yeah, it was always the first time. You know, so it's like, but i'm like, yeah, it's like remedial crutches. I'm like, oh my lordJust like I was in remedial band. That's right. I'm like, thank God you don't have cerebral palsy or something....

Miles gets bamboozled into a strange work duty that leaves him without proper facilities, while Bob marvels at how he and Michael B Jordan sat in the same booth at In-N-Out.

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Miles gets bamboozled into a strange work duty that leaves him without proper facilities, while Bob marvels at how he and Michael B Jordan sat in the same booth at In-N-Out.

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It's on. It's on. Let me see that. I want you all to sing along to the fifth dimension now. Hey, everyone, this is Miles. What song are you going to sing? The fifth dimension. You have to get some better references, I think. No, I was just watching that DTF St. Louis. Oh, you were? I haven't watched it yet. How was it? Boy, if you like dong, man, is it loaded? Oh, really? Well. I know you don't care, but there you are. I don't care. I think that's fine. No, I don't. Yes. I don't know. Whatever. I'm a little old-fashioned. How many different penises would you say you saw on the show so far? I don't know. So many you can't count? There was just one is enough. One. Yeah, one.I think you're right. No, it's good. Besides that, Jason Bateman, oh, he's great. Linda Gargolini. Did Jason Bateman show his penis? Is that what you're talking about? No, no, no. What about the Stranger Things guy? Well, I can't really go into it. Oh, okay. It's one of those you have to see it? Yeah. It turns out Linda Cardellini is actually tucked. which is like the surprise shocker, like the Stomelon twist that you were not expecting. Oh. Yeah. Why would you reveal that? You wouldn't talk about the stranger thing. I thought you were going to watch this show, so I don't want to ruin it for you. Yeah, you'll just tell me that. Oh, Linda Carlini, by the way. No, I made that up. Oh, okay. There you go. I do. I am curious to watch it.I doubt if it was even shot down here. I'm sure they have some establishing shots or something. I think I saw your house in the background. It wasn't there. Are they in the burbs or are they in the city? They're in the burbs. Is there a city called Twyla or something like that? No. I made it up, I think. Oh, they wouldn't do that. They're going to show dicks. They're not going to pick anything up. Yeah. penis is the only honest. Yeah, it's not an honest show unless you see all yeah if you see a penis, it's an honest show for christ then you know it's real. Yeah, salt of the earth. Yeah, that's what i can't enjoy myself i yeah i um i do have that on my, uh, list of things to watch. I think you would enjoy it well okay good is it funnyDid you know? Well, see, I saw the preview, and I thought, hmm, this is right up my alley, you know? All right. We're going to show dicks. Yeah, like, no, no. No, like, Linda's at this ball game with Jason, and she's got this beers in her hand, and she puts one in between her legs. And she's like, this one's for you, Bob. And he's like, no, no, no, I can't. She's like, yeah, I know. All right. Can I have a straw? Huh? That would have added something to it. Yeah. Yeah. They're a Bush stadium, which. Oh my God. I didn't look at that. That's the funniest joke. I didn't even think about it. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Bush, which is, yeah. And she puts the beer between your legs. Huh? Yeah. Huh?naturally brewed. She didn't call herself, you know, get your beer from Little Augie, did she? Yeah, I don't know. It's my own IPA, you know what I'm saying? Belma from the Scooby-Doo movies? Oh my gosh. Yeah, so I see the preview, I'm like, oh, all right, this is right up Miles' alley, and then I start watching, I'm like, pump the brakes. It really is up my alley. so i think you'll like it. Okay, well, I'll check it out. I've got, for some reason, I've got uh things stacking up here, so. Yeah. On the show front, because i like to have a good show, you know. All the kids, you know, from stranger things do cameos and stuff they're all We're all 18. We're going to show our dicks. Yeah, the kid with no teeth shows up. You're a bush team. This beer tastes a little flat. Got a hair in it. What do you call this? Chlamydia. Nice, nice.I love to watch these shows that supposedly take place in places that I've been just to see if they really were there. There's a lot of product placement, too, in it. Oh, really? Because Ozark was not shot in the Ozarks. I've been to the Ozarks many, many, many times. Many times. And there's a few scenes that are actually in the Ozarks. Very few. Most of that was not shot in the Ozarks, I can tell you. I believe it. Yeah, it was shot actually up in Michigan. Toronto. Yeah. No, Michigan. Michigan. No, no. That was a good show, too. I didn't watch it. Oh, you didn't? Oh, you should watch that. Uh-oh. I'm watching One Piece right now. You watch One Piece on Netflix? No. Oh, you should. It's a good show. I'm going to research shows now. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to research the shows a little bit.I don't think you got your free subscription to Mr. Skin anymore. Yeah, I know. Stupid jerk. Bastard. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, so, you know. I don't know. Does he talk about penises? I have no idea. You're the one that researched. You actually went on Mr. Skin when we actually had that. Well, don't make it sound like it was just me on there. Now, you… No, I never even looked at the site. I think you did. I did not. Because you already nabbed the free one. Yeah. Snooze you lose, man. Whatever, man. There was only one free subscription, and so you got it. Right. Correct. Oh, like you'd be on there. You'd be like, no, I can't look at it. Don't show me. don't show me. The puppet show. The puppet show. So, yeah. I do think that uh we'll claim we'll lay claim to this, whether it's true or not how's that okay that we got Mr. Skin in trouble with howard stern yeah yeah yeah i don't know if people know that yeah so mr skin was on our show many, many, many moons ago. AndAt that time, Howard Stern was actually syndicated on regular radio stations, and he was on the station here in St. Louis, and I was listening to it. And shortly after Mr. Skin was on our show, Howard Stern yelled at him on air and said, what are you doing all these other shows for? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And he had just done our show, so there you go. What? We were talking about Ruth Gordon. I mean, what? Come on. Yeah. You know, I mean, come on, Howard. Geez. Give me a break. Well, that's my territory. Oh, you know. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. Robin. Robin. Let me tell you, Ruth Gordon, the sexiest woman, Robin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that was, that did the, it was a weird coincidence that actually happened. Well, another bridge burnt. Yeah. Go put that in the list. So, uh, did you watch the Oscars at all?No. Do you have any knowledge of the Oscars at all? I know that Amy Madigan won. Yes. Yeah, she did. Is her happy about that? Because that Amy Madigan, she's really… I tell you what, she's no Ruth Gordon, but man, I'm telling you, if you don't know who Ruth Gordon is… She's the 21st century Ruth Gordon. She's a poor man's Ruth Gordon, if you ask me. Oh my goodness. If you saw her portrayal in, uh, that movie, uh, weapons, imagine a woman called Ruth Gordon that looked like that basically. Now, the interesting thing is there was a movie with Nicholas Cage where he played this really weird character. Oh, gosh. I'm going to blank on the name of this now. It was like a really far out weird killer character. Hannibal Hamlin. No, now I got to go look it up for fuck's sake. Oh, let's just stop the show. Everyone just go ahead and… Yeah, everybody justI got to think of the name of this thing off the top of my head here. Long legs. You got those long legs. He said that it was really weird. So, yeah, long legs. But he didn't want anything for that. And her portrayal was, you know, it was just as creepy, maybe creepier. I don't know as Nicolas Cage in that movie. So, yeah, long legs. So, No, what got me was, speaking of earlier saying I like to watch things where places that I've been, Michael B. Jordan won Best Actor for Sinners. Did you see Sinners? That's a pretty good movie. No. Oh, you should watch it. I think it's on HBO or something. You should watch it. And he decided to go to In-N-Out Burger after the ceremonies. I did see a picture of this. I…I probably sat in that booth at that In-N-Out Burger. With your own trophy. That's right, with my own trophy. That you carry around, World's Best Dad or something. Yeah, something like that. I can't remember. Best Dressed. Best Dad might be more closer than Best Dressed. Yeah, I was like, wow, look at that. Michael B. Jordan's at the In-N-Out Burger where we go, where we've been several times when we visited California. There you go. And, you know, everyone here, the reaction at home was exactly the same as what you did. Son of a bitch. they're like, yeah. So what? You and about a bazillion other people sat in that goddamn booth I'd been no I'd been excited I'd be like, hey, I farted in there. I dribbled. No, I thought that was interesting, though. I thought wow that's the that's the in and out across from Hollywood high School, which it was, and that's where he went so it's the closest one to the where the where the show was, soRight. Yeah. But no, I, I must say, you know, I don't know if people realize this and I'll remind them. Miles and I went to film school together. That's where all this starts. Uh, we went to film school, we were on a college radio together and all that good kind of stuff. And the Oscars this year, very lackluster, uh, all told. It's like one of those years that people are going to forget pretty quickly, I think. Yeah. I mean, not that those movies weren't good or anything. They were very entertaining, but these aren't classics or anything. You know? Godfather. Yeah. I mean, any of them, but yeah. It's just like,...

Bob feels he is getting scrutinized at a work lunch, while Miles visits his old temp job and gets rewarded.

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Bob feels he is getting scrutinized at a work lunch, while Miles visits his old temp job and gets rewarded.

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I'm coming out. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. Welcome to Static. We had to get the requisite Miles title throat clearing going on here. I have a disease. I was going to say, what condition do you have now? The same thing that Michael Douglas had. What was that? Yeah. HPV? Yeah. I don't know how you got that. Yeah. Yeah. Unless you replace the middle P with a different word like human penis virus or something like that. that would be your HPV, I think. That's funny. Yeah. That's funny. You feeling okay? Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm still here. I'm still here that's fantastic are you you're all right i'm well i could be better. Yeah? I'm good, but i could be better. Oh. I, um, I recently had an experience that makes me wonder about a few things. Our sexual identity? That could be one of them, but I don't think it has anything to do with this story. Okay. So I'm taking over a project. And in doing so, I met the person who was doing this. They're going to retire.And, you know, I've had like some emails and a couple of zoom calls. Well, it got to the point now where I had to go meet with them to get like some files and things. Right. And so, uh, I did that and, you know, I'm, I love to go to lunch. I don't know if I've, if I've made that clear. Oh yeah. You don't miss lunch. I would miss dinner more than – definitely breakfast, but lunch I like to catch. And so I happen to be there over lunch, and I'm like, well, let's go get some lunch. So before we go get lunch, we're kind of going through stuff, and I'm getting information passed off to me. And it's this woman, and she's going to retire, and she's like, well –My husband, he tore his Achilles tendon, and he was playing Frisbee on the beach. He's a 65-year-old man. You can't be running around playing Frisbee on the beach when you're 65. Jeez, what the hell? Right. And then she's looking at me, I think, somewhat scrutinously. Yeah. She's like, well, he's in great shape. Unlike. Yeah, no, she didn't say that, but she's just like kept saying he's in great shape. But even in great shape, you can't be playing frisbee at 65. Well, I didn't know, right? Yeah, and i'm like, oh, it's terrible. That's how horrible oh surgery you know, he tore his achilles Achilles. Yeah, and I'm like, that just sounds horrible. It just happened. They were on vacation and it just happened. So then we get to lunch. Again, she brings it up.My husband, he's in great shape. his ass it's awesome. He tore his Achilles. Yeah, I got it yeah yeah i got it. And then i feel like she's kind of giving me the, like, you know, there's, there's no way in hell you can play frisbee on the beach. Is she just got up being alzheimer's or something that she keeps forgetting no i i don't think well she didn't repeat anything else. I mean, she's retiring. Maybe she has to retire. No, No, I don't think she has to. I was just like, okay, okay. But she kept all in the lunch. Same thing. You know, he's not fat and hairy. That's right. It's like he's in really good shape. And I'm like, I'm like, is this, you know,Maybe she was trying to encourage you as you were eating your salad. I did have salad, by the way. You love salad. I know. You're on the salad kit. But I did have a slice of pizza as well. You take the good, you take the bad. This is the crazy thing. I've never had anybody do this when I've gone to lunch with them. She ordered onion rings for the table. Oh, boy. I'm like, she's talking about how good shape her husband is, and she gets these big onion rings. Yeah. I'm like, it's totally incongruous. I don't know where this is going. I don't understand it. She was seeing how you'd react to it, probably. Well, unfortunately, I don't react to much. It was a test. You think? It was absolutely 100%.percent test, yeah. Well, I tried to be, you know, well, I'm sorry that he hurt his ankle or whatever yeah but yeah i but yeah again and again, I mean, how many times do i got to be tested? I don't know if i told you this or not. Like, oh, please, God, no. So I was just like, I'm like, I was very confused. I mean, she's a very nice person and everything, but yeah. This just seemed to, I mean, obviously it was on her mind, you know, worried about her husband because of the situation, but he's in very good shape. And I don't know if she was trying to set me up with him or. You need to do what my dad used to do to people. He'd just be like, hurt it. And he'd just cut you off. Hurt it. You already mentioned it. Yeah. He just cut it off. Like, nope. Yeah. But I felt a little bit.self-conscious eating my slice of pizza. Did you have any onion rings? I did. Of course I did. I love onion rings. Oh, you have failed. How is that a fail? They're delicious. I'm telling you, this is like some Hannibal Lecter bullshit she's doing on you, man. Oh, I'm no good at that. And you fell for it. You completely fell for it. I go, oh, are these to share? Yeah, okay. And so I had a couple. You're going to be taking off this project tomorrow. I guarantee it. No, it's all still moving forward. Somehow, you'll be out of this. No, everything was fine. We got along great. I am the Nostradamus, okay? I can see it. I'm telling you right now. Pretty much moving forward with it. I think your days are numbered. Thank you. I appreciate that. I wish I was in better shape now.You salad-eating freak. 65-year-old husband in good shape, mind you. He's got buns. I wanted to say, after the third time, you got a picture? I want to see him in a Speedo. That's right. They were in Hawaii, so maybe he was in a Speedo for a while. He probably left out the part where he was throwing a bunch of co-eds or something, trying to show off. didn't hear the, who the other person he was throwing to. It obviously wasn't her because she was not, she was. Yeah. About the whole situation. So. Yeah, it was some college girls he was playing frisbee with and he got hurt and he totally lied to his wife like oh wow you would do. You're like, yeah, I still got it. Yeah. And I'd be sucking in my gut the whole time. Like, hey, ladies, let's goSuck it in your dinner tube. How are you going to suck your gut in? I can't do it anymore. Yeah, I know. I can't do it anymore. If you sucked your gut in, your back would balloon. Yeah. Like a goddamn bullfrog. I just literally have 10 pounds of shit in a 10-pound bag. There's nowhere for it to go. I would guess it's a little more than 10 pounds. Yeah. Well, I was trying to be nice. I'm trying to be nice to myself but yeah I was like, well, this is an interesting conversation. Although we did talk about other stuff, but she just kept bringing it up, and I was like, hmm. Interesting. Hmm. Well. So, yeah. All's well that ends well I don't know. I'm thinking there's more to it.Yeah. Well, I'll let you know. I'm still talking to her because it's a slow transition. Not for long. Not for long. Okay. I'm calling it right now. Well, you, I mean, you have more insight into these kind of things than I do. And when it happens, I don't want to hear you crying. Okay? I don't want to hear it. I'm not. I didn't take it off the project or collect it. I hit a ring and I messed everything up. I am a fat, sloppy jerk. Why did I eat the onion ring? I'm sorry. Your husband got hurt. I'm sorry. I was at lunch at that place I was telling you about, the Iowa place. I'm like, have you ever heard of this? You're like, no.I don't know every restaurant in the world like you. I know, yes. I'm sorry. No, I don't go to a lot of restaurants. I don't eat out a lot. I just went to a new restaurant. No, come on. You're always going places. When's the last time I went to a restaurant? I don't know, this weekend, probably. Come on. What? Come on. Yeah, probably. Nah, come on. Yeah, you guys eat out all the time. All right, well, tell me then. When was the last time? I don't know. I don't go anywhere anymore. I'm disabled. I don't know. I'm disabled. I'm disabled. I'm waiting for my placard to show up. I don't need to go into places that allow scooters. Yeah, non-salad eating places where I like to go. I didn't go see, no, I didn't go anywhere this weekend, but Friday night I went out to lunch with my friend, yeah. Actually, if I'm going to eat out somewhere new, it would be with my son because he always wants to eat somewhere new. Well, there you go, see? Well, no, I did eat out a couple weeks ago, now that I think about it. Exactly. Exactly.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I went to a Mexican place. Yeah, that's right. Oh, old memory. Yeah. Yeah, that's the lady. That's the lady that didn't think I deserved ranch on my taco salad. Yeah, well, you probably don't. No? She's acting like you, like, well, really? You might want to go sans the ranch. Yeah, that's a little fattening. Yeah. A lot of bad stuff in that ranch. I should know. Yeah. You look like you're half full of ranch for Christ's sake. I cut you open right now. White shit would come flying out. Your belly button just oozes ranch. Yeah. Right. So what's up with you? I'm apparently the number one. I'm not 65. Just so the idea that I am. I'm not. I'm not 65 yet. Yeah.And you're not really, I mean, looking at you, you're not really in horrible shape. I mean, you know, you're not skinny, but I mean, you're not in horrible shape. I'm not skinny, but, you know. I mean, you're average, but I mean, you're not skinny, you know. Yeah, I certainly wouldn't put myself as skinny. But you're not junior samples either, I mean. No, no. I am somewhat proportional. Yeah, you are. Mm-hmm. That's the way I would describe myself....

Miles is mad because his neighbor won't work for free, while Bob reveals he was a mooch back in the day as well.

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Miles is mad because his neighbor won't work for free, while Bob reveals he was a mooch back in the day as well.

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--------------------------------Bad AI Transcript of the show this week-------------------------------

I like my blue jeans blue. Thank you. Mmhmm. it puts the lotion in the basket. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. It's Miles Tittle. Hi, Miles. That's right. That's right. How's Miles Tittle doing tonight yeah all right doing all right yeah yeah Someone mispronounced my name and now Bob thinks it's funny to make fun of the lady. It's a nice lady, but yet Bob has made fun of her and her. Mispronunciation. Mispronunciation and some other things he said, which I will not repeat. There's somebody that's not me in this conversation who's like, you're supposed to put a comma there. You're supposed to put a thing there. You're messing up your grammar. I love that voice. It was so disturbing. Don't you know how to write? Did you go to school? You got a degree, don't you? Okay, can you say it puts the lotion in the basket with that voice? It puts the ellipses on the line. Thank you.That's your Mr. Grammar Police every time I write an email. I'm like quickly going, and you're like, God, did you know how to write? Jesus Christ, God damn. Well, you just used the wrong form of a word from time to time. You're not doing third person all the time, for Christ's sake. You're wrong. You're one of those people that doesn't know the difference between there, there, and there. You know what I'm saying? There, there, there. And I have to correct you. And you're like, oh, I missed that day in school. You got the idea across. Quit being such a, you know, goddamn stickler. Yeah. But. But. You do know how to, you know, read your last name and say it. Say my name, say my name. Yeah.at the very very least you know she could have listened just to the show. just Not even very long into the show. She could listen to this the first, like, three seconds of the show. You say your goddamn name no i she didn't hear the show. I wrote her. I know, but she took a moment. No. Why does she want to take a moment and listen to our shitty show for my God. a million shows out there to avoid. This is one of them. Mr. Miles Tittle wrote me today and he said, are ghosts real? I wrote several questions. Of course they are. What are you asking me for? Because I want to make money off it. So what? How many questions did you send this poor woman? No wonder she's justwore down from you sending her questions. I might as well answer this. I'll get this guy's name wrong so he'll never write me again. This is what we do. We pool our money. We buy some old shitty buildings about ready to fall down and we swear that it's haunted. It is haunted. And then we bring in groups and they'll immediately fall for it and be like, hey, you're right. Okay. Where's the building at? I mean, property's probably cheaper, like, closer to where you live. Oh, you think? Oh, yeah, you're in the French Riviera up there, sure. Yes, I'm on Lake Okeechobee, yes. Don't want to brag. Everything is so high-priced, you can't even get anything for under five grand. I'm somewhere between Clive and West Des Moines, yes. Oh, yeah. Love you.This is the most haunted house. This is the most haunted house in Iowa. Can you believe it? God damn. I'm telling you. This is how you get rich. You charge everyone. Ed Gein took a dump here two years ago. I swear to God. Hey, whatever. I'd make up shit. You know what? Everywhere around here is like Al Capone was here. I would immediately throw that in. Al Capone was here. It's documented. He ejaculated in here somewhere. I swear to God. Found it. Oh, my God. That's not ectoplasm. There's a question for you to write that, lady. Do ghosts have orgasms? You know what? I'm not going to write that. I'm not going to write that. You know, this is what got me in trouble with Will Wheaton.Okay, the actor yes i i try to do, like, this funny bit that you're doing right now, and it completely imploded. And you never forgave me for it okay well but now you know why. It's all happening right now. I know. Now it's going back files well wheaton was flown to the island. Come on. Yeah. When he was a young act when he was a kid actor. And he's traumatized. And then here you're like, who's got the biggest ding dong in the mud pit? It was a legit question. I don't know what, you know, it triggered him. You triggered. I don't know. I mean, I would guess river Phoenix, but I don't know. We'll know now. Two things that never get old river jokes and river Phoenix, you know, that's what I say. Oh my goodness. Gracious me. Yeah. I was a little bit of a mood tonight. I'm very tired. I've been,traveling okay grouchy pants tonight. Yeah, a little grouchy really tired man you know i will be traveling forever. So yeah, I'm just a little, I'm a little tired i've been oh no i just i was waiting for your story to begin. I was like okay i'm trying to i'm trying to think of what i feel like talking about. That's the problem. There's so much so much happening. The tittle thing, everything is going off here. Apparently, the lady set you off. I know. You're like, who the hell do you think you are? I'm trying to think of what I'm allowed to talk about here. Don't worry. We'll cut out this part. Why don't you go first and let me think a little bit. I'm a little bit pissed off about international events right now.Oh, what? Iran? No. Oh. Something a little bit more important than Iran. Oh, really? Something more important than that. Okay. Yes. Much more important. You're so small-minded. Yeah. Okay. That you even say that. What should I be? Like the International Bikini Fest is not going to happen this year or what? This is typically not a political show, but it's going to become one. Oh, Christ. Maybe we should go back to Tittle. So I'm at work, and I have kind of this cheap security camera set up on my front door. Oh, yeah. Like, it's not a ring. It's a knockoff. It's kind of through my phone carrier. I don't even know what that means. Anyway. Is that your house, or is it at the office?No, it's at my house, but it alerts me on my phone. It'll either say animal, person, or vehicle. Animal, mineral, or vegetable. Is that your door? We keep getting so many minerals stopping by the house. Ball site or whatever the fuck. I don't know what minerals are. ball site what i don't know. Is that some kind of i don't know. Okay. Maybe Tittle is your last name. Fuck. I don't know yeah i mean i've been to some shit. I don't know so okay so the the doorbell goes off. So I'm at work and it's you know buzzing like what the fuck is going on? It says person. I'm like, oh, that's a lot of beeping for a person. Monkey, monkey. Yeah, I didn't know what was going on. Like, did Bob come up to my house and he's trying to break in? I mean, what? Yeah. And I look and it's my neighbor, Mr. Miyagi. Oh, sweeping the sidewalk. My old tittle is so messy. Well, that's what I thought. Okay, because I saw him. He's got a garbage can and a rake. He never picks up his dog shit.Yeah. Well, he'd need a shovel for that. Yeah. So in the past, this guy, when he was in better health, used to like rake my yard occasionally. Yeah. When he had company coming over, I don't want to look like I live in the pig sty with my neighbor who never does shit. And he would occasionally shovel out my driveway too for free. So I'm like, Oh, this old geezer, you know, he's, got with it like man but wait because i don't like the you know i don't really rake my yard just wait for like the wind to blow it into other people's yard yeah yeah i do the same thing, but i live a little further away from people than you do. Yeah, right. Yeah, you're like in the mix. I'm like on the side of the mix there, so. You're like the kennedy compound, and i'm more like, uh. Our, uh, Jackie, are we gonna rake the fuck no we're not gonna rake the leaves we're gonna wait for the wind to blow.Yep. yeah So I'm thinking, okay, this old geezer's finally getting with it to do his job you know i'm like man do the job i've assigned him. Yeah. I want him to clean up my yard for free as he used to do. As he used to do. You know, you're enabling me, Mr. Miyagi, but you need to keep doing it. Yeah. And, uh, well, you know, it's his choice. I mean, you know, I didn't tell him to do it, but. So, uh, I go, you know, I'm going to go home for lunch and I'm going to see what a great job he did on my yard. And I'm going to thank him. And I'm going to run into him. I'm going to give him a fiver. If I see him, I'm going to say, Hey man, here's five bucks for doing it. Thank you. Like, keep it, keep it, you know, cheap ass bastard. So I come home. Oh no. He has not touched my yard at all. Good.He is cutting over my yard to go to my neighbor on the other side of me to clean his yard. Oh, but he's cutting right through my yard. My pile of leaves have two piles out there to get to the neighbors. Well, my son had done some raking, but he never actually picked it up anyway. Um, So, yeah, so I'm like the Oregon Trail for this guy, you know, with his, you know, dumpster, you know, on wheels. Yeah, he's cleaned up. No, he's cleaned up the neighbor's yard. Well, that neighbor probably is nice to him and does stuff for him or something. I'm like the balls, the balls on this guy. He doesn't have to clean up your yard. What way? You're cutting through my yard, though. You owe me.Well, can you talk out of the doorbell? You can say, go around the yard, please....