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Triggered
Miles can’t stand the people in the other booth, while Bob hears his wife say something he never expected.
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Bad AI Transcript of the show this week
Butthole. What’s my butthole? What’s your butthole? Oh my gosh. What are you talking about? I mean my button. My button. Not the buttons. Not the… Oh my gosh. Hold on a sec. I did a… I did a restart of… My balls. Balls. of my computer, and now everything’s messed up, so I have to reset everything. Yeah. Okay. All right. So you got to give me a second. Bobby’s an old man. I said give me a moment. Hey, Bob, why did the sperm cross the road? Did you get to the other side? No, because Bob put on the wrong pair of socks again. What are you talking about? Okay, now it’s working. It’s working. Now it’s working. Yeah, that’s lame. No, I heard it. I thought it was fine.
Oh. prepare to be triggered hey everyone this is miles prepare is that your uh new merchandise my prepare to be triggered shirt yeah that’s our new 2026 phrase here on static so prepare to be triggered. Yeah, okay. I’ll go with it sure i don’t know I thought of it just now. Sorry, I did an update on this computer and it knocked everything out of whack, so I had to keep fixing everything tonight. Sounds weird. I’m sorry. Whatever. Oh, my goodness. Are you okay over there? Are you drinking something? What are you doing? I’m drinking the plastic particles in this bottle here. That’s something I’m glad you mentioned that. Get it out. Come on, stuttering Sam. Get it out. Never have we heard of microplastics until now, right? Yeah.
It’s like microplastics didn’t exist and then now they exist all of a sudden. Everything’s got microplastics in it. Microplastic, microplastic, microplastic. It’s like they’ve been there the whole time if they’ve been there. Yeah. Now everybody’s like all microplastic. Oh, drinking a bottle of water has got microplastics in it. It’s like kids being allergic to nuts. I never heard that. Never heard that. It’s not an epidemic. I’m like, what the hell? I never witnessed a child dying from eating peanuts. I mean, I’m sorry if your child has that. I’m sorry, but I’m just saying I’ve never heard that as a kid. And I was like, geez. Yeah, I think we just invent these things to keep everybody in line, on edge. Although there were some kids that disappeared now that I think about it growing up. Anyway. Because you lived in Gacy’s neighborhood.
close to it. There are a lot of kids disappeared mm-hmm oh my good well anyway let’s change the micro plastic thing kind of set me up because all right. Yeah. I’m sorry. what you see triggered triggered say so something happened this weekend that I thought I would never witness Oh, boy. That’s so many. Wow. I don’t even know how to begin. My wife, she’s talking to me. She’s like, hey, I heard about this new pizza place. We should go. I’m like, yeah, we should go. I love pizza. We talked about it for weeks, I think. I can’t remember now, but Anyway, she’s like, well, we’re going to go on Saturday. I’m like, great. We’ll go on Saturday. Fantastic. I love it. So we get there. Yeah, we get there, and it’s kind of a sports bar slash pizza place slash everything kind of place. Nudie bar. Nudie bar. Yeah. It’s got everything. Slot machines. Darts. Darts. Axe throwing.
Oh, that’d be awesome. No, it didn’t have all that. Anyway, so we get a seat and we’re close to the bar, the regular bar there. They had seating kind of in another area, but it was like windows, right? And it’s really cold here now. Oh, yeah. We didn’t want to be by the windows. And so we’re sitting there and these… guys show up and they’re standing at the bar, which is not that far away, right? So it was like, we’re right in the table area, but close to the bar. And I couldn’t believe it, but somebody was at the bar cussing so much that it upset my wife. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is made up. This is a made up story. This is a
fake story. I can no it’s not it’s true i it’s why i couldn’t believe it. Your wife talks so dirty. So dirty. Yeah. And the funny thing was, I think the last time i saw her, I think she said, suck my dick. You know i mean she’s like she’s dirty very dirty so uh we’re sitting there and she’s, you know, these guys are fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck You know, it was like talking to Clark and Green Hat. What was his name? Neon Green Hat guy. Oh, O’Connor. Yeah. O’Connor. Yeah. O’Connor. Crazy guys. Yeah. And so there’s constantly and my wife is like, you know, making these faces like, oh, my gosh, you know, I’m like, I’m like, what? You know, I’m like, this is like
dinner table talk i’m hearing over here, right? Didn’t your wife curse out a bunch of tourists over in france or something? Didn’t she kind of like Yeah, we were in Switzerland. You dumb bastards. Get out of the way my way. Oh, you’re right. We were at versailles and then we were also in Switzerland. I can’t see the Matterhorn. God damn it. That’s right. Your wife says god damn it a lot yeah yeah so yeah so i was like, really? You know? I couldn’t believe it. I was laughing and she was getting aggravated with me because I was thinking, this is so out of the realm, right? I really wish we didn’t sit so close to the bar. Those guys were being rude. I’m like, you didn’t sound any different than you.
You’re right. Yeah, you’re right. I think you have not witnessed this. I was going to call you a liar, but you might be right. But the whole time we were eating, it was funny. And then we’re eating, and she keeps looking over at him and kind of giving him kind of a dirty look. And I’m like, what prude is this that I’m having dinner with, is what I was thinking. Is it all religious or something? No, not at all. She still curses like crazy. Yeah. but I guess it was bothering her because she goes, and so then when we’re, we left and I’m like, you know, I can’t believe you got so upset with these people cursing at the bar, you know, these are your people. Yeah. You’re related to these people, obviously. And she’s like, no, it wasn’t just the cursing. They were so goddamn loud. They’re just fucking so loud. Yeah.
Wait, was it the cursing or the volume then? It was the volume. Oh, okay. So everyone could hear F this, F you. It’s like there were kids there. I wouldn’t cuss in front of all those children. Oh, come on. It was so goddamn loud. I couldn’t. I’m like, oh, okay. I was misinterpreting. I thought it was just the cursing. She’s like, a little bit. i call bullshit. I call bullshit on this one. Like they were yelling, they’re drunk and yelling. And she’s like, and what fucking pisses me off even more as they left when we did, I wish i would have fucking left a half an hour before. Oh God. Nice. Yeah. I was like, anyway, I was just like wow really well we haven’t uh we haven’t had that experience in a while. Yeah. Right. honey
Ever, as a matter of fact. Would you get all Karen’d up for there for a minute? I didn’t know what was going on. See, triggered. Triggered. See, I called it. The Nostradamus called it. Are your teams still in the running for the Super Bowl? Oh, I mean, I’m sad that my team lost, but by the way, changing gears here, yes, the two top teams are still in it. Yeah. seahawks is one, right? Yeah, and Broncos. I said those two would go oh yeah i think i said the uh denver wins i think i had to look it up. I don’t know i think so. So, in that in that sense i’m kind of glad i lost, but in a way, I’m sad, too. Yeah, I know. I just found out that the bears lost at dinner tonight because we were talking about it so oh okay yeah i didn’t know. I had no idea. I was informed.
I was actually asking about the pizza deals. I’m like, when is this Super Bowl happening? Because there’s all these good pizza deals that maybe I can get on. We better get a fucking good pizza deal. That’s all I can fucking think. But to finish up real quick, the guys annoyed her and then the pizza wasn’t that great. So she heard it was really good and then it turned out to be just, it was okay. It wasn’t great. Hey, welcome to Five Fucking Guys Pizza. Exactly. So she was a little disappointed with the food as well. I thought it was fine. She’s like, yeah, but it wasn’t. She’s like, I hate going out to eat when it’s just fine. I want to go out to eat and get something great. Oh, okay. Yeah, and I go, well, sorry, hon. Most poopy pants. Most poopy pants. Well, we have certain places that we go, Miles, that are very consistent and very good.
Yes, your Russian tea room that you love where you check out the male waiters. Yes, you like going there. Didn’t you have a story once you went somewhere like, I was admiring the pretty waiter we had. I’m sure that I said that at some point. Yes. I don’t think we go there that often. Wasn’t it some Russian place or some weird ethnic thing or something? Could have been. i don’t recall off top of my head. The Serbian restaurant you love going to or something? I don’t know serbs love the Serbs. You love this sir you love everybody. You don’t care. I know. That’s true. You’re cursing people. You love them i well i wasn’t i wasn’t overly thrilled by it either, but i didn’t, you know, I’m like, whatever. Yeah. If you’re gonna go to a pizza bar, what are you gonna get you know yeah
guess. So I’m triggered. Triggered. What’s going on with you? Boy, now you say that, I was just remembering back something that just happened to me. Do I go with the restaurant story? Is this going to be about the male waiters? Yeah. Apparently, yeah. No, I don’t know. He had the biggest bulge and his pants were so tight I’m going to give you a gentleman’s choice here. We’re going to go with either bald eagle day slash eating at a restaurant or yet another story about my wife. Well, let’s go with the bald eagle. Let’s leave your wife alone for a week. Yeah, she is listening, so I might wait until she’s out of the room for this one. Yeah, bald eagle at the restaurant.
so bald Eagles, did you? because this is the time. Well, it is. Yes. All along the Mississippi. It’s a hot area. If you’re not from this area, bald eagles come in and it’s a great time to see them. And, uh, my son, my youngest son, who’s an adult, but he’s like, Hey, there’s a thing going on. We should go to it. And, you know, it’s a little bit of a car ride, but i’m like, okay, well, it’s no big deal. I love a car ride. And it sounded familiar. I’m like, you know, I think we’ve been to this before, but I’m like, you know, it’s been quite a while. You guys were little kids, but. Oh yeah. Yeah. You’ve gone more than once to see the Eagles. Yeah. But I mean, this is what I, this was not outside. This is an inside deal. Oh really? Okay. And so, okay. So the first half of the story real quickly is, so we go to the very cold out, very cold out. It’s like two weeks ago. And, uh,
once we get there, cause it was like, you had to pay to get in. I thought it was free. I’m like, Oh, it was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah. No, I didn’t, I didn’t have the balls. I’m not that guy. I’m a guy that did this about it later, but I’m like, Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. And, uh, I’m like, Oh, wait a minute. I go, I remember why we didn’t go to this because this, this basically sucks. Yeah. It’s like a big trade show. Oh, okay. With a little bit of like wild stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Basically with a little bit of wild animals thrown in. Yeah. Right. Okay. And, uh, I saw, wait a minute. Oh, this is the, you know, everything’s sky high, you know, like buy a dog, buy a dog treat for $13 or something like now. Yeah. Yeah. I’m like, we’re walking around, we see some eagles and stuff like that. And, uh, which is fine.
And, uh, to get to the point of the story, I suppose is there’s a gentleman dressed up in, I would say not authentic, but, uh, ceremonial, uh, native American dress. Oh yeah. That’s nice. And, uh, this gentleman’s walking around very, you know, like, wow, that’s pretty cool. You know, uh, he comes up, I don’t know why he stops me. You know, I want to get your picture taken buddy. And no, no, no, no. I wasn’t even like that, but I think I was wearing like a football shirt and he was asking me about the playoffs. You’re pretty fat to play football. Did you play when you were young and skinny? Uh, well, yeah, I did a little bit on Atari. Yeah. I played, I played the Mattel handheld football. I know. And, uh, so like he knew about football and he didn’t, you know, I was like, oh, it’s the playoffs now. Right. I’m like, yeah, yeah.
Yep. Pretty much. Yep. Oh, well, who’s all in it? Like, well, there’s several teams. Oh, okay. Well, uh, uh, my team got knocked out. Yeah. I’m like, oh, he goes, knew who that is. Right. I go, no. Who? He goes, the chiefs. Uh, yeah. I, I felt bad at that point. I wanted to apologize. I go, I’m sorry. We stole your land. I’m sorry. I felt so, you know, cause everyone, you know, I’m trying to be very PC. I did not want to make a joke or laugh, but I just thought it was a little funny inside. I did laugh a little inside, but. Was he, was he actually native American person? Yes. Okay. So he, he would, he obviously identified and. Yeah. Looked native American. Yeah.
you know, like, you know, people that look like your brother that show up and say, oh yeah, I’m like, you know, one 32nd, you know, whatever, which I guess counts. I don’t, I don’t know how that works. So I’m not trying to be raised on the, if you’re not in the book, then it don’t count. Yeah. And records, you know, that’s, that’s, there’s a whole thing with the native Americans keeping records. So, yeah. The weird part was like a few days after that, I was thinking about, I go, son of a bitch. I met that guy before I’ve met. Cause I had my picture with this guy. I’m like, son of a bitch. I knew you’d have your picture with him. I did. No. Cause I saw him many years ago at another thing that was going on. I go, son, I go, I know his name. Oh yeah. I know this guy. I remember his name. Cause his name didn’t seem to fit, you know, like, oh, okay. You know, like Jethro or something. It’s like, oh, okay. Like, or something, you know what I mean? It was like, oh,
But, you know, it was like a, I don’t know if it’s not really a Mandela effect or anything. It was some weird Poland effect or something. Like, I’ve met you before, but I didn’t. The Lech Walesa effect is what you’re saying. Yes. Right. I go, God damn it. I met that guy before. Why didn’t I? Man, it didn’t even click in my head. I’m like, that guy. Yeah. That guy. So that guy, I’m glad I saw you again. I hope I see you again. I think he travels with, you know, these shows as they go on. Right. And then, so on the way back, part two of the story real quickly, we stop at a restaurant and more than anything else, I hate giggling teenage girls. I don’t know why. I’ve mentioned this before. Are you from Cape Girardeau? Oh my God. We’re like two seats away and everything is so fucking funny. Oh my God. You got a knife and a spoon too? Wow.
It’s like the fucking Joker. Yeah, all right. Maybe they had that condition in the Joker movie. I just want to know what is so goddamn funny. I know I’ve talked about this before, but what is so freaking funny? Like, oh, you’re going to eat a taco too? I don’t know. You’re probably laughing at some other. You’re like, I met that guy, that Indian guy before. oh my God. So they finally leave. Right. So, uh, next to us is a table full of older women, right? Various ages. You, you walk by. Check out the man candy. And, uh, And so I’m trying not to listen, but you can’t miss it. You know, all their stupid jokes, you know, the waitress is like, can I get you anything else? You know, well, yeah, you can come home and help me with my, put away my groceries. You know, all these stupid, you’re like, oh, okay. Put away my groceries. I’m like, fuck, I don’t, you know. You know, all these stupid jokes that old people make. I’m like, okay, all right.
Did it set you off or what? It did set me off. They think they’re comedians. Apple Merman comedians. I don’t know what they’re talking about. I don’t know what they’re talking about. Who’s that lady? I’m the big mouth. What was her name? Martha Ray. I was like, oh, fuck. If I’ve got to listen to half an hour of this shit, Jesus Christ. Did you have a good meal at all, or no? I don’t know. I was trying to eat, and they’re trying to divvy up their check, and they don’t know how to do it, and all this shit. I’m like, oh, fuck. Everybody put in a 20. The poor waitress is getting yelled at by the manager, like, hey, hey, you got tables, Marcy. You better get over here, quick. Fucking around with them old broads. He’s trying to yank her away. These old broads, they’re telling stories. I remember Malufa. I used to be a waitress. I used to be a hooker.
So anyway, they’re talking a little bit about music. Oh, I like Air Supply or something. I don’t know what the fuck they were talking about. I’m all out of love. Oh, I don’t know. Oh, no. I like the Beach Boys. They make me feel warm and fuzzy. And so anyway, there’s music. Restaurants have music. They do? okay simple well some do. Some do. I’m just saying. I go to expensive restaurants but uh so simple minds comes on right and i’m kind of jamming to it, you know, popping the fingers yeah i was like, oh, I was like jamming to it. Next thing i know, I hate 80s music yeah Instantly, instantly, I’m wishing death on this woman. I’m like, oh, I hate you. How can they be that much older than you, for Christ’s sake? I don’t know. They look old, man. Yeah, it was the Graber graders. I don’t know what they were, but… Oh, I hate talking heads, too. I hate all that. I hate it all. All right. I know. I’m like, is there a way I could accidentally trip and, like, spill water into her face or something? Like, God, you just…
You can eat all the soup. You can each get a soup. Once we left, I was being released from prison between the laughing teenage girls and some idiotic retiring… I think you just hate women. I think that’s what it’s going to do. It could have been at that restaurant I did. You’re right. It was not a taco party. See, I got triggered. See? Triggered. I got triggered. oh my goodness. So, anyway. you’re gonna be okay? Uh, yeah, you know, when people just put down stuff i like, you know like okay don’t say anything don’t handle it can you handle it the pesh mode sucks. Enjoy the silence. All I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed is here in my arms. Old women are very unnecessary.
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By Bob LeMent
4.6
88 ratings
Miles can’t stand the people in the other booth, while Bob hears his wife say something he never expected.
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Bad AI Transcript of the show this week
Butthole. What’s my butthole? What’s your butthole? Oh my gosh. What are you talking about? I mean my button. My button. Not the buttons. Not the… Oh my gosh. Hold on a sec. I did a… I did a restart of… My balls. Balls. of my computer, and now everything’s messed up, so I have to reset everything. Yeah. Okay. All right. So you got to give me a second. Bobby’s an old man. I said give me a moment. Hey, Bob, why did the sperm cross the road? Did you get to the other side? No, because Bob put on the wrong pair of socks again. What are you talking about? Okay, now it’s working. It’s working. Now it’s working. Yeah, that’s lame. No, I heard it. I thought it was fine.
Oh. prepare to be triggered hey everyone this is miles prepare is that your uh new merchandise my prepare to be triggered shirt yeah that’s our new 2026 phrase here on static so prepare to be triggered. Yeah, okay. I’ll go with it sure i don’t know I thought of it just now. Sorry, I did an update on this computer and it knocked everything out of whack, so I had to keep fixing everything tonight. Sounds weird. I’m sorry. Whatever. Oh, my goodness. Are you okay over there? Are you drinking something? What are you doing? I’m drinking the plastic particles in this bottle here. That’s something I’m glad you mentioned that. Get it out. Come on, stuttering Sam. Get it out. Never have we heard of microplastics until now, right? Yeah.
It’s like microplastics didn’t exist and then now they exist all of a sudden. Everything’s got microplastics in it. Microplastic, microplastic, microplastic. It’s like they’ve been there the whole time if they’ve been there. Yeah. Now everybody’s like all microplastic. Oh, drinking a bottle of water has got microplastics in it. It’s like kids being allergic to nuts. I never heard that. Never heard that. It’s not an epidemic. I’m like, what the hell? I never witnessed a child dying from eating peanuts. I mean, I’m sorry if your child has that. I’m sorry, but I’m just saying I’ve never heard that as a kid. And I was like, geez. Yeah, I think we just invent these things to keep everybody in line, on edge. Although there were some kids that disappeared now that I think about it growing up. Anyway. Because you lived in Gacy’s neighborhood.
close to it. There are a lot of kids disappeared mm-hmm oh my good well anyway let’s change the micro plastic thing kind of set me up because all right. Yeah. I’m sorry. what you see triggered triggered say so something happened this weekend that I thought I would never witness Oh, boy. That’s so many. Wow. I don’t even know how to begin. My wife, she’s talking to me. She’s like, hey, I heard about this new pizza place. We should go. I’m like, yeah, we should go. I love pizza. We talked about it for weeks, I think. I can’t remember now, but Anyway, she’s like, well, we’re going to go on Saturday. I’m like, great. We’ll go on Saturday. Fantastic. I love it. So we get there. Yeah, we get there, and it’s kind of a sports bar slash pizza place slash everything kind of place. Nudie bar. Nudie bar. Yeah. It’s got everything. Slot machines. Darts. Darts. Axe throwing.
Oh, that’d be awesome. No, it didn’t have all that. Anyway, so we get a seat and we’re close to the bar, the regular bar there. They had seating kind of in another area, but it was like windows, right? And it’s really cold here now. Oh, yeah. We didn’t want to be by the windows. And so we’re sitting there and these… guys show up and they’re standing at the bar, which is not that far away, right? So it was like, we’re right in the table area, but close to the bar. And I couldn’t believe it, but somebody was at the bar cussing so much that it upset my wife. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is made up. This is a made up story. This is a
fake story. I can no it’s not it’s true i it’s why i couldn’t believe it. Your wife talks so dirty. So dirty. Yeah. And the funny thing was, I think the last time i saw her, I think she said, suck my dick. You know i mean she’s like she’s dirty very dirty so uh we’re sitting there and she’s, you know, these guys are fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck You know, it was like talking to Clark and Green Hat. What was his name? Neon Green Hat guy. Oh, O’Connor. Yeah. O’Connor. Yeah. O’Connor. Crazy guys. Yeah. And so there’s constantly and my wife is like, you know, making these faces like, oh, my gosh, you know, I’m like, I’m like, what? You know, I’m like, this is like
dinner table talk i’m hearing over here, right? Didn’t your wife curse out a bunch of tourists over in france or something? Didn’t she kind of like Yeah, we were in Switzerland. You dumb bastards. Get out of the way my way. Oh, you’re right. We were at versailles and then we were also in Switzerland. I can’t see the Matterhorn. God damn it. That’s right. Your wife says god damn it a lot yeah yeah so yeah so i was like, really? You know? I couldn’t believe it. I was laughing and she was getting aggravated with me because I was thinking, this is so out of the realm, right? I really wish we didn’t sit so close to the bar. Those guys were being rude. I’m like, you didn’t sound any different than you.
You’re right. Yeah, you’re right. I think you have not witnessed this. I was going to call you a liar, but you might be right. But the whole time we were eating, it was funny. And then we’re eating, and she keeps looking over at him and kind of giving him kind of a dirty look. And I’m like, what prude is this that I’m having dinner with, is what I was thinking. Is it all religious or something? No, not at all. She still curses like crazy. Yeah. but I guess it was bothering her because she goes, and so then when we’re, we left and I’m like, you know, I can’t believe you got so upset with these people cursing at the bar, you know, these are your people. Yeah. You’re related to these people, obviously. And she’s like, no, it wasn’t just the cursing. They were so goddamn loud. They’re just fucking so loud. Yeah.
Wait, was it the cursing or the volume then? It was the volume. Oh, okay. So everyone could hear F this, F you. It’s like there were kids there. I wouldn’t cuss in front of all those children. Oh, come on. It was so goddamn loud. I couldn’t. I’m like, oh, okay. I was misinterpreting. I thought it was just the cursing. She’s like, a little bit. i call bullshit. I call bullshit on this one. Like they were yelling, they’re drunk and yelling. And she’s like, and what fucking pisses me off even more as they left when we did, I wish i would have fucking left a half an hour before. Oh God. Nice. Yeah. I was like, anyway, I was just like wow really well we haven’t uh we haven’t had that experience in a while. Yeah. Right. honey
Ever, as a matter of fact. Would you get all Karen’d up for there for a minute? I didn’t know what was going on. See, triggered. Triggered. See, I called it. The Nostradamus called it. Are your teams still in the running for the Super Bowl? Oh, I mean, I’m sad that my team lost, but by the way, changing gears here, yes, the two top teams are still in it. Yeah. seahawks is one, right? Yeah, and Broncos. I said those two would go oh yeah i think i said the uh denver wins i think i had to look it up. I don’t know i think so. So, in that in that sense i’m kind of glad i lost, but in a way, I’m sad, too. Yeah, I know. I just found out that the bears lost at dinner tonight because we were talking about it so oh okay yeah i didn’t know. I had no idea. I was informed.
I was actually asking about the pizza deals. I’m like, when is this Super Bowl happening? Because there’s all these good pizza deals that maybe I can get on. We better get a fucking good pizza deal. That’s all I can fucking think. But to finish up real quick, the guys annoyed her and then the pizza wasn’t that great. So she heard it was really good and then it turned out to be just, it was okay. It wasn’t great. Hey, welcome to Five Fucking Guys Pizza. Exactly. So she was a little disappointed with the food as well. I thought it was fine. She’s like, yeah, but it wasn’t. She’s like, I hate going out to eat when it’s just fine. I want to go out to eat and get something great. Oh, okay. Yeah, and I go, well, sorry, hon. Most poopy pants. Most poopy pants. Well, we have certain places that we go, Miles, that are very consistent and very good.
Yes, your Russian tea room that you love where you check out the male waiters. Yes, you like going there. Didn’t you have a story once you went somewhere like, I was admiring the pretty waiter we had. I’m sure that I said that at some point. Yes. I don’t think we go there that often. Wasn’t it some Russian place or some weird ethnic thing or something? Could have been. i don’t recall off top of my head. The Serbian restaurant you love going to or something? I don’t know serbs love the Serbs. You love this sir you love everybody. You don’t care. I know. That’s true. You’re cursing people. You love them i well i wasn’t i wasn’t overly thrilled by it either, but i didn’t, you know, I’m like, whatever. Yeah. If you’re gonna go to a pizza bar, what are you gonna get you know yeah
guess. So I’m triggered. Triggered. What’s going on with you? Boy, now you say that, I was just remembering back something that just happened to me. Do I go with the restaurant story? Is this going to be about the male waiters? Yeah. Apparently, yeah. No, I don’t know. He had the biggest bulge and his pants were so tight I’m going to give you a gentleman’s choice here. We’re going to go with either bald eagle day slash eating at a restaurant or yet another story about my wife. Well, let’s go with the bald eagle. Let’s leave your wife alone for a week. Yeah, she is listening, so I might wait until she’s out of the room for this one. Yeah, bald eagle at the restaurant.
so bald Eagles, did you? because this is the time. Well, it is. Yes. All along the Mississippi. It’s a hot area. If you’re not from this area, bald eagles come in and it’s a great time to see them. And, uh, my son, my youngest son, who’s an adult, but he’s like, Hey, there’s a thing going on. We should go to it. And, you know, it’s a little bit of a car ride, but i’m like, okay, well, it’s no big deal. I love a car ride. And it sounded familiar. I’m like, you know, I think we’ve been to this before, but I’m like, you know, it’s been quite a while. You guys were little kids, but. Oh yeah. Yeah. You’ve gone more than once to see the Eagles. Yeah. But I mean, this is what I, this was not outside. This is an inside deal. Oh really? Okay. And so, okay. So the first half of the story real quickly is, so we go to the very cold out, very cold out. It’s like two weeks ago. And, uh,
once we get there, cause it was like, you had to pay to get in. I thought it was free. I’m like, Oh, it was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah. No, I didn’t, I didn’t have the balls. I’m not that guy. I’m a guy that did this about it later, but I’m like, Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. And, uh, I’m like, Oh, wait a minute. I go, I remember why we didn’t go to this because this, this basically sucks. Yeah. It’s like a big trade show. Oh, okay. With a little bit of like wild stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Basically with a little bit of wild animals thrown in. Yeah. Right. Okay. And, uh, I saw, wait a minute. Oh, this is the, you know, everything’s sky high, you know, like buy a dog, buy a dog treat for $13 or something like now. Yeah. Yeah. I’m like, we’re walking around, we see some eagles and stuff like that. And, uh, which is fine.
And, uh, to get to the point of the story, I suppose is there’s a gentleman dressed up in, I would say not authentic, but, uh, ceremonial, uh, native American dress. Oh yeah. That’s nice. And, uh, this gentleman’s walking around very, you know, like, wow, that’s pretty cool. You know, uh, he comes up, I don’t know why he stops me. You know, I want to get your picture taken buddy. And no, no, no, no. I wasn’t even like that, but I think I was wearing like a football shirt and he was asking me about the playoffs. You’re pretty fat to play football. Did you play when you were young and skinny? Uh, well, yeah, I did a little bit on Atari. Yeah. I played, I played the Mattel handheld football. I know. And, uh, so like he knew about football and he didn’t, you know, I was like, oh, it’s the playoffs now. Right. I’m like, yeah, yeah.
Yep. Pretty much. Yep. Oh, well, who’s all in it? Like, well, there’s several teams. Oh, okay. Well, uh, uh, my team got knocked out. Yeah. I’m like, oh, he goes, knew who that is. Right. I go, no. Who? He goes, the chiefs. Uh, yeah. I, I felt bad at that point. I wanted to apologize. I go, I’m sorry. We stole your land. I’m sorry. I felt so, you know, cause everyone, you know, I’m trying to be very PC. I did not want to make a joke or laugh, but I just thought it was a little funny inside. I did laugh a little inside, but. Was he, was he actually native American person? Yes. Okay. So he, he would, he obviously identified and. Yeah. Looked native American. Yeah.
you know, like, you know, people that look like your brother that show up and say, oh yeah, I’m like, you know, one 32nd, you know, whatever, which I guess counts. I don’t, I don’t know how that works. So I’m not trying to be raised on the, if you’re not in the book, then it don’t count. Yeah. And records, you know, that’s, that’s, there’s a whole thing with the native Americans keeping records. So, yeah. The weird part was like a few days after that, I was thinking about, I go, son of a bitch. I met that guy before I’ve met. Cause I had my picture with this guy. I’m like, son of a bitch. I knew you’d have your picture with him. I did. No. Cause I saw him many years ago at another thing that was going on. I go, son, I go, I know his name. Oh yeah. I know this guy. I remember his name. Cause his name didn’t seem to fit, you know, like, oh, okay. You know, like Jethro or something. It’s like, oh, okay. Like, or something, you know what I mean? It was like, oh,
But, you know, it was like a, I don’t know if it’s not really a Mandela effect or anything. It was some weird Poland effect or something. Like, I’ve met you before, but I didn’t. The Lech Walesa effect is what you’re saying. Yes. Right. I go, God damn it. I met that guy before. Why didn’t I? Man, it didn’t even click in my head. I’m like, that guy. Yeah. That guy. So that guy, I’m glad I saw you again. I hope I see you again. I think he travels with, you know, these shows as they go on. Right. And then, so on the way back, part two of the story real quickly, we stop at a restaurant and more than anything else, I hate giggling teenage girls. I don’t know why. I’ve mentioned this before. Are you from Cape Girardeau? Oh my God. We’re like two seats away and everything is so fucking funny. Oh my God. You got a knife and a spoon too? Wow.
It’s like the fucking Joker. Yeah, all right. Maybe they had that condition in the Joker movie. I just want to know what is so goddamn funny. I know I’ve talked about this before, but what is so freaking funny? Like, oh, you’re going to eat a taco too? I don’t know. You’re probably laughing at some other. You’re like, I met that guy, that Indian guy before. oh my God. So they finally leave. Right. So, uh, next to us is a table full of older women, right? Various ages. You, you walk by. Check out the man candy. And, uh, And so I’m trying not to listen, but you can’t miss it. You know, all their stupid jokes, you know, the waitress is like, can I get you anything else? You know, well, yeah, you can come home and help me with my, put away my groceries. You know, all these stupid, you’re like, oh, okay. Put away my groceries. I’m like, fuck, I don’t, you know. You know, all these stupid jokes that old people make. I’m like, okay, all right.
Did it set you off or what? It did set me off. They think they’re comedians. Apple Merman comedians. I don’t know what they’re talking about. I don’t know what they’re talking about. Who’s that lady? I’m the big mouth. What was her name? Martha Ray. I was like, oh, fuck. If I’ve got to listen to half an hour of this shit, Jesus Christ. Did you have a good meal at all, or no? I don’t know. I was trying to eat, and they’re trying to divvy up their check, and they don’t know how to do it, and all this shit. I’m like, oh, fuck. Everybody put in a 20. The poor waitress is getting yelled at by the manager, like, hey, hey, you got tables, Marcy. You better get over here, quick. Fucking around with them old broads. He’s trying to yank her away. These old broads, they’re telling stories. I remember Malufa. I used to be a waitress. I used to be a hooker.
So anyway, they’re talking a little bit about music. Oh, I like Air Supply or something. I don’t know what the fuck they were talking about. I’m all out of love. Oh, I don’t know. Oh, no. I like the Beach Boys. They make me feel warm and fuzzy. And so anyway, there’s music. Restaurants have music. They do? okay simple well some do. Some do. I’m just saying. I go to expensive restaurants but uh so simple minds comes on right and i’m kind of jamming to it, you know, popping the fingers yeah i was like, oh, I was like jamming to it. Next thing i know, I hate 80s music yeah Instantly, instantly, I’m wishing death on this woman. I’m like, oh, I hate you. How can they be that much older than you, for Christ’s sake? I don’t know. They look old, man. Yeah, it was the Graber graders. I don’t know what they were, but… Oh, I hate talking heads, too. I hate all that. I hate it all. All right. I know. I’m like, is there a way I could accidentally trip and, like, spill water into her face or something? Like, God, you just…
You can eat all the soup. You can each get a soup. Once we left, I was being released from prison between the laughing teenage girls and some idiotic retiring… I think you just hate women. I think that’s what it’s going to do. It could have been at that restaurant I did. You’re right. It was not a taco party. See, I got triggered. See? Triggered. I got triggered. oh my goodness. So, anyway. you’re gonna be okay? Uh, yeah, you know, when people just put down stuff i like, you know like okay don’t say anything don’t handle it can you handle it the pesh mode sucks. Enjoy the silence. All I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed is here in my arms. Old women are very unnecessary.
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