In this episode, I'm starting our HappIER Holidays series in an unexpected place: grief. I share why allowing ourselves to feel the waves of sadness, loss, and uncomfortable emotions during the holiday season is actually the gateway to experiencing genuine joy and happiness. Drawing from my own experience with the loss of a healthy mother and the traditions that surface grief each year, I offer practical tools for riding the waves of difficult emotions so we can be more present for the moments that matter.

Key Points

• Why grief often surfaces during the holidays, especially when traditions and family gatherings highlight absence or loss
• Understanding that we can't selectively numb emotions—when we shut down grief and sadness, we also lose access to joy and contentment
• The metaphor of grief as a wave: it will pass through if we allow it, but resistance keeps us stuck
• How emotions have a 90-second shelf life when we fully allow ourselves to feel them without resistance
• The difference between healthy emotional release and unhealthy coping mechanisms (alcohol, sugar, shopping) that create false happiness
• Why we need to "get better at feeling" rather than "feel better"—learning to be with all 87 human emotions
• Creating safe spaces to feel big emotions: cars, closets, bathrooms, or with trusted people who can witness without judgment
• How showing appropriate emotion in front of our children teaches them emotional health while maintaining safety
• The power of connection with others who understand grief—you don't need to have experienced the exact same loss
• Setting boundaries around triggering traditions, people, or rituals to protect your tender heart during the season

Quotes

"Grief is kinda like that random hair on my chest—I know it's coming, but I don't necessarily know when."

"We don't need to feel better. We need to get better at feeling." — Gabor Maté

"If we can't be with and feel our waves of unpleasant emotions like grief, it's gonna be really hard to be in the pleasant emotions of joy and contentment and ease."

"You can't pick and choose. If we don't feel sad, if we don't feel angry, we're gonna struggle to feel happy."

"Emotions are energy in motion—these neurochemical processes that when given permission to move will move through you like a train through a tunnel."

"If we ignore, deny, and resist our feelings of anger, sadness, and grief that are inevitable around the holidays, we will not have a happier holiday—or we will numb out with really unhealthy coping skills and have the illusion of a happy holiday."

Resources Mentioned

• Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown—an encyclopedia of the 87 emotions we experience as humans: https://a.co/d/800nADj 
• The School of Mom community—holding space for women to feel emotions without shame: https://theschoolofmom.com/ 

What's Coming Next

More episodes in the HappIER Holidays series exploring how to bring intention and genuine happiness to the season by working with our nervous systems rather than against them.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

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