Patti and the Pottymouth bask in the glow of watching our boys in the first spring training games. The dying embers of the hot stove bring us a Machado Free Agency object lesson, and a soft landing for Mike Moustakas. Predictably, Patti chooses Dr. Smooth, Michael Brantley, as her Astros boyfriend, while Pottymouth goes for young superstar Carlos Correa, of the World Series marriage proposal. Pottymouth makes Patti’s head spin by how fast she changes sides on the “stupid loser” twitterspat once she picks Kris Bryant as her Cubs guy. Patti can’t resist Cubs outfielder Jason Heyward, of the greatest rain delay weight room speech of all time, even though it broke her heart. Spring training is not long enough to get the damn pitch clock rules right.  And it is time to join our Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball League! Who’s in?