Mastering Midlife with Heidi

72. Afraid of Seeming Selfish? The Dark Side of People Pleasing: How to Stop


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Do you bend over backwards to avoid being called selfish? For people pleasers, that word feels like the worst insult of all — and it’s exactly why so many of us swallow our truth, say yes when we mean no, and lose ourselves in the process.

But here’s the dark truth: the very behaviors we think make us “nice” are actually manipulative — and they’re keeping us stuck.

In this episode, I share:

  • The hidden ways people pleasers morph and control situations without realizing it
  • Why constant apologizing and over-explaining erode real connection
  • How saying yes when you want to say no breeds resentment and disconnection
  • The sneaky habits (like hinting or testing others) that keep you invisible and frustrated

If you’ve ever thought of yourself as “easygoing” but ended up drained, resentful, or invisible, this conversation will hit home. And the good news? You’ll also get simple, practical steps you can start using today to stop the cycle and reclaim your voice.

Grab my free guide with 20 ways to say no (without feeling like the bad guy) — link below:

20 Ways to Say NO Guide

A Dark Truth About People Pleasing YouTube video

If you'd like support on breaking free of people pleasing, schedule your free consultation and let's chat about how I can help you. Schedule time here on my calendar. Or you can email me at [email protected]

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Mastering Midlife with HeidiBy Heidi Gustafson

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