What if your second act isn't about changing your life — it's about finally showing up in the one you already have?

Monica Packer, founder of the About Progress podcast and a certified habits and identity coach, joins me to talk about the version of personal growth nobody talks about: the quiet, internal kind. Monica spent years as a self-described aspiring perfectionist — achieving on the outside while disappearing from herself on the inside. What she discovered in her 30s (after two early midlife crises and a decade of recovery) is that sustainable growth doesn't come from hustle or apathy — it comes from progress. And it starts by asking: do I even know who I am?

We talk about why perfectionism isn't just about striving — it's just as alive in the people who've stopped trying. We explore Monica's "Do Something List," the three Cs of change (curiosity, compassion, and courage), why habits built for men don't work for women, and what it means to stop waiting for arrival and start trusting the process.

Highlights

• Monica's "costume life" realization at 30 — loving the life she'd built but not recognizing herself in it
• Why perfectionism lives on both sides of the spectrum: the overachiever AND the person who's given up trying
• The connection between ADHD, all-or-nothing thinking, and the perfectionism spectrum
• What the "Do Something List" is — and why never completing it is the whole point
• Why there is no arrival, and the mantra that will help you stop waiting for one
• The Three Cs of Change: curiosity, compassion, and courage
• Why popular habit methods fail women — invisible labor, less time, less energy, less predictability
• The inner comparison monster: comparing your current self to a past version of yourself
• Identity isn't static — and that's actually freeing

Chapters

1:03 — Introduction & episode premise

1:28 — Meet Monica Packer

2:55 — The "costume life" realization: living life on the sidelines

8:35 — Perfectionism as a spectrum — it's not just overachieving

12:40 — Starting the experiment: the internal and external work

14:06 — The Do Something List

18:46 — There is no arrival: the transformation lies in the process

22:30 — The Three Cs of Change: curiosity, compassion, and courage

26:34 — Sticky Habits: the book written for women, not men

31:08 — Comparison and the inner critic

33:52 — Where to connect with Monica

35:02 — Identity keeps evolving — and that's a good thing

Resources

• Sticky Habits: A Woman's Guide to Reclaim Happiness, Ditch Perfectionism, and Create Habits That Last by Monica Packer — pre-order at stickyhabitsbook.com
• Do Something List free training: aboutprogress.com/dsl
• About Progress podcast on Apple or Spotify

Want to learn more?

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This show is part of the ICT Podcast Network.

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