Lord Timothy Dexter was an 18th century American businessman, who made a great deal of money through a series of bizarre, lucky and, probably, stupid ventures. Shipping coal to Newcastle, selling hot water bottles in the West Indies, speculating on Continental Currency at the end of the American Civil War: Dexter managed to keep turning profits, despite having left school at age eight.

A Pickle for the Knowing Ones (1802) was his gift to the world: an almost entirely unpunctuated and misspelled tract of philosophical musings, many of which are complaints about his long-suffering wife. There are too many excellent quotes to take from this masterpiece, but here's something to whet the appetite:
"Ime the first Lord in the younited States of A mercary Now of Newburyport it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now as I must be Lord there will foler many more Lords prittey soune for it Dont hurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue on all in Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to Lay the Corner ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washington the grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good A father to his children and Now gone to Rest Now!”

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