The Art of We

80. When Couples Can’t Stop Arguing


Listen Later

Do you ever get stuck arguing a TON? Or “processing” issues all the time as a couple? If so, this episode is for you! Listen in for strategies to break the cycle of conflict, hear Krista and Will’s personal experiences, and learn practical tools and techniques to disrupt the arguing and to foster better communication and understanding.

[0:00] - Conflict “quality” in relationships

[0:55] - Hosts personal experiences

[1:07] - Pain points in conflicts and advanced communication skills

[6:12] - Relationship agreements for successful outcomes

[7:23] - Strategies for dealing with emotional hijacking

[10:28] - ‘Witnessing awareness’ & its role in managing emotional responses

[14:10] - Practical relationship agreements to aid in conflict resolution

[19:12] - Techniques for co-regulation without conversation

[22:15] - Exploring "smart requests" to improve clarity and effectiveness in communication

[28:03] - Emphasizing the co-creation of ruptures & a growth mindset in relationships

Key Discussion Points

  • How the quality of your conflict determines the quality of your partnership 
  • Techniques like couples therapy, somatic psychotherapy, & psychedelics to navigate through trauma in relationships
  • Importance of relational agreements in maintaining a secure partnership
  • Strategies for self-regulation & co-regulation during intense emotional states
  • Using 'smart requests' and pre-emptive understanding of each partner's emotional needs
  • The value of a growth-oriented mindset in approaching relationship challenges.

Resources Mentioned: 

  • Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
  • IFS Richard Schwartz
  • Inside Out Movie
  • “SMART Goals”

Get in Touch: 

  • The Art Of We Website
  • 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
  • The Art of We Instagram 
  • Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training


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The Art of WeBy Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

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