The Art of We

80. When Couples Can’t Stop Arguing


Listen Later

Do you ever get stuck arguing a TON? Or “processing” issues all the time as a couple? If so, this episode is for you! Listen in for strategies to break the cycle of conflict, hear Krista and Will’s personal experiences, and learn practical tools and techniques to disrupt the arguing and to foster better communication and understanding.

[0:00] - Conflict “quality” in relationships

[0:55] - Hosts personal experiences

[1:07] - Pain points in conflicts and advanced communication skills

[6:12] - Relationship agreements for successful outcomes

[7:23] - Strategies for dealing with emotional hijacking

[10:28] - ‘Witnessing awareness’ & its role in managing emotional responses

[14:10] - Practical relationship agreements to aid in conflict resolution

[19:12] - Techniques for co-regulation without conversation

[22:15] - Exploring "smart requests" to improve clarity and effectiveness in communication

[28:03] - Emphasizing the co-creation of ruptures & a growth mindset in relationships

Key Discussion Points

  • How the quality of your conflict determines the quality of your partnership 
  • Techniques like couples therapy, somatic psychotherapy, & psychedelics to navigate through trauma in relationships
  • Importance of relational agreements in maintaining a secure partnership
  • Strategies for self-regulation & co-regulation during intense emotional states
  • Using 'smart requests' and pre-emptive understanding of each partner's emotional needs
  • The value of a growth-oriented mindset in approaching relationship challenges.

Resources Mentioned: 

  • Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
  • IFS Richard Schwartz
  • Inside Out Movie
  • “SMART Goals”

Get in Touch: 

  • The Art Of We Website
  • 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
  • The Art of We Instagram 
  • Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training


Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

The Art of WeBy Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

  • 5
  • 5
  • 5
  • 5
  • 5

5

29 ratings


More shows like The Art of We

View all
Tara Brach by Tara Brach

Tara Brach

10,442 Listeners

Sounds True: Insights at the Edge by Tami Simon

Sounds True: Insights at the Edge

1,840 Listeners

Freakonomics Radio by Freakonomics Radio + Stitcher

Freakonomics Radio

32,283 Listeners

The Joe Rogan Experience by Joe Rogan

The Joe Rogan Experience

226,206 Listeners

The Tim Ferriss Show by Tim Ferriss: Bestselling Author, Human Guinea Pig

The Tim Ferriss Show

16,101 Listeners

The Psychology Podcast by iHeartPodcasts

The Psychology Podcast

1,831 Listeners

Relationship Coaching School Podcast by Jayson Gaddis

Relationship Coaching School Podcast

960 Listeners

EmPowered Couples with The Freemans by Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman

EmPowered Couples with The Freemans

584 Listeners

The Daily by The New York Times

The Daily

111,864 Listeners

The Thais Gibson Podcast by Thais Gibson

The Thais Gibson Podcast

271 Listeners

IFS Talks by Aníbal Henriques, Tisha Shull & Alexia Rothman

IFS Talks

194 Listeners

SmartLess by Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett

SmartLess

57,990 Listeners

The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart by Comedy Central

The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart

10,556 Listeners

The Mel Robbins Podcast by Mel Robbins

The Mel Robbins Podcast

20,541 Listeners

Everything Belongs: Living the Teachings of Richard Rohr Forward by Center for Action and Contemplation

Everything Belongs: Living the Teachings of Richard Rohr Forward

594 Listeners