Today’s episode is for anyone experiencing relationship strain due to frequent work travel or international assignments. My guest, Ian Orton, counsellor and founder of People Care Matters, has spent 35 years supporting professionals who work far from home and the families affected by these separations. We discuss how travel impacts connection, how distance can slowly create emotional drift, and how couples and families can intentionally maintain closeness even when time apart is unavoidable.

I think frequent travel is a part of the whole deal with relief and development work and with other NGO work. There's often a huge amount of travel. And I've come across it where people have said that home is really an aeroplane seat, or it's on a train somewhere, or it's in the car traveling between places

Key Takeaways:

Performance at Work Is Often Linked to Home Life

Disrupted family relationships and stress from prolonged separations commonly impact work performance. Pastoral support and organizational care are vital when international work or frequent travel creates tension at home, affecting focus and well-being on the job. Recognizing this interplay helps organizations and individuals respond more compassionately and proactively.

Frequent travel impacts everyone—be proactive

Whether you’re the one traveling or the partner holding things together at home, Ian highlighted that both sides face stress, and the drifting apart can happen without realizing it. He suggests annual reevaluations, prioritizing quality time, and even creative exercises to keep connections strong. Intentional Relationship Maintenance is essential is just as crucial in frequent travel scenarios as in long-term split-living.

Reintegration Takes Planning and Skill

Returning home after being away can upset established family routines and dynamics. Both partners should learn negotiation and communication skills to ease reintegration and avoid unnecessary conflict. Periodic check-ins and adjustments help families re-establish connection instead of feeling like intruders in their own homes.

Organizational Support Goes Beyond the Employee

Employers should recognize the impact of travel/split assignments on non-employee family members. Offering resources, pastoral care, or flexibility acknowledges that spouses and children also need support. When leaders or HR notice decreased performance or well-being, addressing underlying family stresses is just as important as work-focused interventions.

Trusted Advisers Offer Perspective and Support

Cultivating honest relationships outside the immediate family – with peers, mentors, or experienced friends – provides invaluable perspective and accountability. Trusted advisers can help spot challenges early, offer practical wisdom, and keep families aligned with their values as contexts and needs shift over time.

Contingency and Crisis Planning Is Crucial

Families separated by work should actively plan for emergencies: legal documentation, guardianship, communication protocols, and scenario planning. This forward thinking reduces anxiety and ensures stability for children and spouses when unexpected events occur. Proactive conversations about “what if” scenarios help everyone feel safer and more prepared.

Ian’s experience and honesty about his own journey serve as a valuable resource for all global professionals and families managing work life and family life when time away from family is routine.

the organizational duty of care, it seems to me, can be to really encourage people to have those great conversations and to overcome some of those difficulties without going down the well worn pathways of meeting their own needs in wrong ways or just becoming angry people or the convenience of having another assignment to go away to.

Listen to the episode for actionable strategies and real stories, or check out the show notes for extra resources.

Action Steps You Can Take Now:

• Assess your current habits: Are you prioritizing family time, or has travel slowly shifted your priorities without you realizing?
• Plan periodic “relationship audits” and ask, “What do we want to be known for as a family?”
• Engage with your community and seek feedback—sometimes, an outside perspective helps us see what we’re missing.

Remember, investing in family connection now leads to stronger relationships in the long term—don’t wait until retirement to find out you’ve drifted apart!

It’s never too late to make positive changes—intentionality and communication go a very long way.

Contact Ian Orton

By Email at: [email protected]

Ian’s Counselling Directory Page https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellors/ian-orton