If you're tired of life, and you're looking for a film to watch that will help you run the clock out by three hours and sixteen minutes, then we strongly recommend the Director's Cut of Troy! 

Banging the beauty who brings battle and brutality to your borders! Stealing the sexy Spartan! Apprehending for amusement! Deep throating Patroclus! Strangling your soulmate! Dragging the defeated through the dirt! Twilight torching of Troy through trickery! Dusting the flaps! Gratuitous extended scenes for a very simple conflict! Gilded sack dragging! Obvious implants! Brian Cox looks funny in a chariot! Sneaky queen peaky scenes! Unimaginable sexual stinkiness! Why Achilles be climbing walls out here? Unorthodox offenses, and much, much more on this week's Episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

Next week we watch 1996's The Phantom

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