"WARRIORSSSS! COME OUT TO PLAYEEYYYEHHHH!"

Good movie week, we really need it after this dungpile of a season!

Wailing whippersnappers, The Warriors, wreck, rampage, and wander, worse for wear, waiting for war! Crime messiah killed by pariah! Vibe check 5000! DJ’s “Feed me, Seymour” mouth!” Baseball furies! Spending money to wet the set! Mercy’s nipples! 30 Orphans line up for war! Radio mouth reminders! A gaggle of gangster lesbians! Ever-increasing hick lines! Bringing the winning knife to a gunfight, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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War of the worlds! Not the H.G. Wells novel! Not the Spielberg one! Nope. ICE CUBE, MOTHERFUCKER! This was a gnarly experience. We complained about it so much that our episode is longer than the actual movie. Chew on that, Jeff Bezos, you bald-headed fuck! 

“Ohhhhh my godddddd.” -Ice Cube, Probably. 

Alien annihilation, amazon advertisements, awesome! Techno tendrils whipping out all sexy like? Faith calls the Cube Father! Helicopter hit, “how you?” Mark’s Prime Video van? Daddy Cube is coming! Your mouth was made to suck my … data! Cumsocks on Ebay! Amazon ass play! Sexy tech babe tentacles, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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This week, we bust our Chuck cherries on air with 1985’s Invasion U.S.A. Terrorists don’t get killed by Chuck Norris. They kill themselves when they know that Chuck Norris is coming for them! Russians are the big bad, just like in real life today! 

USA! USA! USA!

Naughty, nut-knocking nemesis napalms Norris’ nest, Norris nullifies with knuckle sandwiches, nasty nomadic NORAD network, and never not negotiating. Shaking the rust off of Rostov, the cock shooter! Episodic, chaotic, and downright idiotic! Gliding through the bayou! Oily reflections on the flesh! Farm to table gator dogs! Shrink wrap face chocolate?! Breaching the bayou abode! Multiple swamp gliders bombarding the bungalow, putting bullets in the backwoods bestie! Vodka by piss proxy! Little bitch unit biker gang! Ted the Fed, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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This week, we unpack Showdown in Little Tokyo; Brandon Lee’s other perfect masterpiece. Is this truly a bad movie, or was it simply way before its time? Come join us and find out whether this one is passable, or one of the worst movies ever made! 

Hyeuhhh!

Crow cop and Chris Kenner kick yakuza killers with kraw and krueahhhghhhh and kruhhhh! Uneven distribution of evil! Kenner is kinda cardboard! Warmup suicide stretches! Mailbox baseball head popping! Single punch power shots! Singers and sushi servants in the skinny, and two totally ‘sposed sumo spar ladies! Buddy cop bonding moments! Easting fish off those naked chicks! Sushi skin salt runoff! Steamy sumo thongs! Bathhouse bad boys! Every cousin has a futon! Equestrian erection! Wheels of misfortune, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we’re getting into 2002’s D-Tox, or as you may also know it, Eye See You. It’s a Stallone slasher! Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you.

Adriannnnn!!! 

Sad Sly sucking spirits, sent to s’perimental safehouse seeking salvation, s’periencing slasher stuff, and ‘scapin unscathed! Whispering distance! Boozers in blue! The angry black captain trope! Cop killer continuation at the concrete cop carnival! Demeaning test screening sent production careening! Side slopping the night away! Home cookin’, home fuckin’, and the FBI! Cabin rendezvous with Mrs. Sexy Medicine! Big ole Wyoming wind! Kristofferson’s cartilage conundrum. Robert Patrick is the shit storm! Whoop whoop in the walk-in? Offensive addiction, depiction fiction, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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This week, we’re going to get into 1992’s Split Second. We feel like this movie has to follow its own set of rules. Is it low-budget? You betcha. Does it have more cheese than an unwashed belly-button? Absolutely. Is it great? Hell fucking yes! This movie has a lot of problems, but it’s from a bygone era where the VHS ruled the landscape, and this is a perfect late-night watch despite its shortcomings. Why are we doing this then? Because we need a control in the experiment that allows us to keep flushing TC 2000 down the toilet. 

Hauer’s Harley hassles harlots, hoping the heart-stealer in hiding’s hellacious hackles hear his heroism! Hogtie the bad guy! Heart blood trails! Really sneak Venomorphs! Oops all coconut? Strip club English breakfast! Durkin Dick breaches the door too quick! Unrealistic armadas! 60 ducklings worth of Dawn! A little extra turtle to it, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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Don’t be fooled this week because it’s actually a bad movie week. According to Rotten Tomatoes anyway. This week, we’re going to talk about From Paris with Love, which has a punishing 37% approval rating on the review aggregator. Here’s the thing though: The critics don’t know dick about shit! This movie rules, and it’s the best. Science is on our side, and while it’s not a good movie, season finale week, it certainly feels like it this time around! 

Wax on, wax off! Charlie Wax, that is! 

Travolta trounces triads, tackles terrorists, trades ‘telligence, and tactically terminates with a tude! Poopin’ dragons! The “damn, he’s good” trope done right! French concubine’s curtain coverup! James Reese’s gum fumbles! Coke house recitals! Shootout in the mannequin factory! Uma boob references are out of control! We’ll go with convoy, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week we got into BloodRayne. It’s a movie set in 18th century Romania but has Panera Bread signage on its storefronts.

Best to just strap in for this one! 

Vampire vixen vows to avenge voraciously, vicariously vamping with vulva velocity, and then a bunch of stuff happens after it’s narrated for you in great detail! Accents and apathy! Prison cart pendants! Vladimir’s vigilante rasp! Rosemary snazz oil! Villagers looting the gay vampire! Taters and tea! Giant disfigured hammer-wielding priest warrior! Holywater wholesale semantics! Meat Loaf’s giant orgy palace! Prison bar fuck fest! Sebastian’s blood boner, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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This week, we talk about TC… TC… shit what is it called? TC 2000! Sorry, I was drawing a Blanks. A Billy Blanks! No, wait. That doesn’t work either. Anyhow, it’s a B-movie from 1993 that kinda sorta rips off RoboCop, but has a villain named Niki Picasso.

This one’s a real dumper. 

Billy, Bobbi, and Bolo beat down Bigalow, Blade and Blaster, breathing breath into the battleground beneath them! Dialogue drowned in the dojo! Dangling water bags! Moist man meat meets sweaty sinew! Kicking breaker ass! Zoey’s fatal backshots! 80s metal resistance band! Jacked Sebastian Bach! Amazing Pipe Logic ™! Niki … Picasso? Neck and nuts! Staring down Newton’s Balls! Honking the cyborg honkers! Watermelons can’t consent, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we become full-fledged Breeniacs with Neil Breen's 2016 triumph, Pass Thru. Ominous red dots! Beans littering the landscape! Sleeping on garbage piles! Plot pounders! 

Let’s goooooo!

Breen begets bloated and bizarre blueprint buffooning the bedlam of bribery, bureaucracy and billionaires! A tiger and two clocks! Spirit Neil and his cave paintings! People piles at gunpoint! The ‘ole neck and nut! Upside down Hershey Kiss track marks! Cult leader starter packages! Mojave heroin habits! Breen’s scenes with beauty queens! Unenthusiastic eradication, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

www.theworstmovieevermade.com