This week, we fire up the Breen Machine and explore I Am Here … Now– the best religious themed Sci-Fi action alien romance environmentally over toned thriller of its time. You’ve gotta listen to this one because the almighty Breen can do no wrong, until he does, but it still feels so, so right. 

Back to Breen basics with braless biotech bimbos, boring business men, and a buff brother blasting bullets into bones! Spirit Halloween Slipknot mask saliva swapping! Hard Drive Jesus! Breenie bits but no babe boobs! Benevolent Breen bloodies bully’s eyeballs. The Willhelm… Breen? Boomer Bluetooth! Cola pudge! Rob hosts Fact or No Fact! SUV Russian Roulette! Chris’ “e-lips!” Stigmata imposters, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Like the Saw movies? Well, you’re going to love 2007’s Steel Trap, which is like Saw, but instead of having to cut off your own foot, you have to record yourself eating your own shit, upload it to PornHub, and then gratify yourself to the footage of yourself eating your own shit while held at gunpoint. That being said … do you want to play a little game? 

Here we go: 

Drunk doopable dummies are deceived, dispatched, and deserving of death. Professor Pudgy and the previously porky perpetrator! Patron of a popular program providing persecution for party-goers! Pinwheel Pamela! Hard R-ded! Forcibly inserted ass trackers? Gladiator 2 sucks, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

Also, Steel Trap was suggested to us VIA email by Shay. Thank you Shay ... this was an absolutely tremendous contribution to the show, and we're all worse off for it.

Email us, you cowards.

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Adam Sandler! Going Overboard! His first movie ever! Streaming for free on Tubi, and you’ll still want a refund! This movie is really, really bad.

Hard to be clever and/or poetic after watching something like this. Absolute bullshit experience all around. Welcome to Season 21 (or is it 24?).

Unfunny funnyman fails at farce, fumbles with female fraternization, and fosters flare for foes with firearms! Sandler satiating simpletons with sexism! Witless fourth-wall wavering! Straight-jacket homo-jacket homophobic humor! Scrapper Bob and Captain Slider! Very clean women? We hate Bryce, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

It’s the end of season 48, which means it’s time for an episode of THE BEST Movie Ever Made where the boys talk about Hereditary. We’re doing something a little different this week because Rob is underwhelmed, Bob is neutral, and Chris wants to be tea-bagged by Paimon and gargle all of his demonic goo because he loves this movie so much.

Is Hereditary the pinnacle of “elevated horror,” or is it patronizing poo-poo that undermines its own premise through its excessive use of foreshadowing? Tune in and find out! 

Dude decapitates dad’s daughter and is damned to don a demonic deity derby! Family drama, or family trauma? Chomping on Chekhov’s Nuts! Unsettling scenes and surrealist style! Unforced foreshadowing that informs and frightens! Undeserved decapitation of dad’s daughter (again)! Undetermined direction daring you to define it, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The BEST Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we’ll be singing “VIVAAAAA LAS BIO-DOME!” because we’re talking about Bio-Dome. What a classic! What a great movie! What a masterpiece of cinema that Rob loves unironically while Bob and Chris try to figure out how to remove him from the podcast indefinitely as punishment for requesting that we review this one. Maybe they just don’t know how to free the weasel as masterfully as Rob does. Maybe they made attempts, but ended up getting their dicks caught in the ceiling fan instead. Who knows? But one thing we know for sure is that this episode is going to be as intense as the Great Chipmunk Fire of 1979.

Rest in peace, Buttercup.

Best bud bumbling bros betray babes, burst into a biodome, baffle bystanders and bluff botanist babes! Impossible repopulation VIA sentient baked potatoes! Intentional insecticide idiotic seek and hide! Bunny bombs! Waco Texas tactical torture on terraforming team! Midnight molestation! Steve Bannon’s Nazi grotto! Egyptian walking couches, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

OHHHHHHHHH! ECKS GON GIVE IT TO YA! That’s Ecks vs Sever… as in Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever– the worst movie ever made according to Rotten Tomatoes. Seriously. 0% across 118 reviews. This movie makes no sense, and we make no sense trying to make sense of it.  What a mess!

We’re sorry. 

Confusing cluttered calamity with cop killers, cars, kidnapping, carnage, and countless kinds of chaotic crap! Channeling the Banderas Flare! Caging a kid you’re caring for! Bald guy back-alley nose break! Blaringly obvious husband car bomb buttons! Expository sound snafus! Reversey guns! The golden age of reverberated Locrian moaning! Gratuitous “Ecks”haling! Lightweight aluminum tube trampling! Riding sideways on a prison bus! Standard-issue paperclip lock picking, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week we talk about Willy/Milly, also known as Something Special, also known as I Was a Teenage Boy; a problematic body-swapping film from the’80s that definitely exists for some reason-- even though the version streaming for free on The Roku Channel is clearly an upload from a copy, of a copy, of a copy of a VHS tape. We also welcome Dave/Schmave, Bob’s brother, to talk about the movie that he requested for the sole purpose of watching us suffer immeasurably...

Geeky girl grows gonads and gives a gimpy guy a groin growth! Teleport talking! Suspiciously scrappy sex base! Semen is soda?! Never chew on a stranger’s beef stick! Top-tier tire tossing! Chris thinking about what Joe Pesci’s packin’! Junkyard jizz spots! Allowance wage gap?! Phallic flash card cock shocking! Childen's cartoon cuck chairs! Circle corners, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we get into 1985’s Gymkata, a spectacle of martial arts, gymnastics, deadly games, tongueless women, men with fake faces on the back of their heads, and a healthy amount of men falling to their deaths with a satisfying splat. 

This one’s not currently on streaming, but is worth the $4 if you were to indulge in on-demand viewing. 

Okay, yelling: 

Johnny the gymnast joins a jiu-jitsu journey just to jab a jezebel! It’s a movie podcast, not a English tutorial! Mullet-O-Mania! Pitchforking poor people and poorly placed pigs! Aerobic back-alley attack on innocent arabian anybody! Caucasian con and consult! Androgynous elderly caterwauling creeps! Bangladeshing the Parmistani princess! Bright red Sweaters aren’t inconspicuous! The farmland of Parmistan! Back alley biker beatings! Bollywood whitewashing wiping out Neil Breen’s side scrote! Pommel pummeling, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we get into Theodore Rex; a film about a cookie-loving dinosaur with a heart of gold who needs to save the world from a new ice age because his creator has fish DNA that can freeze stuff, starring Whoppi Goldberg. We wish that the previous sentence didn’t exist, but that’s the most succinct way to break this movie down. If you want to know how bad this movie is, we need to gently remind you that this movie cost over $30 million in 1990s money and saw a direct-to-video release. Truly baffling. 

Here’s the rub: 

Dinosaur detective devours desserts, discovers a dinoside, and defeats delinquent dicks! Worst Movie welcomes back world-ending genocide! T-Rex trash receptacle transport! Untamed tail tappin’ tooshies! Scalebacks! Hardbody Bob! Ninja Grids! Imagine a T-Rex with huge tits! Whoopi “the fart incarnate” Goldberg steaming herself drippy! Kane’s nevermind nuke button! Theodore’s jizz jalopy! Dead dino skank wife, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we’re doing something a little different and talking about Steven Seagal: Lawman– a cop show starring Steven Seagal that’s streaming for free on Tubi, where it belongs. We point our focus to two episodes: “The Way of the Gun,” and “Crack War,” and we don’t think any further introduction is necessary to be entirely honest. 

Steven Seagal sees suspects scurrying several suspicious scenes!  Professor pudgy panting and pretending to be a police person! Jizz jazz jamming it in the same hole! Meandering motel meth molestation! Seagal’s backseat driving legitimately pissing off a real officer! Flagrant use of the word “Orientals!” Steven Seagal running! Steven Seagal speaking jive-talk in a misguided attempt to connect with the local community of Jefferson Parish, Louisiana! Steven Seagal shredding on a Stratocaster for childhood cancer! Steven Seagal, Steven Seagal, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

Steven Seagal.

www.theworstmovieevermade.com