A COLD WAR

The CIA's original plan for Cuba was a slow, subtle guerrilla operation.... then someone started adding things. A combined air and sea assault. A march on Havana. Possibly US troops. By October 1960, what began as a quiet covert infiltration had turned into D-Day Jr., and nobody seemed to notice the plan had completely gotten away from them.

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The CIA's original plan for Cuba was a slow, subtle guerrilla operation.... then someone started adding things. A combined air and sea assault. A march on Havana. Possibly US troops. By October 1960, what began as a quiet covert infiltration had turned into D-Day Jr., and nobody seemed to notice the plan had completely gotten away from them.

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The CIA's master plan for the Bay of Pigs invasion was, apparently, a cakewalk. The frogmen hit the coral reef they thought was seaweed, a light shorted out and alerted the shore, the winches on the landing boats squeaked loud enough to wake the neighbourhood, and Castro's planes showed up at first light exactly as promised. By day three, the brigade commander's final radio message was "I cannot wait for you".... which is also, roughly, what Washington was thinking.

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The CIA's master plan for the Bay of Pigs invasion was, apparently, a cakewalk. The frogmen hit the coral reef they thought was seaweed, a light shorted out and alerted the shore, the winches on the landing boats squeaked loud enough to wake the neighbourhood, and Castro's planes showed up at first light exactly as promised. By day three, the brigade commander's final radio message was "I cannot wait for you".... which is also, roughly, what Washington was thinking.

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Castro expropriated every American-owned asset in Cuba, got kicked out of his New York hotel for looking like a credit risk, and ended up hosting Malcolm X in a rundown place in Harlem.... which Khrushchev immediately recognised as the greatest PR move he'd ever seen. Meanwhile, Castro's sister was collaborating with the CIA, his brother was furious about the farm, and Trujillo tried to smuggle weapons to Cuban double agents who were, of course, working for Castro the whole time.

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Castro expropriated every American-owned asset in Cuba, got kicked out of his New York hotel for looking like a credit risk, and ended up hosting Malcolm X in a rundown place in Harlem.... which Khrushchev immediately recognised as the greatest PR move he'd ever seen. Meanwhile, Castro's sister was collaborating with the CIA, his brother was furious about the farm, and Trujillo tried to smuggle weapons to Cuban double agents who were, of course, working for Castro the whole time.

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Eisenhower signs off on a covert plan to overthrow Castro in March 1960.... a plan which, to be clear, is literally titled "Program of Covert Action Against the Castro Regime." Subtle. Meanwhile Cuba starts nationalising US oil refineries, Washington cuts the sugar quota, and Castro responds by reading the expropriation of 26 American corporations aloud at a baseball stadium at midnight while handling a dove like James Brown with a cape. The coffins of Esso, Shell and United Fruit are eventually carried to the sea and hurled in, in the hope the Gulf Stream takes them back to Florida.

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Eisenhower signs off on a covert plan to overthrow Castro in March 1960.... a plan which, to be clear, is literally titled "Program of Covert Action Against the Castro Regime." Subtle. Meanwhile Cuba starts nationalising US oil refineries, Washington cuts the sugar quota, and Castro responds by reading the expropriation of 26 American corporations aloud at a baseball stadium at midnight while handling a dove like James Brown with a cape. The coffins of Esso, Shell and United Fruit are eventually carried to the sea and hurled in, in the hope the Gulf Stream takes them back to Florida.

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The CIA didn't want Cuba buying weapons from Britain, so Allen Dulles quietly leaned on the British ambassador to kill the deal.... hoping Cuba would get desperate enough to buy from the Soviets instead, at which point the US could say "look, commies" and invade. Pick up the gun. Meanwhile, Gordon Gray - the man formally tasked with overthrowing Cuba - came from a family that ran R.J. Reynolds Tobacco, which is interesting given that Cuba is, you know, where tobacco comes from. And then there's William Morgan: Ohio-born, dishonourably discharged, convicted felon, snake charmer's husband, Cuban revolutionary, frog leg tycoon, shot by firing squad one month before the Bay of Pigs.

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The CIA didn't want Cuba buying weapons from Britain, so Allen Dulles quietly leaned on the British ambassador to kill the deal.... hoping Cuba would get desperate enough to buy from the Soviets instead, at which point the US could say "look, commies" and invade. Pick up the gun. Meanwhile, Gordon Gray - the man formally tasked with overthrowing Cuba - came from a family that ran R.J. Reynolds Tobacco, which is interesting given that Cuba is, you know, where tobacco comes from. And then there's William Morgan: Ohio-born, dishonourably discharged, convicted felon, snake charmer's husband, Cuban revolutionary, frog leg tycoon, shot by firing squad one month before the Bay of Pigs.

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