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Alex Gay is a certified intimacy and relationship coach and adult performer from Maryland, where his sex education came from homeschooling, evangelical purity culture, and two conversations with his dad that left him wondering if condoms were worth trading for Cheetos.

In this episode we talk about growing up in a religious high-control group, shame as a clue to desire, what kink actually means, why so many men are expected to magically know how to be good in bed, and how Alex went from purity culture to helping queer people, couples, and curious adults feel more confident exploring sex, intimacy, kink, and their own bodies.

Want to hear Alex and I unfiltered reading Reddit stories? Join the afterparty over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

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Where to find Alex: Instagram: @heyalexgay

TikTok: @heyalexgay

Website: https://heyalexgay.com/

Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck

TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon

• STORY 1: Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up With My Girlfriend After She Wanted Our Relationship to Be Pussy Free?
• STORY 2: My Husband Needs to Touch My Breasts to Fall Asleep. I'm Exhausted and Need a Divorce. Am I the Asshole?
• STORY 3: Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up With My Girlfriend Because She Literally Told Me She Would Cheat on Me If I Took a New Job?

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Episode Cheat Sheet

00:00 Meet Alex Gay, certified intimacy coach and adult performer

02:23 Adult entertainment, OnlyFans, and why spicy content builds coaching trust 04:48 Coaching sexual confidence, kink, communication, and why sex education is lifelong

05:30 The pressure on cis straight men to magically know how to be good in bed 07:01 Why "normal" does not exist when it comes to sex, bodies, and kink

08:10 Shame as a clue to desire and how taboo shapes what turns us on

10:20 Growing up in Maryland inside an evangelical high-control group

11:44 Homeschool sex ed, Christian sex books, condoms, and the Cheeto trade

16:17 Sleepovers, curiosity, and why honest sex education changes everything

19:30 Boy moms vs. moms who have boys and the emotional weight placed on sons 22:00 Leaving religion, hitting rock bottom, and finding inherent self-worth

25:16 Men's mental health, masculinity, and why 60 men die by suicide every hour 29:28 Queer sex education, coaching, and what gay male coaches bring to the table 31:46 Play parties, group scenes, body confidence, ethical porn, and real naked bodies

38:25 Alex's first OnlyFans videos, strip interviews, and modeling non-sexual intimacy 44:00 Course creation, ADHD, and why the labor of pleasure cannot be on your partner

49:21 Coaching couples, high-mileage questions, and becoming your own sex detective

56:32 Dr. Tush aftercare products, butt play recovery, and kink aftercare

01:00:00 Bonus Reddit stories and where to find Alex Gay