May 01, 2026

A Crisis Negotiator’s Guide To Talking About Grief

28 minutes

Grief can make you feel like the world should stop, yet everything keeps moving and you’re left trying to keep up. I’m on my own for this one, speaking as a former hostage and crisis negotiator who’s heard hundreds of stories from people in crisis and as a human being who has also had to carry loss. I share three hard lessons that shaped my work and my life: we will all face crisis at some stage, many crises centre on loss, and loneliness can quietly become one of the biggest threats to our wellbeing.

I talk through my own experiences of bereavement, including losing my friend Jane to cancer and the shock of grieving someone who should have had decades ahead of her. Then I open up about losing my dad in November 2022 and the unexpected part that followed: searching for his “essence” in places I thought I’d feel him, and the relief when I finally did. Alongside the emotion, I touch on the practical realities of death, from probate to navigating online systems while you’re still in shock.

To make sense of how grief can swing and surprise you, I walk through the Kubler-Ross grief cycle and why it helped me name what was happening, even when it didn’t show up in a neat order. We also get practical about communication skills for grief and bereavement: how to open up the conversation, why saying their name matters, and why listening without fixing is often the kindest support you can offer.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who might need it, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. What’s one thing you wish others understood about your grief?

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