In this episode of Let's Talk About, I sit down with Tom Emery, founder of HEX Talent and Development, to explore authenticity, trust, emotional self-awareness, and the conversations many of us avoid.

Tom shares his personal journey of growing up queer, hiding parts of himself from the world, and the impact that authenticity has on our confidence, relationships, and leadership. Together, we discuss how understanding our genetics, adaptations, behaviours, and stress responses can help us navigate conflict more effectively and communicate with greater empathy.

We also explore why psychological safety matters, how trust becomes the foundation of high-performing teams, and why moving away from "right versus wrong" thinking can transform both personal and professional relationships.

During the conversation, Tom introduces his practical OI3C feedback framework:

• Observation
• Impact
• Curious
• Change
• Continue

A simple but powerful approach that makes feedback, boundaries, and difficult conversations feel safer and more productive.

In this episode we discuss:

• Growing up queer, hiding in the shadows, and the cost of not being yourself
• Understanding genetics, adaptations, behaviours, and the stress responses that drive silence and avoidance
• Finding joy, confidence, and fulfilment in senior leadership by taking ego less seriously
• Moving away from right and wrong thinking to protect relationships and psychological safety
• Building trust as the bedrock of effective teams and honest disagreement
• Using the OI3C framework to give feedback without judgement
• Having smaller conversations earlier to avoid the big "we need to talk" moment
• Setting boundaries with time contracts and ending conversations when staying longer cannot help
• Recognising triggers and pausing before replying, particularly in written communication
• Tom's book People People, the CHRO Impact Framework, and free resources available through HEX

Connect with Tom:

LinkedIn: Tom Emery | LinkedIn
HEX LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/hex-development/
Website: People Performance Consultancy | HEX Talent and Development
Instagram: @tomemeryhex

Free copy of People People:
Request a copy of People People by Tom Emery

If today's conversation has raised anything for you, please reach out to somebody you trust and talk about it.

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#CourageousConversations #NickyPerfect #Communication #Leadership #PsychologicalSafety #DifficultConversations #Trust #Feedback #AuthenticLeadership #PeoplePeople #TomEmery #HEXDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #WorkplaceCulture #LeadershipDevelopment

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
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• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
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 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Your teenager didn’t wake up one morning and decide to become impossible. The shift can feel sudden, but there are real reasons behind the door-slamming, the sarcasm, the “that’s not fair”, and the long stretches of silence from their room. We bring a hostage and crisis negotiator’s lens to one of the most personal challenges there is: negotiating with teenagers while keeping your relationship intact.

We talk through what’s changing in the teen brain, why the prefrontal cortex being under construction affects decision-making and risk, and why social status with friends can outweigh any perfect argument you make at home. From there, we get practical. We break down the “red zone” and how to spot it in them and in us, why reacting usually makes everything worse, and how a simple pause can stop a small disagreement from becoming a blow-up. You’ll hear specific communication tools like reflecting back, labelling emotions without sounding patronising, and asking open questions that invite a real answer instead of a shutdown.

We also cover boundaries and curfews, screen time, and the non-negotiables that protect safety, plus why timing matters: boundaries land best in calm moments, not mid-conflict. And when things do go wrong, we explain repair conversations, apologising when we mess up, and how trust grows when we create a safe space for tough topics. One idea to hold onto: when your teenager wants to talk, drop what you can and be there, because that window might be brief.

Subscribe for more straight-talking tools on hard conversations, share this with a parent who feels alone, and leave a review so more families can find support.

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Silence can feel polite, but it can also be lethal. We sit down with Heather Rose and talk about the subjects many families tiptoe around: bullying, suicide, miscarriage, and the messy reality of living with trauma while still needing to show up for the people you love.

Heather shares her personal story with a rare mix of honesty and practicality, from being bullied as a teen to surviving a suicide attempt, and from enduring repeated pregnancy loss to rebuilding her self-worth. We explore why simply saying the word “suicide” matters, why the question “Are you OK?” can open a life-saving door, and how creating a safe space to talk reduces shame instead of “putting ideas in someone’s head.” If you care about mental health, suicide prevention, PTSD, or supporting teenagers through tough emotions, you’ll find grounded insight here.

We also dig into parenting and advocacy for neurodivergent young people. Heather explains the long fight to secure ADHD and autism support for her son Isaac, what happened when schools misunderstood his needs, and the practical tools that helped him regulate emotions and regain confidence: mindfulness, affirmations, and journaling. That journey led to resources for other families and to Heather’s podcast, The Truth After Baby Loss, where she opens up conversations about grief, identity, partner dynamics, and the lack of support many people face after miscarriage.

You can find out more about Heather at www.heatherrose.uk

If this resonates, share the episode with someone who needs a safer way to start a hard conversation, and please subscribe and leave a review so more listeners can find it.

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Grief is not one feeling, it is a total rewrite of your life, your body, and your relationships. We’re joined by Clare, someone who has lived through multiple devastating losses, including the sudden death of her mum from rare gallbladder cancer and the death of her seven-year-old daughter Annaliese after sepsis was not picked up in time. Clare speaks with honesty about shock, anger, brain fog that feels like injury, and the brutal “what could I have done differently?” loop that often returns around anniversaries. 

We also talk about what happens inside a partnership when two people grieve in completely different ways. Clare and Matt’s story is a grounded look at marriage after bereavement: learning acceptance, dropping expectations, and finding other safe people when your partner cannot “hold” you in the way you hoped. Clare explains what it means to live alongside grief, how memory can feel warming as well as crushing, and why saying a loved one’s name matters more than most people realise. 

If you’ve ever searched for grief support, help for bereaved parents, or how to support someone after a death, you’ll come away with practical ideas that actually land: specific check-ins, small gestures, showing up consistently, and making space for the hard days. Clare also shares the community she’s found through The Compassionate Friends and her book “And Always Annaliese,” written for both bereaved parents and the people trying to care for them. 

Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more listeners can find these conversations, and tell us in the comments: what kind of support helped you most when grief hit?

You can visit Clare's website - www.andalwaysannaliese.com and you can find Compassionate Friends here - https://www.tcf.org.uk

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

The fastest way to ruin a difficult conversation is to believe you can control the other person. We talk through what actually happens in the mind and body when stress hits, and why grief, loss, change, and fear can flip us from logical thinking into a reactive emotional state in seconds.

Drawing on experience as a hostage and crisis negotiator, we share three practical lessons that show up everywhere: crisis is part of life and often comes with real or perceived loss; loneliness can creep in even when you are not alone, especially in parenting and leadership; and everyone carries a deeper story under the “safe” small talk. Once you see those dynamics, conflict feels less personal and more predictable, which makes it easier to handle with care.

We also unpack a tool you can use immediately for emotional regulation and conflict management: noticing your physical trigger signs, then applying the 90-second rule to create space between stimulus and response. Sometimes the smartest move is a clean pause, a walk away, or a simple “I’m going to put the kettle on” break so you can come back with your best self, not your most defensive self.

If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone who is navigating a hard conversation, and leave a review so more people can find these practical crisis communication skills. What physical sign tells you you’re about to react?

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

One morning can split your life in two. Todd joined me to tell the story he carried for years: finding his girlfriend Karen after she died by suicide on New Year’s Day, and the shock that followed him into everything that came next. What he shares is confronting at times, but it’s also deeply human and, for many listeners, reassuring in the most unexpected way: the feelings you’re struggling to name often have a reason. 

We talk about how grief and trauma can push you toward avoidance that looks like “coping” from the outside. Todd walks us through the months after the loss, the drinking that crept earlier into the day, and the high-risk choices that made him feel less, even as they made his world more dangerous. When he moved into undercover police work, the new identity offered escape and adrenaline, but it also delayed the pain and reinforced a fight-first mindset that’s hard to switch off. If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem fine for years and then suddenly unravel, this conversation lays out that slow build with brutal clarity. 

Then we turn toward recovery and first responder mental health in practical terms: leaving shift work, getting sleep and nutrition back to basics, and learning through a sleep specialist that a brain can stay in fight-or-flight all night even with “good” hours in bed. We also dig into why telling the truth and writing his book helped Todd and why it created a safe space for others to finally speak. If any part of this resonates, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for more conversations like this, and leave a review so more people can find the support they’ve been missing.

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

The most painful part of grief can be what happens after the condolences stop. When everyone returns to their routines, the person who lost someone is left with the quiet, the calendar, and the dates that suddenly feel impossible. 

I’m joined by Kelly Edmondson, a trauma ICU nurse from Ohio who spent decades caring for people in crisis, until she became the one who needed care. After her son Darius, who lived with epilepsy, died unexpectedly in his sleep, Kelly saw how loud the silence can be in the weeks and months after the funeral. She explains why people avoid grief conversations, why “I don’t want to remind them” is a myth, and how a simple message can carry real weight: “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.” 

We also dig into practical grief support that actually helps, especially around anniversaries of death, birthdays, Mother’s Day and the holidays. Kelly shares how Timely Presence delivers personalized memorial gifts on the days research shows are most difficult, and why light-filled items like sun catchers and candles can help someone feel seen without trying to fix the unfixable. For anyone navigating bereavement, we talk about the physiological impact of loss and concrete steps like sleep, small high-protein meals, fresh air, sunlight and new rituals that gently reframe triggering dates. 

If you know someone who’s grieving, or you’re trying to find your way forward after loss, listen, share it with a friend, and subscribe so you don’t miss the next conversation. If it resonates, please leave a review and tell us what supportive phrase you wish you’d heard most.

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Grief can make you feel like the world should stop, yet everything keeps moving and you’re left trying to keep up. I’m on my own for this one, speaking as a former hostage and crisis negotiator who’s heard hundreds of stories from people in crisis and as a human being who has also had to carry loss. I share three hard lessons that shaped my work and my life: we will all face crisis at some stage, many crises centre on loss, and loneliness can quietly become one of the biggest threats to our wellbeing.

I talk through my own experiences of bereavement, including losing my friend Jane to cancer and the shock of grieving someone who should have had decades ahead of her. Then I open up about losing my dad in November 2022 and the unexpected part that followed: searching for his “essence” in places I thought I’d feel him, and the relief when I finally did. Alongside the emotion, I touch on the practical realities of death, from probate to navigating online systems while you’re still in shock.

To make sense of how grief can swing and surprise you, I walk through the Kubler-Ross grief cycle and why it helped me name what was happening, even when it didn’t show up in a neat order. We also get practical about communication skills for grief and bereavement: how to open up the conversation, why saying their name matters, and why listening without fixing is often the kindest support you can offer.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who might need it, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. What’s one thing you wish others understood about your grief?

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Every suicide callout Claire attended as a police officer was male and that pattern haunted her long after the blue lights switched off. Claire Dunn joined Essex Police at 20, spent 18 years responding to crisis, and was medically retired with PTSD in 2016. She retrained, stepped into the NHS, and quickly hit a new shock: in school-based mental health services, boys were barely being referred, even though boys and girls struggle at similar rates. If boys aren’t coming through the door, what happens before they reach crisis point? 

We dig into the turning points that pushed Claire from awareness into action, including two suicides close to home in 2023 and the wider reality that suicide is a leading cause of death for men under 50. Claire shares what she learned from co-producing solutions with boys aged 12 to 15, what they said about stigma, masculinity, peer pressure, and the fear of being seen, plus why privacy in schools matters more than most adults realise. We also talk about how distress can show up as anger and “challenging behaviour”, and why educators and services need to read those signals differently if we want earlier support and better outcomes. 

You’ll hear the practical side too: mental health literacy, simple language, discreet self-referral routes like QR codes, and clearer pathways so boys can access early intervention before they escalate into self-harm or suicidal ideation and miss preventive thresholds. Claire also explains her current doctorate work using participatory action research to develop gender-informed interventions for adolescent boys across UK schools. 

If you care about boys’ mental health, suicide prevention, school wellbeing, or how to have difficult conversations before it’s too late, hit subscribe, share this with a teacher or parent, and leave a review with the one change you want schools to make.

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Suicide is still taking too many men, and the scariest part is how often it happens in silence. I sit down with Aldo Kane, former Royal Marines commando and one of the world’s go-to safety and expedition leads for extreme TV and film, to talk about what he’s learned from decades in high-risk, high-consequence environments and from losing close friends to suicide.

We dig into why men can struggle to communicate pain, how “unwritten rules” about being a man can turn stress into isolation, and why psychological safety changes everything. Aldo shares a grounded framework for resilience that isn’t motivational fluff: sleep, movement, nutrition, daylight, and social connection. He also explains why resilience is not fixed, how doing hard things builds real coping capacity, and why a simple walk side-by-side can unlock conversations that never happen face-to-face.

We also go deeper on identity and values, especially the crash that can come after leaving the military or any role that once gave you purpose. Aldo breaks down the Royal Marines commando spirit values and how they still guide him through change, grief, and uncertainty. Finally, we talk about asking for help early, including Aldo’s decision to seek therapy proactively after Iraq, and what he’s doing to raise two young boys who can name emotions and talk openly.

If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone you care about, and leave a review so more people searching for men’s mental health and suicide prevention can find it. What’s one small “walk and talk” check-in you could do this week?

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk