Sometimes my father would say to me, “Don’t move. I’ll be right there,” and he’d directly intervene to save me from some situation. But other times, he would say to me, “Figure it out on your own.”

For instance, when I broke my arm in the 6th grade he rushed me to the hospital, acting powerfully and swiftly on my behalf. But not long after that, when I told him that I was being bullied on the bus, he said, “Well, if it happens again, hit the guy in the nose.”

I guess being a father isn’t one or the other. As much as it is sometimes stepping in to save the child, it also means permitting the child the freedom to try and to learn on his own. “I’ll always be here,” a father can say, “but I can’t live your life for you.”