A Lawyer and a Mediator Walk into a Bar | Australian Family Law & FDR

This week on A Lawyer and a Mediator Walk into a Bar, Dianne Loveday and Paula Appelhans sit down with Tim, founder of Stand Again, to discuss the often-overlooked reality of male victims of domestic and family violence. Tim unpacks how coercive control manifests specifically against men, the psychological toll of hypervigilance, and why male victims are frequently misidentified by the legal system. Drawing from his lived experience and his work as a trauma coach, Tim provides actionable strategies for men trying to advocate for themselves, protect their relationship with their children, and navigate the complexities of the family court system

Resources

• Stand Again: Visit standagain.com.au for educational resources and support.
• Self-Assessment Tool: Take the Coercive Control Self-Assessment Tool (CCSAT) to help identify abusive relationship dynamics.
• Tim's Book: Coercive Control: Every Tactic Explained.
• Bayside Mediation: Connect with Dianne Loveday at Bayside Mediation.

Key Takeaways:

• The Foundation of Stand Again: Why Tim launched his organisation in 2025 to provide targeted education, one-on-one coaching, and advocacy for male victims of DFV.
• Recognising Coercive Control: How abusive partners weaponise traditional roles—such as the "provider" or "protector" narratives—and employ tactics like maternal superiority to control finances and social circles.
• The "FOG" of Abuse: Understanding how fear, obligation, and guilt are used to maintain control and isolate victims.
• The Danger of Misidentification: The systemic challenges men face when seeking help, including the risk of being unfairly routed into Men’s Behavior Change programs instead of receiving victim support.
• Navigating the Legal System: Practical advice for men on managing emotional dysregulation during litigation, understanding the "long game" in family court, and effectively communicating with a high-conflict co-parent.

Need Support?

If you or someone you know is impacted by family violence, support is available:

• Emergency: Call 000 if you are in immediate danger.
• 1800 RESPECT: Call 1800 737 732 for confidential information, counseling, and support (24/7).
• Lifeline: Call 13 11 14 for crisis support and suicide prevention services (24/7).
• MensLine Australia: Call 1300 78 99 78 for men supporting family and relationship concerns.

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts:

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Applehans (Family Lawyer) and Diane Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paul or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this milestone episode, we celebrate reaching 10,000 downloads! To mark the occasion, family lawyer Paula Applehans and principal mediator Diane Lovejoy dive deep into the legal and practical realities of intervention orders (IVOs) and family violence.

Stripping away the legal jargon (with a few laughs along the way), Paula and Diane break down what IVOs actually mean, the application process, and why they are not a "silver bullet" or a weapon to be weaponised.

Key Topics Covered:

• What is an IVO?: Understanding intervention orders under the Family Violence Protection Act, how they are enforceable across Australian states, and why they must be taken seriously.
• The Reality of Family Violence: Recognising that family violence isn't always physical, it encompasses emotional abuse, financial abuse, coercion, and duress.
• The Court Process: Demystifying mention hearings, interim orders, and the short timeframes involved in court appearances.
• Child-Inclusive Practice: How children are impacted, the importance of keeping them safe, and how family dispute resolution handles care arrangements.
• Mediation vs. Litigation: Exploring when and how mediation can still occur under an IVO, the power of undertakings, and when court intervention becomes necessary.

Need Support?

If you or someone you know is impacted by family violence, support is available:

• Emergency: Call 000 if you are in immediate danger.
• 1800 RESPECT: Call 1800 737 732 for confidential information, counseling, and support (24/7).
• Lifeline: Call 13 11 14 for crisis support and suicide prevention services (24/7).
• MensLine Australia: Call 1300 78 99 78 for men supporting family and relationship concerns.

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts:

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Applehans (Family Lawyer) and Diane Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paul or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Family mediator Dianne Loveday and family lawyer Paula Appelhans explain pet custody in Australian separations: who can keep a pet, how the Family Law Act and Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) shape outcomes, and practical considerations when households split. Accessible, plain-English guidance on recent legislative shifts and the key factors considered in pet custody decisions.

Connect With Us

Dianne Loveday at Bayside Mediation | www.baysidemediation.com.au

Paula Appelhans at https://www.linkedin.com/in/paula-appelhans/

Support Services and Resources

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence, or if this episode brought up difficult emotions, help is available. Please reach out to the following Australian services:

• 1800RESPECT: Call 1800 737 732 (24/7 national domestic, family, and sexual violence counselling service)
• Lifeline: Call 13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention)
• MensLine Australia: Call 1300 78 99 78 (24/7 telephone and online support for men)
• Kids Helpline: Call 1800 55 1800 (Free 24/7 support for young people aged 5 to 25)
• Relationships Australia: Call 1300 364 277 (Support groups and relationship counselling)

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000. 

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts:

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Applehans (Family Lawyer) and Diane Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paul or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Season 5 opener — mediator Dianne Loveday welcomes family lawyer Paula Appelhans back to Melbourne. They explain how family violence allegations, Family Violence Orders (FVO) and coercive control affect evidence, safety planning, and whether matters should go to Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) or court. Clear comparisons of FDR vs litigation and practical steps to prepare for safety-focused mediation or court pathways.

Key Topics & Keywords Covered

• New Family Law Act Amendments: How recent legislative changes redefine family violence and child safety in Australian family courts.
• Coercive Control & Evidence: Understanding what qualifies as admissible evidence of emotional abuse, financial abuse, and coercive control.
• Mediation vs. Litigation: How family violence is handled in a collaborative Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) environment compared to court proceedings.
• Safety Protocols & FVOs: How shuttle mediation and safety measures allow parties to negotiate parenting plans safely when a Family Violence Order (FVO) or Intervention Order (IVO) is in place.

If you found this episode helpful, please hit Follow, leave us a 5-star review, and share it with anyone currently navigating a separation.

Resources & Links

• Bayside Mediation: Learn more about safe Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) and Mediation Services.
• Paula Appelhans: Connect with Paula Appelhans on LinkedIn.

Support Services and Resources

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence, or if this episode brought up difficult emotions, help is available. Please reach out to the following Australian support services:

• 1800RESPECT: Call 1800 737 732 (24/7 national domestic, family, and sexual violence counselling service)
• Lifeline: Call 13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention)
• MensLine Australia: Call 1300 78 99 78 (24/7 telephone and online support for men)
• Kids Helpline: Call 1800 55 1800 (Free 24/7 support for young people aged 5 to 25)
• Relationships Australia: Call 1300 364 277 (Support groups and relationship counselling)

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000. 

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Appelhans (Family Lawyer) and Dianne Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paula or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A practical guide for separated parents planning shared care at Christmas. Mediator Dianne Loveday and Alina outline a child-focused approach to co-parenting at the holidays, reduce conflict, manage logistics and create a clear holiday parenting plan. Listen for actionable steps on scheduling, communication strategies and prioritising children’s needs during shared custody holidays.

Key Topics & Keywords Covered

• 3 Steps to Co-Parenting at Christmas: Practical planning strategies for alternating Christmas Day, splitting holiday time, or managing shared arrangements.
• Age-Appropriate Shared Care: How toddlers, primary school kids, and teenagers experience holiday transitions, and how to support them emotionally.
• Low-Conflict Handovers: Setting clear times, neutral handover locations, and boundaries to protect children from adult conflict on Christmas Day.
• Blended Families & Holiday Plans: Balancing step-parents, extended family events, and legal parenting agreements without unnecessary stress.

If you found this episode helpful, please hit Follow, leave us a 5-star review, and share it with anyone currently navigating a separation over the holidays.

Resources & Links

• Holiday Guide: Read our full guide on Stress-Free Shared Care Christmas: 3 Tips for Separated Parents.
• Bayside Mediation: Learn more about Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) and Parenting Plans.
• Paula Appelhans: Connect with Paula Appelhans on LinkedIn.

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Appelhans (Family Lawyer) and Dianne Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paula or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 3 of a three-part series from Bayside Mediation. Dianne Loveday (Principal Mediator) and Alina Kleiman (Mediator & Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner) explain practical, age-based strategies to support children during separation and divorce. Learn key signs of distress, what to say by age, co‑parenting communication tips, and when to use Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) or seek professional help. For separating parents, carers and family professionals in Australia.

• Help children manage emotions and understand what’s happening in age-appropriate ways
• Keep adult conversations private and protect kids from conflict
• Communicate calmly and co-parent with empathy (even when it’s tough)
• Rebuild stability, create new routines, and support children’s emotional growth

Whether you’re a parent, carer, or professional supporting families through transition, this series offers practical, compassionate advice to help protect little hearts in big moments.

For more resources or to connect with the team, visit Bayside Mediation - FDR & Family Mediation - Separate Smarter

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts:

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Applehans (Family Lawyer) and Diane Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paul or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Part 2 of a three-part series: Bayside Mediation Principal Mediator Dianne Loveday and Mediator Alina Kleiman explain how to support children through separation and divorce. Practical guidance for parents and caregivers on communicating with kids, managing transitions, and using family mediation / Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) within the Australian family law context.

Across these conversations, they explore how to

• Help children manage emotions and understand what’s happening in age-appropriate ways
• Keep adult conversations private and protect kids from conflict
• Communicate calmly and co-parent with empathy (even when it’s tough)
• Rebuild stability, create new routines, and support children’s emotional growth

Whether you’re a parent, carer, or professional supporting families through transition, this series offers practical, compassionate advice to help protect little hearts in big moments.

For more resources or to connect with the team, visit Bayside Mediation - FDR & Family Mediation - Separate Smarter

Call Us: 03 95536491

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts:

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Applehans (Family Lawyer) and Diane Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paul or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Part 1 of a three-part series: Bayside Mediation Principal Mediator Dianne Loveday and mediator Alina Kleiman explain how to support children during separation and divorce. Hear practical guidance for parents and carers on talking with kids, emotional support, and where mediation/FDR can help.

Across these conversations, they explore how to:

• Help children manage emotions and understand what’s happening in age-appropriate ways
• Keep adult conversations private and protect kids from conflict
• Communicate calmly and co-parent with empathy (even when it’s tough)
• Rebuild stability, create new routines, and support children’s emotional growth

Whether you’re a parent, carer, or professional supporting families through transition, this series offers practical, compassionate advice to help protect little hearts in big moments.

For more resources or to connect with the team, visit Bayside Mediation - FDR & Family Mediation - Separate Smarter

Call Us: 03 95536491

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts:

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Applehans (Family Lawyer) and Diane Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paul or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosts Dianne Loveday (mediator) and Paula Appelhans (family lawyer) unpack the practical differences between private mediation and government-funded Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) in Australia. Hear how confidentiality, neutrality and court-use of session content differ, what to expect from each pathway, and clear factors to help you choose the right process for children’s, property or safety concerns.

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts:

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Applehans (Family Lawyer) and Diane Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paul or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Paula’s still in Tonga, and this week’s episode is for the animal lovers. 🐾

With recent changes to Australia’s Family Law Act, companion animals, from dogs and cats to birds, bunnies, and beyond are getting new legal recognition in separation. Paula and Dianne unpack what the law now says, how to navigate disputes with compassion, and why pets deserve more than just a property label.

Disclaimer & Note from the Hosts:

The information shared in this podcast is for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute formal legal advice. The views, stories, and insights expressed in this episode reflect the personal professional experiences and observations of Paula Applehans (Family Lawyer) and Diane Loveday (Mediator) working within the Australian legal and mediation spaces. Every family law matter is unique; please consult Paul or Dianne for advice specific to your personal situation. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.