Rosh was fit, healthy, and ran health policy for an insurance body. On the face of it, you might have expected her to find the transition to motherhood easy.Instead, both of her pregnancies show something that stays hidden more often than it should: the physical cost many women pay to become mothers.This is the final part of my series on matrescence, the transition to motherhood. I started this series apologising to my mum friends for not understanding what becoming one actually costs. Rosh is why I wanted to end here.For her first daughter, she was induced when she didn't need to be, had an emergency C-section and then an infection - all of which also triggered early menopause. Her gynaecologist of ten years told her she wasn't pregnant. She was. Her second pregnancy came with a diagnosis of 'cervical incompetence' (horrible term!), that put her on bed rest for close to five months, not knowing whether her second daughter would make it. After her traumas she spoke to friends - some of 20 years - and found out that many people had also had awful experiences they'd never shared. We talk about what she wishes she'd known, how to advocate for yourself inside the health system, and why so much of this stays in the shadows.A note before you press play: this episode discusses pregnancy loss risk and birth trauma. If that's not what you need today, look after yourself and come back to it another time.Key moments06:28 The induction she didn't need, and the emergency C-section that followed12:34 Getting pregnant again, and the diagnosis that meant months of bed rest17:03 The mental toll, and the friends who'd never shared their own birth stories23:24 How to actually advocate for yourself, and what she'd tell every expectant motherResources Rosh wanted to share:Incompetent Cervix support group (Facebook): https://www.facebook.com/share/g/17cNFsj83f/?mibextid=wwXIfrMayo Clinic — what to know about labour induction: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/inducing-labor/art-20047557The Poppy Study — preconception through pregnancy and postpartum research, open to anyone trying for their first baby: https://www.instagram.com/the.poppy.studyRosh is a functional hormone health coach and founder of Vital Woman Wellness. Follow her work: https://www.instagram.com/vitalwoman_wellnessWant to learn how to advocate for yourself in the moments that matter most? Find out about coaching with me, here: https://www.annawallace.org/work-with-annaA Normal Family is a fortnightly podcast about the patterns we inherit from our families, and how understanding them helps us live happier lives with better relationships.#matrescence #birthtrauma #pregnancyadvocacy #earlymenopause #womenshealth

A few months ago I nearly made a decision that wasn't mine to make. It felt like common sense because for someone else, in a different decade, it was.

This solo episode is what happened when Carla Hoppe's two-column money exercise gave me enough distance to see my parents' financial scripts clearly, and to ask whether they still applied to me. Including what I actually decided.

This is a direct follow-up to my conversation with Carla Hoppe. Listen to that one here: https://shorturl.at/p4bww

Key moments:

00:00 The property decision that nearly wasn't mine02:28 Their money script became my money script04:37 The relief of making my own decision05:11 Why money scripts are invisible from the inside06:05 How the two-column exercise changes your decisions

Grief doesn't resolve. It just changes shape.

Dr Elia Gourgouris lost his mother when he was 22. Her last words to him were simple: don't worry about me, I just want you to be happy. He spent the next four decades finding out what that actually meant, first as a therapist who nearly worked himself into the ground, then as the man now known as the happiness doctor.

We met at the World Happiness Summit in Cascais and talked through two tools he uses most with his own clients: a self-forgiveness exercise that starts with a literal list, and HOT conversations, a way of setting boundaries with the people who drain you without becoming someone you don't recognise.

His self-forgiveness exercise, in his words:

• Write down everything you haven't forgiven yourself for. Five things or fifty, it doesn't matter.
• Rate each one from one to ten. Most things you think are a ten are closer to a seven.
• Start with the easiest one and work through the list.
• When you're done, burn the paper.

"It's so worth it. Do it as a gift to yourself. You will be unburdened."

Key moments02:52 His mother Petrula: diagnosis, loss and her last words07:52 Becoming "the happiness doctor"11:27 What keeps us unhappy12:36 The self-forgiveness exercise16:19 HOT conversations: setting healthy boundaries23:21 The secret to a happy marriage26:02 Don't procrastinate your happiness

This episode is part of my matrescence series, on the mothers who raised us and what they leave behind. Catch the rest of the series here: https://tinyurl.com/2c6e4rhr
More from Dr Elia Gourgouris: www.dreliagourgouris.com

If this brought something up for you, I'd love to hear it in the comments - if you feel comfortable sharing.

#selfforgiveness #hotconversations #familypatterns #matrescence

Leah fell in love and a few months later found herself living as part of a blended family of three young children... during the pressure cooker of COVID. No pregnancy, no precedent, and resources that mostly said: just detach.As part of our Matrescence series, Leah and I talk about what it really means to step into a caregiving role you never planned for. The chaos, the identity loss, the powerlessness, and the darkly funny realisation that helped her understand why she was exhausted: if they were all stranded on a desert island, she'd be the first to go.We also get into human design, what it took to reclaim her sense of self, and the advice she has for anyone dating someone with children. What we talk about:— Stepmotherhood and the Disney archetype— The pressure cooker of becoming a stepmum during COVID— Why ‘just detach’ is terrible advice for a natural nurturer— Identity loss — The desert island moment and what it taught her— Healing through somatics and Human Design — What she'd tell anyone dating someone with childrenFind out more about Leah's coaching work on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leah-fleischner908/ Purchase Matrescence by Lucy Jones: https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1

What money behaviours did you inherit from your family — and are they actually yours?

In this episode, Anna is joined by Carla Hoppe, a former solicitor and founder of Wealthbrite, a financial education business working with UK legal professionals. Carla's family roots span Holland, India, Canada and the Falklands.

This is a story of understanding yourself, by understanding those who came before.

We also talk about financial heritage and the way we are given scripts we never examine. Hers led her back to the Dutch famine and fears of scarcity.

Carla shares a simple but powerful exercise — mapping your financial heritage in two columns — to surface inherited patterns and understand which ones still serve you.

Anna does the exercise, discovering the very different money personalities of her parents and the tension she carries.

Topics include:

• How generational trauma (war, famine, displacement) shapes financial anxiety
• Moving from money awareness to genuine agency
• Building empathy for the people who raised you — and for yourself
• Having better money conversations in your relationships
• Breaking cycles without self-blame

A thoughtful, warm, and surprisingly funny episode about one of the great taboos.

A short episode from Anna Wallace, host of A Normal Family.

During her coaching certification, Anna encountered a poem that resonated with her: An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson, from There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery (1977).

In this episode, she reads it aloud and reflects on why it speaks so directly to the patterns we repeat in our relationships and what genuine change actually requires.

This is about the moment you develop enough self-awareness to not just see the hole, but to choose a different street altogether.

Topics include:

• Recognising repeated patterns in relationships
• The stages of awareness, responsibility, and genuine change
• Personal growth as an active choice, not just an insight

Also mentioned: Anna's journaling workshop in Lisbon, with an online version coming soon.

Becoming a mum isn't just sleepless nights, research is now showing how it changes you at a physical and mental level.

In this episode of A Normal Family, I’m joined by my old school friend Rebecca to continue our series on matrescence – the often invisible transition into motherhood.

👉 Watch to find out how becoming a mum can quietly rewrite who you are, what it really feels like to parent without your own mum, and why something as ordinary as singing in a choir might be one of the most powerful mental health tools you haven’t tried yet.​

⟡ Becoming a mum – identity and body

• What life looked like before children

• How pregnancy changed her relationship with her body and boundaries

• The shock of realising she wouldn’t be “90% the same person, just more tired”​

⟡ Motherless mothering – grief in the background

• Losing her mum at 20 and being a “motherless mother”

• The hidden moments that hurt most

• How motherhood made her see her own mum’s life and sacrifices differently​

⟡ Singing as healing – choirs, nervous systems and finding your voice

• Why choir rehearsals became her therapy

• How group singing supports mental health (breathwork, vagus nerve, co‑regulation)

• Simple ways to use singing to reconnect with yourself, even if you “can’t sing”​

This episode is for you if you’re:

• navigating early motherhood and wondering who you are now

• doing motherhood without your own mum

• interested in women’s identity and life transitions

• curious about novel and accessible ways to support your mental health​

🔔 Subscribe for more true family stories, matrescence conversations and healing‑centred tools for modern family life.​

In the comments, I’d love to hear, how would you describe your journey of becoming a mum? Surprising? Tiring? How did it shape your identity and sense of self?

Purchase Matrescence by Lucy Jones: https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1

Grief and choir singing: https://spcare.bmj.com/content/12/e4/e607

Topics: motherhood, life transitions, matrescence, motherless mothers, singing as therapy, postnatal depression, vagus nerve, choir, women’s mental health, nervous system

We all came from a woman’s body, but have you considered what that experience was like for her? 

In this short episode Anna offers an apology to her mother friends and an experiment for you. 

A big aim of A Normal family is to help you lead better relationships and more fulfilling lives. Stepping into someone else’s shoes is a great way to build compassion, so I invite you to  a (potentially awkward) conversation with your mum or loved one about her motherhood story including how she fed you. 

Key takeaways: 

• Understanding your mum’s story can shift how you see her.

• Conversations about motherhood can be uncomfortable but strengthen bonds.

• Vulnerability and discomfort are key to connection.

• Try this with your mum or another trusted mother in your life.

This conversation is inspired by the concept of matrescence – the often unseen transformation of becoming a mother. Look out for my next guest interview with Rebecca where we talk about her experience of matrescence. 

All data in this week’s episode are taken from Matrescence, Lucy Jones (2023) 

Purchase Matrescence, by Lucy Jones: https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1 

Topics: understanding your mum, mother–daughter relationships, healing family dynamics, matrescence, difficult conversations with parents.

Chapters 

00:00 Why this one conversation can change how you see your mum

00:55 How understanding your mum builds better relationships

01:43 My blind spot and an apology to mothers

02:39 The experiment: three areas to ask your mum about

06:09 If you can’t talk to your mum + final reflections

Is trauma 'in your genes' – and if so, can you ever really break the cycle for your kids?

In this special episode, Anna sits down with epigenetics researcher Ryan Smith (TruDiagnostic) to explore why DNA is not destiny, and how generational trauma and healing both leave traces in the body.

Together they explore:

• how your grandmother, mother and you once shared the same body and what it means for weight, stress and resilience 

• How mothers and fathers both influence inherited traits in different ways

• Why some families seem wired for stress, addiction or hyper‑vigilance – and what animal studies (bees, mice) tell us

• What you can do before conception, during pregnancy and in everyday family life to support healthier gene expression

If you are new to epigenetics this is a great 101 to the subject and sheds scientific light on how some experiences are passed down at the  molecular level. 

Let me know if you like this topic and want to hear more! 

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction

00:27 Epigenetics and family 101

03:30 Maternal ancestry and effects on metabolism

06:59 The paternal line in inheritance

07:54 The imprintome - your family software setting 

12:30 Nature vs nurture: identical twins

14:34 Optimising your genes

16:24 Inheriting fear: other ways experience is passed through the generation

References and inks 

Ryan Smith – TruDiagnostic: https://ryansmith.trudiagnostic.com/optin1627581630595

Netflix Documentary, You Are What You Eat: A Twin Experiment (Netflix, 2024): https://www.netflix.com/title/81133260

The Agouti Mouse Study: 

https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/470102

The Cherry Blossom / Fear Inheritance Study (Dias & Ressler, 2013), article in National Geographic: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/mice-inherit-the-fears-of-their-fathers

In this episode of A Normal Family, family therapist Anita Sommers paints a picture of what life was like growing up in a large, chaotic Catholic household and what it taught her about family patterns. Drawing on her work as a family systems therapist we also talk about how intergenerational trauma created a self‑sacrificing mother and a larger‑than‑life, sometimes narcissistic father, anxious attachment and how our childhood still shapers our relationships today. We talk about:- What it was really like to be the youngest of 13 – the chaos, the security, and why Anita does not recommend having thirteen children- How big families are made up of smaller units. - How intergenerational trauma, loss and Catholic duty shaped her parents, and how those family stories trickle down through generations- Family scripts and narratives: how the stories we tell ourselves shape our identity, and how to rewrite them- How to rewire your nervous system and self-soothe and how anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and conflict-avoidance are often old survival strategies- Practical tools: why we have to regulate to relate, EMDR, self-soothing, and becoming "the one you were waiting for" instead of hoping a partner will fix it- Birth order psychology: why being the eldest, middle, and youngest children shapes us differently If you're navigating family patterns and cycles, generational trauma, toxic family dynamics, or feeling cast in a role you didn't choose – the strong one, the easy one, the fixer – this conversation is for you.Key moments 01:45 Introduction to Anita: youngest of 13 children10:43 Empathy and understanding in family relationships13:31 What is systemic family therapy?16:45 Understanding family scripts and narratives18:34 Rewiring your nervous system28:24 The importance of repair in relationships31:01 Sibling birth order and personality types34:15 Traits of only childrenBuy ‘You are the one you have been waiting for’ - Book by Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems here: https://shorturl.at/r3jXWKeywords: family therapist advice, generational trauma, family patterns, anxious attachment, birth order psychology, toxic family dynamics, nervous system healing, self-soothing, intergenerational trauma, family scripts