A Slut’s Guide To Happiness

What does it mean to build a truly loving, inclusive community when it comes to HIV? Many of the assumptions about HIV treatment and transmission come from outdated medical information Misinformation can have a profound impact on the lives of people who are HIV positive, even once their viral load is undetectable and untransmittable.

In this episode, Sara Scarlette, a community leader, parent and trans person living with undetectable HIV will be sharing what it’s like to live with HIV in the modern era. They discuss their first scary moment receiving the diagnosis, their journey to understanding and obtaining antiretroviral treatment, its medical impact, and their social experiences since learning of their HIV status.

@Vanessacliff2

Although pursuing a more authentic, self-authored life can significantly contribute to happiness, it certainly doesn’t eliminate daily stressors or difficult major life events. It also doesn’t necessarily override clinical depression when feeling down involves genetic, neurochemical or hormonal components. 

In this episode, Remington, a trans man, describes his experiences navigating clinical depression and the strategies he has used that help him live with more mental ease.

@Vanessacliff2

A multi-disciplinary Mexican queer filmmaker, Gabriel Gutierrez Morales produces documentaries, writes novels and paints portraits that are an exploration of sexuality and identity. In this episode, they talk about how art functions as a self-exploration, including of their own sexuality, gender identity, language as a bilingual English and Spanish speaker, and their young adulthood. 

Their most recent works include “Boy Slut”, a fictional film about an encounter between two gay men, a mini-documentary about Cliff Media called “A Certain Kind”, and a forthcoming feature-length documentary about Cliff Media called “A House on the Cliff”. 

Like many artists creating content about sexuality, Gabriel has been censored on multiple platforms, including a permanent ban from YouTube. They are also limited the film festivals that accept their work and the audience that their work reaches. As an independent artist, they make only minimal income which they supplement with a low-wage job. 

Nonetheless, they persist in their vision of ethical and honest art, work that brings them a sense of meaning and happiness. Their resilience in a reminder of the value of identifying and believing in who you are and the power of your personal vision.

The notion of “hypersexuality” is one of the ways that people are shamed for having a high sex drive, interest in masturbating or watching porn, or desire for multiple partners. It is often entangled with stereotypes about mental health conditions as well as identity, including gender and racial identity. 

In this episode, Kitty describes how they processed through early narratives in their life about being “hypersexual” and eventually came to terms with their sexual desires. Now that they embrace their high sex drive and desire for multiple sexual partners as a positive part of their personality, they are able to set stronger boundaries, ask more confidently for what they want, and pursue the kind of sex that brings them joy.

@Vanessacliff2

Many transgender women in the U.S. today face discrimination in social interactions, employment, healthcare, and housing. In a survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 39% of trans women reported experiencing homelessness within the past 12 months, while a study out of UCLA found that 82% of transgender employees have experienced discrimination or harassment at work because of their gender identity. 

In this episode, Charle, a trans woman, describes how being transgender has impacted her social and economic circumstances throughout her adult life. In the face of discrimination, her resilience in continuing to assert her identity, including gender-affirming treatment and surgeries, speaks volumes to the importance of her gender for her identity and mental health. 

@Vanessacliff2

A culture of “compulsory monogamy” teaches us that there is only one desirable and appropriate way to form romantic relationships. Ethical non-monogamy opens a much broader range of possible relationship structures, including swinging and polyamory. 

In some cases, even after learning about and trying out different relationship structures, people still conclude that monogamy is right for them. 

In this episode, Ali and T describe their experience with “chosen monogamy”, a relationship style in which they decided, despite knowledge of and past experiences with non-monogamy, to be sexually exclusive. Neither monogamy nor non-monogamy are right for everyone. As Ali and T discovered, empowerment is less about any one relationship structure over another and more about the ability to make a conscious, personal choice.

@Vanessacliff2

For people who eventually share their identity as LGBTQ+ in middle age or later, they stand in the wake of decades of life identifying as cisgender and straight. Compulsory heteronormativity and cisnormativity are powerful tools of oppression that suggest that being cisgender and straight are the only right way to be. For people not connected to LGBTQ communities, finding language for or comfort in expressing non-normative gender or sexual orientation can be a long process. 

In this panel episode, Hannah and Adrian describe how decades of trying to squeeze themselves in a box they don’t fit had detrimental consequences, including depression, anger and addiction. Over time, in a gradual process of coming out, or as the panelists discuss “letting people in”, they were able to create more space for freedom, authenticity and joy in their lives.

The irrational fear, discrimination and judgements about people who are fat are deeply ingrained in dominant Western norms. These ideas show up in many areas of our lives: physical education classes at school, ideas perpetuated by the fitness industry, images and narratives about desirability in mainstream media, including TV shows, advertisements and porn, and bias and discourse among medical professionals.

In this episode, Tina describes how they have encountered fatphobia throughout their lives. Inspired by fat loving activists and authors, as well as their personal experience as a performer in Cliff Media’s porn scenes, Tina has learned a new way of relating to their fabulous body. Talk about the damaging impacts of fatphobia and ways people of all body sizes can work to unlearn these ideas.

@Vanessacliff2

Trigger warning: This episode discusses rape and sexual assault, including graphic depictions of Hannah’s assault as a minor.

In consensual non-consent (CNC), scene partners negotiate their desires, boundaries and limits in advance. Although the scene roleplays assault, it is based on care and prior communication. Because the sub has asked for the dynamic, specified their boundaries and can stop the scene at any time, the sub retains power, creating a powerful way to reframe past experiences of rape.

By contrast, seeking out sexual assault itself exists outside the negotiated safety of CNC. Nonetheless, it is a practice shared by some survivors of sexual assault, who intentionally place themselves in dangerous situations with the hope of reliving their prior experiences.

In this episode, Hannah describes how this has played out in her life. But subconsciously and, sometimes, very intentionally, she has sought to relive the magnitude of violence and control she first experienced at 12 years old. 

Assault for Hannah has a different meaning now, as a physically stronger and more emotionally resilient adult. She explores to what extent this is driven by a desire to reclaim power in an experience where she previously found herself powerless or a brain wired for repeating unhealed trauma. 

@Vanessacliff2

Chronic unhappiness and feeling stuck can often result from creating a life centered around perceived obligations to other people. The expectations of family, friends, and the dominant culture can reinforce shame attached to doing anything for yourself, asking for what you want or pursuing fun or pleasure for its own sake. 

Underlying this shame is often an anxiety about rejection. Releasing this fear and shame to express what you need - and even what you simply want, whether essential to well-being or not - can be enormously freeing. 

In this episode, Tina talks about ways that narratives in their childhood encouraged them to be smaller, quieter, and focused on the needs of others, and how they came to live a fuller, more self-authorized life.

@Vanessacliff2