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A small tradition that helps kids feel truly loved
The week before Christmas can feel tender. There’s beauty, excitement and hecticness, but also a quiet awareness of time passing… of how quickly kids grow, of the people we miss, and of what we hope our children carry with them long after the holidays are over.
This is a tradition our family practiced for many years, and it feels especially fitting as we close out the year.
My mother died suddenly when she was only 58 years old. This was an event that has affected me deeply. She died over twenty-six years ago, but I think of her nearly every day.
One of the things that my mother’s death made me do was to ask myself:
“If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, what would I want to do?”
The answer came immediately:
I’d want to make sure that my children know how much I love them.
I suppose that’s a morbid question, but the answer inspired me to create a tradition for our family.
A Simple Family TraditionI bought a small blank book for each person in our family.
Every year, in December or January or sometimes even February (depending on schedules), each family member secretly wrote three things they love about each other family member in that person’s book.
The entries began with the words:
“I love how you…”
When the kids were younger, they would dictate their responses, and my husband or I would serve as scribe. As the kids got older, they wrote their own entries.
Of course, I got some complaints along the lines of:
“I don’t know what to write.”
“Do I really have to come up with THREE things?”
—but not too many!
Helping Kids Know What to SayTo make it easier, I gave the kids a small index card with prompts like these:
What do you like or admire most about ____?
What is the nicest thing ____ has done for you either lately or this year?
What do you enjoy doing with ____?
These prompts help kids move past “I don’t know” and notice the everyday ways we care for each other.
The Part That Matters MostThen we’d pick a day to read the entries aloud together.
Some topics came up year after year, some were new. There was always a lot of giggling but also a warm glow.
We have other traditions related to holidays and birthdays, but this made-up tradition was one of my favorites. My kids are adults now, and they all live away from home, so we don’t do it anymore, but this tradition of family love books was a wonderful way to celebrate what’s most important within our family: cherishing each other.
A Small Year-End Note for SubscribersAs a thank you for being here, and as we head into a season that can feel both joyful and heavy, I’m offering ALL subscribers $20 off any individual workshop or Full Access to all workshops.
Use code: DRF20DEC25
SEE ALL WORKSHOPS
If you’ve been meaning to come back to a topic that’s been hard for your child or for you as a parent, this is a gentle invitation to do that before the new year begins.
Wishing you a calm, connected end to the year. See you in 2026!
Dr. Eileen
View all episodes
By Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhDThe week before Christmas can feel tender. There’s beauty, excitement and hecticness, but also a quiet awareness of time passing… of how quickly kids grow, of the people we miss, and of what we hope our children carry with them long after the holidays are over.
This is a tradition our family practiced for many years, and it feels especially fitting as we close out the year.
My mother died suddenly when she was only 58 years old. This was an event that has affected me deeply. She died over twenty-six years ago, but I think of her nearly every day.
One of the things that my mother’s death made me do was to ask myself:
“If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, what would I want to do?”
The answer came immediately:
I’d want to make sure that my children know how much I love them.
I suppose that’s a morbid question, but the answer inspired me to create a tradition for our family.
A Simple Family TraditionI bought a small blank book for each person in our family.
Every year, in December or January or sometimes even February (depending on schedules), each family member secretly wrote three things they love about each other family member in that person’s book.
The entries began with the words:
“I love how you…”
When the kids were younger, they would dictate their responses, and my husband or I would serve as scribe. As the kids got older, they wrote their own entries.
Of course, I got some complaints along the lines of:
“I don’t know what to write.”
“Do I really have to come up with THREE things?”
—but not too many!
Helping Kids Know What to SayTo make it easier, I gave the kids a small index card with prompts like these:
What do you like or admire most about ____?
What is the nicest thing ____ has done for you either lately or this year?
What do you enjoy doing with ____?
These prompts help kids move past “I don’t know” and notice the everyday ways we care for each other.
The Part That Matters MostThen we’d pick a day to read the entries aloud together.
Some topics came up year after year, some were new. There was always a lot of giggling but also a warm glow.
We have other traditions related to holidays and birthdays, but this made-up tradition was one of my favorites. My kids are adults now, and they all live away from home, so we don’t do it anymore, but this tradition of family love books was a wonderful way to celebrate what’s most important within our family: cherishing each other.
A Small Year-End Note for SubscribersAs a thank you for being here, and as we head into a season that can feel both joyful and heavy, I’m offering ALL subscribers $20 off any individual workshop or Full Access to all workshops.
Use code: DRF20DEC25
SEE ALL WORKSHOPS
If you’ve been meaning to come back to a topic that’s been hard for your child or for you as a parent, this is a gentle invitation to do that before the new year begins.
Wishing you a calm, connected end to the year. See you in 2026!
Dr. Eileen