Celebrating the 100th episode of the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast (photo: Adi Goldstein / unsplash).
Hi,
Creating the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast is the biggest joy of my work life! I love hearing the children’s sweet voices. I love the poignancy of their questions, the sincerity of their struggles, and the fact that the issues they grapple with are topics that adults continue to ponder. I also enjoy the intellectual challenge of trying to say something practical, thought-provoking, and research-based in just 5 minutes. (Sometimes I cheat and run longer. Oh, well.)
With the epidemic of loneliness among adults, the mental health crisis among teens, and the painful divisiveness in our country and our world, it’s never been more urgent to help children learn to build strong and caring relationships. The Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast is my attempt to help make the world a little bit kinder.
I spend a ridiculous amount of time creating the episodes. Also, because I have to pay an assistant to handle the technical aspects of podcast production, I lose money by doing this. But I’m committed to creating it and keeping it free for everyone.
To celebrate the 100th episode, I asked kids who had submitted questions that were featured on the show to tell me what they’ve learned from the podcast. Listen to hear their beautiful and wise responses!
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
These are the original podcast episodes of the kids featured on the 100th episode celebration:
Ep. 88: How to Support an Injured Friend (Sophia, age 7)
Ep. 38: Wondering how to be popular (Richard, age 11)
Ep. 75: Upset when he loses a game (Alex, age 10)
Ep. 36: Dealing with peer pressure (Ann, age 9)
Ep. 96: Dealing with a bossy friend (Grace, age 9)
Ep. 31: When someone tries to be annoying (Mila, age 10)
Ep. 40: Friendly brother also acts wild (Vihaan, age 6)
Ep. 51: Mean comment said behind her back (Saoirse, age 8)
Ep. 35: Peers put down his interests (Ryan, age 11)
Do you love the Kids
Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?
Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Send in YOUR kid’s question to be featured on the podcast!
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think About It Questions to discuss with your child
For a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Dr. Friendtastic says that friendship skills aren’t about just doing one thing because we have to be “able to flexibly adjust our behavior to fit the situation.” What does this mean? How might you adjust your behavior to fit a situation?
How is managing friendship a bit like walking on a balance beam? (Hint: What are some of the things we need to balance?)
Thinking about your own life, what have you learned about friendship in the past year?
If you were to send in a question about friendship to Dr. Friendtastic, what would you want to ask?
Which is your favorite episode of the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast? Why?
If you could have 100 of anything (not any form of money), what would you choose? Why? Where would you keep them?
Transcript
If you had 100 cupcakes and put them all in a row, the line would stretch as long as five park benches.
100 watermelons would fill an average-sized bedroom.
100 elephants would fill a big sports stadium, depending on the size of the elephants and how close together they were willing to stand.
Today is Episode 100 of the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast! 100 episodes have led to almost 120,000 “Ah-ha!” moments about friendship for kids around the world!
Let’s hear about some of them!
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.
If you have a question about making and keeping friends that you’d like me to answer, you can send in your question at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Instead of answering a question from a kid today, to celebrate the 100th episode, I want to share with you some responses I got when I asked kids who’d submitted a question that was answered on the show, what they had learned from the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast.
Their answers highlight some important themes related to friendship.
The first theme involves showing that we care about friends. Kindness is the key to friendship. It’s the bottom brick–the foundation–when it comes to making and keeping strong friendships.
One way to show caring is to support a friend who is going through a rough time. Here’s Sophia from Episode 88:
Hi, my name is Sophia, and I am 7. I learned a lot from my episode called “How to Support an Injured Friend” because I was able to make my friend happy, and I was able to help my little sister when she broke her arm last month. Thank you, Dr. Friendtastic!
Wow, that’s very kind of you Sophia! You’re showing your friend–and your little sister–that they can count on you for support when they need it. That’s being a good friend.
Caring about a friend also means trying to respect what they want, even if it’s not exactly what you want. Here’s Richard from Episode 38.
Hi, I'm Richard. I'm age 13 now, and one thing I learned from Dr. Friendtastic is that you should try to give your friends more space. Thank you, Dr. Friendtastic!
Oof! That’s a tough one, Richard! Giving friends space is a generous thing to do. It shows your friends that you care enough about them to try to listen and respect their wishes, even when it might be uncomfortable for you. You’re choosing not to be an octopus friend that holds friends too tightly. Instead, you’re trusting that your friends can still like you even if they have other friends. That’s a difficult and very caring thing to do.
There’s one other tricky part of showing caring for a friend and that’s being kind even when we’re upset. Here’s Alex from Episode 75:
Hi, my name is Alex and I'm 10 years old. I'd like to thank Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore for her response to my question about how to handle losing a game. One thing that really stood out for me is that she said that losing is just a dot in time. Also, she emphasized that the game was more about fun than about winning and losing. Thank you.
Nobody likes to lose a game. Being kind and polite even when you feel that brief pinch of disappointment from losing shows that you care enough about the other person to be a good sport and treat them with respect. Well done! That’s not easy! But it’s important if you’d like those friends to continue to want to play with you.
The second theme that listeners picked up on is about being true to yourself and communicating clearly about what you want. Of course it’s important to care about others, but it’s also important to communicate about what you want or need. Here’s Ann from Episode 36.
Hi, my name is Ann, I'm 10 years old and one thing I learned from the Dr Friendtastic podcast is that it's okay to say no, and good friends won't hate you for it.
We all want people to like us and include us, so it’s easy to say yes when we want to say no. An honest and thoughtful “no” helps our friends get to know us better and prevents the bitter feelings of resentment that can break up a friendship. Your friends might feel disappointed or annoyed if you say no and they want you to say yes, but good friends will accept your choices, even if they grumble a bit.
Speaking up for yourself to share your thoughts and feelings doesn’t have to involve yelling, name calling, or other meanness. In fact, it will be easier for your friends to listen if you express yourself in kind ways. Here’s Grace, from Episode 96.
Hi, my name is Grace, I’m 9 years old. Thank you so much, Dr. Friendtastic, for teaching me. I can't believe that you're already on your 100th episode! That is amazing! I learned from your video that I can speak up to my friend in a respectful and kind way, while I also can solve my problem. Thank you for what you do.
That’s wonderful, Grace! Almost every relationship faces rough spots. I’m so glad you know you can communicate respectfully and figure out how to move forward.
So far, we talked about themes of caring for friends and communicating honestly and respectfully so we can be true to ourselves.
A third theme highlighted by listeners is that we can’t control what others do, only how we respond. This is a big one! It’s so easy to insist, “But I’m right!” or “But she shouldn’t do this!” or “He has to do that!” This type of rigid thinking keeps us stuck.
Here’s Mila from Episode 31:
Hello, my name is Mila, and I'm 11 years old. A strategy I've learned from Dr. Friendtastic is that if I ask someone two times to stop and they don't, I shouldn't ask again. Instead, I should change to a more effective strategy, like ignoring them. I've listened to almost all of the episodes and they have helped me with a lot of my friendship struggles. I will continue to listen to the episodes as I transition to middle school.
Vihaan from Episode 40 had a similar idea about letting go of pointless arguments.
Hi, Dr. Friendastic, my name is Vihaan from your podcast. I learned that when a friend or sibling is mean to you, instead of being mean back, you can just walk away.
Both Mila and Vihaan are showing a lot of self-control. Another way of saying this theme is: You don’t have to accept every invitation you get to an argument. If someone is misbehaving, you can shrug and remind yourself, “It’s not my job to correct them. What a relief!”
Saoirse from Episode 51 spells it all out.
Hi, my name is Saoirse and I am nine years old. One thing that I have learned from Dr. Friendtastic is that you can't control what other people say, even if it's about you. But I can control what I say and do and what I think about myself.
That’s beautifully said, Saoirse!
There’s one more theme that listener’s emphasized, and that’s the importance of choosing kind friends. Here’s Ryan from Episode 35.
Hi, my name is Ryan. I'm 13 years old. I've been listening to Dr. Friendtastic podcast for two years. I was excited when my question was posted and answered by Dr. Friendtastic in episode 35.
One thing I learned from this episode is to seek out friends with mutual interests and ignore bullies because their opinion does not matter. I like how Dr. Friendtastic validated my feelings and gave me a compliment on the emotional vocabulary I used.
Ryan, your comments show wisdom and perspective. The right friends will like you for who you are!
Friendship skills are complicated. We can’t just do one thing. We have to be able to flexibly adjust our behavior to fit the situation.
We need to show that we care about friends, and we also need to communicate clearly and respectfully about what we want. We need to remember that we’re not in charge of fixing someone else, and we can choose how we respond when someone does something we don’t like. We can try to be a kind friend, and we want to choose kind friends.
Managing friendships is a bit like walking on a balance beam. We might wobble a bit, but if we’re centered, we can find our balance and move forward to build strong and caring friendships.
And if we stumble and fall off, we can hop back on and keep going.
Thank you to the kids who contributed comments about what they’ve learned from the podcast. I’m thrilled to have you be part of this 100th episode celebration!
Thank you also to every single kid who has listened to the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, sent in questions, posted a review, or recommended it to a friend. You are the heart of this podcast and the reason I keep making it.
I can’t wait to keep learning and growing with you—for the next 100 episodes and beyond!
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
