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Being apart from a friend (Matilda, Age 5)
Hi,
Summer can mean more time to hang out with friends…or a lot less. Children often can’t control how often they get together with friends.
In this week’s episode, Matilda wonders what to do when she can’t see her friend all week! I offer some ideas for staying close long distance, but also talk about how time apart can sometimes strengthen a friendship.
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
P.P.S. Did you see the announcement about the Moody Moody Cars - Summer Car-Spotting Challenge?! So much fun! So many prizes! Hurry! The challenge ends July 31, 2025.
LEARN MORE
You might also like these podcast episodes:Ep. 97 - How and why to understand a friend’s feelings (Zoya, Age 7)
Ep. 92 - What to say when a friend feels down (Mason, Age 13)
Ep. 76 - Friends ditch her! (Anaya, Age 10)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think About It Questions to discuss with your childFor a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Have you ever been apart from a friend, maybe because they moved away, went on vacation, or were in a different class? How did that affect your friendship? What did you do to try to stay close?
In general, how often do you like to get together with a friend? What do you think is the ideal length of time to hang out with a friend? Why do you like that timing
What are some ways that being apart can strengthen a friendship?
What do you like to do when you can’t get together with a friend?
What is the ideal distance between you and a friend?
Is it stuck together like velcro?
Is it arm’s distance apart so you can chat?
Is it 20 feet apart so you can play catch?
That’s a trick question because there’s no one right answer. The ideal distance between you and a friend depends on you, your friend, your relationship, your situation, your culture…and probably a whole bunch of other things!
Friends need to be close enough to have fun and share activities, thoughts, and feelings with each other, but far enough apart that they can have their own experiences.
And what if your friend is far away? Can you still be close?
In today’s episode, we’ll talk about navigating closeness and distance in friendships. Stay tuned!
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Here’s today’s question:
Hey, Dr. Friendtastic. My name is Matilda, and I'm 5 years old. What do I do when I can't see my friend all week?
Hi, Matilda! Thanks for sending in your question! Spending time with friends is an important way to enjoy each other’s company and to deepen your friendships. Just like watering a plant regularly helps it grow, doing fun things together helps friendships grow.
So, when you can’t be with your friend as much as you’d like, you might feel sad, disappointed, bored, or maybe worried that she might be spending time with someone else!
Even though you can’t be together, you may be able to figure out other ways to connect, like calling, messaging, or mailing her a letter or drawing.
But here’s something you might not realize: time apart can also be important for friendships. Going back to our watering a plant example, what would happen if you watered a plant all day, every day with a giant fire hose? The plant would not be happy! It would drown.
In the same way, although it seems like fun, spending all day, every day with your friend could be too much of a good thing. When people are around each other all the time, sometimes they get on each other’s nerves.
Time apart from a friend gives you both time to miss each other and look forward to being together. It also gives you time to have separate experiences, so you can grow as an individual and also have more to share or talk about when you get together with your friend.
So, what can you do when you can’t see your friend all week? The answer is: there are lots of possibilities!
You could play with someone else to expand your social circle.
You could try out a new game or hobby.
You could learn a new skill.
You could read.
You could explore.
You could make something.
You could help someone.
And when you are able to see your friend, you’ll have lots to share with her!
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
View all episodes
Hi,
Summer can mean more time to hang out with friends…or a lot less. Children often can’t control how often they get together with friends.
In this week’s episode, Matilda wonders what to do when she can’t see her friend all week! I offer some ideas for staying close long distance, but also talk about how time apart can sometimes strengthen a friendship.
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
P.P.S. Did you see the announcement about the Moody Moody Cars - Summer Car-Spotting Challenge?! So much fun! So many prizes! Hurry! The challenge ends July 31, 2025.
LEARN MORE
You might also like these podcast episodes:Ep. 97 - How and why to understand a friend’s feelings (Zoya, Age 7)
Ep. 92 - What to say when a friend feels down (Mason, Age 13)
Ep. 76 - Friends ditch her! (Anaya, Age 10)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think About It Questions to discuss with your childFor a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Have you ever been apart from a friend, maybe because they moved away, went on vacation, or were in a different class? How did that affect your friendship? What did you do to try to stay close?
In general, how often do you like to get together with a friend? What do you think is the ideal length of time to hang out with a friend? Why do you like that timing
What are some ways that being apart can strengthen a friendship?
What do you like to do when you can’t get together with a friend?
What is the ideal distance between you and a friend?
Is it stuck together like velcro?
Is it arm’s distance apart so you can chat?
Is it 20 feet apart so you can play catch?
That’s a trick question because there’s no one right answer. The ideal distance between you and a friend depends on you, your friend, your relationship, your situation, your culture…and probably a whole bunch of other things!
Friends need to be close enough to have fun and share activities, thoughts, and feelings with each other, but far enough apart that they can have their own experiences.
And what if your friend is far away? Can you still be close?
In today’s episode, we’ll talk about navigating closeness and distance in friendships. Stay tuned!
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Here’s today’s question:
Hey, Dr. Friendtastic. My name is Matilda, and I'm 5 years old. What do I do when I can't see my friend all week?
Hi, Matilda! Thanks for sending in your question! Spending time with friends is an important way to enjoy each other’s company and to deepen your friendships. Just like watering a plant regularly helps it grow, doing fun things together helps friendships grow.
So, when you can’t be with your friend as much as you’d like, you might feel sad, disappointed, bored, or maybe worried that she might be spending time with someone else!
Even though you can’t be together, you may be able to figure out other ways to connect, like calling, messaging, or mailing her a letter or drawing.
But here’s something you might not realize: time apart can also be important for friendships. Going back to our watering a plant example, what would happen if you watered a plant all day, every day with a giant fire hose? The plant would not be happy! It would drown.
In the same way, although it seems like fun, spending all day, every day with your friend could be too much of a good thing. When people are around each other all the time, sometimes they get on each other’s nerves.
Time apart from a friend gives you both time to miss each other and look forward to being together. It also gives you time to have separate experiences, so you can grow as an individual and also have more to share or talk about when you get together with your friend.
So, what can you do when you can’t see your friend all week? The answer is: there are lots of possibilities!
You could play with someone else to expand your social circle.
You could try out a new game or hobby.
You could learn a new skill.
You could read.
You could explore.
You could make something.
You could help someone.
And when you are able to see your friend, you’ll have lots to share with her!
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.