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Aah – wah
“As long as Our lord has all the pleasure I really do not count.”
Mother Teresa addressed Jesus again on September 3, 1959 :
Part of my confession of today
My own Jesus
From my childhood You have called me and kept me for Your own – and now when we both have taken the same road – now Jesus – I go the wrong way.
They say people in hell suffer eternal pain because of the loss of God – they would go through all that suffering if they had just a little hope of possessing God- in my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss- of God not wanting me – of God not being God – of God not really existing (Jesus please forgive my blasphemies- I have been told to write everything.). That darkness surrounds me on all sides- I can’t lift my soul to God- no light or inspiration enters my soul.- ……..
कई जतन करके देख लिए, आशा की कली नहीं खिलती।
अंधियारा ही अंधियारा है, दिल में कोई ज्योति नहीं जलती।
हसरत तेरे दीदार की है पर तेरा पता मालूम नहीं।।
The work holds no joy, no attraction, no zeal… I do my best- I spend myself – but I have no faith now. – I don’t believe. –
जीने को तो हूं जी रही प्यारे तेरे बगैर भी
पर जिंदगी जिस को कह सकूं,
ऐसी तो यह जिंदगी नही।
रूह में शगुफ्तगी नहीं
मेरे दिल में कोई खुशी नहीं।
Jesus , don’t let my soul be deceived – nor let me deceive anyone. In the call you said that I would have to suffer much. – ten years- my Jesus , You have done to me according to Your will – and Jesus hear my prayer – if this pleases You – if my pain and suffering – my darkness and separation gives You a drop of consolation- my own Jesus do with me as you wish- as long as You wish, without a single glance at my feelings and pain. I am Your own. Imprint on my soul and life the sufferings of Your Heart. Don’t mind my feelings. – don’t mind even my pain. If my separation from You – brings others to You and in their love and company You find joy and pleasure- why Jesus, I am willing with all my heart to suffer all that I suffer – not only now – but for all eternity – if this was possible. To your happiness is all that I want. -For the rest – please do not take the trouble – even if You see me faint with pain. – All is my will. – .. don’t allow me to do You wrong in any way- take from me the power of hurting you. – …….
मुझे बेकरार रख कर मेरे दिल में बसने वाले
जो येही है तेरी मर्जी मुझे विरह भी है प्यारा।
Despite her willingness to suffer the pain of separation, her anxiety to fully possess Jesus and relish the sweetness of His union continued tormenting her. She attributed all to her own impurities:
He is the master- He can dispose of me as it pleases Him alone- I no longer count- and yet it hurts so much.- Today I read something in Abbot Marmion, Suffering with Christ: “when the fire (God’s love) comes into contact with imperfection, it produces sufferings.” There must be so much of nothingness in me and so this fire causes so much pain… Pray for me. – (March 30, 1966)
Father Brian Kolodiejchuk, MC explains it in the first Chapter of his book, ‘Come be My light’ as ‘night of the spirit’-
A state of extreme aridity and one feels rejected and abandoned by God. The experience can become so intense that one feels as if heading towards eternal perdition. It is even more excruciating because one wants only God and loves Him greatly but is unable to recognize one’s love for Him. The virtues of faith, hope and charity are severely tried. Prayer is difficult, almost impossible; spiritual counsel practically of no avail. By means of this painful purification, the disciple is led to total detachment from all created things and to a lofty degree of union with God, becoming a fitting instrument in His hands.
Hindu saints too put forward the same theory –
https://forbeingalive.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/fire.mp3
– Shri Vinod ji Agarwal
ये जनाब मोहब्बत का क्या खूब सिला देते हैं,
आग प्रचंड चले वो कुछ ऐसी हवा देते हैं।
होगा नहीं ज़माने में कोई ऐसा दूसरा तबीब
मर्ज़ बस बढ़ता ही जाए वो जो दवा देते है . . .
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By VRINDAVAN“As long as Our lord has all the pleasure I really do not count.”
Mother Teresa addressed Jesus again on September 3, 1959 :
Part of my confession of today
My own Jesus
From my childhood You have called me and kept me for Your own – and now when we both have taken the same road – now Jesus – I go the wrong way.
They say people in hell suffer eternal pain because of the loss of God – they would go through all that suffering if they had just a little hope of possessing God- in my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss- of God not wanting me – of God not being God – of God not really existing (Jesus please forgive my blasphemies- I have been told to write everything.). That darkness surrounds me on all sides- I can’t lift my soul to God- no light or inspiration enters my soul.- ……..
कई जतन करके देख लिए, आशा की कली नहीं खिलती।
अंधियारा ही अंधियारा है, दिल में कोई ज्योति नहीं जलती।
हसरत तेरे दीदार की है पर तेरा पता मालूम नहीं।।
The work holds no joy, no attraction, no zeal… I do my best- I spend myself – but I have no faith now. – I don’t believe. –
जीने को तो हूं जी रही प्यारे तेरे बगैर भी
पर जिंदगी जिस को कह सकूं,
ऐसी तो यह जिंदगी नही।
रूह में शगुफ्तगी नहीं
मेरे दिल में कोई खुशी नहीं।
Jesus , don’t let my soul be deceived – nor let me deceive anyone. In the call you said that I would have to suffer much. – ten years- my Jesus , You have done to me according to Your will – and Jesus hear my prayer – if this pleases You – if my pain and suffering – my darkness and separation gives You a drop of consolation- my own Jesus do with me as you wish- as long as You wish, without a single glance at my feelings and pain. I am Your own. Imprint on my soul and life the sufferings of Your Heart. Don’t mind my feelings. – don’t mind even my pain. If my separation from You – brings others to You and in their love and company You find joy and pleasure- why Jesus, I am willing with all my heart to suffer all that I suffer – not only now – but for all eternity – if this was possible. To your happiness is all that I want. -For the rest – please do not take the trouble – even if You see me faint with pain. – All is my will. – .. don’t allow me to do You wrong in any way- take from me the power of hurting you. – …….
मुझे बेकरार रख कर मेरे दिल में बसने वाले
जो येही है तेरी मर्जी मुझे विरह भी है प्यारा।
Despite her willingness to suffer the pain of separation, her anxiety to fully possess Jesus and relish the sweetness of His union continued tormenting her. She attributed all to her own impurities:
He is the master- He can dispose of me as it pleases Him alone- I no longer count- and yet it hurts so much.- Today I read something in Abbot Marmion, Suffering with Christ: “when the fire (God’s love) comes into contact with imperfection, it produces sufferings.” There must be so much of nothingness in me and so this fire causes so much pain… Pray for me. – (March 30, 1966)
Father Brian Kolodiejchuk, MC explains it in the first Chapter of his book, ‘Come be My light’ as ‘night of the spirit’-
A state of extreme aridity and one feels rejected and abandoned by God. The experience can become so intense that one feels as if heading towards eternal perdition. It is even more excruciating because one wants only God and loves Him greatly but is unable to recognize one’s love for Him. The virtues of faith, hope and charity are severely tried. Prayer is difficult, almost impossible; spiritual counsel practically of no avail. By means of this painful purification, the disciple is led to total detachment from all created things and to a lofty degree of union with God, becoming a fitting instrument in His hands.
Hindu saints too put forward the same theory –
https://forbeingalive.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/fire.mp3
– Shri Vinod ji Agarwal
ये जनाब मोहब्बत का क्या खूब सिला देते हैं,
आग प्रचंड चले वो कुछ ऐसी हवा देते हैं।
होगा नहीं ज़माने में कोई ऐसा दूसरा तबीब
मर्ज़ बस बढ़ता ही जाए वो जो दवा देते है . . .