About Men Radio

I’m a city boy, born and raised, so I can’t dress a deer but I can dress for success.

I wouldn’t know what end of an ax to use for chopping firewood but I know which bodega has the best prices on Duraflame logs.

I haven’t been behind the wheel of a car since Ronald Reagan was President, but I can check the oil and change a tire on my wife’s family truckster.

Call them “man talents” or “guy basics” but every one of us blessed with a Y-chromosome (cursed if you believe some women) needs to master these 12 essential skills .

1. Shopping For Groceries

A cart full of Cap’n Crunch and Schlitz beer screams sad bachelor.

2. Cooking a Simple Meal

No one’s asking you to be Bobby Flay or Mario Batali but mastering the basics of a simple meal is crucial. Breakfast is fine but try something other than scrambling up some eggs.

3. Mixing a Drink

I’m a beer guy myself but learned early on that the art of grabbing a bartender’s attention is useful when at the club but in a more intimate setting, knowing what to do behind the bar earns you boucoup man cred.

4. Basic Car Maintenance

I’m not talking pit crew at the Indy 500. Letting others wipe your dipstick is just plain wrong.

4. Manage Your Money Wisely

Nobody (and I mean NOBODY) likes a broke-ass loser.

6. Writing a Letter

Whether it’s a business letter or a thank you note, learn how to string a few words together on paper. It’s called a “love letter” not a “love text”.

7. Communicating  Effectively

Knowing what to say and when to say it makes you appear confident and in charge.

8. Looking Good

Clean and neat is just fine. If you choose your outfits by sniffing something you grabbed from the pile by your bed, you’re doing it wrong.

9. Tying a Proper Tie Knot

I don’t care if everyone else is doing it. If you wear a suit, you wear a tie. ‘Nuff said.

10. Shining Your Shoes

Studies show that one of the first things a woman looks at when sizing up a guy is his shoes. The way you take care of your shoes speaks volumes to them about how you handle other critical details.

11. Tipping

It’s simple, 15% as a rule, 20% if the service was exceptional. Last thing you want to do is piss off the person responsible for handling your food.

12. A Basic Understanding of Sports

In baseball you score runs. In football it’s a touchdown. In soccer and hockey they’re called goals.

Here endeth the lesson.

So what is it about the bad boys you ladies like so much? Is it the thrill of dating the boy you know your family will hate? Is it the wild sex? Or is it the challenge of trying to tame the apparently untameable; of changing the bad boys into nice guys?

Please don’t let it be the last option because that would really tick me off. Why not just start off with the nice guy and save yourself the hassle?!?!

I realized very early on in life that I was forever destined to be Richie Cunningham and never The Fonz. Other guys could get away with the leather jacket cool, I had to survive on boyish charm and perseverance.

Most girls in their high school years when presented with the choice between an earnest young lad who skewed dangerously close towards the nerd spectrum or a handsome, emotionally distant rebel will go with the “bad boy” every single time.

Years later they may realize their “Rebel Without a Clue” will most likely remain clueless while Erkel is pulling down high six figures and living the dream.

I was once Erkel and have left some women regretting their life choices but when exactly does that high six-figure money start rolling in? It’s gotta be soon, right?

Anyhoo…

On this episode of the podcast Chris and I discuss the bad boy mystique. We both fell squarely into the nice guy demographic back in the day and are happy to report that the the old axiom is wrong.

Nice guys do NOT finish last, bad boys just can’t hold the lead.

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“Are you feeling depressed?” the nurse asked.

She was taking my vitals before the doctor came into the examination room and was working her way through a checklist of questions. This one happened to be about a check-up from the neck up.

Well, as a matter of fact, funny you should ask, I told her.

Her simple question was like a key turning in a lock and opening a door.

For a few months leading up to that visit for my annual physical, I had been feeling overwhelmed by work, frightened — nay, panicked — over my future employment and overall just not feeling much happiness.

This was January 2014 and the Christmas holidays that had just concluded were shrouded in a heavy curtain of gray for me.

What followed was a series of questions from the doctor. Now, as part of their routine for check-ups, the office was including a screening for depression.

So glad they did.

The doctor, who wanted me to follow up with her in a few months, was adamant that I go see a professional for help. So I did.

Here’s the thing about depression: It sneaks up on you like the onset of a bad cold but before you know it, you have pneumonia.

You convince yourself you’re just tired. Or stressed. Or not eating right.

And certainly all of those are symptoms of an underlying problem and can contribute to the bigger issue, but at some point, you reach a tipping point where you are trying to climb out of a well, the sides of which are coated with slippery moss.

Much was written about depression following the heart-breaking suicide of one of my beloved comedians and actors, Robin Williams. One of the best pieces I read was by a former colleague at the Pocono Record.

Here is what Howard Frank said in a column:

“The pain from depression is like the grief of first learning you’ve lost someone close to you. There’s shock, horror, confusion, and inconsolable sadness.

Now, imagine waking up with that grief every morning as if it were fresh news. Then imagine reliving the news all day. Go to sleep, and it’s Groundhog Day.”

It’s an apt description. And one that I fear is all too commonly experienced by many, including people close to me.

The problem with men (OK, just ONE of many problems with us guys) is that when it comes to our own care, we think we can just tough it out. (“It’s just a flesh wound!”) 

For issues that are not manifestly physical (such as our mental health), well there’s all kinds of excuses we can make for ignoring them.

In the end, I did see a counselor — for about eight months. Yes, it cost me time and money, but in the long run, it did me good.

And if someone as stubborn and reluctant as me can do it, what about you?

Get a few guys together and there will be at least 10 memorable movie quotes battered about and at least one classic guy movie scene clumsily reenacted.

We can’t help it. It is deeply engrained in our nature.

Many times, guys will overlook it if the quote referenced doesn’t quite fit the mood or the conversation as long as it was masterfully delivered.

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”

There are a few unwritten rules, though.

The quote has to be correct. One hundred percent!

“I’m here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I ain’t got no more bubble gum.”

Arrrahh! No go. Go to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Real guys reading this can immediately correct this quote. And the unlucky goop that attempted it is usually relegated to less than sidekick duty.

Until the day he launches a good one.

“You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!”

Bang! Nailed it!

We guys, including my About Men Radio brothers, subconsciously crave that special moment when we transcend mere mortals and not only nail the quote to the moment but organically live it or make it larger than life.

Although none of us will ever have a “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli” moment after gunning down a rival. (At least I hope none of us will!)

A few years back I had a moment. And there wasn’t another guy around, just my lovely wife. And although I love her very much, she can’t help but squash those little guy moments.

She will always roll her eyes whenever I watch/quote “Star Wars” or “The Hunt for Red October” or “Goodfellas.”

She will get up off the couch abandoning me if I stop the remote on “Gladiator” for more than two seconds.

So here I am rolling up to my moment in a minivan with my wife riding shotgun.

I pull up to the toll booth attendant and hand him my $2 waiting for a couple of quarters in change. I had absent-mindedly done this a hundred times.

Then the attendant dropped the coins.

As he dropped to a knee to pick them up, disappearing from view behind the half door it was my Sonny Corleone moment and I wasn’t going to let it go!

I bolted up in my seat swiveled my head from side to side almost hoping to see some fedora-wearing hit men leveling their Tommy guns.

I felt my wife’s hand on my forearm but instead of squashing my moment she whispered, “Relax Sonny.”

YES!!!

She recognized the scene without any prompting and added her own line to complete my moment! Typically a second guy completes a guy moment by delivering the final line, but unless my wife started going, RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT and then kicked me in the face for good measure, she couldn’t complete the actual scene.

But she recognized my moment, added her own line and made it memorable. She completed me.

I didn’t think I could love her more, but I was wrong.

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On this episode we discuss the difficult relationship some men have with clothes and developing a personal sense of style.

Now before any of you get the idea we’re asking you to aim for the cover of GQ magazine let me set the record straight.  We simply suggest that all of us take a little pride in our appearance.

Ditch the ratty sneakers. Wear a clean shirt (finding one in a pile in the corner of your bedroom that no longer smells doesn’t count).

Dress for your age and your body-type.

As Chris and I have discussed on other episodes, guys have body image issues too. Dressing better and learning what looks good on you will create a more self-assured man.

Everyone knows there is no more powerful aphrodisiac than confidence.

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It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.

– Marlene Dietrich

The passing of Leonard Nimoy was felt strongly by all of us here at About Men Radio and our thoughts go out to his family and friends. It appears that even in death Mr. Nimoy and his co-star on the legendary science fiction TV classic Star Trek, William Shatner, will be inexorably linked.

That decades long friendship, forged when both men were adults, sparked this week’s podcast discussion between Chris and Pedro.

Are male friendships challenging to form and maintain as adults? What makes these bonds strong and why are they so important?

Several studies show that having close friends makes men happier and live longer but  as men get older it may be more difficult for us to cultivate the type of emotional relationships we did when we were younger.

The members of the AMR posse have been close friends since our middle-school years but would it be as intimate a friendship if we’d met much later in life?

As usual, the conversation is frank, funny and deeply insightful.

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The AMR posse, with a few exceptions, aren’t big on sports but they are big on cracking-wise and busting stones.

Come to think of it, if either were Olympic events, we’d be nationally ranked and medal contenders for sure.

Until the IOC gets their act together and lets us do our thing on a global scale we must console ourselves with taming the bobsled run at Lake Placid’s Olympic facility.

Yep, you read that right.

On this episode you’ll join me and Chris as we hurtle down Whiteface Mountain in a metal bathtub, um, bobsled. I meant bobsled.

Why’d we do it? Because it was there…and because both of us felt it was important to start facing our fears. What better way to do that than by racing down an icy track in a metal tube sandwiched between two complete strangers.

The entire experience was a pulse-pounding thrill, so much so that we’re ready to take on more challenges. Maybe we can convince the entire AMR Posse to join Chris and El Kaiser on our next macho adventure.

I hear skydiving is a lot of fun!

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Both are hugely popular movies based on controversial bestselling novels but only one will forever be the quintessential “Guy Movie”.

While the sexual adventures of Christian and Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey are a big hit with female audiences around the world, the operatic tale of the Corleone Family in The Godtfather trilogy continues to fascinate men forty-plus years after the release of the first film.

I’d wager a bet that Francis Ford Coppola’s epic about a mob family and their quest to achieve the American Dream would make the Top 10 list of most men you know.

On this episode of the AMR podcast we challenge posse member Tom Delgrosso to take the ultimate Godfather Quiz. Play along and find out how well you’d do against our Godfather super-fan.

Also on the show, Chris reads selections from the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” as he and El Kaiser do their best to figure out the appeal of the BDSM phenomenon.

How is it that an appallingly bad book as offensive to women and BDSM aficionados as this one can be such a huge pop-culture happening?

The gents from About Men Radio do their entertaining best to figure that out.

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Love is in the air despite the bitter cold and on this episode Chris and I present a survival guide that will help you make it through that most stressful of Hallmark holidays, Valentine’s Day, relatively unscathed.

While the entire AMR posse remain hopeless romantics, we believe that forced expressions of love on a single pressure-packed day is no way to tell the person that has your heart what they mean to you. Everyone should regularly make the effort to show your Significant Other just how much you care, regardless of the date.

All that being said, if your Significant Other is thrilled by anything and everything related to Valentine’s Day just grit your teeth and give ’em what they want. It’s only one day out of the year. My guess is they’ve earned a nice night out or that expensive gift.

Cowboy up and get to it, Loverboy!

As an aside, does anyone else find the idea of an armed baby with wings looking to fire a pointed stick through your heart as terrifying as I do?  No? Okay, it’s just me. Never mind…

Moving on from romantic love, we dove right into love of family with a discussion about being Dads.

I was in my 40’s when I started a family and spent many years wondering if I’d made the right decision having waited so long. Chris was in his 20’s when he became a father and wondered if he should have waited a few more years.

Did we make the right call? Take a listen and find out!

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A study published a few years ago found that the more media college-age men consumed, especially music videos and television, the worse they felt about their bodies.

We’re hear to report that some middle-aged men feel the same way.

On this episode Chris and Pedro are holed up in the cavernous urban man-cave enjoying Super Bowl snacks and discussing male negative body image issues. Neither of them watched the “big game” but they have both wrestled with appearance pressures.

Also on the show, John and Pedro unload an air-conditioner from the trunk of Gary’s car.

Agreed, it does sound boring I’ll give you that, but did I mention large caliber weapons were being fired near them at the time? No one was hurt but they did play the entire thing for laughs as only old friends can.