Episode 278: About Relapse

Although relapse is often a source of shame, it needn’t be. As we learn on this episode, there are ways to understand such stumbles as part of the larger process that is recovery. This livestream conversation features co-hosts John Sheldon and Mary C., who together explore the healing opportunities available to us when we respond to, reflect on and ideally avert relapse altogether. They are sharing personal experiences as well as fascinating highlights from an article, “Relapse Prevention and the Five Rules of Recovery.”

John and Mary cover the emotional, mental and physical circumstances commonly associated with relapse as well as useful strategies for identifying these pitfalls before tumbling into them. We also look at the biggest risks to sobriety (lack of self-care is at the top of the list) and some of the most toxic reactions to relapse (pride, which breeds silence and self-loathing).

It’s a free exchange of ideas, including candid and thought-provoking comments from viewers on a range of topics. You’ll come away with a deeper perspective on what it means to relapse and the tools available to manage through even the most challenging of times. The most important takeaway: Remember that the quickest way to recover from a relapse is to confront the reality. No denial, no hiding — and no fear of judgment, at least not among those who understand that it’s all part of your recovery.

If you would like to watch the video of this conversation on YouTube, click here. And you can read in its entirety the  2015 Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine article about the stages of relapse discussed on this episode here.

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Key Takeaways

* Mary C. Shares the story of her relapse 11 years ago, when she lit up a joint that led to a brief break from what is now 27 years of sobriety. Lessons learned.

* Sobriety dates can be a strong incentive to remaining sober — until they aren’t. Mary shares her perspective on the counterproductive pride associated with wanting to keep her sobriety date. She was out of integrity and justifying lies.

* John recognizes that recovery is a process of change and that a relapse doesn’t have to hammer us or negate all our time in recovery.

* You can’t really go back to where you were before a relapse, but you can move forward with meaning and deeper understanding.

* Secrets Are a Sickness: Shame does not serve us, even in the wake of relapse.

* Is relapse part of recovery? There are varying philosophies about whether it’s an inevitable part of the process.

* John shares some of the ideas offered up by Steven M. Melemis in his Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine article, “Relapse Prevention and the Five Rules of Recovery,” according to which there are four main ideas:

* Relapse is a gradual process with distinct stages (and the earlier the stage we disrupt, the better our odds of success).

* Recovery is a process of personal growth with developmental milestones, each of which has its own risks for relapse.

* The main tools for relapse prevention are cognitive therapy and body relaxation,