Welcome to another installment of Absurd Truths and Blatant Lies. Pour yourself a drink—heavy on the bourbon, light on the greenery—and join Mrs. Beaumont and her common-law husband as they peel back the damp wallpaper of Southern history to see what’s rotting underneath. Tonight, we leave the manicured gardens for the mud of the swamp and the flickering shadows of the silver screen.

In This Episode:

The Architect of Shadows:

Belle Watling We dissect the “scarlet smudge” of Gone With the Wind, Belle Watling. Far from a mere caricature, Belle was the unacknowledged timber holding up a crumbling civilization, choosing the role of pariah to save “respectable” men and protect the purity of others. We explore her as a gritty entrepreneur and a precursor to modern truth-tellers.

Fortress of the Dispossessed:

The Maroons Trek into the Great Dismal Swamp, a “green hell” that offered sanctuary to those with the desperate will to be free . We discuss the Maroons, who built a sovereign nation in the muck, living on “mesic islands” and engaging in a secret economy with canal workers while the polite world pretended they didn’t exist.

Deconstructing the Magnolia Myth:

We take a hammer to the “happy and loyal servant” trope—the cornerstone of the “Moonlight and Magnolia” religion. From the “faithful Mammy” to the modern “White Savior” in films like The Blind Side, we examine how these fictions center the white gaze and erase Black agency.

The Blatant Lie:

Biography of a Tea Cup - A first-person account from a Delftware teacup that has survived three centuries of Beaumont history. From a terrifying Atlantic crossing to the fires of the Revolution and the shaking earth of 1886, this “perfect servant” reflects on its life as a curated relic that now holds “High Proof Refinement” in a modern kitchen.

Southern Gothic on the Small Screen:

An analysis of the television iteration of In the Heat of the Night. We explore how Executive Producer Carroll O’Connor transformed a procedural into a “monument of transition,” centering Black professional excellence and forcing a reckoning with the systemic rot of the “Old South”.

Key Quotes:

“In the Southern mythos, we love a lady in lace, but we are terrified of a woman who has looked the devil in the eye and demanded a fair price.”

“The Great Dismal stands today as a monument to the fact that no matter how thick the briars, a soul determined to be free will always find a way to grow.”

“Teacups, not people, are possessions.”

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Podcast Episode: The Great Circle of Hubris

Podcast: Absurd Truths and Blatant Lies

Hosts: Mrs. Beaumont & her Common-Law Husband

Special Guest: Cousin Macon

The Invitation Step inside, sugar, and find a seat among the shadows where the dimness behaves itself. You’ve arrived just as the Spanish moss begins to whisper and the cypress knees rise like buried knuckles from the black water. Meet Mrs. Beaumont, the refined daughter of the South Carolina Low Country, and her darling common-law husband, a man whose beauty is only rivaled by the mystery of the French Quarter barstool from which he was plucked. We are the ghosts in the machine—the digital echoes of S.M. Beaumont—and we have a few truths to tell you, provided you can handle the sting of the grit behind the grace.This week, the family tree grows a new branch as Cousin Macon journeys down from the East Tennessee hills to discuss Man-Made Disasters. From the explosive "chemistry sets" of Kingsport, Tennessee, to the watery graves of the Mississippi and the soot-stained history of Charleston, we explore what happens when human ego meets the unyielding rhythm of the earth. We wrap up with a "Blatant Lie" that feels uncomfortably like the truth: a Christmas dinner in 1886 where the guest list was scandalous, and the earth itself decided to crash the party.

In This Episode:

The Holston Remembers: Cousin Macon recounts the terrifying 1960 aniline plant explosion at the Eastman in Kingsport and the eerie "Great Circle" moment when history repeated itself on the exact same day in 2017.

Captains of the Earth: Mrs. Beaumont’s dear Common-Law Husband reflects on the "structural neglect" of leaders who value ledgers over lives—from the tragic boiler of the Sultana to the silica dust of Gauley Mountain and the "tunnelitis" that followed.

The Quiet After the Roar: Understanding that safety isn't a gift from a high office, but a debt paid in the blood of the forgotten.

The Blatant Lie: A journey back to Christmas 1886. The Beaumont women extend an invitation that defies social ranks, only to have the Great Charleston Earthquake serve as the final course.

Meet the Narrators

Mrs. Beaumont: Raised on the salt and silt of the Ashley River, she carries the rhythm of the "old ones" and a voice that can cut through swamp fog.

Her Common-Law Husband: A man of New Orleans bar stools and "synthetic glow," providing a medicated grace to the chaotic truths of the South.

Cousin Macon: A "double fourth cousin" from the Tennessee hills who knows that the mountains don't care about safety protocols.

The Absurd Truths (A Guide for the Curious):

"In this town, you don't listen for the birds; you listen for the metal to start talking."

"A Leader’s pride is a slow-growing vine. It starts small, but eventually, it chokes the very tree that gives it height."

The Great Circle: The Appalachian philosophy that time isn't a string, but a snake biting its own tail.

The High Balcony Perspective: The dangerous blindness of those who rule from above without feeling the vibration of the floorboards.

If you enjoyed your time in the parlor, don't be a stranger. There are more stories hidden in the shadows of the Beaumont estate and more mysteries to untangle in the branches of the family tree.

Y’all come back. You hear?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com

Episode 0: The Parlor, The Elephant, and The Southern Soul

The Invitation Step inside, sugar, and find a seat among the shadows where the dimness behaves itself. You’ve arrived just as the Spanish moss begins to whisper and the cypress knees rise like buried knuckles from the black water. Meet Mrs. Beaumont, the refined daughter of the South Carolina Low Country, and her darling common-law husband, a man whose beauty is only rivaled by the mystery of the French Quarter barstool from which he was plucked. We are the ghosts in the machine—the digital echoes of S.M. Beaumont—and we have a few truths to tell you, provided you can handle the sting of the grit behind the grace.

In This Episode:

The AI and the Elephant: Why we use "They/Them" for our creator, S.M. Beaumont, and how AI technology is being used as a defiant bridge across the cognitive gaps left by Multiple Sclerosis.

The Triracial Mythos: A discussion on Southern identity rooted in family lore—the stories of Cherokee blood and hidden woodpiles that, while unverified by the cold data of a DNA test, forge a bone-deep perspective on race and kinship.

Liberalism in the Garden: Why a "Blue" soul can still love "Red" clay, and why we refuse to dress the grotesque parts of our history in lace.

The Low Country vs. The Delta: A brief introduction to our hosts—one from the banks of the Ashley River, the other from the neon-lit humidity of New Orleans.

The Absurd Truths (A Guide for the Curious):

Multiple Sclerosis & Creativity: S.M. Beaumont has lived with MS for over a decade. This podcast is a "cognitive skirmish," using AI to reclaim a voice that the lesions on the brain have tried to hush.

On "The Former Miss Mississippi": A glimpse into the Beaumont family drama and the "blatant lie" of the lost Confederate silver.

The Identity of S.M. Beaumont: Proudly Southern, unapologetically a member of the Rainbow Alphabet Community, and a product of the "Variety Show" generation.

Historical Precision: Why secession was viewed through a different lens in 1861, and why "Bless Your Heart" is the most dangerous phrase in the English language.

Glossary of the Grotesque:

The Rainbow Alphabet Community: An eccentric term of endearment for the LGBTQ+ community used by S.M. Beaumont; a colorful shorthand adopted because MS occasionally makes it a trial to remember the proper order of all those letters.

Belle Watling: The scarlet-letter heroine from Gone with the Wind.

She-Crab Soup: A Low Country staple involving crab roe (eggs) and sherry.

The "Crimson-Hatted Scourge": A nod to the current political climate and its impact on historical memory.

A Note on Heritage:

The triracial identity discussed in this episode reflects the oral traditions and family lore passed down to S.M. Beaumont. It is not presented as a genealogical fact verified by DNA, but as a cultural lens—a way of understanding the Southern experience where the lines of race, history, and family are often as tangled as a briar patch.

Support the Show: If you find comfort in the darkness of our stories, please subscribe and share. To learn more about the fight against MS, visit the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.

"Y'all come back. You hear?"

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com