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In this episode, I’m going to address a question submitted by Anitta.

 Anitta writes:

I’ve noticed that when I meditate the thoughts or memories that rise up in my mind [are] often hurtful, unpleasant and negative. I’ve become pretty good on letting them go, noticing but not following them. It feels good to notice that I don’t _need_ to follow them, that I can simply choose not to think about the all bad stuff that used to dwell in my mind all the time before I started to meditate. I’ve also noticed that even when I’m not meditating it seems to be easier for me to concentrate on the good and neutral things – or not to judge things at all to be good, neutral and bad. This makes life easier, lighter even, if you understand what I mean.

How ever, I sometimes wonder if this is a form of denial. If and when bad memories or very hurtful thoughts arise during the meditation (or just when my mind idles during other normal daily activities), should I maybe take some time later to deal with them? And if so, what would be the best way to process them? Or is the answer simply to let go and stop over analysing?

This is a great question, Anitta. Thanks for asking.

Let’s explore denial, first. Then we can address the question of whether and how to examine negative thoughts and memories more deeply.

Letting go of thoughts, memories and reactions isn’t the same as denying them. To deny your negative reactions is to pretend they don’t exist. Denial involves keeping yourself from acknowledging negative events and your emotional reactions to them. Letting go, on the other hand, involves acknowledging what’s happening, noticing your reactions, then deciding they don’t serve you well enough to hold onto.

We define mindfulness as awareness without judgement. Awareness, acknowledgement, is the first part. Letting go is the second part, the non-judgement part. What you’re doing is fully accepting the negative then deciding not to dwell on it or cling to it.

Letting go of your reactions fosters clarity, because your thoughts and memories are less clouded by your own emotions. You’re calmer, so you can be more deliberate in the way you choose to react. You can react in a way that leads to more helpful and healthy outcomes for both you and others.

All of this means you can choose whether to let go forever, explore in more detail, or react in some way. What I’m saying is that mindfulness allows you a choice you might not otherwise get.

 

This Week's Peaceful Moment: Coyote, Jasper National Park, Alberta, Canada (this image is copyright protected)

 

But, Annita asked, should you revisit the thoughts and memories at a later time? After a meditation session, should you go back and explore the negative thought or event using a more analytical approach?

Maybe yes, maybe no. It is a personal choice and it depends on the thought or the event. Sometimes, the healthiest thing to do is just let go completely. I was reminded of this the other day. A fellow instructor asked me to attend a meeting. I said I’d try, but then I brushed off the meeting, because I really didn’t want to attend. The day after the meeting, the instructor walked by me in the hall. He didn’t stop to chat as he normally does and he scowled as he said “Hello.” I quite mindlessly concluded that he was upset with me for missing the meeting (a conclusion based on my own guilty emotional reaction). When I later apologized to him, he said, “Oh, no worries. I just thought you might like to attend, but in the end I didn’t go, either.