Mentioned Books
"Surprised by Joy" by C.S. Lewis
"Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.
"Not the Way It's Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin" by Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.
"God Loves Sex: An Honest Conversation about Sexual Desire and Holiness" by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III
"The Incarnation of God: The Mystery of the Gospel as the Foundation of Evangelical Theology" by John C. Clark and Marcus Peter Johnson
Intro song: "Only You" by Nofsky, Sydni Alexander
Outro song: "King of Kings" by JXYD3N, Jx.Zero
Summary
Loneliness, worthlessness, and boredom can drive a person into hidden bondage, but grace can break the cycle. Adam shares the raw story of how a lifelong quest for joy, beauty, and transcendence eventually exposed the idols and addictions that were shaping his life.
Raised in a Christian home, Adam thought he understood faith, but beneath the surface he was wrestling with shame, secrecy, and a desperate search for something bigger than this world. What begins with childhood wonder over Pokemon, X-Men, and The Lord of the Rings turns into a hard look at desire, idolatry, confession, and the long road back to God.
You’ll hear how C. S. Lewis’ "Surprised by Joy" gave Adam language for an ache he had felt since childhood, why friendship and honesty became turning points in his freedom, and how books like "Out of the Shadows", "God Loves Sex", and "The Incarnation of God" reshaped his understanding of sin, sex, embodiment, and the incarnation of Christ. He also explains why Psalm 16:7-11 became a summary of his whole life: not just rescue from darkness, but the discovery that in God’s presence is fullness of joy.
Adam also reflects on what helped him move forward: community, confession, silence, solitude, and learning to live with purpose instead of distraction. If you’re fighting hidden sin, questioning your hunger for meaning, or wondering whether your desires point to something deeper, this conversation offers both honesty and hope.
Adam is a former Moody Bible Institute student and Chicago doorman turned maintenance worker who speaks candidly about addiction, theological formation, and the slow work of spiritual transformation. His story is a powerful reminder that the things we chase for joy often become signposts pointing us to Christ.
Perfect for anyone who wants a deeply honest testimony about addiction, masculinity, friendship, and finding lasting joy in Jesus Christ.
Chapters
00:00 Intro
00:46 Family Background
01:34 "Surprised by Joy" by C.S. Lewis
06:30 Addiction and Idolatry
11:54 A New Friend
14:47 Moody Bible Institute
16:09 "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnegie
17:21 "God Loves Sex" by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III
18:36 "The Incarnation of God" by John C. Clark and Marcus Peter Johnson
21:27 View of God Growing Up
23:26 Why Adam went to Moody
26:11 Community
27:50 Silence and Solitude
30:53 God Rescues Us From Our Deepest Pit
38:10 Navigating Idolatry and Fantasy
40:37 Adam's Message for those Struggling with Sexual Sin
43:34 Finding Balance in Busy Seasons and Trusting God
49:56 Miscellaneous Moody Questions