I recently came into contact with the most beautiful, sacred soul while in Antarctica. I’m filming there for 3 months. She told me she had read one of the books I return to often: The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
Firstly, what struck me, was the fact that she was open and curious about this book seemingly directed at “men.” Second, was the coming to terms with society clearly living in this age where the gender polarities are being flipped upside down on their heads. The feminine is taking on the masculine role in society and we are left with men who are more disembodied than ever.
Divine woman are divine mirrors. They are either going to magnify your divine masculine essence or they are going to mirror your lack of direction. In the case of the latter, this is where extreme cases of codependency and sometimes even obsessive or violent behaviours show up.
I do not think we necessarily need more awareness around “gender based”violence in the typical way we see it. I just don’t think changing your Instagram profile picture a certain colour will do much to alter the oppressors behaviour (in this case, a man); what we need is grass-root, spiritual level of change in society. To me this looks and feels like a returning home. To the stars. To our primordial, ancient, purpose-driven selves. If we to are really make change within the men of today we need more men who are purpose-driven, star-aligned and integrated.
Which brings me to the essence of the book in one sentence: as a man, your mission & purpose is the most important thing in your life. I was raised on the false predication from society that as a man what I needed most was validation — especially in the form of sex. This took on the shape that it did for most men my age: pornography. Porn taught us as males there is only one goal when it comes to relating to the feminine: sex. The word that springs to mind is domination. Porn is mostly built on lack of love — it is an act of the male dominating the woman in order to climax.
So, we are in a time where most men are conditioned towards this end goal of climax instead of connection and love. This is why ancient text write about waiting for marriage before sex — there has to be strong connection first before entering the femine. You are not just entering your woman superficially: you are entering the spirit of each other, and if that spirit is not pure you are going to take on all that residue of impurity, and overtime, that is going to manifest as disease and eventually hatred.f
My feelings are, if we truly want change, we need integration. We need integration of masculine and feminine into each soul. We need to be reading books that take us outside our usual SOP’s and inside the celestial everylasting understanding of our true starseeded origins which goes beyond gender — it’s pure love seeing itself through the incarnated causal body.
Your Mission is Your Priority
I’ve always told myself this lie: that when I get the perfect woman, I will be happy. My biggest shadow was subconsciously believing this lie. It showed up in my last relationship: it was the deepest connection to another human I had ever felt — it was so deep it crushed me. It came as a Karmic Relationship to teach me a vital lesson which this profound book on truth teaches: your purpose, as a man, must come before your woman.
“Your mission is your priority. Unless you know your mission and have aligned your life to it, your core will feel empty. Your presence in the world will be weakened, as will your presence with your intimate partner.
Have you ever seen that video of the late Steve Irwin speaking to a reporter about money? It’s one of my favourite videos in the world.
The way his wife Terri looks at him is the essence of this book: she is looking at him with pure love not because he is obsessed with her, but because he is obsessed with his mission. The paradox here is having a clear mission in life actually deepens your love for the feminine in all forms — to your woman, Gaia, chaos, uncertainty, the ocean….the list goes on. You begin to spend more time going back to where you came from: the Motherly Source.
“There is no essential difference between entering your woman’s feminine heart and entering fully into the world. Both forms of intercourse, sexual and worldly, require sensitivity, spontaneity, and a strong connection to deep truth in order to penetrate chaos and closure in a way that love prevails.”
You may think or your woman may think she wants to be the centre of your world, but she does not. In truth, she desires your truth: which is your mission. There is nothing more attractive than a man living his Truth (Steve Urwin video for context).
You Are That Which You Seek
I’ve been working with a mentor for the past few months. The work has changed me on the cellular level. I do not recognize the person I was 3 months ago. Working in combination with the sacred San Pedro plant, Gene Keys + Human Design and various somatic techniques, I’ve rewired old, ancient ancestral beliefs I’ve carried into this lifetime. The biggest one being codependency.
“You are that which you seek, but you have left your own deepness and are looking elsewhere. The stress of not finding it creates its own need to be released. And so the cycle continues. You are chasing your own tail, and much of the time that tail looks suspiciously like a woman. But you need not stop chasing. Instead, chase. Allow yourself to feel how badly you want her. Feel how deep is the itch you want scratched. Feel the need that drives you, for most of your adult life, to yearn for a woman, in flesh or in fantasy. And discover what it is you really want…your need is far deeper than any woman can provide. So what is it? Your ultimate desire is for the union of consciousness with its own luminosity, wherein all appearance is recognized as your deep, blissful nature, and there is only One. Your desire for union with a woman is a stepped-down version of this ultimate spiritual need.”
There is a lot to unpack here but the big two lessons are: 1) if you don’t realise your true, divine self you will project neediness and codependency onto your partner and even close family members and 2) there is noting wrong with craving the feminine — in fact, it’s he most masculine thing you can feel. But we are conditioned as men to turn that craving into a form of release which often looks like ejaculation. What the ancients write about in various forms is that your sexual energy is powerful.
So how you show up when you feel that desire for another is how you transform that energy. I can attest myself, since giving up porn a few years ago, things, at least I feel, un-coincidentally changed.
What About the Next “Vision”?
We’ve spoken about this need for mission, purpose and vision as men. But what if you don’t have one? Deida explains….
“There is no way to rush this process. You may need to get an intermediary job to hold you over until the next layer of purpose makes itself clear. Or, perhaps you have enough money to simply wait. But in any case, it is important to open yourself to a vision of what is next. You stay open to a vision of your deeper purpose by not filling your time with distractions. Don’t watch TV or play computer games. Don’t go out drinking beer with your friends every night or start dating a bunch of women. Simply wait. You may wish to go on a retreat in a remote area and be by yourself. Whatever it is you decide to do, consciously keep yourself open and available to receiving a vision of what is next. It will come.”
And again, we have to appreciate the humor of the Gods. Because when a vision comes, at least I’ve felt, it often comes but it isn’t necessarily detailed. This is the place I live in currently, my vision is strong, but its open and mysterious:
“When it comes, it usually won’t be a detailed vision. You will probably have a sense of what direction to move in, but the practical steps might not make themselves clear. When the impulse begins to arise, act on it. Don’t wait for the details. Learn by trial and error what it is you are to do.”
Going Back to Source
In Human Design, I am what you call a Hermit-Opportunist. I could never quite figure out why my entire life I craved this paradoxically juxtaposed way of life: on the one hand if you are close to me you will see me as very socially driven, quite extroverty to say the least…but on the other hand, if you also know me well, you will know I need space alone to recharge. My alone time is where I am most creative and is where I connect to Source. Until Human Design put language to this I always thought I kind of had a bit of a problem — as if I didn’t quite know who I am.
“Whatever the specifics of a man’s purpose, he must always refresh the transcendental element of his life through regular meditation and retreat. A man should never get lost in the details of his life and forget that, ultimately and in truth, life amounts to nothing other than what is the deepest truth of this present moment. Tasks don’t get a man anywhere more conscious or free than he is capable of being in this present moment.”
It’s really important for me to refresh my connection with Source through regular mediation, reading, retreats even diet. When I eat low vibrational foods I feel disconnected. When I eat higher vibrational foods from these sacred southern African lands that have been cared for by the custodians I feel so connected and grounded.
ultimately, this is not a book directed at men: it’s directed at humanity. If we all took time to integrate our masculine and feminine parts we will have more love and understanding for the parts of ourselves and humanity that is facing the biggest struggle now: which is the feminine. The mother, the sacred divine Earth, is the source of life — and yet we treat her conditionally.
“Like the ocean, the native state of the feminine is to flow with great power and no single direction…the feminine energy itself is undirected but immense, like the wind and deep currents of the ocean, ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life.”
So it’s simple: spending more time in Nature is akin to spending more time with the feminine. Your connection to this native feminine state of both chaos and creation will determine your connection to the feminine in flesh.
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