After Thot

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Cate Pileggi, joins Holly to explain why that irresistible spark might just be your nervous system recognizing a familiar wound. They get into attachment styles, trauma bonds, why your "type" is probably not a type at all, and what healthy attraction actually feels like. Uncomfortable? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely.

About Cate Cate Pileggi is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the greater Los Angeles area. She's trauma informed and EMDR trained and specializes in relationship struggles, painful childhoods, narcissistic abuse, religious trauma and insecure attachment. She works with individuals and couples who want to find a greater sense of peace, connection and joy.

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Lexie Lombard has been single for most of her 20s — by choice. Spencer Bland came to LA for a slutty era and accidentally fell in love by week three. Together with Holly, they get into divorced dating, cool girl performance, losing parents, and why your dog is actually your best wingman.

About Lexie - Lexie Lombard is one of YouTube's early leading creators and host of the Lexie podcast, who has spent the past 15 years growing a loyal audience online through sharing her life with honesty and curiosity.

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Lexie Podcast

About Spencer - Spencer Bland is an LA-based comedian and writer whose debut album Dinner at Four debuted at number one on both Apple and Amazon Music.

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No Gods No Chains Podcast

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You know those relationships that you look back on and you’re like… why did I think that was chemistry? Turns out it wasn’t chemistry. It was cortisol.

One of my besties, Charlotte Chimes, joins me for the first ever episode of After Thot and we get into all of it. Three men named Ben. A relationship so toxic her body literally staged a revolt (TMJ, dysphonia, the works). Scheduling crying sessions around a TV filming schedule. Dating someone six months older than her dad. And then, finally, meeting someone who just... didn’t make her nervous system want to flee the country.

We also talk about why anxious isn’t a vibe, it’s a warning sign. Why if you’re doing pros and cons about your relationship it’s already over. And the affirmation she was saying every day before she met her current partner that is genuinely going to make you want to write it on your mirror.

This one’s for anyone who thought the chaos was the point.

Charlotte Chimes has lived enough romantic lifetimes to fill a TV show — which, actually, she's currently writing. She's also one of Holly's best friends, which means this conversation goes places most podcast guests wouldn't dare. They get into all of it: the chaos, the patterns you can't see until you're out, and what it actually feels like when your nervous system finally exhales. She made it to the other side. So did her jaw. Barely.

About Charlotte Charlotte Chimes is an Australian actress, writer and producer known for her role as Nicolette Stone on Neighbours and starring opposite Leighton Meester in the CW comedy Good Cop, Bad Cop.

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Mentioned in this episode Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton — if you haven't read it, fix that.

Charlotte's affirmation (you're going to want to write this down): "I am adored without asking, chosen without chasing, kept without conditions. I attract the man who is clear, ready and obsessed with showing up right. Being spoiled is my resting state. I am the woman who sticks in his brain. I am the woman he builds a world for."

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Ever convinced yourself that the butterflies were chemistry — and not, turns out, just anxiety in a trench coat? Yeah. This podcast is for you.

After Thot is where dating, love, attachment, and heartbreak finally get the perspective they deserve. Host Holly Sloofman — founder of Necterine and longtime student of her own messy thot era — sits down each week with therapists, comedians, creators, and real humans who've done the work for honest, unfiltered conversations about the patterns we keep repeating, the healing we didn't know we needed, and what it actually looks like to choose better.

The situationship you thought was going to kill you? The relationship that had you grinding your jaw in your sleep? The ex whose name you literally cannot remember anymore?

Total afterthought.

This is not a podcast about finding the one. It's about understanding yourself well enough to stop going after the wrong ones.

New episodes every Wednesday.