Dating sucks; anyone who has spent any amount of time “on the market” in their 20s or 30s can tell you that. We all love to hate on dating apps. “They don’t work,” we gleefully confess to each other, which is a universal truth we all know... because all of us are still swiping. Dating apps are like social media, or #grindset culture: we love to hate them and yet we secretly can’t stop using them. The tech overlords commodified one of the most fundamental tenets of being alive: the seeking of human connection. But that doesn't make it any less important. So what can we do about it?

Why?? Why do dating apps suck so much?? Do they actually, or do we just love to hate them?? What actually works in seeking and keeping a partner, according to science?? Will I ever get married or will I die alone??

This and more in today’s episode.

Side note: if you are seeking love, I recommend reading the book that helped change my relationship with seeking relationships: How to Not Die Alone, by Logan Ury.

The sources referenced in the podcast:

Stock Buybacks Are a Key Example of Extractive Corporate Power

The real effects of share repurchases - ScienceDirect

10 Essential Pieces of Expert Dating Advice | Psychology Today 

U.S. women are outpacing men in college completion, including in every major racial and ethnic group 

"Scarcity of College Men and the Decline in Marriage Among Non-College Americans", by Clara Chambers, Benjamin Goldman, and Joseph Winkelmann. 

“Where Have All the Good Men Gone?” Gendered Interactions in Online Dating - PMC

What's The Biggest Challenge Men Face On Dating Apps? 

Aspirational pursuit of mates in online dating markets | Science Advances 

From Looking for Love to Swiping the Field: Online Dating in the U.S. | Pew Research Center

Dating App Use Linked to Worse Mental Health | Psychology Today 

Why investors don’t fund dating | andrewchen 

Dating App Revenue and Usage Statistics (2026) - Business of Apps

Red Flag/Green Flag: What to Look for When You’re Dating

(PDF) Leveling the Playing Field

In this fifth episode of After MASH podcast, Jackie and Zoe are breaking from the typical format. Instead of one host subverting a childhood belief about xyz thing, we’re just chatting. And this week, as we leave the first third of the year (**sweats casually**), Jackie and I are checking in on our new years resolutions.

We’re talking about how we feel about them (Jackie LOVES them), how we got about them (Zoe swoons over a process), what they are (not run of the mill), and how we’re doing (all right).

And that’s all the detail you’re going to get. If you care about two 31 year old friends talking about our resolutions, take a listen. At the very least, take this time to reflect on what you hoped you would get done this year and how it’s going. And it’s never too late to start. The calendar is arbitrary, after all.

Best,

Zoë, Jackie, and Jae

Medical school can never prepare you for the humanity that you will bear witness to as a doctor. Shonda Rhimes may try, but the heavy-handed storylines distract from the pearls of honesty. And taking inspiration from Dr. House will probably get you fired.

In this episode, I want to introduce you to the conversation and tools that have the potential to guide you and ease your mind in the scariest moments of your life: advanced care planning. Do you want CPR, a breathing tube, dialysis, blood transfusions? Who do you want making these decisions if you are unable to? What does any of these even mean?

I (a doctor) walk Jackie (not a doctor) through what this looks like. Resources that I found along the way that may help you are: Prepare toolkit, which walks you through your wishes and planforclarity.org that helps with the financial implications of end of life. Other helpful resources include Respecting Choices, Get Palliative Care.

If you would like to explore more conversations around death and dying, in this [exlcusive] NY times The Interview, a doctor with MAiD discusses a mother’s choice to die with her surviving son, (“The Interview: The Doctor WHo Helped Me Understand My Mom’s Choice to Die). Another conversation I come back to that is between the hosts of Sick Boy podcast and the late Audrey Parker, titled “Audrey Parker Dies Today - Medical Assistance in Dying” and can be found on Spotify. Sickboy has a few other conversations on MAiD, which I have not yet listen to but do encourage you to listen to if you’re curious.

Then there are the books. First and foremost: Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters the End by Atul Gatwande. If my MIL and I actually succeed in opening an advanced care living facility, it’s because of this book. Other books that come to mind on the topic of death and its wishes, and grief include When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, which WILL make you cry; I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy; My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult; and My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell YOu She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman. All of these books WILL make you cry, it’s not a challenge, it’s just a fact.

Thanks for reading AfterMASH's Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.

And because I’m an APA girl, here are the other citations that came up in my research:

Lamont EB, Christakis NA. Prognostic disclosure to patients with cancer near the end of life. Ann Intern Med. 2001 Jun 19;134(12):1096-105. doi: 10.7326/0003-4819-134-12-200106190-00009. PMID: 11412049.

Pound G, Jones D, Eastwood GM, Paul E, Hodgson CL; ANZ-CODE Investigators. Survival and functional outcome at hospital discharge following in-hospital cardiac arrest (IHCA): A prospective multicentre observational study. Resuscitation. 2020 Oct;155:48-54. doi: 10.1016/j.resuscitation.2020.07.007. Epub 2020 Jul 19. PMID: 32697963.

Okubo M, Komukai S, Andersen LW, Berg RA, Kurz MC, Morrison LJ, Callaway CW; American Heart Association’s Get With The Guidelines—Resuscitation Investigators. Duration of cardiopulmonary resuscitation and outcomes for adults with in-hospital cardiac arrest: retrospective cohort study. BMJ. 2024 Feb 7;384:e076019. doi: 10.1136/bmj-2023-076019. Erratum in: BMJ. 2024 Apr 18;385:q900. doi: 10.1136/bmj.q900. PMID: 38325874; PMCID: PMC10847985.

Sawyer, K. N., Camp-Rogers, T. R., Kotini-Shah, P., Del Rios, M., Gossip, M. R., Moitra, V. K., ... & American Heart Association Emergency Cardiovascular Care Committee; Council on Cardiovascular and Stroke Nursing; Council on Genomic and Precision Medicine; Council on Quality of Care and Outcomes Research; and Stroke Council. (2020). Sudden cardiac arrest survivorship: a scientific statement from the American Heart Association. Circulation, 141(12), e654-e685.

Patel MS, Raza SS, Bhakta A, Ewing T, Bukur M, Vagefi PA, Salim A, Malinoski DJ. Patients on state organ donor registries receive similar levels of intensive care compared to those who are not: an opportunity to increase public intent to donate. Clin Transplant. 2016 Jun;30(6):682-7. doi: 10.1111/ctr.12734. Epub 2016 Apr 6. PMID: 26992655.

Sellers MT, McGinnis HS, Alperin M, Sweeney JF, Dodson TF. Deterrents to Organ Donation: A Multivariate Analysis of 766 Survey Respondents. J Am Coll Surg. 2018 Apr;226(4):414-422. doi: 10.1016/j.jamcollsurg.2017.12.029. Epub 2018 Jan 5. PMID: 29309946.

Jackie has been staunchly opposed to diamond engagement rings ever since learning that blood diamonds were a thing. However, she realizes that she must be missing something, because we all know blood diamonds are a thing, and yet Every Single One of her friends got a diamond engagement ring anyway. So, what gives? Are diamond rings the epitome of the late stage capitalism hellscape we live in today (as Jackie thinks), or an enduring tradition of love and fidelity (as everyone else seems to believe)? How will Jackie sleep at night when she learns that the answer might just be “both”? And, if you are thinking about getting engaged any time soon, what should you do? Tune in to find out.

Fun fact: Leonardo DiCaprio, who starred in the 2006 thriller Blood Diamonds (based on the brutal civil war in Sierra Leone), was so disgusted by what he learned about the industry that he now forbids his dates from wearing diamonds to red carpet events, and he has invested in a lab grown diamond company.

If you want to learn more about blood diamonds, I highly recommend the book Blood Diamonds: Tracking the Deadly Path of the World’s Most Precious Stones, by Greg Campbell

The Global Witness page talking about the Kimberley Process and why they ultimately withdrew: The Kimberley Process | Global Witness

How Taylor Swift’s Engagement Ring Is Changing the Diamond Game | The New Yorker

How an Ad Campaign Invented the Diamond Engagement Ring - The Atlantic 

The original 1982 article in The Atlantic that showed the world for the first time that diamond engagement rings are a myth: Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond? - The Atlantic

Comparing Lab Grown vs Mined Is Growing Diamonds a Sustainable Alternative to Diamond Mining? - IGS - International Gem Society

Some stats from 2024 Engagement Ring Trends Study | Jewelers Mutual 

More stats, specifically lab grown diamond info, from Diamond Statistics: Industry Trade & Production Figures

Fun fact: diamond engagement rings aren’t ubiquitous in the rest of the world: Edahn Golan @ Innov8: Interpreting The Shifts In The Diamond Industry - best jewellery magazines India 

Share of brides in the U.S. who received a diamond engagement ring-1990| Statista 

The study that talks about the inverse relationship between cost of ring and wedding, and marriage duration: "A Diamond Is Forever'' And Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship Between Wedding Expenses And Marriage Duration 

If you wake up in the morning feeling like a “Professional”, I have some questions about your identity. In this episode, Zoe will be talking about what she believes the real problem is with the educational loan caps enacted in the One Big Beautiful Bill from the perspective of the medical journey. 

If you’re someone who knows how to read legislation, you can find the OBBB here. I am not. I know of a podcaster by the name of Jennifer Briney who has built a career of watching C-SPANN so you can also listen to her give a two part rundown. I just focused on the federal loan caps for education. 

As far as student loans data is concerned, Education Data Initiative, US News & World Report, and the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities were my main sources. And good ol’ studentaid.gov spelled out the current federal aid funding available to students. Ivywise told me a bit about financing for university in the UK. 

I asked Merriam-Webster what the definition of “professional” is. And obviously reddit its thoughts on medical school loans:

How much is everyone realistically pulling out for loans for med school?

The average debt thing makes no sense to me

Are med students really in this much debt???

I’m looking at 560k debt after graduating medical school. What specialties can I reasonably work and pay off my loans?

And because I’m an APA girl at heart, this is the study on Title IV eligible versus non-eligible for-profit schools (aka DeVry, Phoenix, Kaplan Universities) - pretend there’s a hanging line:

Cellini, S. R., & Goldin, C. (2014). Does federal student aid raise tuition? New evidence on for-profit colleges. American Economic Journal: Economic Policy, 6(4), 174-206.

And the list of resources at the end of my notes which may be redundant to above but it’s important I don’t miss anything because plagiarism is the eighth deadly sin (or maybe the first, depending on who you ask):

Key Changes to Federal Student Loans Made in the Recent One Big Beautiful Bill Act

NAICU - Frequently Asked Questions About the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

Subsidized and Unsubsidized Loans | Federal Student Aid

University of Connecticut Tuition and Fees | SoFi

Average Cost of College Over Time: Yearly Tuition Since 1970

How Much Student Loan Debt Does the Average College Graduate Have?

U.S. vs. U.K. College Costs | IvyWise

How much does a university degree cost and is it worth it?

College 'sticker prices' have risen dramatically. Here's why : NPR

Cellini, S. R., & Goldin, C. (2014). Does federal student aid raise tuition? New evidence on for-profit colleges. American Economic Journal: Economic Policy, 6(4), 174-206.

Trustees approve 2026 budget, frozen base tuition for main campus and no increase for Indiana residents at Purdue Northwest and Purdue Fort Wayne for 2025-26, 2026-27

The Hidden Costs of College: Why Tuition Keeps Rising

State Higher Education Funding Cuts Have Pushed Costs to Students, Worsened Inequality | Center on Budget and Policy Priorities

Average Medical School Debt [2025]: Student Loan Statistics

How Much Does It Cost To Become A Doctor In The UK? - Study Medicine Europe

How much is everyone realistically pulling out for loans for med school? : r/premed

Financial Aid for 2026 Incoming Health Professional Students Post-OBBB

Analyzing the Effects of the OBBB's Student Loan Limits on Tuition - AAF

Source of the stat that female-dominated fields get paid less because they are female-dominated: Rich Girl Nation by Katie Gatti Tassin

In this, our inaugural episode, Jackie and Zoe introduce the podcast and the game of MASH. Once we are all on the same page about the best way to predict the future (circa 2006), Jackie takes us on a journey to learn about the hottest new trend in elective surgeries for women in their 30s: egg freezing. What is it, how does it work, how much does it cost, and why would one do it? For the audience who isn’t on the market, don’t worry: even if you don’t have eggs or don’t want to freeze them, there’s still a lot to learn about capitalism, biology, and health insurance (yay adult things.)

If you are considering freezing your eggs, check out the essay series I published on our substack that walks you through all of the science and gives you a step by step decision making framework! Check it out here!

I also strongly recommend the following two resources:

Everything Egg Freezing by Catherine Hendy and Brittany Hawkins

and Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology 

Sources for specific statistics and tables mentioned in the episode:

The study that is the source of the graph and two tables shown:  Predicting the likelihood of live birth for elective oocyte cryopreservation by Goldman et al 2017 

Utilization rate of frozen eggs: 

Outcomes of Social Egg Freezing by Kakkar et al 2023

, Planned oocyte cryopreservation by Hirsch et al 2024

, and Planned oocyte cryopreservation-10-15-year follow-up by Blakemore et al 2021 

The best age to freeze your eggs:  Optimal timing for elective egg freezing by Mesen et al 2015 

Comparing IVF vs using previously frozen eggs for a woman who is 40:  Baby Budgeting by Devine et al 2015 

Likelihood of getting pregnant in a given month, by age (“fecundity”):  Age and fecundability in a North American preconception cohort study by Wesselink et al 2017 

Origins of infertility; tl;dr approximately ⅓ from female partner, ⅓ from male partner, and ⅓ unexplained or combo of both:  Seven out of 10 couples treated by IVF achieve parenthood following either treatment, natural conception or adoption by Troude et al 2017 

The earlier you have your first successful pregnancy, the less likely you will be to need Assisted Reproductive Technologies later (note: correlation != causation) The Supply of and Demand for Assisted Reproductive Technologies in the United States by Stephen et al 2017 

Long term outcomes of egg freezing Fifteen years of autologous oocyte thaw outcomes from a large university-based fertility center by Cascante et al 2022 

IVF rates in the US US IVF usage increases in 2023, leads to over 95,000 babies born | American Society for Reproductive Medicine 

The vast majority of women considering egg freezing would be more likely to do so if covered by employer, but it wouldn’t change their timelines Employee benefit or occupational hazard? How employer coverage of egg freezing impacts reproductive decisions of graduate students by Cardozo et al 2020

In elementary school we thought life as an adult was simple: first comes love, then comes marriage, then you come with a baby carriage. A silly game called MASH even laid out our lives for us, answering who we would marry, what kind of house we would live in, and how many kids we would have.

Maybe you were like us, and you survived the suburban-kid-to-college pipeline and graduated thinking you had all the answers. But then you found yourself in your mid-twenties, having done everything “right”, but somehow nowhere near the future you had envisioned for yourself. Well, we’re here to talk about it!

Join Jackie and Zoë every other week as we attempt to answer new questions using the old faithful game of MASH. Coming to all podcast apps near you every other Tuesday!

Check out our website: https://aftermash.substack.com/