Just in the last month, I identified, at age 51, WHY I am convinced, WHY I emotionally "know" that I'm inherently unlovable and inherently worthless. I now am realizing that continuing to believe that is easily the biggest threat there is to my continued existence, and I'm urgently trying to find a way to change my self-perception that doesn't involve me sacrificing my autonomy to some religious authority or some supernatural being.