Greetings and socially distanced, fully sanitised elbow fistbumps to you dear listener!

Yes, your friendly neighbourhood Van Halen podcasters are back in the digital saddle and galloping towards you with another audio issue of nonsense!

Although things have been better...

Steve has just tried to open a bank account at a branch that doesn't exist, and Ross is having NASA-esque levels of technical problems.... but let's not worry about any of that now!

Why? Because it's the beginning of a magical (depending on your allegiance) new section of ATBVH!

Move over Harry Potter... it's time for 'Sammy Hagar and the Solo Discography Section of Joy.'

That's right! After completing an in-depth exploration of DLR's solo exploits, the boys are traversing a sidestep to the right (and milking the podcast for as long as they can) as they explore the Samuel 'Roy' Hagar (SRH?) post-VH body of work. Whether you like it or not!

Steve and Ross begin by parting this chunky mane of corkscrew curls and climbing inside that Red Rocking mind to take the first of many future strolls down Hagar Memory Lane.

Starting with – his first band – you know, the one beginning with 'M.'

Hmmm.... Mongoose? Don't be silly.

Monsoon? You're testing our patience now.

Monterey Jack Cheese? We're warning you...

MONTROSE!!!! Correct!! Yes, it's time for 'Sammy Hagar and the Montrose Rockers of Glory.'

Listen in wonder as both Steve and Ross use spoken words to uncover a treasure trove of Fun Facts™ and tall tales that surround SRH's first foray into rockyroll.

Expect new characters!

Dilapidated scooters!

Candy made from rocks!

Featuring cola can-eating goats!

Rancid goat milk!

And other pointless goat and non-goat tangents!

AND HEY, DON'T FORGET.... we use a fancy telepathy app to type with our minds on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out via spoken fireworks in our next episode. However, if you want the biggest shoutout since records began... give our podcast a review on one of the many reputable podcast outlets for an absolute ticker-tape parade of a mention.

Stay safe out there dear listeners! Wash your hands, scrub your toes and more importantly.... be excellent to each other.

GREEEEEETINGS DEAR LISTENERS!

Ok, ok... don’t be mad that it's been EIGHT ACTUAL MONTHS since our last pod-based broadcast...

The thing is, unfortunately and until very recently, we've been trapped genie-style inside a Sammy Hagar Cabo Wabo tequila bottle.

We were slurring our words so badly whilst drinking that we accidentally cast a dark spell on ourselves that sucked us inside and it took so very long to smash our way out. Sounds unbelievable eh!?! BUT the good news is that we’re out and WE’RE BACK!

Now we may have returned to a global pandemic and subsequent international quarantine (we really REALLY didn't expect THAT) but we're determined to lift spirits higher than a classic VH harmony section. How? By reviewing David Lee Roth's solo 'DLR Band' album of course.... in a shiny new separately-together, remotely-recorded 'DIVER LOCKDOWN' edition!

"Wa Wa Zat?"

Yes you heard right, it's our lost DLR Band episode! Well, lost in that we thought we had recorded it last year... but turns out what actually happened is we met up and just talked nonsense about other stuff instead and didn't get around to recording anything. So here it is at last.

Expect slam dunks! Expert track analysis! Album artwork despair! Umpteen song fatigue! New technology impressions! And SO much more!

AND HEY, DON'T FORGET.... we use a fancy telepathy app to type with our minds on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out via spoken fireworks in our next episode. However, if you want the biggest shoutout since records began... give our podcast a review on one of the many reputable podcast outlets for aN ABSOLUTE ticker-tape parade of a mention.

Take care out there dear listeners, wash your hands and behind your ears, but more importantly – STAY AWAY FROM EMPTY LIQUOR BOTTLES AND DEEP DARK MAGIC!

What do you get when you’ve two of the smartest minds in podcasting? Well, belated and sporadic episodes for a start (sorry again dear listener) BUT you also get hosts of a Top 60 comedy podcast in Finland (this is not a drill!) AND... um... er... um... you get an album skipped too... ! Yep we admit it, so dazzled have we been by Dave’s solo offerings that we totally missed out an album! ‘DLR Band’? Where's that gone then? We’ve looked everywhere... inside our hard drives, under the mouse mat, Ross even turned his old house upside-down (the new residents were NOT happy) but nope, it's gone.But don’t worry we’ll find it! Then go back and do the DLR band album next. Look, just think of it as us approaching Mister Roth’s solo output like Pulp Fiction – we're already at the end, and now it’s big band time, it's funky 90s, it's well... whatever's knocking about in the studio broom cupboard, on this – the final (as it stands) solo album from ‘Diamond Dave’!We talk about the infamous Sammy & DLR Tour, Dave's penchant for a platinum blonde dye, Matthew McConaughey-inspired noodling and well... all your usual ATBVH tomfoolery, bumbling and fun!Let's Diamond Dive right into Diamond Dave! PLUUUUSSS DON'T FORGET!We are semi-active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts... type the show a review on the ol' iTunes (or other podcast outlet!) for a veritable spoken ticker-tape parade. Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

As promised standard album review services have resumed, dear listener(s)! That can mean only one thing....Good Times! These are the good times! Leave your cares behind! David Lee Roth has undoubtedly been trying to do that, after getting nicked by the rozzers in New York. Why? For not washing his mouth out with soap enough! That's right folks, it's time for 'Your Filthy Little Mouth’!Aaaaaaah... Freak out! Le Freak, C'est Chic! Oi! Who's left a Kangol cap on the mixing desk? Has Tuggle started experimenting with new hats? Is Billy trying to use some sort of mind control? Is that a disco beat? Where are they coming from? Reggae? Is that a jazz cigarette? What ON EARTH is happening? Well for a start, Tuggle returns... Brookside is discussed... we get a BAD review... ramblin' Roth's on fine form... there’s a harmonica + vibrating phone mash-up... no end-Endgame spoilers via Marvel... cherry liqueur chocolate discussions... Matthew McConaughey reads some DLR lyrics... Sir Ian McKellen briefly stops by (again)... OH, and the aforementioned 1994 DLR album is discussed too... in another tangent-filled, randomly-layered episode of Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen!PLUUUUSSS DON’T FORGET!We are semi-active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we’ll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol’ iTunes for a veritable spoken ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

Goodness us, Dear Listener! What can we say but bestow our humblest apologies... it's been an age – an ice (cream man) age! SooOoo long in fact, that actual new VH-based news has surfaced of late and is occurring “riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight NOW.” So we’ve veered off the usual album-review highway and stopped off at the nearest cheap motel to devote an entire episode to ‘New VH/Roth/Hagar News’ – complete with impromptu jingles! Well, it had to be done... for one thing, David Lee Roth decided to make a tattoo cream (obvs) and then promote it on multiple different outlets being David Lee Roth in the only way we know he can. Does he randomly talk about Kayaking? Sure! Does he appear on stage out-of-the-blue at an electronic music festival with a Dutch fella? You bet! Do we learn anything about anything at all? Almost certainly not! But we're here, we've got a bowl of M&Ms, and we're munching deep into the world of what's currently going on with our friend and yours; Diamond Dave! And a couple of other fellas named Sammy and Eddie too.(Disclaimer for those who fear change)Normal album review service will resume next month.In the meantime, follow along with these handy links on the YouTubes that are mentioned:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaGiJ0MHvq4 - DLR on Joe Mega Cuthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkG4K8nmliQ - DLR @ Ultra MusicANNNND DON’T FORGET!We are active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we’ll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol’ iTunes for a veritable spoken ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

We've been making a list, checking it twice, now come and find out if you've been naughty or nice! You guessed it... it's the Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen Christmas Special!Wolfgang's roasted (ie. burnt) the chestnuts by an open fire, Michael Anthony's nipping at your nose and Eddie and Alex have eaten all the Celebrations but left all the Twix's. Typical. Never fear, festive cheer is near! Christmas Specials are the podcast equivalent of end of school term/semester. So Santa Steve's brought along his jingle jangle feet, and Ross Claus has dialled his guitar virtuosity up to 11. Why? Because in this episode we’re channelling our inner DLR and writing a David Lee Roth Christmas song on-air that the world didn't necessarily want OR necessarily deserve! Ho! Ho! Ho! MERRRRY CHRISTMAS!!DON’T FORGET!We are active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we’ll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol’ iTunes for a veritable spoken ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

"Bye Bye Vai...!Oi, Tuggle! Bissonette Brothers! Rocket! Get over here!" "Seems like it's only a few of us here, Dave..." "Ha! A Little Ain't Enough!""Sounds like a good name for an album in 1991, boss.""YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT!!!"Grunge, so much grunge... all over poor DLR’s spandex. So better start shooting videos in black and white to hide those pesky Seattle coffee stains, Dave. Meanwhile, Mr. Tuggle is on an Aerosmith bender and Bob Rock is getting annoyed in the booth. PLUS... Sir Ian McKellan is back from the Bard with another reciting of some of DLR’s lyrics, and Matthew Mcconaughey is telling you all about the lawn uptake that you didn't know you need! All this and more in another DLR solo adventure/dream/nightmare... it's... ‘A Little Ain't Enough’!DON’T FORGET!We are active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we’ll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol’ iTunes for a veritable spoken ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

Give me a surfboard! Give me a boxing ring! Give me bass turned very low in the mix and while you're at it could you make sure this album sounds as exactly like the era it was recorded as possible? Build it low? Absolutely not, it's time to talk.... Skyscraper!OU812? Don't mind if I do! It's 1988 – David has been touring the world, meeting up with ex-producers in coffee shops, taking umbrage with dexterous bass guitarists and having nightmares with the dry cleaning bill of Steve Vai's billowy shirts. We dive deep into the photoshoot that nearly killed Dave, check the medical records of a certain Dr. Funk and learn all about the boy from Burnley who set the keyboard world alight (or at least the electricity bill from all those pesky synths!) All this and more in our mammoth building of an episode... it's all things David Lee Roth and his ultra-glam Skyscraper!DON’T FORGET! We're on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep dropping us tweets and faceposts and we’ll shout you out on the next episode BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol’ iTunes for a verbal ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

Lights! Camera! Cancelled?! Troubles a foot in paradise... we're going to need spandex, a Scientologist and that fella with a handle in his guitar. We might be a while folks, it's time to Eat 'Em and Smile!It's 1985. David Lee Roth has fully found his true calling and as Pasadena's answer to Steven Spielberg. It's time to take those 3 and a half minute videos to feature length. It's like Spielberg if he had a penchant for high colour saturation and fat suits. You might want to watch yourself though, that chequebook is looking mighty elastic if you catch my drift... Just as well we've got everyone's favourite tea-chugging Yorkshireman behind the 1s and 2s! That's right Ted Templeman is 100% team DLR (for now.) So get on your favourite dance pumps and order an Uber to tobacco road. We're going to be delving into the world that is "Eat 'Em and Smile"!DON’T FORGET! We're on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep dropping us tweets and faceposts and we’ll shout you out on the next episode BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol’ iTunes for a verbal ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

If David Lee Roth calls, is it really a conversation? Is that a Beach Boy? Is it Christopher Cross? Where’s the top of my hat? It must be the weather, we’re going Crazy from the Heat!It’s 1984, the Van Halen brothers are back at the ranch. Ted Templeman’s been called up for the England squad. DLR is wearing ski goggles indoors and starting a TV show. We’re in New York, we’re in California, we’re wearing Spandex and jazz shoes! Take a load off dear listener, we’re diving into the David Lee Roth solo era. It’s the Crazy from the Heat EP!DON’T FORGET! We're on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep dropping us tweets and faceposts and we’ll shout you out on the next episode BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol’ iTunes for a verbal ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!