For our season finale, we’re getting cozy and dozing to one of the all-time greats: Samuel Langhorne Clemens. Fun fact: he’s 18 in this photograph.

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Put on your tassels, bob that hair, and Charleston into bed because it’s back to the Roaring Twenties we go for this biting satire.

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Aye, bring your arse to anchor for tonight we sail under the Black Flag to send your consciousness straight to Davy Jones’ locker in this titillating first account of pirates on the high seas. Sleep ho!

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Oh la la! For some reason, I uh did not read zis longest title zus far in ze AROS zeazon in a French accent. Maybe zis was a how-do-you-zay ‘missed opportunity’? Sound off in ze comments.

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I do say, sir: pip, pip cheerio off to Dreamland as Ernest Shackleton’s classmate, Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse weaves a tale of the tallest, silliest order. 

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Holy Boring, Batman! Can you imagine sitting across from Kant at a dinner party listening to him drone on and on in 18th century German?! Anyway, gute nacht.

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Oh, Mary Seacole. This contemporary of Florence Nightingale; slash nurse slash entrepreneur slash traveler slash boarding-house-keeper-for-invalid-soldiers will make you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything in life as you drift off to sleep. Sweet, career-anxiety dreams.

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Alex read this in college, but completely forgot what it’s about. Sorry, Dr. Farnan. Let him refresh his memory and lull you to sleep in this 1900 classic some have called the “greatest of all American urban novels.”

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Close those peepers, pull up that duvet, and journey back to Meiji Restoration Japan. As you drift off to sleep, imagine a bunch of fierce samurai warriors in the 1870s only able to find menial work as desk clerks and doormen. 

Actually — don’t do that. 

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What better way to drift off to sleep than the weighty, boring tome of Calvin Coolidge penned by the 30th president himself? Alex tries not to doze off while recounting Silent Cal’s salad days working in a law office in small-town Massachusetts.

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