Alive & Awake with Alicia

What if the ego isn't something you need to destroy, but something you need to integrate?

In this episode of Alive & Awake, we explore the ego, the protective parts of our personality, and how childhood experiences shape the ways we learn to survive.

Rather than “ego death,” what if the work is learning to integrate the parts of you that became fearful, controlling, perfectionistic, or people-pleasing in an attempt to keep you safe?

We’ll explore the six essential childhood needs, how unmet needs shape our adult patterns, and why inner child healing and self-honesty are essential to spiritual awakening, self-leadership, and sovereignty.

• Why the ego doesn't need to die—and what actually needs to change
• How childhood experiences shape our protective personality parts
• The six essential needs that shape our sense of self
• Why people-pleasing, perfectionism, and survival strategies develop
• How inner child healing connects to spiritual awakening
• Using self-honesty to move from survival into self-leadership and sovereignty

The Way of Transformation: By Jeshua Ben Joseph

The Way of the Heart: By Jeshua Ben Joseph

00:00 Why Some Parts of You Don't Feel Safe With Love

01:30 The Ego Doesn't Need to Die

06:00 How the Ego Is Formed

10:48 The Inner Child & the Path to Awakening

11:37 The Six A's Every Child Needs

17:32 How the Need for Approval Creates People-Pleasing

18:46 Survival Mode & the Need for External Control

22:10 Self-Honesty: The Greatest Act of Love

22:47 Creating Your Heaven on Earth

26:59 The Six A's: Looking at Your Own Childhood

29:33 What's Next: Inner Child Healing

Be a guest on Awaken with Alicia:

https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

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https://www.instagram.com/aliciakaycoaching/

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YouTube:

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What happens when the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to suppress, shame, or reject begin demanding our attention?

In this episode of Alive & Awake, Alicia explores the significance of Black Moon Lilith moving into Capricorn for a nine-month journey through June 2027, and what this may bring to the surface around authority, power, responsibility, authenticity, and self-worth.

Alicia also shares a personal relationship experience that revealed deeper patterns around conflict, self-expression, and the ways we can abandon ourselves in an effort to maintain peace.

In this episode, we explore:

• The significance of Black Moon Lilith moving through Capricorn

• The shadow aspects of authority, power, responsibility, and worth

• Reclaiming the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to judge or suppress

• How family programming shapes our relationship with power and authenticity

• How conscious relationships can become corrective experiences for old wounds

• Using your birth chart to explore the area of life being activated over the next nine months

If old triggers, relationship patterns, or uncomfortable emotions are surfacing right now, they may be inviting you into deeper self-awareness, not deeper self-abandonment.

Your reflection: Where does Capricorn fall in your birth chart, and what might that area of your life be asking you to reclaim?

Share what comes up for you in the comments.

Next episode: We begin exploring how the ego is formed and how our personality develops in response to our early experiences of safety, connection, and survival.

Timestamps:

00:00 — The Feminine Collective: What Is Happening Right Now?

00:58 — Black Moon Lilith Moves Into Capricorn

05:09 — Reclaiming the Parts of Ourselves We’ve Been Taught to Reject

08:45 — Hyper-Independence, the Inner Masculine & Returning to the Feminine

12:25 — The Ego, the Inner Child & Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

14:10 — My September 15th Relationship Trigger

16:12 — Find Capricorn in Your Birth Chart: Your 9-Month Shadow Work

18:21 — Conscious Relationships as Corrective Experiences

21:43 — Embodying the Inner Masculine & Inner Feminine

23:39 — What Is Your Work for the Next Nine Months?

24:31 — Remembering Your Radiance + Awaken with Alicia

25:24 — Closing

Be a guest on the show:

https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and tips!

Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

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YouTube:

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What happens when the part of you that wants to feel safe is at war with the part of you that wants to feel free?

In this episode of Alive & Awake, we dive into the internal conflict between the ego and the soul, and why the spiritual path can sometimes make that conflict feel even louder. The ego is constantly asking, “Is it safe to be myself?” while the soul is calling us toward authenticity, freedom, self-expression, and expansion.

I share more of my personal journey toward sacred union and the deep inner work that was required to release fear, distrust, and old patterns so I could become the woman who could fully receive the relationship I had always desired. Along the way, we explore why our relationships, experiences, and triggers can reveal where we are still hiding, protecting, or abandoning ourselves.

In this episode, we explore:

• The difference between the ego/personality self and the soul/true self
• Why the ego's primary goal is safety rather than freedom
• How fear can keep us from speaking our truth and pursuing our desires
• The internal question beneath so many protective patterns: “Is it safe to be myself?”
• How the ego encourages us to conform, belong, and stay within what feels familiar
• Why the soul calls us toward authenticity, individuality, creativity, and expansion
• The difference between perceived external safety and the experience of inner safety
• Why we cannot experience true outer union without first developing inner union
• How this inner conflict can show up in relationships, career, self-expression, and purpose
• Learning to recognize whether you're listening to the voice of fear or the calling of your soul

If you've been feeling torn between who you've been conditioned to be and who you're being called to become, this episode is an invitation to get radically honest with yourself.

Where are you still abandoning yourself for a perceived sense of safety, and what is your soul actually calling you to pursue?

In the next episode, we'll dive deeper into how the ego is formed and the different parts of our personality, beginning to uncover what exists underneath the protective patterns.

⏱️ Timestamps:

0:00 The Internal Conflict Between Ego & Soul

1:37 My Journey Toward Sacred Union

4:47 Why the Ego Wants You to Feel Safe

5:32 The Soul’s Desire for Freedom & Authenticity

6:27 Understanding the Ego vs. the Soul

8:00 What My 10-Page Letter Revealed About My Ego

10:39 Learning to Trust God & My Own Divinity

11:28 How the Ego Keeps You Stuck in Fear

13:38 How Ego & Soul Compete for Your Attention

16:01 The Path Is Revealed by Walking It

17:32 How Much Do You Trust the Desire of Your Heart?

18:31 Inner Union Comes Before Outer Union

19:01 The Deeper Work of Remembering Your Radiance

20:01 Where Are You Still Abandoning Yourself?

Connect with Alicia:

Be a guest on the show:

https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and tips!

Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

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YouTube:

www.youtube.com/@aliciakaycoaching

Have you ever wondered why the same patterns, triggers, or challenges keep showing up in your life?

What if they aren't here to punish you... but to prepare you?

In this deeply personal episode, I share the profound shifts that unfolded during this year's Lion's Gate Portal and how what felt like old wounds resurfacing was actually my soul preparing me for one of the biggest blessings of my life: stepping into sacred partnership with my fiancé.

For years, I believed changing my circumstances would finally bring me peace. Instead, I discovered that true transformation begins within. As I healed old wounds, released limiting beliefs, and learned to extend grace to myself, my outer reality began to reflect the inner work I had been doing all along.

If you've been feeling triggered, stretched, or like life is asking more of you than ever before, this episode is an invitation to see your challenges through a different lens. Your nervous system, your soul, and your heart may be preparing you for a reality greater than you can currently imagine.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why life's biggest challenges are often initiations into your next level of growth.
• How your inner world creates your outer reality.
• The connection between healing, nervous system regulation, and manifestation.
• Why your triggers reveal what is ready to be healed, not what is wrong with you.
• How self-compassion, forgiveness, and surrender create space for profound transformation.
• The power of aligning your beliefs with the reality you're ready to create.

Your outer reality isn't created by luck or circumstance.

It begins with the relationship you have with yourself.

If this episode resonates with you, I'd love to hear what landed most. Share it with a friend, leave a review, or tag me on social media so we can continue awakening together.

⏱️ Timestamps

0:00 Why Your Reality Isn't Changing

1:48 Lion's Gate & The Wake-Up Call

4:12 My Nervous System Was Preparing Me

7:05 Healing Before the Blessing

10:41 The Stories We Tell Ourselves

14:26 Giving Yourself Grace

18:10 Triggers Are Invitations

21:47 Your Identity Creates Your Reality

25:33 Becoming the Version of You That Can Receive

29:12 Final Reflections

Connect with Alicia:

Be a guest on the show:

https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and tips!

Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/aliciakaycoaching/

Facebook:

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YouTube:

www.youtube.com/@aliciakaycoaching

Trailer Music Credit

Alis Reflective Soul, song “Howl”

https://open.spotify.com/track/6FkSVtVl1FZwPRmTKAXLjp?si=401711feb98644d9

What if the belief that you've carried your entire life... simply isn't true?

In this powerful Awaken with Alicia coaching session, I sit down with Sonya as we uncover the childhood wounds that left her believing she was unlovable, unworthy, invisible, and alone.

Raised by an alcoholic mother, Sonya became the parent long before she was ever allowed to be a child. Together, we explore how parentification, childhood trauma, and a dysregulated nervous system can quietly shape our relationships, identity, and sense of self well into adulthood.

Through inner child work, nervous system regulation, and compassionate inquiry, Sonya experiences a profound breakthrough when she realizes that the very fact she has continued showing up for herself through every hardship is evidence that she has loved herself all along.

This episode is a beautiful reminder that healing isn't about becoming someone new—it's about remembering who you've always been beneath the survival strategies.

In this episode, we explore:

• How parentification creates lifelong feelings of unworthiness
• Why childhood trauma becomes stored in the nervous system
• Healing the wounded seven-year-old who still feels alone
• The hidden identity behind "I'm unlovable"
• Why familiar beliefs feel safe, even when they keep us stuck
• Moving from survival mode into conscious self-leadership
• How to begin reparenting yourself with compassion
• Why self-love is often already present; you simply haven't recognized it yet

If you've spent years believing you weren't enough, constantly living in survival mode, or feeling like you're carrying emotional burdens that don't make sense, I hope this conversation reminds you that your childhood may explain your story, but it never has to define your future.

Resources Mentioned:

• Box Breathing for nervous system regulation

• Inner Child Meditation (mentioned during the episode)

⏱️ Timestamps:

0:00 Meet Sonya & Her Worthiness Wound

2:48 Growing Up as the Parentified Child

8:18 Living with a Dysregulated Nervous System

13:45 Meeting Her Seven-Year-Old Self

22:14 Bringing Safety Back to the Inner Child

31:48 Why Survival Became Her Identity

40:52 Becoming the Creator of Your Life

50:33 The Fear of Letting Go of "I'm Unlovable"

58:24 The Breakthrough That Changed Everything

1:05:02 Reparenting Yourself with Love

1:10:36 Final Reflections & Next Steps

Connect with Alicia

Be a guest on an Awaken with Alicia episode:

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Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and inspiration!

Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

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https://www.instagram.com/aliciakaycoaching/

Facebook:

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YouTube:

www.youtube.com/@aliciakaycoaching

Trailer Music Credit

Alis Reflective Soul, song "Howl"

https://open.spotify.com/track/6FkSVtVl1FZwPRmTKAXLjp?si=401711feb98644d9

What if the parts of yourself you've spent your entire life trying to hide are actually the parts that will set you free?

From childhood, many of us learned to reject pieces of ourselves in order to be loved, accepted, and safe. The people-pleaser. The perfectionist. The performer. The protector. While these parts helped us survive, they were never meant to define who we are.

In this deeply personal episode of Alive & Awake, I explore why true healing isn't about fixing yourself; it's about accepting every part of yourself with compassion. Through personal stories, Internal Family Systems (IFS), psychology, and spiritual teachings, I share why self-acceptance is the path to inner peace and how embracing your humanity allows you to reconnect with your authentic self.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why we create protector parts like the people-pleaser and perfectionist
• The surprising reason these parts were never meant to stay forever
• Carl Rogers' "Curious Paradox" and why acceptance creates lasting change
• The Gospel of Thomas and the wisdom of bringing your hidden parts into the light
• My personal story of perfectionism, fitting in, and learning to trust my authentic self
• The symbolism of the rose and what Mother Mary teaches about embracing both our beauty and our thorns
• Why self-compassion, not self-improvement, is the path to freedom
• Journal prompts to help you begin accepting every part of yourself

If you've ever felt like you had to earn love by being "good," hide pieces of yourself to be accepted, or constantly feel like you need to fix yourself before you're worthy of peace, this episode is for you.

Because the moment you stop fighting yourself… is the moment you begin to find freedom.

Timestamps:

0:00 The Parts You Reject Hold the Key to Your Freedom

0:39 Welcome to Alive & Awake

1:15 Why We Learn to Hide Parts of Ourselves

5:07 Carl Rogers & The Curious Paradox of Change

5:20 The Gospel of Thomas: Bringing Forth What Is Within You

6:23 My Akashic Records Reading & Learning to Trust Myself

7:13 Growing Up as "Punky Brewster"

13:00 Mother Mary, The Rose & Accepting Every Part of Yourself

23:38 Journal Prompts for Self-Acceptance

Connect with Alicia

✨ Be a guest on Awaken with Alicia

https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

💌 Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and inspiration!

Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/aliciakaycoaching/

Facebook:

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YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@aliciakaycoaching

Trailer Music Credit

Alis Reflective Soul – Howl

https://open.spotify.com/track/6FkSVtVl1FZwPRmTKAXLjp?si=401711feb98644d9

What if your anger isn't the problem... but the years you've spent abandoning yourself every time you felt it are?

In this episode of Alive & Awake with Alicia, we continue the conversation from my first Awaken with Alicia coaching session by exploring one of the most misunderstood emotions we experience: anger.

For generations, we've been taught that anger is dangerous, unspiritual, unfeminine, or something to suppress. But what if anger isn't asking you to become more reactive? What if it's asking you to finally become more honest?

In this episode, I unpack why so many women judge themselves for feeling anger, how that judgment turns into self-abandonment, and why reclaiming your righteous rage is often the first step toward reclaiming your voice, your boundaries, and your authentic power.

Because every time you silence your anger... you're often silencing yourself.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why anger itself isn't the problem, self-abandonment is

• How women are conditioned to suppress their anger to feel accepted and safe

• The difference between destructive anger and righteous rage

• Why suppressed anger keeps us stuck in people-pleasing and self-betrayal

• How childhood experiences shape our relationship with anger

• The connection between anger, boundaries, truth, and self-worth

• The questions to ask yourself when anger arises instead of judging it

• How embracing your anger can become a pathway back to your authentic power

If you've ever felt guilty for being angry, swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or believed that expressing your needs would make you "too much," this episode will completely shift the way you see one of your most powerful emotions.

⏱️ Timestamps:

0:00 Why We Were Taught to Fear Anger

1:06 Why This Conversation Matters Right Now

2:20 The Hidden Cost of Suppressing Anger

3:00 "What the F* Is Wrong With Me?"

4:15 Where Your Relationship With Anger Began

6:00 The Birth of Self-Abandonment

7:45 Anger as a Messenger, Not a Problem

9:45 Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

11:45 Self-Abandonment vs. Self-Protection

13:40 Reclaiming Righteous Rage

16:35 Questions to Ask When Anger Arises

17:25 Anger Is the Pathway to Power

18:15 An Invitation to Do This Work Together

Connect with Alicia:

✨ Be a guest on Awaken with Alicia:

https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

💌 Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and inspiration:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

🌿 Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

📸 Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/aliciakaycoaching/

💙 Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/aliciakaycoaching

▶️ YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@aliciakaycoaching

Trailer Music Credit

Alis Reflective Soul – Howl

https://open.spotify.com/track/6FkSVtVl1FZwPRmTKAXLjp?si=401711feb98644d9

What if the parts of yourself you've spent your entire life hiding are the very parts asking to be loved?

In this very first episode of Awaken with Alicia, I sit down with Caitlin for a live coaching session exploring a fear that so many women silently carry: the belief that if people saw the real us, our anger, our messiness, our needs, our vulnerability, they would leave.

On the outside, Caitlin is calm, capable, and the person everyone depends on. But beneath the surface, she struggles with an angry inner voice that constantly asks, "What the f* is wrong with me?"

Together, we explore how childhood experiences shape the stories we tell ourselves, why so many women learn to suppress their emotions to feel safe, and what happens when anger turns inward into self-judgment and self-criticism.

This conversation is a powerful reminder that healing isn't about fixing what's broken. It's about learning to accept the parts of ourselves we've been taught to reject.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why so many women believe their anger is unacceptable

• How childhood wounds shape our relationships and sense of self

• The fear of being rejected for showing our true emotions

• Why people-pleasing and perfectionism are often survival strategies

• The connection between anger, boundaries, and self-worth

• How the inner critic develops and why it becomes so loud

• The difference between fixing yourself and accepting yourself

• What it means to stop hiding and allow your full humanity to be seen

If you've ever felt like you have to be the strong one, the calm one, the easy one—or if you've secretly wondered whether people would leave if they saw all of you, this episode is for you.

⏱️ Timestamps:

0:00 "Everyone Thinks I'm Calm..."

1:58 The Parts of Ourselves We Hide

4:00 Learning to Be the "Easy" Child

7:00 Why Healing Isn't Just About Somatics

10:05 Waiting for Someone to Notice You

13:00 "What If I'm Broken?"

15:15 Looking for Validation Outside Yourself

18:10 The Anger We Judge and Reject

20:00 "This Isn't a Lovable Part"

22:15 Reclaiming Feminine Rage

26:20 The Father Wound and Fear of Anger

31:00 What Is Your Anger Trying to Show You?

35:00 "If People Saw This Part of Me, They'd Leave"

38:00 Drawing a Line in the Sand

40:00 Vulnerability Creates Real Intimacy

43:00 What Safety Actually Feels Like

46:00 Becoming Available for New Relationships

49:00 The Order Is Placed

50:00 What If Nothing Needs Fixing?

54:00 "My Fire Is Mine"

Connect with Alicia:

Be a guest on the show:

https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and tips!

Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/aliciakaycoaching/

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/aliciakaycoaching

YouTube:

www.youtube.com/@aliciakaycoaching

Trailer Music Credit

Alis Reflective Soul, song “Howl”

https://open.spotify.com/track/6FkSVtVl1FZwPRmTKAXLjp?si=401711feb98644d9

Sometimes our minds convince us that something is wrong when it isn't.

In this deeply personal episode of Alive & Awake, I share a recent experience where I became convinced my partner was upset with me, only to discover that the story I had created wasn't true at all.

What initially felt like rejection and judgment turned out to be an invitation to look at the old wounds and subconscious beliefs that were coloring my perception. This experience became a powerful reminder that healing isn't about never being triggered; it's about becoming aware of the stories we tell ourselves and learning how to confront our fears.

In this episode, we explore:

• How childhood wounds can distort present-day reality
• Why our minds often create stories to protect us
• The difference between perception and truth
• How father wounds and past experiences influence our relationships
• The importance of communicating fears instead of making assumptions
• Why vulnerability creates connection, not separation
• Learning to question the stories in your head rather than automatically believing them

If you've ever found yourself spiraling into fear, assuming someone was upset with you, or realizing that you're going into "protection mode," I hope this conversation reminds you that healing happens when we're willing to become curious instead of furious.

Resources Mentioned:

"The Way of Mastery, Pathway of Enlightenment: The Way of The Heart: The Christ Mind" By Jeshua Ben Joseph

⏱️ Timestamps:

0:00 My Perception Played Tricks on Me

0:57 The Story I Started Creating

2:59 When Parenting Triggered Old Wounds

5:31 Why I Couldn’t Hide My Feelings

8:17 What I Assumed My Partner Was Thinking

10:35 Projection, Fear & The Stories We Create

13:36 Understanding Where Our Fears Come From

17:05 Asking, “Is This Actually True?”

19:42 Ego, Identity & What Keeps Us Stuck

22:51 Why Healing Feels Uncomfortable

25:34 Changing Your Identity to Change Your Reality

Connect with Alicia:

Be a guest on the show:

https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and tips!

Website:

https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/aliciakaycoaching/

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/aliciakaycoaching

YouTube:

www.youtube.com/@aliciakaycoaching

Trailer Music Credit

Alis Reflective Soul, song “Howl”

https://open.spotify.com/track/6FkSVtVl1FZwPRmTKAXLjp?si=401711feb98644d9

After more than a year away from podcasting, I'm back, and not because I forced myself to be.

In this reintroduction episode of Alive & Awake, I share the unexpected transformation that happened when I stopped striving, stopped creating from pressure, and got radically honest with myself about what I truly wanted, believed, and felt called to create.

Over the past year, I experienced a profound spiritual expansion that challenged my beliefs, deepened my relationship with God, and completely changed the way I view purpose, feminine leadership, healing, and personal growth.

In this episode, we explore:

• What happened during my year-long pause
• The difference between creating from pressure vs. inspiration
• Deepening your relationship with God and trusting your own path
• Why rest is often preparation, not punishment
• The power of radical honesty and self-trust
• My renewed vision for The Alive & Awake Podcast

If you're in a season of transition, questioning your path, or feeling called toward something more aligned, I hope this conversation reminds you that the pause may be serving a purpose you can't yet see.

⏱️ Timestamps:

0:00 A New Beginning & Radical Honesty

1:24 Why I Stepped Away from the Podcast

3:07 Rest, Integration & Feminine Creation

3:57 The Lions Gate Expansion That Changed Everything

5:04 Deepening My Relationship with God

8:25 What I Learned From Questioning My Beliefs

11:03 Trusting Your Own Spiritual Path

13:52 Releasing Fear and Finding Freedom

16:34 Why I Had to Get Honest With Myself

20:20 Discovering My True Purpose

21:02 The Difference Between Preparation and Punishment

22:02 Who This Channel Is For Moving Forward

Connect with Alicia:

Sign up for my newsletter for monthly tools and tips!

Be a guest on the show: https://aliciakay.as.me/awakenwithalicia

Website: https://www.aliciakaycoaching.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aliciakaycoaching/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aliciakaycoaching

YouTube: www.youtube.com/@aliciakaycoaching

Trailer Music Credit

Alis Reflective Soul, song “Howl” https://open.spotify.com/track/6FkSVtVl1FZwPRmTKAXLjp?si=401711feb98644d9