ALL FRIENDS HERE

Literally and otherwise.

Embrace the swirling, disorienting present.

I relish the opportunity to pause. And to invite others to pause with me and enjoy the richness that each person offers. I find endless value in anything that explores the wholeness of people in a truer way. I’m really interested in the divine spark that I believe exists in everything around us — every person, every living element — and I love the fact that if you open the door for people, hand them a microphone, and tell them you’re listening, you can almost always see that divine spark shine through.

Welcome back to Let’s Talk, a series of conversations about life’s biggest questions. Today, I’m grateful and excited to share the final episode of season one!

As this season comes to a close, I wanted to pause and reflect on what these conversations have represented about the experience of being a human in the world in 2020. To help me take a look back, I invited John Young Shik Concklin to return to the show.

In this episode, John and I explore what I’ve learned from interviewing people about living through a pandemic. Despite everyone’s differences, beautiful themes emerged. We also talked about creative process and my own experience getting through this year.

We discussed the reason I love dinner parties, how I access new ideas and potential, the necessity of unplugging, and why I love hearing about the messy unfolding of people’s lives over the tidy narratives they’ll be telling in five years.

This project has been an absolute pleasure, and I’m grateful to every guest for being part of it. I can’t wait to see what form Let’s Talk takes next, but in the meantime, enjoy the show.

Listen above or find us in your favorite podcast app.

On whether or not the pandemic is a life-changing event:

I don’t know if I was redirected to a different version of myself, or if I was just accelerated to a truer version of myself that was always going to emerge. It’s impossible to say. But I can say with certainty that this pandemic has shaped the paths I see for going forward.

John asked what I learned from interviewing people about living through a pandemic, and I responded:

This has been so invigorating and inspiring… All of these people have different experiences, anecdotes, stories, and perspectives. But what I loved were the themes that emerged in all of them. They are telling of the human experience, of what it means to be a person trying their best in the year 2020.

While discussing those themes, we talked about hope:

In the words of Mariame Kaba, prison abolition activist, hope is a discipline. It’s easy to feel helpless in the face of all this chaos. Staying committed to Martin Luther King’s arc of justice is one way forward. Choosing to see the good, even when it’s hard — that’s a discipline.

On the future of Let’s Talk and WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE:

I’d like for this to be a place where people can think about the big questions that we don’t always have time to think about elsewhere, that aren’t highlighted in mainstream outlets. I’m seeing more and more people turn their gaze towards those kinds of questions, almost like a gentle but collective awakening. I’m interested to see where that path guides all of us.

If you enjoyed our story about Also Sprach Zarathustra, you can have a listen here.

I’ve interviewed nine thoughtful people about living through a pandemic this year. We’ve had so much fun. Check out Let’s Talk wherever podcasts are found!

WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE runs on donations from people like you.

I believe in the timing of things. I believe we all have a reason for being. So I am trusting that whatever is happening now is leading us all to our greater purpose, and we’re just living it out daily.

Welcome back to Let’s Talk, a series of conversations about life’s biggest questions. Today, I’m very happy for you to meet Blair Knobel, my sounding board and trusted confidante.

Blair Knobel is the editor-in-chief of TOWN, a Greenville, South Carolina-based monthly lifestyle magazine on the arts, culture, style, and society of the progressive South. A food lover, sky watcher, and frequent traveler, she is also a soul searcher, over-thinker, and hopeful dreamer. 

In this episode, Blair and I explore how darkness often highlights its counterpart, light, why honesty has become so critical this year, and the power of nature to heal on a personal, but also collective, level.

We talked about divine expression and the interconnectedness of life, along with our desire for a soothing, inclusive version of spirituality that represents more than just one thing. Blair also shared what solitude has illuminated for her this year; quietness, it seems, helps her get to the heart of what life’s all about.

Blair’s thoughtful perspective on living through a pandemic holds essential wisdom that relates to everyone, and I hope you enjoy it.

Listen above or find us in your favorite podcast app.

As Blair and I discussed nature’s healing potential, she offered:

Everything is cyclical. Nature mimics that in so many respects… There’s so much around us that’s telling about infinity and how we are connected to it.

The quietness of this year has helped Blair explore the spiritual on an evermore personal level. She explains:

I enjoy the experience of quiet, especially when I’m in nature or a space where I’m able to quiet the mind… I have felt a depth that it’s becoming more apparent to me we all have access to.

…Because the pandemic has created space to be with myself, and in nature, it has revealed that there is something always keenly pulling, always there, and we are connected to something much more pronounced and greater than our day to day. 

When asked what she’s learned about herself this year, Blair muses:

I’m seeing myself more keenly, perhaps… I’m getting used to my quirks. You’re living with yourself, in a pandemic or not, and you might as well love you who you are.

Blair and I agree that, in many respects, this year has stripped everything down to its essential nature — the curtain has been pulled wide open. As a result, we are called to act on many fronts, and it’s up to us to do so. She adds:

It’s understanding what you have to do and then simply taking the action to do it… and trusting that the action, the path, the grander gesture, will lead to something good. …We have a daily choice. What is the higher choice?

I’ve interviewed nine thoughtful people about living through a pandemic this year, which has been deeply rewarding. We’ve discussed fear, joy, and the big issues of our time. We’ve also laughed a lot. Check out Let’s Talk wherever podcasts are found!

WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE runs on donations from people like you.

You can get into a rut of constantly wondering what the next thing is — am I going to get it, am I going to make it, whatever that means — but there’s enough to go around. If you focus in the moment, then you have all you need.

Welcome back to Let’s Talk, a series of conversations about life’s biggest questions. Today, I’m thrilled for you to meet John Young Shik Concklin.

John Young Shik Concklin is a conductor, violist, and nonprofit advisor based wherever the work is. As a conductor, he's served on the faculties of Vanderbilt, Furman, Clemson, and Converse Universities, worked with numerous orchestras, including the Nashville Symphony and the Atlanta Symphony, and conducts the Piedmont Chamber Orchestra and the Atlanta Music Project, an organization for music-as-social-change. As a nonprofit operative, he advises organizations, political campaigns, and governments on public policy, strategy development, and data analysis. John also holds a seat in the Greenville Symphony Orchestra as a violist and co-founded Mozart for a Cause, an annual benefit concert, with me.

Spoiler alert: John and I are married.

In this episode, we explore how it felt to have the rug pulled out from under him as an artist last spring and why he believes in making music — even now. We also talked about his zen approach to career, or how he cultivates trust in the long game, despite the future of music being uncertain.

We discussed how hard — and rewarding — it has been to try to shape a life around our values and remain dedicated to that path together.

When it comes to racial justice, John talked about impacting his personal spheres of influence and how he thinks people and organizations might attempt values-level change. We explored ways the virus has made today’s big issues acutely obvious, and why art can’t thrive until humans can count on basic things like survival.

We also talked about the importance of inviting people to be part of the revolution rather than shaming them, which interestingly, is the same approach he uses when standing in front of orchestras. Making music, he says, is a people business.

Listen above or find us in your favorite podcast app.

When exploring whether or not art is truly essential in the world as we know it, John offers:

Covid has blown the lid off all the things that were already plaguing us. We live in the 21st century, in the richest country in the world. Why are some people worried about survival? That shouldn’t be a thing. So why would we expect anybody who’s struggling to survive to show up to an orchestra concert? That’s got to be the last thing on their mind.

He adds:

It blows me away that there were so many people, pre-Covid, that in spite of working hard and being good people, were devalued by whatever capitalist economy we have that says they’re not worth survivability… It seems inhumane. And then we wonder why art can’t thrive. It’s because, as a society, we hold weird, barbaric values that are the antithesis of humanity.

John also reflects on how his relationship to music has changed as a result of this pause. He still spends hours learning music each week:

Because I’m not conducting, the scores I’ve been learning have, in silence, somehow become more alive and vibrant. And maybe it’s because I miss standing in front of orchestras. But if you do these pieces over and over again, it’s hard not to remember the last performance, the sound of the last orchestra. Because it’s been months now, I start to imagine new sounds, which has been fun.

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed this conversation and want to hear more thoughtful people exploring the big questions of our time, check out earlier episodes of Let’s Talk wherever you get your podcasts. I’ve loved every single one.

Now I can build a life that I don't want to escape from.

Welcome back to Let’s Talk, a series of conversations about life’s biggest questions. Today, I’m so excited for you to meet my friend Alrinthea Carter.

Alrinthea Carter is an improviser, photographer, and writer based in Greenville, SC. She is the Executive Producer and Player Advocate of Alchemy Comedy Theater, where she also teaches improv and created the Black Lady Improv Workshop. She has served as Producer for the New South Comedy Festival and the Greenville Comedy Marathon, and she studied at Alchemy Comedy Theater, The Pack Theater, Camp Improv Utopia, and Second City of Hollywood. Alrinthea's photography focuses on the landscape of the abandoned south. She is hopelessly devoted to Prince, the search for the perfect sandwich, and finally finishing that stack of books on her nightstand. 

In this episode, Alrinthea and I explore what quarantine has taught her about priorities and mental health, the magic of human connection, the low-key food media that got us through early lockdown, and comedy’s role in our need for escape. We also talked about self-care and made serious predictions about the future of hugging.

This conversation brought me a lot of joy, and I’m grateful to Al for sharing her generous spirit and optimism with us all.

Listen above or find us in your favorite podcast app.

When asked about the essential nature of laughter, Alrinthea responded:

I think that comedy is one of those things that is very crucial, but people don't realize that until they really need it… It gives you a chance to enjoy life and take a break from having to go out into the real world for a little bit.

As we discussed how the pandemic has helped her clarify her needs and desires, Alrinthea compares this year to the Before Times:

It’s made me ask myself what I’ve been clinging onto to avoid taking really honest inventory of how I’m doing in any situation. Feeling like you’ve had something stripped away… really points out where you were using [your schedule] to distract yourself from the fact that you weren’t happy with how you were progressing… I was working several different jobs and busy all of the time, and I think a lot of that was because I was trying to escape…whatever. But now I can build a life that I don’t want to escape from.

Al and I want to hear about your favorite low-key food media, too — share it in the comments. And it would help us if you subscribe and give Let’s Talk a rating wherever you listen to podcasts!

If you enjoyed this conversation and want to hear more regular people exploring the big questions of our time, check out earlier episodes of Let’s Talk. I’ve loved every single one.

There’s so much fertile ground in all of these spiritual traditions for moving forward and imagining and building a new world; I think we can collectively let go of the myth that religious faith should be an obstacle to progress.

Welcome back to Let’s Talk, a series of conversations about life’s biggest questions. Today, I’m so excited for you to meet Abby Rosebrock, my life co-conspirator and an all-around inspiration.

Abby Rosebrock is a Brooklyn-based playwright, screenwriter and actress originally from South Carolina. Her work includes the plays Blue Ridge, Dido of Idaho, Singles in Agriculture and Different Animals. She frequently makes videos online with Layla Khoshnoudi. Catch them on Instagram at @abbyrosebrock and @female_query_.

In this episode, Abby and I talk about the intimacy of friendship, lots of books we love, creativity in capitalism, finding ethical paths forward in problematic industries, handling uncomfortable confrontations with power, and the meaningful way spiritual frameworks relate to political imperatives. 

This conversation is rich with laughter, and lucky for you, I managed to only scream once.

Listen above or find us in your favorite podcast app.

When we discussed the challenges of making art in capitalism, Abby reflected on the need for deep-rooted change:

It’s just really incredible to behold the contradictions in operation right now in the entertainment industry. The focus on social justice is promising and important, but there aren’t enough voices calling for a deconstruction of the valuing of people by dollar amounts.

Abby and I love to talk about spiritual and metaphysical frameworks of all kinds, which helped shape this conversation. She grew up in an evangelical setting and has spent time studying texts from many other traditions, which led her to a simple but critical conclusion:

I know that religious difference and distinctions play a huge role in people’s lives sometimes materially, but the more I read and learn, the more I think that the cliché that we’re all sort of going after the same thing is very real.

Many paths, one truth, as they say.

And as Abby and I explored at length, that “one truth” is integral to the ongoing quest for social healing and political transformation.

Let Abby and I know your favorite female singer of all time in the comments; we spent a good five minutes gushing about ours. You can help “Let’s Talk” grow by giving it a rating in your podcast app or sharing it online. To everyone who is considering becoming a sponsor for WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE, you have my truest, deepest gratitude.

In the words of Abby Rosebrock, stay crazy out there.

It was nice to have a serendipitous moment of running into you a few months ago, and unexpectedly catching up — simply crossing paths. That's something I miss. It's very difficult to have those kinds of moments when you're in your house by yourself.

Welcome back to Let’s Talk, a series of conversations about life’s big questions. This week, I’m very happy for you to meet my friend Andrew Huang.

Join Andrew and me for a conversation about how the simple act of speaking to neighbors became a novelty, his experience navigating the racial justice movement as an Asian American, and the must-have salty snacks for quarantine. Andrew points out, and I agree, that one of the things we miss most this year is the serendipitous pleasure that springs up from moving through the world freely.

Andrew is a writer, photographer, foodie, recovering menswear enthusiast, and reluctant functional fitness gym goer. Currently, he’s a social media and content strategist at Brains on Fire, a creative agency in Greenville, SC, and Los Angeles, CA. He's also the editor-at-large for TOWN, a magazine exploring the stories and culture of the progressive South.

Listen above or find us in your favorite podcast app.

When asked what joys he’s encountered in lockdown, Andrew shares what it’s been like to get to know both his house and his neighbors in new ways this year:

I'm really enjoying seeing how different parts of my house look at different times of the day. Just the way the light comes in, which is a very simple thing. [Or] being able to see the sunset in my neighborhood. And I've actually met all my neighbors now, which has been a pleasant surprise.

Andrew approaches the Black Lives Matter movement with the same thoughtfulness he applies to everything. He talks about how even those who always believed in racial justice must transition from “little-c change” in the form of everyday, well-intentioned acts — like calling out racism and holding space for Black voices in the workplace and elsewhere — to “big-C Change,” or a united, full-capacity push for transformation at a radical, systemic level.

When considering community members who are still uncomfortable with that, Andrew clarifies the bottom line:

Trying to make sure somebody else is not inconvenienced should not take precedence over another human being's life.

He’s right, of course. It’s that simple.

Let Andrew and me know your best pandemic snacks in the comments, and — you probably saw this coming — since I started an accidental podcast, you can help me out by giving it a rating or review when you listen. As always, thank you for being here! Take care out there — I’ll see you next time.

Oh gosh, I miss real people so much.

Welcome back to Let’s Talk, a series of conversations exploring the struggle and beauty of being alive. Our country needs more healing spaces and experiences, especially now, and my hope is that Let’s Talk may meet that need in some small way.

This week, I’m excited for you to meet my former professor and dear friend, Kelly.

Kelly McElrath Vaneman is Professor of Oboe and Musicology at Converse College in Spartanburg, South Carolina. She knows that probably sounds mind-numbingly boring, but it’s actually one of the most exciting lives she could have imagined. She gets to do things like teach students about Medieval troubadours and Indian hip-hop and take them to Europe, and she performs everything from Bach to the Beatles. She also composes, which usually involves a fair amount of stomping and clapping; through her music, she looks to build a sense of joyful community. For the record, she’s very into Medieval marginalia and the Muppets.

Join us for a conversation about how music transcends time and space during a pandemic — and how it doesn’t — and what history has to tell us about the resilience of society and art in times of great upheaval. Kelly also offers perspective on how different generations are responding to the seismic shifts we’re witnessing today.

Listen above or find us in your favorite podcast app.

When considering the pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement happening simultaneously, Kelly remains optimistic:

We've got the twin problems of the pandemic and racial injustice going on, and this is going to sound strange... But I find myself actually being really hopeful. About both of these things together. And part of it comes from spending so much time with younger people. And part of it comes from spending so much time with old history.

On the endurance of civilization and art amidst chaos:

Seldom in history do you have just one big problem to deal with at a time. They always seem to show up together and feed off each other. Even with things like the fall of Rome, when this great empire fell and fell hard — afterwards, amazing societies emerged. There has always been change, and there will always be change. And on one hand, when we see these giant shifts, there are things lost. But there are also new things that bloom.

As I told Kelly, I think that’s cause for hope, indeed.

Welcome back to Let’s Talk, a series of conversations exploring the struggle and beauty of being alive. Our country needs more healing spaces and experiences, especially now, and my hope is that Let’s Talk may meet that need in some small way.

This week, I’m thrilled to introduce my dear friend and colleague in the yoga world, Christy. Join us for a conversation about living with discomfort rather than pushing it away, raising consciousness to better serve ourselves and others, and her experience relating racism against the Asian community to the Black Lives Matter movement.

Christy Kokami is a yoga specialist in alignment, backcare, and scoliosis. Based out of NYC, she joins us from her former home in Hawaii, where she is taking advantage of this time to play and share in the online world of yoga and healthy bites (check out her YouTube channel), meditate with Buddhist monks, and most importantly, hang out with her grandmother, who is her favorite human. Connect with her on Instagram at @christykokami.

Listen above, find us in your favorite podcast app, or read on.

Lauren: Christy! We're living through such a chaotic time. I want to start by asking you how you're feeling right now, today.

Christy: I think there's been an ongoing feeling, since a little bit before the pandemic started, of underlying anxiety. We're living in a very uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking time, with the coronavirus and the things that are happening within our own country, in terms of having to reform and shift. It's okay, though. Having the anxiety is good, because it helps you get clarity on what you want to enact and how can you work with that. It's not about pressing it. It's not about pushing it away. It's about really understanding where it comes from and moving in a direction that will serve yourself, and in turn, serve everybody.

Lauren: I like what you said about learning how to work with that reality. It's kind of like being in relationship with it rather than, as you said, running in the other direction.

Christy: Oh, yeah. That's when things get really weird, and not in a good way.

Lauren: Tell us how this pandemic has affected your life and livelihood.

Christy: As you know, I'm a yoga instructor. I have shifted everything online. I started doing things on YouTube, Patreon, and teaching classes on the internet. It's been an interesting shift, because I noticed a lot of my work — you know, since we do yoga for backcare and scoliosis — is translatable and useful to a large audience. Because it's now available online, I can reach people in my network who I normally wouldn't be able to serve. I was initially seeing people from my New York network, and it slowly started shifting to people from my Hawaii, Colorado, and California networks. People around the globe have back pain. It's very common, especially with the way that we live now. It's been nice, and it's put me back in contact with a lot of people I am not usually able to see.

Lauren: Yeah. I think that's a refreshing way to look at it. By living through this experience, have you run into any particular challenges or struggles along the way?

Christy: Definitely. With the pandemic, and what's been said about the Asian community as a result — it's been very interesting seeing how that has affected the way I interact with people. It's made me more aware. I grew up in Hawaii, where as an Asian person, I was part of the majority. I was very fortunate to experience that. But seeing Asian people in the mainland who have been attacked as a result of the coronavirus — that's been very eye opening for me. I've been very lucky to have a network that's been very vocal about it. We've seen terrible things, like people being attacked out of nowhere. Even old people. And you just don't punch old people, you know? So that's been very awakening.

It has also been eye-opening to see what comes up in my own view of that, too. To really examine and lean into it and ask myself: What would make somebody so angry that they would attack someone? To really try to understand how this happens, how we can prevent it from happening, and avoid that misunderstanding and level of hatred — or whatever it is. That's been a very interesting practice.

Lauren: Yeah. When you try to understand where they're coming from, how does it help you, or where does it guide you?

Christy: I think it helps soften me. So I don't become so upset about how we let this happen. It also helps me empathize with other groups and see what my role relating to them has been. During a meditation, I was thinking about how we're seeing a resurgence of racism within the Asian community. It's something that has happened many times before, and it's interesting to ask why, culturally, this has sort of been okay. There's the whole idea of the model minority... culturally, what have we done that has kind of helped this happen, right? Being an Asian person is a lot about not showing your suffering, not burdening others with your pain, and just pushing through.

And that might've worked for our ancestors. It might've gotten us through, but I've had to look at what really serves us now, because we live in a different time. So it's been really cool to see people kind of wake up, and see myself kind of wake up, in terms of where I come from, culturally. What about that is serving me? What about it is not? What do I want to perpetuate? How can I support other groups, too? Because at the end of the day, we're all the same.

Lauren: Yes. What you're saying is so powerful, and beautiful — the way you're allowing your personal experience with racism to trickle out to compassion and support for other groups. In a lot of ways, that feels like the theme of this year, because the pandemic — take racial justice out of the equation, just for a moment -- shows our interconnectedness and how one person's health or lack of health affects people in their vicinity. I love how that's being mirrored in your thoughts on racial justice. Your experience influences the way you think and react to another group's experience. It's powerful. It seems like this year is setting us up for a lot of big realizations like that.

Christy: Coming together is the big theme. With the pandemic, everyone has a choice about how they want to interact. You can really zoom in to your own wants and needs — like, I want to go back to work so I can feed my family — and that's totally legit. But when it starts like infringing on other people's rights and health... When you're unable to zoom out enough to see that it might not be safe for other people, it might spread disease. It's interesting to see how people react and how much they can widen their scope for other people. It's tough, because there's not always a right answer.

Lauren: It's living with as much graciousness as you can for yourself and others. My thought about zooming in on your own livelihood was that there is something innately human in that. We've had to worry about our own survival forever, and that's natural, but maybe this is also part of our evolution. Maybe we're being invited towards it this year -- how can I think, not only about my own survival, my own livelihood, but also about the survival of those around me, the other people in my community and world?

Christy: Yeah. In Buddhism, there are so many different types of hells. They're all layered. I don't think of them as literal hells that you go to, with monsters, although that's how they're described. You can be reborn into any of these. One is animal hell. In this animal hell, you're basically just an animal; you're very reactive to everything around you. So, I don't look at it as actually turning into an animal. I think it represents different levels of consciousness. How awake you are to what's going around you. Even in the highest level of hell, where things are "better," everything is super amazing, but things are so good that you you're completely ignorant of all the suffering that happens below, and that in itself…